Results 1 to 26 of 26

Thread: I think I met my dual

  1. #1
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default I think I met my dual...

    Hi new Socionic virtual friends! I hope you can give me insight. I really want insight. I think I met my dual. Its kind of shook up my whole life and my plans for the future.

    I am going to save myself some typing and for the first sharing of this story I will share what I shared on an MBTI forum recently. On that forum, it was not favorable to talk about Duality, since it is Socionics, and some there are offended with Duality talk; it gets some people's hackles up. But I have Duality on my mind! So I am here, and telling it here, and hopefully I will get some understanding and insight from those of you that have it on your minds!

    Maybe I will make this into two posts as I originally wrote it.

    The first, below, was my response to people discussing physical characteristics of ISTPs [it has been so helpful to learn what ISTPs are like from ISTPs there!]. Here it is:

    ********************

    I just have to tell you what that gesture makes me think of. Something I savor.

    This hands-on-face gesture was my ISTP's reaction when I showed up at his door unexpectedly. I thought he knew I was coming. He lives in another state, next to the far side of mine, and I was going through it, first time ever, and my mapped route had the option of going through his town, so it was an impulsive [inspired?] choice to fit in a quick meeting with my dear old friend, in my very full long weekend in this part of the country I had never been to. So I dashed off a quick email hello and told him before I left town. But he had not gotten it, having changed his email address, and was not expecting me, so I was surprised by his surprise.

    History: We had corresponded avidly about 4 years, purely as friends at the end of my difficult marriage, he, safely chaste and self-disciplined, and so understanding and certainly satisfying my desire for a man in my life in some capacity, and then he was the one I wrote to first when I discovered the emails - as I read them - that pointed to the shocking sudden end of my long marraige, and he got the play-by-play as crisis events unfolded and as I, under duress, made a new life. When things seemed to have settled for me, my ISTP, who had always make it clear this was "only just friends" sent an email that hinted for more and my great fear response made me ignore the hint. What he didn't know, since I didn't really realize it, was that I lived steeped in great fear all the time. And so he took my uncharacteristic non-response as rejection, and he let our correspondence drop off...

    So there I was at his door and he had no idea who I was. And omigosh I liked him immediately. A picture - we had exchanged just one or two - is not at all the same as real life. His eyes - I loved these eyes! In pictures they had seemed a little shrouded, staring, and a little frightening, but in real life, I loved them. And later, I was embarrassed to hear myself tell my friend, who I stayed with en route to home, that I liked his "physicality" - a word I had never used, but clearly, my reaction... I had always this fear he would seem a stranger when I met him; now instead, he felt like an old and dear friend (which he is, just, one I'd never met), and somehow he seemed to be someone I had always known.

    Not knowing who I was, he immediately assumed I was one of his "daughter's friends?" and "Oh, dear, am I supposed to know you?". And after delighting seeing him and delighting in his reactions and finally telling him, and he realized, those (manly) hands covered his face, and he kept repeating that gesture (sometimes bending over, sometimes pacing) while the idea continued to sink in... So I won't forget it! Its so him. I will always love that hands-on-face gesture.

  2. #2
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    So I continued this story after an ISTP asked about it, and with characteristic ISTP frankness, asked if this was creepy. :

    ******************************


    I did not intend to surprise him, but I did. Not creepy. We were exclusively close friends for a very long time. Part of the shock, what was foremost on his mind is his life had taken some very bad turns, and he wanted to tell me about them, but his dear daughter was there, who had brought him some of this trouble, so he couldn't just then. I had heard so much about her and was delighted to meet her, and for me, she took some pressure off the moment.

    But she left, and he said his things, and he said, later, that he was glad, and sorry for the necessary shortness of the visit (My friend, waiting with dinner - a birthday dinner for me at that - so many unfamiliar winding, almost mountainous miles away, and night was falling). He "felt flooded" he later said. So it was a short but intense and focused time where pieces from the past connected and now made sense, and I was astonished as his exceptionally beautiful and skillful work on his house.

    A happy reunion with a dear friend was all it should have been, and all I wanted it to be. Because I did not want more! Not a good time for me! I am happy alone. I have great peace. And I went there fresh from this healing, and I have truly never felt so fulfilled, and not needy - I felt: "I need nothing!"

