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Thread: my ENFp boyfriend is too sweet!!! (EIE-IEE)

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Default my ENFp boyfriend is too sweet!!! (EIE-IEE)

    he is so sweet 24/7 that it starts to bore me. When he talks to me a lot of times i feel like i dont know what to say to him. I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep. Yet I know he is a wonderful person but at the same time I kind of feel like I am trapped! I can't just dump him without a reason... I don't want to look like a complete bitch because I am not. I am still undecided about my type... Any advises??
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

  2. #2
    Creepy-Snaps

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    You don't want to look like a complete bitch... implying you're ok with looking like a partial bitch?

    You sound ESFj. In any event, honesty and transparency in relationships is key. If you're finding the relationship stale, consider telling him how you feel. Is he someone you can see yourself long-term with?

    One should never feel "trapped" in a relationship. You are free to date whoever you want. Would you feel guilty, that you don't have a good reason to break up? Is the relationship something you've worked at before?

    Contrary to popular belief, love isn't all the time about compatibility... you have to make serious effort to make it work, even duals... do you feel you would be abandoning something potentially great? Are you willing to work on a relationship with someone else, or are you thinking of calling it quits because you don't want to bother putting in the effort?

    Some questions to think about.

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    what are the strongest points for typing him IEE,OP?

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    EffyCold thePirate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    he is so sweet 24/7 that it starts to bore me. When he talks to me a lot of times i feel like i dont know what to say to him. I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep. Yet I know he is a wonderful person but at the same time I kind of feel like I am trapped! I can't just dump him without a reason... I don't want to look like a complete bitch because I am not. I am still undecided about my type... Any advises??
    so your looking for a reason to dump him because he doesn't treat you like shit?

    you are one fucked up woman
    <Crispy> what subt doesnt understand is that a healthy reaction to "FUCK YOU" is and not

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    Hiding Typhon's Avatar
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    Hang out with other guys, if possible, and hell be the one to dump you probably.

  6. #6
    Creepy-female

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    he is so sweet 24/7 that it starts to bore me. When he talks to me a lot of times i feel like i dont know what to say to him. I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep. Yet I know he is a wonderful person but at the same time I kind of feel like I am trapped! I can't just dump him without a reason... I don't want to look like a complete bitch because I am not. I am still undecided about my type... Any advises??
    But your feelings ARE a reason. It takes two people to make a relationship.. ;P

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    Actually I know what it means when someone is too sweet. I had an ISFp boyfriend. He was ok, but too sweet. I somehow perceived him as weak. He just couldn't give me what I needed. At that time I was wondering if I was stupid or something - he was so nice and I didn't appreciate that. But I found equally nice guy who is more compatible with me .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pauluch View Post
    Actually I know what it means when someone is too sweet. I had an ISFp boyfriend. He was ok, but too sweet. I somehow perceived him as weak. He just couldn't give me what I needed. At that time I was wondering if I was stupid or something - he was so nice and I didn't appreciate that. But I found equally nice guy who is more compatible with me .
    More compatible with you? But how? Ok I see:


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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    I never said I do not have feelings for him...
    I was talking to him earlier and said:
    " i am either somewhere in the dark past or in the bright future. dont know how to live for today, dont know how to cherish people that are around me today.but in my eyes if you are here with me now that means i see you with me in the furthest future. which will be tremendous, enjoyable and fascinating. of course."
    and he answered: " I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're so beautiful not just outside what everyone can see but inside that pretty head of yours is amazing beauty. (not just a pretty face!)"
    Yet I feel bad about not being able to idealize him as much as he idealizes me. I am more romantic. He is more idealistic. I need some sort of mystery to think it's real love. Something inexplainable, if not unattainable And he seems to cease that mystery. Somehow! And then I am left with a boyfriend who cares for me, makes me happy but without love...
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Haha

