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Thread: Romancing styles: Caregiver vs "Caregiver"

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    Board philosopher or bored philosopher? jason_m's Avatar
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    Default Romancing styles: Caregiver vs "Caregiver"

    I'm going to mention it because I think that it is an important point, as it is often confused on this forum. The point is the difference between a caregiver and a "caregiver"; that is, a socionics caregiver versus more common notions of the term. I'll start with an example. I've heard of people on this forum saying that someone crying out for warmth is "looking for a caregiver." In socionics, being a caregiver has nothing to do with warmth and reciprocity. Caregivers are Si-egos. Therefore, the type of care they give is generally physical; e.g., fixing nice food, helping maintain health, or making radiant gifts during the festive season. It is not supposed to have anything to do with showing warmth, sincerity, or closeness, like the stereotypical kind-hearted nurse who tries to bring emotional warmth through their ego-functions. The kind of "nursing" that is involved can be emotionally-spirited, but it is generally aimed at the senses. If you're still not convinced, consider that some Te-egos are caregivers, and yet they are not supposed to be especially warm. I should also mention that I think this is one of the main confusions between "true" Alpha SFs and those whose type is debatable, as ESFjs and ISFps are not supposed to be emotionally sweet and caring as much as physically sweet and caring.
    Last edited by jason_m; 01-12-2012 at 11:50 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Some Douche On PerN in Response to Caregivers and Coddling
    *ghost voice*

    Caregiver doesn't literally mean care-giver, it stands for Si-ego. You have to take into account the bias the might have gone into the naming process; Gulenko is an INTj and so he would naturally be slightly biased towards Si-egos, Alpha SFs being caregivers to him. I wonder if an ISTj created the romance styles we would end up with drastically different names for the groups. Best to stick with how they're defined with respect to Model A.

    IME, none of the T types are very overly caregiving (i.e. overprotective and motherly, which is all I can think of when I hear caregiver). That's more suited to extroverted feeling types. Si-ego types might be most in-tune with providing physical comfort and being aware of how the surroundings affect the person's mood, but probably not calling you every 5 minutes to check how you're doing kind of care-giving. If I had to rate from most prone to coddling to the least, I'd rate them:

    ExFj > ExFp > IxFj > IxFp > ExTj > ExTp > IxTj > IxTp
    .

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    not a bumblebee octo's Avatar
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    From memory, when someone on this forum says someone is "looking for a caregiver", it's usually in relation to being a retard at basic life skills (needing to be dressed, being fed, changing diapers etc.). I could be wrong though.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
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    The way I see caregiving is that the person is "strong" enough to take care of his own needs and has no problem with helping you with your needs, especially physical needs. They would notice when you are hungry, in an uncomfortable position etc. Especially infantiles don't pay much attention to that although they enjoy comfort . I also associate caregivers with some kind of stability, with which they help infantiles come back to stable state of mind .
    They aren't necessarily cuddly.

    E.g. Caregivers in

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    This is good. Delta NFs are called by Gulenko as "pseudo Caregivers", because they will go out of their wy e.g. to cook for you, care for you emotionally etc, while leading a neglected and bland life for themselves.
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    Emotions are pretty physical to me. I think the word you meant to use was 'tactile.' (i know what you meant im just being overly critical =p)

    My ESFj mom is both tactile-caring for others and emotionally caring but...eh much more tactile I would say. I'm a very good emotionally care-about-others person, but I don't like to make other people's beds like she does. She's very motherly and likes to do chores and a lot of detail physical work.

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    I notice I like to baby others when they are upset, I don't push away people who are weak, insecure, need help, emotionally dependent, or even psychotic.

    This is sort of a nice virtue to have but it makes me a loser magnet sometimes. I am NOT nurse to the misfits damnit ahhhh hahahahahahahaha.

    I hate doing physical things for people that I think they can do themselves though. Hate, hate, hate. I'm more of the social worker person.

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    Nice thought

    I think NFs will tend toward emotional support and motherly behaviour while their own physical lives are a bit bland. Being an NF inhernetly lends itself to somewhat feminine empathy, with the internal emotional focus leading to a good ability to sooth and treat others; and weak leads to highly mental, physically neglectful living.
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    I am more emotionally caring than physically, simply because it is hard for me to know where I stand with people in terms of physicality. It is easy to put out a nice word, but more complex when you want to actually do something nice, because then you need to think of how the other person will view you. Actions speak louder, and therefore mean more, than words.
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