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Thread: The delta kind of story

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    he died with a felafel
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    Default The delta kind of story

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    Last edited by felafel; 03-17-2010 at 07:03 AM.

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    More flash fiction than short story. Need a bit of work. I have not looked at this for months. I have a feeling that I sound a little INFP in this...maybe

    There is an old adage among soul mates; it is a shame that we weren’t born on the same day, month and year but I swear to you that we will die on the same day, month and year.

    The day her Bryan died, she was determined to die as well. It started out as a beautiful summer morning with pink shadowed clouds against a blue and orange stripped sky.

    Arianna was out in her backyard with a glass of lemonade and the phone. Soft breezes pulled at her teal floral dress. Her bare feet were tickled and cooled by the fresh green grass.

    For the past year, thanks to the phone, their relationship grew from two shy people at a wedding to intimate lovers, even though they were miles apart from each other. He called her every day at least twice. And whenever a chance popped up, they would meet. He couldn’t move and she couldn’t move at the moment but both were willing to wait and see how it would turn out.

    She walked over to the hammock to wait for him. He probably worked very hard last night and was still fast asleep. A tornado could had blown through and he wouldn’t stir. A laugh escaped from her lips at the thought. Silly man. Her eyes slowly drifted close and she slept with her body limp and at peace. The phone lay cold on her warm stomach.

    She woke up at the strange sensation of drops of wetness descending upon her like miniature pebbles. She closed the door just in time before thunder roared as if enraged, vibrating the whole house. Lightning flashed in front of her surprised eyes.

    Wondering when the weather changed so drastically, she looked at the phone gripped in her hand and wiped it dry. Did he called but she didn’t hear? She sat down in front of the TV and tried to find a good channel. Blazing fire caught her eyes and she snapped to attention.

    “Apartment building on 7th Avenue and Clinton St…three minutes ago. The firefighters still cannot put out the flame. Three departments… there seem to be no survivors. On to other news, Roger…”

    The phone dropped from her hand and crashed onto the wooden floor. Long white fingers flew to a long white throat.

    When Bryan arrived at the house, happily calling out her name, he was greeted with a pair of unseeing eyes attached to a limp body. A bouquet of flowers rolled from his fingers onto the ground, near the phone, scattering petals and seeds.

    The doctors claimed that they both died of heart failure, to put it simply. Their families buried their bodies a few kilometers away. But not all hope is lost, despite the distance, dreamers like me believe that they are holding hands as they tackle eternity together.
    INFP

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Nice story Dreamer.. Very Shakesperesque

    I will have a think today at work and might have a crack at a story later
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Ok, i wrote a story. I hammered it out quite quick, dont laugh too much as i haven't done anything like this since school. I think it does capture the meatburger feel tho

    Joel was a laughing stock. As he held his broken horse tears streamed down his face. He was 18 years old and he still carried a momento from his childhood. It was the only thing he had to remember his father by, a hand carved horse, and now it had been crushed underneath the boot of a jock from school.

    The courtyard was full of people, some young and some old, but one thing united them, they all knew he was pathetic, they all hated him. He was sickly and weak. All his friends had abandoned him long ago for fear of being labled like him. A misfit, a nerd, a loser. He was a loser. He his grades were low and he never got invited to parties, he was transparent to girls. He was scared and lonley. He had never known love or friendship.

    As the months of school progressed, things did not improve. His mother was an alcoholic and he had last seen his father when he was aged 8 before he fled from the law. His life was already decided. He was in the cycle of poverty. He was bound forever to be a loser, just like his parents. It was only whilst in nature that he found some solace. He felt free, hiking in the mountians where The trees and the wind would not judge him.

    Once high school finished, he felt relief that he saw his peers less. He worked in a small Kiosk in a secluded part of town. His regular customers were little old ladies and gentlemen, who ignored his akward nature. Life was quiet but at least he was left alone.