    I spoiled you

    Everyone else will be unattractive, dispassionate, and boring by comparison

    I'm sorry
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by timewu View Post
    what are the strongest points for typing him IEE,OP?
    He has taken two different tests and in both of them turned out to be IEE which I think suits him considering his vegan attitudes towards food and animal cruelty. Most of his friends seem to be Te egos and this is the point in my life where I started hoping I am not ENFj as I've been typed before.
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nemo View Post
    But your feelings ARE a reason. It takes two people to make a relationship.. ;P
    This is the proper advice.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    You are EIE, don't fool yourself. You cannot wish happiness into existence nor use Socionics to make it work in your head.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  14. #14
    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Haha

    I spoiled you

    Everyone else will be unattractive, dispassionate, and boring by comparison

    I'm sorry
    There were plenty of other men between you and him to spoil me, my love.
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    Edited.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    There were plenty of other men between you and him to spoil me, my love.
    If you say so...
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    To me, somebody being genuinely sweet 24/7 wouldn't really be boring. Maybe if they agreed with me when they really didn't, just to keep the cool- that can maybe get frustrating but nah, being nice is just so nice.

    Sarinana, from what I heard about you (and no offense or anything) - you're not the sweetest person yourself, so you probably need a bit more of a bad boy that goes better with you. I wouldn't string a nice guy along if you're not really happy, just because it's comfortable. It's not fair to the nice guy and he probably has more to lose than you do. It's sort of like Dan Savage's advice to people who want non-monogamous relationships. It's okay if you wanna fuck other people, but don't use a nice person's feelings just because they can keep the commitment, but you can't.

    As for me, I like feeling trapped with somebody. I like feeling locked up with just one person. I don't like freedom, I like being 'bound' in ways that I like. To me, that is freedom. =p

    (and don't let this make you feel guilty. You're just not the right type of person for him and there is no wrong or right. You need more of the broody angsty conflicted type that keeps to himself more and doesn't shower you with so much affection.)

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    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    he is so sweet 24/7 that it starts to bore me. When he talks to me a lot of times i feel like i dont know what to say to him. I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep. Yet I know he is a wonderful person but at the same time I kind of feel like I am trapped! I can't just dump him without a reason... I don't want to look like a complete bitch because I am not. I am still undecided about my type... Any advises??
    Dump him without a "reason" as you have plenty of reasons. Talking helps.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

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    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
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    Being vegan and having an issue with animal cruelty doesn't make someone IEE.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Being vegan and having an issue with animal cruelty doesn't make someone IEE.

    interestingly, a girl i recently met who i suspect is SLE is vegan and asks me in an accusatory way every time i see her whether i do experiments on animals (she's asked me that like 4 times now; every time i'm like "no i work with human blood specimens" lol). She's a lawyer with some animal rights organization.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Simon Ssmall View Post
    Dump him without a "reason" as you have plenty of reasons. Talking helps.
    Agree. Being bored and feeling trapped are reasons enough. Do him and yourself a favor and end this unfavorable relationship.
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    Been there, done that. I was with a super sweet ENFp guy, but he was full of surprises and unpredictable in so many ways, so it kept things interesting. Plus, it was kind of nice to be the center of someone's world so I didn't mind the excessive sweetness. I agree, sometimes it got boring when all I wanted to do was have some insightful and deep conversations where we could talk about our dreams and ambitions and all that good stuff.

    Do you think you just don't try hard enough to get him to really talk and bond with you? Sometimes a person just needs to come out of his or her shell. I've noticed this is especially true of IEEs - they're not so quick to open up to people and it's always a gradual process with them. Perhaps his "sweetness" is more of a wall he puts up in order to avoid opening up to you, because perhaps he may feel you won't be interested in what he has to say. Maybe he tries to seek your love and acceptance all the time for that reason. Just some food for thought - sometimes there is just more than what appears on the surface.
    "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched." -Edgar Allan Poe

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    My IEE boyfriend was too sweet as well. You know what I did, I killed him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    he is so sweet 24/7 that it starts to bore me. When he talks to me a lot of times i feel like i dont know what to say to him. I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep. Yet I know he is a wonderful person but at the same time I kind of feel like I am trapped! I can't just dump him without a reason... I don't want to look like a complete bitch because I am not. I am still undecided about my type... Any advises??
    Tell him, "draw your weapon, cowboy!" or "Bayonet charge!!!"
    Spoiler: bayonet= stop talking and more bang bang

    [img]http://users.ox.ac.uk/~lina0989/belv...net_charge.jpg[/img]

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    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LostinTime View Post
    Been there, done that. I was with a super sweet ENFp guy, but he was full of surprises and unpredictable in so many ways, so it kept things interesting. Plus, it was kind of nice to be the center of someone's world so I didn't mind the excessive sweetness. I agree, sometimes it got boring when all I wanted to do was have some insightful and deep conversations where we could talk about our dreams and ambitions and all that good stuff.

