question for Fe valuers

[717495]

Fe valuers, do you feel a sense of emotional security around you, and in the things and people you interact with? Fe perception manifests objectively, towards the object itself, thus I only can imagine ethics here carrying some sense of external stability and predictability? Explain to me what you generally feel around you, ever since you were young and how new experiences reshaped your perception, and what that means on the whole for you. A general self-depiction on your emotional world and/or how you see your Fe, or if you even see it as 'yours' as it's an object function.

[strrrng]

good question. for as long as I can remember, keeping tabs on social frequencies has been unconscious for me; partly because I take a mechanical interest in how they evolve, but also because, for better or worse, I tend to feel trapped in the center of them. being an introvert necessitates more distance; I care more about keeping the balance than fomenting currents, though lightning bolts are always appreciated.

my old acid dealer was an Ni-IEI. he accumulated power by 'having good vibes all around,' privileging a select handful of people, thus tacitly opening the door to all comers; this was bolstered by ripping people off at regular intervals; and it all began by him being 'taken in' by an older crowd in high school. Fe-egos need this kind of externalized security to confirm the direction of their energy.

I'm slightly less compromising. while it's always been important to know how I'm moving with people, I think quid pro quo is largely a redundancy; this makes things more efficient and honest, so being selective about relationships has more to do with respecting boundaries than fluffing elitism. in the end, I still feel obliged to tweak the currents, and know that the responsibility lies only in preserving my own in the most basic form, so everyone else can do the same; then how you align is pure.

[Gilly]

No. I would say it's more like a state of guarded emotional uncertainty that I try to put out a sort of emotional forcefield against. I perceive the outside world as emotionally oppressive, and I try to keep myself up against it so as to keep close tabs.

I really like this quote from Lord of the Rings; I think Tolkien was probably Ti dominant and made Aragorn, the hero of the story, out to be an Fe type:

"I give hope to men. I keep none for myself."

Fe is weird. You can only get as much as you give; 60% of the time you get less, 30% of the time you get absolutely nothing, and 10% of the time somebody meets you. That 10% time really makes up for all the rest because it offers the reassurance that, I dunno, it's all still OK out there, that I'm not the only one putting out good energy. I actually really appreciate ESEs for this reason; I've had some as friends, and it doesn't really work to be more than "distant friends" because they usually find me weird and too eccentric and emotionally edgy, but having them, for example, as customers in my store is great because most of them are just unabashedly positive in their attitude and try genuinely to not have bad experiences with people.

I'm a dick too, though; don't get me wrong. I try pretty hard to treat everyone fairly, and I'm nice to the people I can be nice to, but if you push me, I'm a dick, and you'll feel it.

I don't really give much to the people I spend a lot of time around unless the situation really calls for it. That would just be exhausting and expecting way too much of both myself and them. I try to be as neutral and "real" as possible with those people; it's obviously futile to do anything else really, Fe-sub Fe dominants are the only ones I have seen who are the exceptions to this, to which I just kind of shake my head and roll my eyes.

Really, all Fe people want you to meet them on their terms. When you engage an Fe dominant, they will try to set the terms; Fe creatives will usually hold back a second, and set the terms when they have an idea of what they think will work best. People who are receptive to Fe often try to have a businesslike or neutral front, but seem much more comfortable when they have someone to set the terms; it's like their guard goes down and then they can just engage you naturally. Ti types are actually really refreshing to be around, for me at least, because they have this emotional neutrality, a kind of evenness that is really relaxing for me; I feel like I don't have to try as hard and the natural emotion can just come through me as it is and be received without blowback or implicit criticism. Other Fe egos are great, too; the only drawback is that as soon as tension enters the arena, it just gets amplified and becomes kind of like a ping pong ball that gets bigger and redder and more sensitive as it goes back and forth, until there is no more ball and people are just beating each other with the paddles. Some SEIs and IEIs are really adept at diffusing this stuff without just absorbing it, which really baffles and amazes me. Fe valuing EPs are the most sort of unpredictable, especially when it comes to tension; sometimes they just kind of skate over it without even noticing, while others they will push back stubbornly. Fe EJs are the hardest to deal with in times of tension because there is just this sense of futility, that both parties are trying to manage it but are also picking up the tiniest cues and nobody is taking shit and nobody is changing their stance and it's just got to blow up one way or the other. It happens with Te types too, but they are usually less concerned with the interpsychic play and more with getting their way, which is equally, sometimes more frustrating, but not as emotionally tense.

Hmmm...not sure what else to say.

[Gilly]

Fe-egos need this kind of externalized security to confirm the direction of their energy.

Yes.

[1981slater]

I "know" whether someone likes or dislikes me.

[ClownsandEntropy]

...Other Fe egos are great, too; the only drawback is that as soon as tension enters the arena, it just gets amplified and becomes kind of like a ping pong ball that gets bigger and redder and more sensitive as it goes back and forth, until there is no more ball and people are just beating each other with the paddles...

