Actually it's better to write such things on Internet board. Basically I know what I'm doing is just idiotic. However, I cannot stop this feelings.
I know it's due to my lack of self confidence and I know that I have gotten better. But.
I sometimes think I do some things just to feel worse.
I've been in a very good relationship for more than half a year. It's calm and good and everything is fine. I used to be in a terrible relationship before so I can appreciate the normality.
I'm jealous of my boyfriend's past. He used to be in a good relationship before with a girl that might have been his dual. She left him after 7 years for another guy. He doesn't talk about her but:
She used to be a model (of course I'm not) and I found her photo on the Internet - she's really beautiful. She also look as if she was his dual. She's girlish and delicate.
After that he was alone for 3 years. And my thoughts are : I'm no as beautiful as her. Maybe she was the love of his life. And I know that I'm not the first one that he chose. So I feel ...so bad. I know it's stupid these are just my thoughts. Another thing is that he seems to be attracted to girls like her - tall and slim and he is interested in modelling. (not himself but he pays attention, he used to watch Top Model)
I once said something about that to him and he told me he doesn't even remember what she looked like and he deleted all of her photos. On another occassion he told me he wouldn't help her if something bad happened to her. I don't know... I just feel I'm not good enough or something and sometimes I just want to get out of this relationship to avoid this feeling.
Maybe it's partly connected with socionics and partly with my lack of self confidence. i don't know... is it hopeless..?