Quasi-Identical Relations: Stories and Experiences

[Suomea]

My brother is my quasi-identical.

I think the best way to put it is -- very impressed by his abilities, while at the same time thinking he's got his priorities all wrong.

Yeah, I think this sums up my impression of ENTj's too. Impressive abilities, just have their priorities a little wrong....: )

[Ms. Kensington]

yes... actually... that does seem to be an accurate description for me too but i doubt that the INTp feels that my abilities are impressive.

[Kristiina]

My brother is my quasi-identical.

I think the best way to put it is -- very impressed by his abilities, while at the same time thinking he's got his priorities all wrong.

almost like that with ENFps... I admire how easily they try new things. But I also totally look down on them for lacking any ISTj traits.

me: "HAHA, maybe that's because you're so old!" (knowing she's 3 years older than me)
ENFp: " ..."
me: "... I was joking. you're not that much older. And definitely not old." (thinking "OMG, you can't even take such a comment. You're so weak.")

An ISTj would say something like, "I'm older and wiser, you're just young and stupid." and then I'd say "Heeeeyyyy! No I'm not. ".

[Creepy-Cyclops]

My brother is my quasi-identical.

I think the best way to put it is -- very impressed by his abilities, while at the same time thinking he's got his priorities all wrong.

Oh yes. My brother not my quasi-identical, but i've found this very much with people i've known. It can become rather frustrating at close interaction for both parties concerned.

[Mea]

My dad is my quasi-identical.
I don't have much to relate because we don't talk much. He hates it that I'm rude to my mom.
But we get along way better compared to my mom and I.

[Reuben]

My bro is my quasi, EII. When I was young I always fought with him over how to play and what to play. And I've always considered myself inferior to him in regards to lego-making skills. Though my designs were always highly original, his was much better organized and had nicer colours. In most fight, I'm the instigator. We get into fights when I want to do something new that he doesn't want to do, and I being the younger one, was rather dependent on him to go first before I follow, but he usually never takes the initiative, and I interpret that being a coward. So I always get angry at him, and most of the time end up playing with that new thing alone.

When we grew older we became slightly closer, and I realized that there were times when he was in a good mood and wanted to talk, but I wasn't, and there were also times when I was a good mood and wanted to talk, but he wasn't. The dynamics are highly unsynchronized. However there are times when we both were happy and high at once, and there were also times when we were both low, and those were the times when we could relate. Sometimes we depend on each other on work, because we're always able to see the things the other could not. He helped me with science, I helped him with humanities. He's better than me in art, but I in music.

I usually think that he's way better off than me, in that he's smarter, he can function more efficiently, he's always the good boy, studies hard and always does well. Never gets into troubles with classmates or girls and stuff. Heck, he's never had a girlfriend for all I know, and probably only had one or two crushes throughout his college years. I on the other hand am the opposite. I get into trouble with girls, do badly because I hate studying, and usually fall into depression because of the above. But somehow I think I am supposed to be better than him, just under performing. Or perhaps jut better in other areas.

Sometimes I just hate his apparently higher ethics. Other times I hate his cowardliness, and yet other times I just get pissed at his seeming coldness. But I know that things will always get better despite the fight, and that I am for sure.

I still think he's great though, despite the negativity of some of this post. There are always good times and bad times with your quasi. I recently met this INFj gal. Things seem to be going great now, though I don't think it'll go anywhere because she's quite conservative. However it is great so far, though maybe things may get slightly worse when we get closer, but it'll also get better. It's just highly unstable I suppose. Hopefully mutual attraction can get past the quasi barrier more often than not.

[Creepy-male]

So, I'm an ILE, living with my SLI mother. The atmosphere is super.

However, my LIE father worries (by which I mean, vomits torrents of in my hand) that "I'm not taking school seriously".

Let's look at the bigger picture, though.

1) Learned helplessness from my being repeatedly shot down and publicly burnt at the cross.
2) Unvalued translating to "doesn't care" (on the Gamma end) versus "is flexible" (on the Alpha/Delta end).
3) General lack of communication between the Alpha/Delta end (mother and her side of the family) and Beta/Gamma end (Dad and his side of the family).

My question is, then, knowing that both my father and I essentially speak in Swahili to eachother, will being put in an environment get me "charged up" and "productive"?

IMO, I'm just giving him, and his opinion, far too much license, and the situation will just get worse for me if I put myself in a world which is clearly not mine.

The next question then, is, "Why don't I care, and how do I stimulate myself?" Though, frankly, at the current level of cruising, I'm doing far better than I really need to be, so why push myself?

