I think I'm having an identity crisis

[Creepy-female]

.

[Creepy-Snaps]

I've been depressed before, at times when I was unemployed, unsuccessful in life. Took a fight to get out of it. May I ask, are you working at all currently? Going to school? How often do you hang out with friends?

[Korpsy Knievel]

Hi, dolphin. Start with the fact that you're a compassionate person with a gift for evocative writing. Those two things in themselves say quite a bit about your character and potential, and even more when combined in tandem.

[DirectorAbbie]

I am safe, boring beige.

I'm safe, boring brown. Better not be after my identity!

[Absurd]

Hi, dolphin. Start with the fact that you're a compassionate person with a gift for evocative writing. Those two things in themselves say quite a bit about your character and potential, and even more when combined in tandem.

You don't sound very much gamma to me, actually, you sound like an answer machine or fortune cookie. As for dolphin's poem profession, hey, you can, I don't know, write.

[Bardia]

Seems like you are frustrated with how things are currently going in your life. Like its become too boring for you and everything is a chore.

[Creepy-male]

I hear yah, recently I was around this 17 yr old kid and he said something like good luck and patted me on the back, and I liked how it felt in a non-gay way, it had a sort of positive feeling to it - kind of like I was an older brother or something. So I don't think you have to worry about that.

Also the short hair, some people may think that's a sign of being bi, but I think it's cool when people experiment around with their style. For women its kind of out of the ordinary to cut their hair short and for guys its out of the ordinary to grow it long. People make the stupidest assumptions about these things -- my parents try to secretly exert control over my hair for some creepy reason, if I meet them and its longer than normal or I'm slighty unshaven they will mention it. Except they won't ask "are you considering a new look"... they will ask "when are you going to cut your hair / shave". Now that I work they try to convince me I'll get fired if I'm not clean shaven and have a clean cut appearance. Fuck that, I'm going to keep growing my hair until I get annoyed or bored how it looks, then I'll cut it real short on the weekend one day just to fuck with people's mind the next week. So basically what I'm saying is you are preaching to the choir, this kind of thing annoys me also.

Really you shouldn't worry about this stuff.... and why the hell is your school psychiatrist making assumptions about your sexuality. That guy must have huge balls, I'd be too paranoid to ask a client that if I was a school psychiatrist -- I'm afraid they'd think I was being creepy. I probably wouldn't mention it unless it came up in conversation naturally.

Also I agree with K0rp -- you are good at writing and are a genuinely friendly nice person. I don't really agree with everything that you say, but that is to be excepted with anyone, regardless overall I can tell you my impression of you is very positive in a non-sexual or romantic way... you're one of the few people I've met online or otherwise that I can sense is genuinely well meaning in a grounded kind of way, and you have an occasional edge to you also which to me makes you more interesting than just a boring goody good person.

[Pa3s]

And to that I say a big fat FUCK ALL if society is so damn repressive that you cannot question a cultural norm shrouded in religious emotional memes without being judged as if you're suddenly a different sexual orientation.

Life becomes much easier and more relaxed once you stop worrying about what other people might think of you.

[Atlast]

From what I know, human touch stimulates the release and activity of pair bonding chemicals in our brain. They feel good and have healthful benefits. They aren't at all sexual - they're uniquely human. Probably why lucid felt that this contact was brotherly. Hair doesn't means shit and we all feel safer hanging out with the same gender. Sounds like other people are putting unhealthy thoughts into you - when that happens to me I just drop those contacts. You should probably listen to yourself more.

But since the messages we send ourselves are often cryptic and concealed in self deception, often as a result of our exposure to an unhealthy environment, extracting them is a difficult process. You might find glimpses of who you actually are in dreams, in critical analysis of your thoughts/behavior, use of theories like socionics, or by whatever introspective means you have available. I'm sure you know how to handle this; no one else is more qualified than you.

Life becomes much easier and more relaxed once you stop worrying about what other people might think of you.

If I could add something to this, it would be that I care very much what my friends think of me. It's because I admire and respect their person, and their opinion is invaluable to me. You can't get by ignoring everyone else either (if you have obligations you have to kiss someone's ass), but you don't have to let them affect you.