    Do you think you just don't try hard enough to get him to really talk and bond with you? Sometimes a person just needs to come out of his or her shell. I've noticed this is especially true of IEEs - they're not so quick to open up to people and it's always a gradual process with them. Perhaps his "sweetness" is more of a wall he puts up in order to avoid opening up to you, because perhaps he may feel you won't be interested in what he has to say. Maybe he tries to seek your love and acceptance all the time for that reason. Just some food for thought - sometimes there is just more than what appears on the surface.
    you noticed correctly. I relate a lot to this.
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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Being vegan and having an issue with animal cruelty doesn't make someone IEE.
    What about biting people? Does it sound like a trait of an IEE?
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    At the end of the run we want someone who is nice and sweet to us. But in the meanwhile you can try being real mean to him and see if he can keep it up. Total bitchness also helps him get over you. Or is it your about your selfishness as you don't want to seem like a total bitch?

    I assembled some straightforward questions, please answer as you see fit.
    Do you possible have any sort of attachment issues?
    What does it make you feel when you feel trapped? How does he 'trap' you?
    Are you cynical or insecure about his motives when he talks sugar to you?
    How decided are you about dumping him? Could you imagine changing your tone at some point?
    Were you in love?
    Is he possibly afraid of losing you?
    Do you got someone certain other in your mind?
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    I never said I do not have feelings for him...
    I was talking to him earlier and said:
    " i am either somewhere in the dark past or in the bright future. dont know how to live for today, dont know how to cherish people that are around me today.but in my eyes if you are here with me now that means i see you with me in the furthest future. which will be tremendous, enjoyable and fascinating. of course."
    and he answered: " I've said it before and I'll say it again, you're so beautiful not just outside what everyone can see but inside that pretty head of yours is amazing beauty. (not just a pretty face!)"
    Yet I feel bad about not being able to idealize him as much as he idealizes me. I am more romantic. He is more idealistic. I need some sort of mystery to think it's real love. Something inexplainable, if not unattainable And he seems to cease that mystery. Somehow! And then I am left with a boyfriend who cares for me, makes me happy but without love...
    Has anyone ever told you that you are rather demanding?

    I just did THAT's who!

    I'd be slapping you around with a wet kipper, once for failing to work on what works and second for coming here pleading about how terrible the situation is.

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    Decadent Charlatan Aquagraph's Avatar
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    I optimistically see it as a question of one failing to perceive another as mystical. I have gazed at some women in increasing wonder as I always learn something new just as the map of their soul seemed to have fully unfolded.

    A certain hero of my said that he never met a boring person, and if he doesn't seek the ultimate exquisite I don't really know who does.

    Nevertheless, she comes off as really demanding about her ideal partner, but I can only stand and laugh at my own imagined needs in the ideals, especially when it comes to my imagined beautiful, silly, intelligent, absent-minded, spontaneous, child-like, hippie-minded drunkard drug user XEI gutter romanticist™ with a dark past and a Peter Pan syndrome. After many disappointments the reality still strikes more magical than the ideal.
    “I tell you, freedom and human rights in America are doomed. The U.S. government will lead the American people in — and the West in general — into an unbearable hell and a choking life. - Osama bin Laden

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    InvisibleJim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Being vegan and having an issue with animal cruelty doesn't make someone IEE.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    . I like people with whom I can share my experiences... I like to talk about the past and the future..about my fears and desires and all he talks about is how much he likes me/wants me, how good we are together... nothing deep.
    Suppose he were sweet and *also* were someone you could share your experiences with on a deep level. Would you like him then, or would the "sweetness" still be a problem?