[IEI]

So just finished interacting with someone and I'm wondering if we are experiencing a Quasi interaction. Would be interested to hear views....

Initially I thought we were going to be great friends but I have ended up really disappointed. I am sitting here trying to figure out what went wrong.

We ended up arguing different ways to do something. I felt like this person wasn't listening to what I was saying (kept interrupting me and I had been listening to his argument for ages!). He just kept repeating old ground that had already been covered (as if I didn't get it the first time) and kept missing the key issues.

He kept giving long detailed explanations over and over and over again. When I asked if he got my points and recognised that we had to do something about them he would agree then we agreed a way forward and half an hour later he was off doing something else and seemed to have forgotton what we agreed. I reminded him of our conversation and had to start making my points all over again.

I have just extended the olive branch to try and smooth things over and 2 minutes later regretted doing it due to a cheeky comment.

[crazedrat]

That could easily be INFj. I always identify them through the hypocritical self righteousness / self serving morals. But they also seem to shut down thoughts / opinions which they don't agree with very pre-emptively.

[Beautiful sky]

He kept giving long detailed explanations over and over and over again.

Sorry, not EII. Ideas not details.

Could be a STj type instead...possible.

[Aiss]

If you're certain about NF, I'd say contrary over quasi, though both are possible. Are you sure about NF?

[crazedrat]

Sorry, not EII. Ideas not details.

Could be a STj type instead...possible.

Here is a good example of an INFj shutting down something way too soon.

[Beautiful sky]

Here is a good example of an INFj shutting down something way too soon.

Because of that damn Ne

[silverchris9]

Yeah, I agree with Aiss: go contrary if you're sure of NF. But that sounds a lot more like a T type. I'd say consider LIE, but LIEs don't seem prone to snarky comments. Otherwise, look at Delta STs (LSE, especially, as the description sounded vaguely EJ) and maybe Alpha NTs.

[redbaron]

sounds.... really annoying.

[IEI]

hypocritical self righteousness.

Ding ding ding ding.

Sorry, not EII. Ideas not details.

Could be a STj type instead...possible.

Details were about an idea, kept repeating the idea in a heck of a lot of detail.

If you're certain about NF, I'd say contrary over quasi, though both are possible. Are you sure about NF?

Well he claims to be NF (MBTI) but I have doubts

Here is a good example of an INFj shutting down something way too soon.

Yeah, I agree with Aiss: go contrary if you're sure of NF. But that sounds a lot more like a T type. I'd say consider LIE, but LIEs don't seem prone to snarky comments. Otherwise, look at Delta STs (LSE, especially, as the description sounded vaguely EJ) and maybe Alpha NTs.

Could be LIE as he tried to tell me how to do something really basic that I clearly know how to do. My response "I know what I'm doing" Although it wasn't like "here is the most efficient way of doing this" more "you're clearly and idiot and only here to be bossed around by me".

sounds.... really annoying.

Yeah I'm still peeved about it

[Beautiful sky]

S=Data.
N=Ideas

as an N type, we can't remember or store a lot of data/details, we can record them in some place and put them together in writing...

[Aiss]

Could be LIE as he tried to tell me how to do something really basic that I clearly know how to do. My response "I know what I'm doing" Although it wasn't like "here is the most efficient way of doing this" more "you're clearly and idiot and only here to be bossed around by me".

By this description alone, LSE sounds plausible, attitude notwithstanding. LIE supervises IEI, so it's a valid possibility as well, especially in context of trying and failing to be the boss. Do you feel supervised (i.e. you value his input but it seems to you that no matter what you do, he doesn't value yours), or are you equally annoyed with each other?

Another thing is that I'm not sure how Te-base could be mistyped for NF in MBTI. I'd sooner look towards SFs in this case, or maybe even alpha NTs, if not NFs.

[sarinana]

So just finished interacting with someone and I'm wondering if we are experiencing a Quasi interaction. Would be interested to hear views....

Initially I thought we were going to be great friends but I have ended up really disappointed. I am sitting here trying to figure out what went wrong.

We ended up arguing different ways to do something. I felt like this person wasn't listening to what I was saying (kept interrupting me and I had been listening to his argument for ages!). He just kept repeating old ground that had already been covered (as if I didn't get it the first time) and kept missing the key issues.

He kept giving long detailed explanations over and over and over again. When I asked if he got my points and recognised that we had to do something about them he would agree then we agreed a way forward and half an hour later he was off doing something else and seemed to have forgotton what we agreed. I reminded him of our conversation and had to start making my points all over again.