[Korpsy Knievel]

Diagnosis: Growing pains.
Prognosis: Only 60-80 years left to live.

[Gilly]

Watch for a shooting star, and when you see it, ride it

[Park]

I guess I'm going through something similar myself. My confusion is internal, I'm trying to build a coherent mindset and organize my life but never seem to get there. And I feel like I'm discovering shit around me, like seeing things that weren't there before. I've become more distant and detached in my communication with people, and way less responsive to immediate social stimuli. I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to look at all things from a distant, wider angle.

Aside from other things going on in my life right now, I'm trying to strategically steal someone's attention and see how far I can go in the relationships realm. And as I have no fucking sense of direction about these things, it's like plunging into the unknown, going somewhere to only realize where I'm going when I get there. It's kind of an adventurous feeling, mixed with unexplainable emotions, which can only be suppressed to a certain point and the rest simply takes over my body in a weird way.

I also feel a sense of purposelessness and general meaninglessness in the things I do. This is mixed with a certain doze of self-loathing where the "self" sometimes extends to the whole human race. I seem to only now realize certain basic concepts about how people function and how things happen, things that were out of my comprehension and usual way of looking at things. Most of it makes me kinda sick, though. Especially my realizations about people doing stuff with malicious intent and stealthily hidden intentions. Like realizing how I've been a naively good guy in regards to fake shit certain people put on as their mask, and I've been nothing but honest and transparent to them, just to get taken advantage of, or perhaps just being lied to and poked fun of.... shit that's wrong, basically. And that I can't exactly explain to myself why it happens, when there are so many better, righter ways to go about better and (collectively) righter things.

Kind of an interesting aspect of this current phase is that I seem to almost fearlessly leave, get in and out of my comfort zone, back and forth.

[Park]

What I wrote sounds kinda weird. Who knows how weirder it'll sound when(/if) I read it tomorrow. It's your fault dolphin, you extricated my Feelings.

[squark]

I'm not sure how to describe it. I can't organize myself into coherence. I am safe, boring beige. I am confusion. There's laundry on my floor. I hate it. I want to rip it all up like old photos. It doesn't want to be anything. It's a shapeless blob. What does it represent? What do I represent? To myself? To other people? Vagueness. Dullness. An inch of dust. Feeling off in my own skin. I'm walking in place. The sky is grey. The air is grey. I'm grey. People are grey. Everything bleeds into shades of grey. Even when it doesn't.

I'm intoxicated, and maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'll talk about myself in your thread because I have nothing else to say. I'm not boring, and I'm not beige, I'm a billion colors flashing out in all directions and most are too blind to see. They don't want to look, they don't want to see, they only want to accept the surface, and never look beyond it because seeing anyone, truly seeing is something special, something with more power than most want to deal with. And you too are not boring, and you're not beige. You too are full of brilliant colors aching to be seen, bursting out of the seams of the mundane shell you've hidden them in. Dissatisfaction looms because we all hide. We want to reach out, we want to touch, we want to be seen, but we squash ourselves down and hide, and you hide even from yourself. You are not dust, you are not shades of gray, and neither are many other people, but they hide in the grays and blend, camouflage to stay invisible. Too many fucking walls.

Walls of pride. Walls of shame. Walls of guilt and walls of fear. Don't believe your own lies, nor accept the walls you've built. Let yourself see what's really there.

We turn ourselves into the stories we tell ourselves - at least on the surface, but so often something bubbles beneath, and won't stay quiet, and whispers to you, "what the fuck are you doing?" Don't let meaningless constructs obstruct what lies inside, don't hide from yourself, don't be afraid of what you see. Let the walls fall, and toss the filters, because life means nothing if you don't let it.

[Park]

We turn ourselves into the stories we tell ourselves - at least on the surface, but so often something bubbles beneath, and won't stay quiet, and whispers to you, "what the fuck are you doing?"

Very true.