    He smiled as he hopped on his bike to go home, it was a good night for riding he thought. The air was crisp and the moon was bright. He found himself drifting to fantasies of being a hero and having people like him and look up to him. Abruptly, dream turned to nightmare as two cars pulled up beside him, full of his old tormentors, laughing and throwing beer cans at him. Joel did the only thing he could. He pedaled towards the forest on the outskirts of town, crashing at its edge as the teenagers laughed and screamed at him.

    He bailed from his bike and left it. He knew they would take it, and probablly throw it in the dam or burn it. Fear and adrenaline drove him into the forest, deeper and deeper. Behind him he could hear the distant cries of the teenagers. They were following him with torches. He wasn't that fit and he knew they they would eventually catch him. He didn't dare to imagine what cruel things they would do to him when they did. Soon, the skies opened up, starting with a drizzle, then turning into a full downpour. "even nature has betrayed me" he thought as he ran on into the night. Eventually his lungs gave out and he crashed to the ground, falling into the mud. His clothes were wrecked and rain still fell from the sky. The tears that fell from his face were taken by the rain. It was over he thought. he would give up here. He wished he was dead and knew then that death would bring him peace. He would take his own life here in the forest, not to be found for months. It was more desirable however, to rot here than to live the life of misery that he was destined to.

    Hesitantly, he took himself to the edge of the cliff and looked at the abyss before him. Clouds were swirling up above, torrents of rain matting his hair to his face. Standing up straight he looked up at the sky. He was going to fling himself off the edge with vigor. He would do at least one thing right in his life and kill himself bravely. Lightning rolled across the sky and a vortex of cloud swirled above him. He moved back a few meters and steeled himself. "Goodbye" he thought, and launched into a run for the edge. Prepairing for the leap he felt an incredible heat throughout his body. So this is what death feels like he thought.. then darkness enshrouded him.

    He awoke to a visage of pure white. His vision was out of focus but something brilliant was all he could see. Had he arrived at heavens gates he wondered? Slowly, as his eyes cleared he realised he was looking at something more earthly, something natural. Looking harder, he realised it was a large peice of quartz that was jutting out of the clifface. As he slowly regained consciousnes, he realised he was tangled in some large roots half way down the cliff. He was dangling in mid air with a 100 foot drop below him. It sure was a long way up he thought, but an even longer way down. In anger he he decided to climb, so he grabbed the roots and started pulling himself upwards, his body convulsing as it wracked with pain. Dried blood covered him and from the feel of it, he assumed his ribs and one of his legs were broken. Ignoring reality, determination made him put one hand in front of the next. Movement after movement he made, survival his only thought. Finally, with a groan he pulled himself over the top of the cliff and lay in the grass, letting immeasurable pain consume him. Slowly, as he rose to his knees he looked at the ground.

    The grass around where he had jumped was jet black as if it had been burnt. "What could have burnt the grass he thought?", Then he remembered the heat he had felt the night before. Then came the memory of a sharp crack that had ripped through the air before he fell. It must have been lightning he concluded! He looked at the sky and laughed. "I thought you were my friend oh mighty nature yet you let me live?" he said aloud.

    Standing as tall as he could, he contemplated both the walk back to town ahead of him or the cliff that was behind him. He looked inside himself and Somehow something felt different. He was still himself, however he no longer had the will to die. He realised that he had experienced real pain in his life. Finally, he forgave himself for the fearful existance he had lived until now. Last night he had overcome both his greatest enemy and found his greatest friend. Himself.

    He took one painful step, and then another, and started to walk back to town. He was certian that he would make it. The fire of life rekindled, it now burned within him. Things from now on, were going to be different..
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel
    ...but, what's that thing with the enfp stories...? that negativism, that death, that...depression.... ?
    I assume you mean my story because its the enfp one there. hehe if you felt that from it that was not what i intended. It was supposed to be a little uplifting
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel
    actually, dreamer's story was rather sad too.
    Yeah her one inspired mine lol but mine has a happy ending. She is not an ENFP tho
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Ok, i wrote a story. I hammered it out quite quick, dont laugh too much as i haven't done anything like this since school. I think it does capture the meatburger feel tho
    Pretty good. You write better than some who writes every single day. Should think about doing it more!