I have just extended the olive branch to try and smooth things over and 2 minutes later regretted doing it due to a cheeky comment.

haha I am EIE and this sounds like my relationship with IEE ex boyfriend. And it's sooo sad because everything seemed so great in the beginning.

[jughead]

"That could easily be INFj. I always identify them through the hypocritical self righteousness / self serving morals. But they also seem to shut down thoughts / opinions which they don't agree with very pre-emptively. "
How do you identify ISFj?

[Blaze]

S=Data.
N=Ideas

as an N type, we can't remember or store a lot of data/details, we can record them in some place and put them together in writing...

wrong.

N=general theme

S=what can be perceived through the senses

data is a T thing.

[IEI]

Some more info

I have decided to distance myself from this person and I really regret telling him a whole bunch of personal stuff about myself. He seems to be using it against me now (he brought something I said up in a meeting and it was just to make me look stupid) Oddly I keep forgetting this and he tricks me into trusting him again then I remember he can't be trusted and pull away again.

I wish he would just leave me alone.

Still can't work out his type.

[Aiss]

I have decided to distance myself from this person and I really regret telling him a whole bunch of personal stuff about myself. He seems to be using it against me now (he brought something I said up in a meeting and it was just to make me look stupid) Oddly I keep forgetting this and he tricks me into trusting him again then I remember he can't be trusted and pull away again.

Exact reason I avoid sharing information with people as long as I can get away with it.

NTR, I suppose.

[Pierreuse]

Can anyone give me any stories on married quasi identicals and how it turned out or how happy the people were in rhe relationship?? Is it a good relationship for marriage/couples? So far what I've read about quasis says it's not the best, but I'm looking for real examples since obviously type isn't everything and I don't know any couples who are quasis but I'm really curious. Thanks.

[Beautiful sky]

Bad relationship; full of misunderstandings, miscommunication.

[InvisibleJim]

Of course, Maritsa has no experience to draw upon, because everyone she dates is an LSE. Then the relationship ends and they magically change type

[Beautiful sky]

Of course, Maritsa has no experience to draw upon, because everyone she dates is an LSE. Then the relationship ends and they magically change type

The level of interaction can be assessed in a simple conversation; you don't have to have intimate relationships with the person to tell if you're going to have good communication with them. Mike is LSE. He probably changed his type back for various dumb reasons. One of which is to make me feel upset. Another is to establish his sense of "autonomy"


All are stupid reasons.

[InvisibleJim]

The level of interaction can be assessed in a simple conversation; you don't have to have intimate relationships with the person to tell if you're going to have good communication with them.

What? That is an incredibly superficial and prejudiced way of understanding people.

[Beautiful sky]

What? That is an incredibly superficial and prejudiced way of understanding people.

Really, what do you say during sex that would make you type them better?

[InvisibleJim]

Really, what do you say during sex that would make you type them better?

How do you think that a short conversation will evaluate a) their type and b) how good the sex will be.

[Beautiful sky]

How do you think that a short conversation will evaluate a) their type and b) how good the sex will be.

[Nowisthetime]

Can anyone give me any stories on married quasi identicals and how it turned out or how happy the people were in rhe relationship?? Is it a good relationship for marriage/couples? So far what I've read about quasis says it's not the best, but I'm looking for real examples since obviously type isn't everything and I don't know any couples who are quasis but I'm really curious. Thanks.

The functional impact is on the unconscious side (ID). SEi + ESI for example SiFe + FiSe. So there is no immidiate threat to polr for example. It's just confusing and very unfulfilling imo. It can seem like you have a lot in common in the beginning, but everything is just talked about in a way that the other person can't process. I think that some descriptions say that partners ultimately realize that the relationship was a waste of time. That's exactly my experinece even though it sounds harsh. I've dated 2 quasis, both for several months or even years. And my mom is my quasi. About the PoLR: because your quasi sucks at handling your polr you might get irritated at their mistakes and try to take command of you own polr to correct them. That is frustrating. Everyone need a person who has good command of your polr to cover for you.

I don't know any quasi couples. It would be interesting to see though. Quasi feels like an unusual and strange relationship.

The advice for quasi couples who want to make it work in spite of everything is to talk less and do more, explore the world together and so on. Sounds like the best advice for this couple.

[epheme]

My best friend (EIE) has been dating his Quasi-Identical (IEE) for two years.

Here is my perception of their relationship since I have to hear about it, ALL THE TIME, from both of them.