Don't let meaningless constructs obstruct what lies inside, don't hide from yourself, don't be afraid of what you see. Let the walls fall, and toss the filters, because life means nothing if you don't let it.

However, easier said than done. Way easier.

[tcaudilllg]

I'm not sure how to describe it. I can't organize myself into coherence. I am safe, boring beige. I am confusion. There's laundry on my floor. I hate it. I want to rip it all up like old photos. It doesn't want to be anything. It's a shapeless blob. What does it represent? What do I represent? To myself? To other people? Vagueness. Dullness. An inch of dust. Feeling off in my own skin. I'm walking in place. The sky is grey. The air is grey. I'm grey. People are grey. Everything bleeds into shades of grey. Even when it doesn't.

You keep saying I'm boring. I don't hang where I'm not wanted.

Oh, and society is not repressive: conservative extremists are.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Dolphin, could you be any more loveable?

I wish you were a lesbian because then we both would be GAY and how awesome would that be??

I also wish HaveLucidDreamz was gay because I think he's kind of cute. Okay please don't go EWW and scream and run away when I say that lol. I guess it's more bromantic than anything.

Whatever you decide you are I love you for being you. To me you will always be the compassionate water mage with a gift of creative writing like me and one of my closest buds. Just think of the day when we get to play barbies together, even though I may be 30something then. Haha.

[strangeling]

I'd be really curious to know how you cogitate the following question. Hopefully its consideration will result in your benefit.
Do people have an identity outside of what identities they make and expect to hold on to? Could one be considered bad faith?

[Absurd]

I'm intoxicated, and maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'll talk about myself in your thread because I have nothing else to say. I'm not boring, and I'm not beige, I'm a billion colors flashing out in all directions and most are too blind to see. They don't want to look, they don't want to see, they only want to accept the surface, and never look beyond it because seeing anyone, truly seeing is something special, something with more power than most want to deal with. And you too are not boring, and you're not beige. You too are full of brilliant colors aching to be seen, bursting out of the seams of the mundane shell you've hidden them in. Dissatisfaction looms because we all hide. We want to reach out, we want to touch, we want to be seen, but we squash ourselves down and hide, and you hide even from yourself. You are not dust, you are not shades of gray, and neither are many other people, but they hide in the grays and blend, camouflage to stay invisible. Too many fucking walls.

Walls of pride. Walls of shame. Walls of guilt and walls of fear. Don't believe your own lies, nor accept the walls you've built. Let yourself see what's really there.

We turn ourselves into the stories we tell ourselves - at least on the surface, but so often something bubbles beneath, and won't stay quiet, and whispers to you, "what the fuck are you doing?" Don't let meaningless constructs obstruct what lies inside, don't hide from yourself, don't be afraid of what you see. Let the walls fall, and toss the filters, because life means nothing if you don't let it.

Haha, that was funny.

[blackburry]

Only 1 in 10,000 chicks look decent with a shaved head, sounds like a ton of people couldn't handle that you could pull it off; I thought you looked great in the pics you had up of your short cut. That place sounds like crap, move when you can.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm not sure how to describe it. I can't organize myself into coherence. I am safe, boring beige. I am confusion. There's laundry on my floor. I hate it. I want to rip it all up like old photos. It doesn't want to be anything. It's a shapeless blob. What does it represent? What do I represent? To myself? To other people? Vagueness. Dullness. An inch of dust. Feeling off in my own skin. I'm walking in place. The sky is grey. The air is grey. I'm grey. People are grey. Everything bleeds into shades of grey. Even when it doesn't.

Sounds like repressed tendencies. Ni, as a function, does not allow associative thinking with concepts and itself, this is the reason why you ask questions like "what do I represent" and present doubt or inability to see your self in a situation;

Repressed Ni fires back in these ways with SEE

paranoia
inability to do things that need to be done at the right time; letting things pile up, work go disregarded, etc.
seeking out attention for themselves

Do you have a boyfriend? What type is he? Who are you living with and what are their types?

Once you realize what's going on, you can remove yourself from Se, external stimuli in the static sense (looking at laundry on the floor and reacting to it) and go do some Ni, view things dynamically.