    The first draft of mine was twice as long but now it seems like it's too short.
    INFP

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Thanks Dreamz

    I liked your story it had a real substance to it. I thought of mine that night whilst jogging in an angry mood. Strangely, when i was younger i wished i would be hit by lightning. I had believed that it would make me stronger. Strange i know..

    One night i was jogging and it started raining. I live in the hills so i kept on jogging through the rain. A thunderstorm started and at one point i felt the hairs stand up on my neck. It was at that point i realised i really didn't want to get hit by lightning and i crunched myself into a ball lol.

    Be careful what you wish for :wink:
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    Default here's one...

    True story about me but I don't know if this is what you want here, i think it's interesting though.

    So, I moved to Oregon about 2 yrs ago this week. My name is Nick. I transfered here from AZ for the company I work for. When I lived in AZ I knew a guy named Nick that I hung out with a few times. Nick also got a transfer up here from AZ and we work together/hang out here quite often. So, I'm Nick and I'm friends with Nick.
    When I move here I get assigned to a trainer, also another Nick, this is when I thought, how wierd I now know 2 other people named nick working in the same place...that had never happened before, I've never been somewhere that I knew more than one Nick other than myself. I got to know Nick my trainer pretty well and we've hung out a few times outside of work. I even have went out with both Nick's a few times, so, Nick x3 all good buddies...
    I meet this other guy here that works in another area of my place of employment thru another person I work with...guess what his f'n name is... welcome to Nick # 4... He's since become the person I probably hang out with the most and me and my trainer, Nick #2 only hang out about once every 6 or so months when there's a party or something.
    Nick #4 invites me out with a few friends and I meet Nick #5 who's a guy that he knows also from work... Ok, anybody else wierded out yet?
    I won't go into how I met another 2 Nick's here at work and in Oregon but long story cut short...I actually have 7 Nick's in my cell phone and hang out with 3 of them on a regular basis...It's always an adventure to go out and separate tabs and talk to people when you introduce yourself as Nick and this is my buddy Nick and Nick...
    The really cool thing is that all the people I hang out with outside of work are mostly people that run their areas that they are in, so called, Area Coordinators... Including me, 4 of us run our respective shifts where I work. A funny correlation to all of this.

    I don't know what it is about my name and people in OR having it...I still can't go anywhere without meeting someone or hearing someone call someone else Nick. Sooooooooo many kids around here are all named Nick that it's actually quite hilarious when I walk around the store and here Nick GET OVER HERE!!! and see some lady talking to her child...

    hopefully that wasn't too confusing, I just felt like sharing.

  10. #10
    Creepy-bg

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    so do you have nicknames for eachother?










    I know... I'm retarded

  11. #11

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    so do you have nicknames for eachother?


    I know... I'm retarded
    we do. I'm NWA. I'm the Nick With the Attitude. :wink:

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    meatburger's Avatar
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    Bionic Goaty you said that joke in the nick of time..

    You wouldn't believe what colour Knickers im wearing

    I bid you farewell as its time for me to nick off to dinner
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

  13. #13
    Creepy-bg

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    snicker...




















    Your aware every one of these takes us all down 10 IQ points right?

  14. #14
    Creepy-bg

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    I think morally I owe the thread at least one short story for that awfull joke. Give me a little bit and I'll whip one up...

  15. #15
    Creepy-pokeball

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    I think morally I owe the thread at least one short story for that awfull joke. Give me a little bit and I'll whip one up...
    Sick!

  16. #16
    Creepy-bg

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae
    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    I think morally I owe the thread at least one short story for that awfull joke. Give me a little bit and I'll whip one up...
    Sick!
    Wha??? I don't get it, what's sick about what I said?

  17. #17
    Creepy-pokeball

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae
    Quote Originally Posted by Bionicgoat
    I think morally I owe the thread at least one short story for that awfull joke. Give me a little bit and I'll whip one up...
    Sick!
    Wha??? I don't get it, what's sick about what I said?
    lol. Let's do some perverted math. (one short story + awfull joke + little bit + whip one up) x your twisted humor =

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