I don't understand it, but I love this metaphor.

[golden]

I "feel" rather neutral toward much that goes on around me. My connections to people feel larger than myself, as if the ties are simply a way of knowing. Love is simply that there is more room for my knowing to mold to another. Love is like the result of a method of inquiry, and that same method could go out into the world and come back carrying totally different information, from the interpersonal to the intellectual to the aesthetic to the spiritual. It can be infused in many ways.

[Gilly]

I don't understand it, but I love this metaphor.

I think it's kind of an Se-oriented perspective on Fe, so that's not really surprising.

[The Ineffable]

One thing I wondered myself whether it comes from Fe-Valuing is being impressionable. Perhaps that notion has many meanings, but here is a concrete case: when all outside is covered in snow, it appears to be a different world, more wild and desolate, and inside I feel that that is truly the case. When I was a kid I wasn't questioning this too much, but later I thought about it and it is true than not much fundamentally changes, though I still feel it does. I also used to feel exalted when I watch the night sky. Getting older, I developed these "it is nothing special" conscious thoughts, returning to "earth" shortly after my perception starts wandering.

[Beautiful sky]

Fe valuers always trump on my sensitive emotions, even if they are being "truthful", with their blunt, witty, sarcastic, sharp tones.

[pluie]

Fe valuers, do you feel a sense of emotional security around you, and in the things and people you interact with? Fe perception manifests objectively, towards the object itself, thus I only can imagine ethics here carrying some sense of external stability and predictability? Explain to me what you generally feel around you, ever since you were young and how new experiences reshaped your perception, and what that means on the whole for you. A general self-depiction on your emotional world and/or how you see your Fe, or if you even see it as 'yours' as it's an object function.

So I feel like 'my Ni' probably has a real twist on my 'Fe-ness,' -- for example, for one, I would not consider myself feeling in general a very consistent "sense of external stability and predictability". Perhaps the only way I could really perceive my Fe as giving me any sense of predictability is in my obsessive awareness in the subtleties of others' facial expressions and tone and things like that (maybe body language, too, I mean, but I can't honestly say I pay much conscious attention to that. But then again, isn't the idea that my leading functions are not conscious?). Anyway, the stability would, as I'd guess you might think, lie in some sort of confidence in my ability to perceive what others are feeling... but as I've said, I think the fact that Ni plays such a huge role in my thinking really takes away from any sort of certainty about what others are feeling.

But now that I think of it, perhaps maybe 'how others are really feeling' may be more of an Fi role anyway? Fe is probably more of a vibe thing-- and I'm definitely aware of 'vibes'. So this could connect to people's emotional expression presentation, and it seems it'd automatically include their motivations (like Fi, I think) but it just wouldn't account for it as much? I think that's right. I'd say I basically always am aware of a person's emotional presentation, and I'd say I probably interact according to it more often than according to their underlying, true and deep emotions or sentiments. I think I can be highly aware of their internal sentiments, and actually on a deep level tend to take them very seriously... But throughout most of my life, I think I have overlooked what seems to be people's true and deep and internal motivations. And I think this has often resulted in much mis-communication, involving me simply getting caught up in what the other person says and how they say it. These sort of conflicts have resulted in paranoia and actually insecurity. I've many times felt the need to pry and constantly re-question the person, in order to feel more certain of their true motivation, until I feel that I not only believe them, but that I am at peace with what their motives and opinions of me seem to be. Yes, that seems important to Fe-- "their opinions of me". I think Fe is very much about image compared to the other functions, which I think is in alignment with the idea that it is also about self-expression and expression-presentation.

So, overall, I'd say I am affected by people's internal emotions rather deeply, but that it isn't easy for me to leave things unsaid-- it's actually rather frustrating and fairly stifling to do so.

REPOST: Just thought of more... (and I hope all this isn't too scrambled to understand, just realized it's pretty unorganized and rambly) I think I do find people somewhat predictable, in the sense of how they will response in more formal settings-- societal expectations. (Again, image-consciousness-- makes sense with Fe-- makes sense with society as a concept.) I think a good way of thinking of it is in terms of acting. To act you use the predictability of tone, body language, facial expression and these sort of image-focused things. Acting a role out in a play or something I think depends largely on the society's (where the production is') expectations. A harder example: if you bump into someone in a large crowd, often people say "oh" in a certain tone and then maybe say sorry-- but really, who gives a fuck honestly? I mean, we do care, because of some socially-formed concept of a personal 'bubble,' but it isn't really a big deal. But we have this external ritual, which I guess on the whole lends to a societal peace-- the external emotional condition of the collective, societal atmosphere. In this sense I find people predictable: in the sense that I naturally am attuned to emotional-social cues. (Of course, it isn't limited to the conventional sense of the term 'society'-- I could also say that a lover and I have our own language with our own 'cues,' because we have in essence formed our own 'mini-society'.)

Hope this is all clear enough.