The Death Of Pretty

[Creepy-female]

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[DirectorAbbie]

Looks to me like the counterpart to chivalry.

[mu4]

I wonder if the writer of the article is a pedophile...


As far as dishes and other chores...
Why not do the dishes together and use it as a bonding experience...
I have a hard time doing stuff I don't like to do alone, but with someone else, it's a lot easier...

[Slacker]

It's a sexist expectation of women, that women be soft, flirtatious, ultra-feminine, innocent, all that. Our purpose is to meet men's desire to protect us.

And the resident misogynists will now flame me.

[blackburry]

Please be a writer. I'll buy a few of your first book...

[Eliza Thomason]

I liked the article. I can't find anything wrong with it. I want to be pretty, not hot. I want the hot to be my husbands secret delight, and his alone. And I don't think that's misogynist because I want the same thing in a husband. I want his hotness to be my secret delight. I prefer he present himself as conservative, not sexual, to others.

So i guess maybe like you said Nemo, the innocence is a choice? To me its also like privacy. Like the hotness part of me is my secret and none of your business... However, I don't mind hinting at it, for fun.

I don't know your parents so I don't know if they have oppressed and constricted views they bring into their criticism of "hotly" dressed woman. But I think its a problem, and I think the victim is the woman, though she may deny it. I don't appreciate hotly dressed woman in church, either, because I am concerned for the souls of men who can struggle with that, and no one needs distractions from the holy at this sacred hour. But I don't judge the woman, who I feel just don't know better; I feel sorry for them. I think they most often they want to be liked and appreciated, and don't we all, and to achieve this they are simply following the dictates of today's society. They will get tired of it someday, IMO.

But if you are probably right, your parents probably are denying the humanity of the women they are making derisive comments on. That's not what Jesus would do; He'd look beyond their outfit and love [and forgive] their humanity. So maybe you can challenge them on not sounding like Jesus at ALL when they talk like that...

I do want to be looked at with appreciation. But being looked at with lust can feel like an invasion, like being raped with eyes. However, this is minimized with modest dress* and I don't mean prairie dresses (unless you are in an historical pagent!). I like clothes. I am fussy about good fit and the right fabric and what kind of drape it has and color -- I could go on about color. But I am just into that.

If you mother is overwhelmed and can't manage chores or delegate fairly then maybe your idea of taping off the counter is a good one!

_____
*also an air of confidence helps

[Slacker]

It isn't sexist for you to want to look that way. It's sexist for some man to write an article saying how he wants women to look because he thinks he has some authority over how women should present themselves as he sees our purpose as being objects for him to gaze at.

Choose to look "pretty" - fine. Be told and expected to look "pretty" as if someone has the right to tell you how to look? NOPE.

[uniden]

I remember... reading one of the founding papers of Feminism. "A room of one's own" by Virginia Woolf. One of the themes of this paper which really struck out to me is the suffering caused by the intense pressure for women to conform to a particular role. They couldn't be themselves. They are forced into a mold of what's "good and proper." A very tight fitting mold. No space of their own.

It wasn't so much about equality and such as you hear about a lot these days (not saying that isn't important). They needed room to be themselves. To deny someone who they are causes suffering.

Pretty. The model you can imagine up for people to align themselves with can be very pretty, I suppose. Still, though, to go out and publish a paper saying that woman will elevate themselves by projecting... pretty? I would say that shows a rather low awareness the humanity in each of us. I understand the author believes that adherence to this would be a step up for society. But, it's more like a retrograde back to ideas of people, what they could be, what they should be that can only lead to suffering.

[Gilly]

<3

[MisterNi]

Yes, Nemo I completely agree with you that when it comes to relationship there are always going to be shared responsibilities that must either be taken care of and understood implicitly or failing that, explicitly. When there isn't a clear set of responsibilities it usually causes the less responsible/lazier of the group to unload their responsibilities on others. That's of course unfair to the ones who don't want to see their living quarters be reduced to a pigsty. I've found that being firm about shared responsibilities is essential. Also, not calling it the "bitch" role would make it easier to have someone occasionally pick up other people's slack as no one likes to be bitch lol.

As for the article. Meh. I know a lot of guys including myself who like pretty women and not fake "hotness". Intellect and social grace are far more attractive qualities in a woman than manufactured beauty.

[Ave]

Am I the only one who gets the article isnt about imposing something on someone but simply saying "lets bring back pretty" as a way of saying that this is some tradition that is dying in our society and that women can choose to look pretty rather than hot, if they want to? Also its not saying that "hot" takes away a person's humanity. thats reading something into the lines which simply isnt there, I think what the author is saying is that:

1. That is how people will perceive you if you choose to look "hot", regardless of whether its good or bad.
2. That "hot"(and nothing more than hot ie not allowing themselves to be anything more than "hot") is how alot of girls WANT to be seen. Hes saying that they can be seen for more than that and should keep their integrity rather, then simply want to please the guys by being an object.