    Quote Originally Posted by sarinana View Post
    I need some sort of mystery to think it's real love. Something inexplainable, if not unattainable And he seems to cease that mystery. Somehow!
    Are you saying that you wish you were with someone more introverted...someone less demonstrative who would give you more chance to approach them instead of vice versa?

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    Quote Originally Posted by thePirate View Post
    so your looking for a reason to dump him because he doesn't treat you like shit?

    you are one fucked up woman
    Wow. You insult her AND misrepresent what she said in two, short sentences. sarinana, last time I checked, was the arbiter of her own relationships. Can someone whose only contribution to a relationship be non-intimate soundbites ABOUT how you are in a relationship seem manipulative, unaware of himself (troublingly), and robotic? Yes. Might she feel lonely? Yes, incredibly alone. And you're saying that she should just be with whoever does not hit her or whoever tells her he wants to be with her? I hope you misunderstood her earlier or have since changed your view of what is going on here.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

  33. #33
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    Yea and when you dump him just stop talking to him and see if he send more than 20 emails, if he does you've probably uncovered a stalker

  34. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by HaveLucidDreamz View Post
    Yea and when you dump him just stop talking to him and see if he send more than 20 emails, if he does you've probably uncovered a stalker
    a;lskdjf;aklsdjfak;lsdjfkl;asdjf;lkasjdfkljaklsdlk f;jakls;dfjk;alsdjfk;lasdfjkldsj

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    take a second of me sarinana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    At the end of the run we want someone who is nice and sweet to us. But in the meanwhile you can try being real mean to him and see if he can keep it up. Total bitchness also helps him get over you. Or is it your about your selfishness as you don't want to seem like a total bitch?

    I assembled some straightforward questions, please answer as you see fit.
    Do you possible have any sort of attachment issues?
    Don't think so. I have issues with my self-image more likely.
    What does it make you feel when you feel trapped? How does he 'trap' you?
    When we go out together he wants me to be around him. He wants me to be his accessory. That's how I feel..
    How did he trap me? I don't know I was very drunk when I've met him... and after that everything went so bloody fast that I don't have any special memories apart from the first one - me being drunk. Now we are in a relationship. His family and friends are also involved (bloody Fi egos).
    Are you cynical or insecure about his motives when he talks sugar to you?
    No. It makes me think that he is a bit insecure about himself and is fishing for compliments back. I might be completely wrong tho.
    How decided are you about dumping him? Could you imagine changing your tone at some point?
    I don't want to dump him now, but I see a possibility of hurting him in the future. Now that's my biggest concern.
    Were you in love?
    No. But he definitely did something right considering the fact that number of men has tried to "have" me before him and no one managed to push me as far as he did. I have no clue how he did this but here you go.. Trapped!
    Is he possibly afraid of losing you?
    Yes. Very much so.
    Do you got someone certain other in your mind?
    Me, myself, my friends and my studies and work and my appearance. haha hope you get what i mean here
    Sincerely Yours,

    Beyond the clouds. Beyond the sun.

    The Rebel without a cause.

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    Quote Originally Posted by felafel View Post
    this is, of course, the right choice. no one else has noticed your talent, absurd. so sorry.
    Well, it's going to take a while somebody does. You want to help me notice it?

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    Quote Originally Posted by HaveLucidDreamz View Post
    Yea and when you dump him just stop talking to him and see if he send more than 20 emails, if he does you've probably uncovered a stalker
    Replace "uncovered" with "created".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Typhon View Post
    Replace "uncovered" with "created".
    why

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    Quote Originally Posted by kassie View Post
    why
    Because I said, and, because sometimes when you push a perosn's buttons, the wrong aspect of them is drawn out and and monster is created. But monsters are never "uncovered" this way, only created.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Just dump him.
    Now thats just fucking cold, if you proceed by saying "Im dumping you. Bye" its practially inhuman if I dare say so(not to say thats what you're suggesting but it does sound like it). But there are different ways to go about this. Like let him know you have no feelings for him, if thats the case, and if you ever had feelings for him tell him how they evolved.

    Besides, if you never had feelings for him why get involved in a relationship in the first place? Maybe you just want to screw with his mind, like you did with Discojoe and Gilly hmmmm?

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