-They are very competitive with each other, and get offended if they think the other “one-upped” them. Although, they are gay so maybe this is common in male gay relationships, I dunno?
-They are always censoring themselves when in the presence of the other, for fear of being judged. And they are constantly offending each other, somehow, even when it is clear to me that no malice was intended.
-Neither feels that their life goals are being supported or that they are being supported even in everyday things.
-IEE wants to spend every waking hour with EIE. This makes EIE feel smothered and IEE feel neglected. (Probably due to sx-first VS so-first)

Basically the main problem is that they are living two different relationships. They want completely different things out of it and just don’t get each other.

They broke up four times last week.

[Pierreuse]

Thanks, this is all interesting. I for one really like my quasis and I don't think it would be impossible to imagine dating one. I had a bad relationship with one of my quasis a long time ago but now one of my best friends is my quasi. My mom and brother are quasi-identicals though and they basically hate each other. I usually find my quasi's thoughts, views, and lifestyle to be interesting, refreshing and easy to understand even though they're not ones I would necessarily adopt.

[epheme]

Thanks, this is all interesting. I for one really like my quasis and I don't think it would be impossible to imagine dating one. I had a bad relationship with one of my quasis a long time ago but now one of my best friends is my quasi. My mom and brother are quasi-identicals though and they basically hate each other. I usually find my quasi's thoughts, views, and lifestyle to be interesting, refreshing and easy to understand even though they're not ones I would necessarily adopt.

Yeah, that's the thing, they really like each other as people and there is a lot of love there. That is why they are still together. They just want totally different things out of it and there is a lot of miscommunication, which is why they both feel so unfulfilled.

Personally, I think they are super awesome people. I adore them both.

[Pierreuse]

Yeah, that's the thing, they really like each other as people and there is a lot of love there. That is why they are still together. They just want totally different things out of it and there is a lot of miscommunication, which is why they both feel so unfulfilled.

Personally, I think they are super awesome people. I adore them both.

Thanks epheme. Yeah, I remember my quasi friend and I used to bicker a lot though it didn't seem like we were bickering at the time. We both genuinely seemed to like spending time together and had a lot of fun. However the life choices I've made that made sense to me seemed to really piss her off, and the stuff I was doing that seemed pointless to me always brought praise from her... The only thing that put a lot of strain on the friendship was her occasional outbursts which I didn't know how to deal with. The friendship is actually much easier though than some of my mirror and extinguishment friendships. I really cannot seem to keep IEIs or EIIs as friends without wanting to blow my brains out sometimes, but apart from the rare fight it almost never gets ugly or even disappointing with IEEs. I'm thinking maybe that's due to shared extroversion?

I really don't get why everyone says not to date your quasi. I could easily see myself dating a male quasi. The things that annoy me about them are small details not worth actually taking seriously most of the time.

[bolong]

Really, what do you say during sex that would make you type them better?

This is a good point, but tbh you need to have sex with enough people to notice the difference between how an alpha NT will try to talk his way through and a beta ST kind of fumbles with words because his reaction to you is entirely physical

[lemontrees]

I just went on a date/hooked up with someone I'm 90% sure is an ESI, and it was the first time I'd interacted physically or romantically with that someone of that type.

He delights in being unconventional or different from the mainstream, lives a polyamorous lifestyle (and has a primary girlfriend and they live together) and when I went to his apartment there were these huge drawings of tarot cards (major arcana) that his girlfriend had done, on the walls, and they were beautiful. So in a weird way, even while I was hooking up with him, the hopeless romantic in me was like thinking "I really admire the love you have with your girlfriend, who sounds awesome!"

Thoughts:

-We both seemed to enjoy each others' company and found interests in common. However, one thing I noticed while talking was that it was like not possible to follow directly and playfully off of what the other person said last, it was more like we took turns talking on the same topics. Also, I felt like my Ni was actually better than his... like he'd keep trying to say these profoundish things and I thought, "I can do better than that with the same idea!" Haha. I'm sure he had similar moments with me too, and my own deficiencies. We're both tactful and nice.

-The sex was WEIRD! Not because of his collection of toys or his self-professed kinky nature, but because I'm so much more used to infantile than aggressor sex. Like he started kissing me at the bar, then on the street, then on the roof of his place, etc, etc... in this physically self-assured and slightly exhibitionist way. And the... "solidity" (for lack of a better word) of his physical motions really threw me off. It was almost like... I'm used to making these soft, slightly "luring out" motions, but he was so "heavy" and instinctive and I felt like I had no space to maneuver. Also, weirdly enough, I felt that we were both too physically instinctive, and as a result the sex wasn't mentally interesting, if that makes sense. It did indeed feel a bit like we both naturally knew what we were doing but had no one to really "make an impact" on with our strengths. That being said, it was still pleasurable... allowed me to lightly explore some of my more submissive fantasies. (note on this: I think it would have felt more smooth if one of us was an extrovert.)

