I have been interested in personality ever since I took a personality test all the way back in highschool. That was the grade 13 retreat which was in 2003, so I have been interested for about 8 years. Back then I originally scored as an INFP, which was based on the Myer-Briggs test. However, I kept reviewing the description and had this feeling like this was not really who I am, especially when I read the descriptions for INTJ and INTP. I found the INTP and INTJ descriptions attractive because they mentioned how smart those personalities are and at that time I really wished I was smart. However Myer-Briggs was only the beginning, once I discovered socionics that opened up a whole new way of looking at myself and people. They were actually saying that two personalities are actually better for each other than another. Previously, Myer-Briggs had mentioned that someone with the complete opposite personality to your own would be your soul mate but that was only a pleasant impression.
As I became more familiar with socionics I kept questioning my type. I kept self-analysing instead of just living life. Ironically I was being very much unlike myself because I kept acting so self-conscious. Like I had to be consistent with the personality type I believed myself to be. These days I'm much more self-assured and careless. I felt like there would be grave consequences if I made a mistake about who I am. Now I do not care as much. I see myself as a INTJ in socionics and I went through a long road of self-discovery before finding myself. Once I was assured of my type I becamse more interested in other people's type and especially finding my dual. There was a gradual transformation as I became more acquinted with the personality types and to some extent even getting bored with reading the descriptions repeated.
I had really invested a great deal of time and study into learning socionics and of course I figured the payoff would be meeting the right women for me. I would type a girl and when things seemed to be going good I figured that is proof that socionics is reality and not just a theory. However when we had a mishap or fight then I would dismiss the credibility of socionics. Essentially I could not reconcile the conflict between me and my love interest and socionics. Then I would begin to doubt her type or my type. We do not get along perfectly so she is not my dual. I would continue this cycle until accepting that even your dual may not be your perfect match and they will do human acts that you youself can not love. Moreso I realise I live in a world where socionics is not common sense. A stereotype or rumour or lie is more believable than socionics. Socionics is a lovely theory but reality does not reflect the harmonization that socionics and duality present. There is a split between socioinics and real life experience. Socionics is somewhat utopian in it's ambition to educate the masses into making the right choice when choosing a partner, or friends, or business assosciates, etc.
Though I do not believe I have become cycnical or misanthrope. Simply socionics is a perspective that may or may not explain the human dimension. I am now at the point where I just no longer care. I have stopped looking at women in terms of socionic types. I see them more like they see themselves because you must realise socionics inhibits real empathetic interaction with people right before your eyes. For the longest time I would revert all thought and behaviour, my own or another, to socionics. I would say I was obsessed with it to such an extent that my actions and decisions were based on it. I am an INTJ so I must like that or I can not do that because I am an INTJ. There was a real restriction that likely was nothing more than the ego suppressing all spontaneous action into inhibition. I would say a deep prejudice had formed in the conscious that rendered myself inept. Socionics had taken the fun out of life!
These days I live in korea and I am learning korean. The purpose of learning korean involes motivation to meet a korean girl and hopfully to meet a girl who will be my girlfriend. I have met so many women and along with meeting so many different people that I can not really see how socionics makes sense. I no longer believe in socionics. I see it as an interesting theory on personality that can be taken lightly, something you can discuss with friends, but I realize there is an inherent danger in talking about personality theory especially when you have duality and conflict. I mean I have some good friends who are my conflicts and how am I to tell them how great this theory is when we look at the facts and well we're conflicting. Likewise, I have so many potential dual partners who are already dating my friends that would disrupt the whole scene. I mean if people knew what I knew then that might fuck things up big time for alot of people. Why? because who would want to hear that their not dating their dual partner or their dating their conflictor or married to their mirror, etc. For that very reason I could understand many people dismissing the credibility of socionics since empirical evidence suggests the opposite of what socioinics predicts. I mean perhaps it is not a serious relationship but I imagine that would alter the course of people's behviour. I feel like I'm interfering with the way things are and in some respects I can see that benefitting people in that maybe they make a good choice but at the same time I realize I could be acting very selfish.
As another point when you read an interesting article like why some men prefer brunettes more than blondes and your friend mentions he met a really cool brunette then you relate it to what you read because it's relevant but in all the time that I have been reading about personality never have I been able to simply say oh I read this personality theory that describes what your going through and they can say: "oh yeah! cool" without having to read copiuous amounts of socionic articles and other subtheories.
So I no longer believe in socionics but instead it is a secret in respect to the fact that maybe just maybe you know better and yet you can not act nor interfer. I suppose as many people believe if your meant to be then your meant to be regardless of socionics. I mean if socionics is a genuwine explanation then it will happen because that is reality. So to anyone reading this, I'm doing my best to forget socionics and just try to be a human being without any theorhetical justification needed. Thankyou and good night.