Enneagram: Difference between types 3 and 5
5's I think can sometimes come across like 3's in some ways, 5's can occasionally have this sort of elitism which comes across narcissistic much like a 3's narcissism. However let's look at the differences between the two types.
3's want attention, they will even go to negative extremes to get bad press if they can't receive good press, some attention is better than no attention
5's do not want attention, they are anxious and afraid, the idea of bad press is frightening to them, so they'd prefer to not take risks even if it could lead to good press.
3's sometimes look down at others as a means of raising themselves up, they have a deficiency of self-worth which leads them to constantly prove to others in a very interpersonal way they are worthy, sometimes this is done through comparison to other people.
5's sometimes look down at others as a means of raising themselves up, but this is not founded in self-worth, it is founded in alleviated anxiety about a world which is infringing on their privacy, by looking down at others this gives them a reason to be detached -- "I wouldn't want to hang out with those people anyways" and prevents them from acknowledging damaging feelings like loneliness.
3's respect competency in others, because this is a measure of success and self-worth, they can be judgmental about how competent others are or are not
5's respect competency as well, but this is because it makes them feel more capable of dealing with a world infringing on them, they can be judgmental about who is competent and who is not, this is founded in anxiety of who they can trust against a frightening social background
The energy of a 3 is constantly pushing against society, they are like a person in a crowded place pushing people aside trying to get to some destination, that destination is the center of attention, the center of the crowd, they are moving inward, eager to show off to the crowd how worthy they are
The energy of a 5 is also constantly pushing against society, they are like a person in a crowded place pushing people aside trying to get to some destination, but this destination is out of the crowd, to hear themselves think, they are moving towards isolation, detachment, because of the frightening experience of being around people 5's will shut down and feel unavailable to their real feelings, they need to detach to re-access these.
3's can sometimes be phony, they adopt socially acceptable personas, this is because they want to be accepted and have other people praise their worth
5's can sometimes be phony, they adopt socially acceptable personas, this is because they are afraid of people discovering their true self
PLEASE NOTE THE DIFFERENCES.... 5's and 3's can seem similar in this sort of elitist "I'm better than you attitude", but the underlying motivation is entirely different!
Thank you, this was very helpful! I'm not entirely sure about my Enneagram type, but I guess 4 fits best and deciding between 4w3 and 4w5 has been difficult. Based on this I'd say 4w5 makes more sense.
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