-I ended up leaving after the sex because we were both retreating slightly into our shells and I didn't feel sleepy or drunk or comfortable enough to fall asleep there. But I enjoyed meeting him a lot, and thought he was a lovely person.

Can't see myself in a long-term relationship with a quasi... you really don't cover each others' weaknesses too well!

[FoxOnStilts]

My friend is IEE and dating an EIE right now. It's not been terribly long, so I can't give you long-term forecasts or experiences, but they started out strong and hung out with each other and professed they were "soulmates" within the first month. Hanging out all the time. She's appalled at how over-dramatic and over-emotional and moody he is. They've had a few arguments because of this. I mean, the IEE is saying what he's doing isn't logical and doesn't make sense lol. They ended up having an argument and taking some distance for a week, but then after a bit of time apart started hanging out all the time and sexual dysfunctions were fixed and so forth. I think she's already wedding planning. ._. She also likes to comment on just how alike they are and how much they think alike with very little differences, though he does manage to produce a different viewpoint. Which is guess kind of fits with quasis? Also, she complains that he tends to twist her words and read way too far into what she's saying. For instance, in one conversation, she said something like "we got together so fast I just don't want to regret anything" and he blew up the fact that she chose to use the word 'regret' and that meant 'she was already regretting it and was going to leave him because she wouldn't have said that word if she didn't mean what he thought that word meant' and etc etc.

I'll let you know what else happens, but I'm biased against him because he's kind of a loser (as is her trend, along with never being single), but she's still in the throes of honeymoon period. And she's a chameleon girlfriend who changes what she likes and how she acts depending on who shes around, so all of a sudden shes really into gangster rap and basketball while proclaiming that shes ALWAYS LOVED SPORTS even though I've known her for almost 16 years. /not-annoyed-at-all

Oh, she's also a 9, if that wasn't obvious.

[Saberstorm]

I just went on a date/hooked up with someone I'm 90% sure is an ESI, and it was the first time I'd interacted physically or romantically with that someone of that type.

He delights in being unconventional or different from the mainstream, lives a polyamorous lifestyle (and has a primary girlfriend and they live together) and when I went to his apartment there were these huge drawings of tarot cards (major arcana) that his girlfriend had done, on the walls, and they were beautiful. So in a weird way, even while I was hooking up with him, the hopeless romantic in me was like thinking "I really admire the love you have with your girlfriend, who sounds awesome!"

Thoughts:

-We both seemed to enjoy each others' company and found interests in common. However, one thing I noticed while talking was that it was like not possible to follow directly and playfully off of what the other person said last, it was more like we took turns talking on the same topics. Also, I felt like my Ni was actually better than his... like he'd keep trying to say these profoundish things and I thought, "I can do better than that with the same idea!" Haha. I'm sure he had similar moments with me too, and my own deficiencies. We're both tactful and nice.

-The sex was WEIRD! Not because of his collection of toys or his self-professed kinky nature, but because I'm so much more used to infantile than aggressor sex. Like he started kissing me at the bar, then on the street, then on the roof of his place, etc, etc... in this physically self-assured and slightly exhibitionist way. And the... "solidity" (for lack of a better word) of his physical motions really threw me off. It was almost like... I'm used to making these soft, slightly "luring out" motions, but he was so "heavy" and instinctive and I felt like I had no space to maneuver. Also, weirdly enough, I felt that we were both too physically instinctive, and as a result the sex wasn't mentally interesting, if that makes sense. It did indeed feel a bit like we both naturally knew what we were doing but had no one to really "make an impact" on with our strengths. That being said, it was still pleasurable... allowed me to lightly explore some of my more submissive fantasies. (note on this: I think it would have felt more smooth if one of us was an extrovert.)

-I ended up leaving after the sex because we were both retreating slightly into our shells and I didn't feel sleepy or drunk or comfortable enough to fall asleep there. But I enjoyed meeting him a lot, and thought he was a lovely person.

Can't see myself in a long-term relationship with a quasi... you really don't cover each others' weaknesses too well!

Could you give some examples of the Infantile sexual style? I have a hard time seeing myself as others see me, and I have no idea how I am in that way. What they hell is infantile sex?