    Clearly as we spoke the current complications and responsibilities of our lives became clear. And the challenges he faces are not what I would choose to take on if I ever was ready to consider remarrying [which was not supposed to be until my son graduated high school and I had some personal direction for what next! That was my plan!]. I thought all his quite clearly as we talked. "I have a plan for my future, and it does not include this."

    But, as time rushed us, just before I left, a beautiful moment [and yes, "crafted" he said later when I complained]. He asked me to pray The Angelus with him - a beautiful prayer we both know well as we share a faith, and one dear to his heart - and he took both my hands and enfolded them in his to pray. And then - a hug, not lingering (but I felt an unexpected desire to linger as he quickly turned away).

    It was all very brief but darn it, he roped me in with his touch. Had he not touched me, maybe it would have been different. But now I am done for. Bad turns and all, its him I see; not his circumstances. Circumstances that seem like obstacles I would never choose to take on. But, its like I didn't get to choose.

    And so now, you ask? Much openness in our communication now, like we never stopped being the best friends we had been, but different a new tone since that meeting. I like an ENFP have shared a lot of what I feel. But so has he, only much more briefly and concisely, but perfectly. And I trust him: he wouldn't lead me on for nothing...

    I have Kahlil Gibran on my mind today:

    When love beckons to you, follow him,
    Though his ways are hard and steep.
    And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
    Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
    And when he speaks to you believe in him,
    Though his voice may shatter your dreams
    as the north wind lays waste the garden.

  3. #3
    Fuck-up NewBorn STAR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    TIM
    me>> Augusta whore
    Posts
    998
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    lol

    It is like that¨show the bold and the beautďful

  4. #4
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    So that's what happened, a brief meeting, and I have fallen deep and fast. That first week it was so intense I wrote to him in protest that he "did this to me" on purpose!

    Lots of corresponding and soul searching because it makes no sense that this happened to me. I was fine being single. I wondered if it was because of the healing - that weekend I had a major healing of all past trauma up to the present and felt new, whole, and fresh. Was I over-reacting to this meeting because of that fresh, new state I was in??

    And I have made use of confession for the grace to keep my thoughts chaste and have received those graces. Yet I cannot get him off my mind. And he is an ISTP! So he is much more conservative to express his feelings. Also I started reading up on ISTP and then discovered Socionics and the chart on relationships and discovered the Duality thing! Like the jackpot of relationships!

    Then I read more articles on Duality. It seems like there are 8 steps to bonding with your dual and it seems to me that I experienced some of all of them in that brief meeting. At least it seems to me! Could that be because of my ENFp? I just sense it more and faster?

    I cannot say my ISTp is feeling exactly the same, though I know he feels, or he would not be writing me pretty much daily [and I, multi-daily...]. I have been pretty open with my feelings; I do not think he would lead me on to let me express them if he thought it was hopeless. Just not much of one to express it! I know I need to be patient, give him time. It is like torture sometimes. "To know the pain of too much tenderness." Yes, that's it exactly.

    And it is not how I saw love should be. There are obstacles, but its like I don;t care, I only care about him. And I have been so open how I feel, now I read about "zones of responsibility" in a dual relation, and see we have already taken those zones: first, I have been the one to reach out emotionally, and second, we had a discussion where i aged to let him make all the decisions about touch, and trust him in that, and let him lead in that department [since we have shared values, I am not going to worry about it]. Its like we have automatically followed the "Dual"'s recommendations for proceeding. And in other ways!!

    Well, its late, must slow down. I sure would like an insights on what I have shared so far. Thanks so much.

  5. #5
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by NewBorn STAR View Post
    lol

    It is like that¨show the bold and the beautďful
    LOL. I don't know that show, but it was bold, and beautiful!

  6. #6
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Duality or not, I think it sounds like the start of a really healthy relationship. I don't know the guy well enough to type him ISTp, but I like how he wanted a relationship with you before, you said no, and he was cool with that. Didn't pursue it then. He didn't force things, he respected your decision. That, to me, shows not just a 'guy', but a true man, who respects the choices of women, is comfortable and independent himself to not pursue, someone who is mature and well-grounded. I think that shows a lot about the guy, that's HUGE!

    It sounds great. It's 1) someone you already know you can be friends with, for many years. 2) Someone you've already confided in before. 3) Someone who knows your past and accepts you for who you are. Etc. Etc. I could go on, and name more specifics, but like I said, sounds like the beginnings of a wonderful relationship.

    Now, be honest:

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    It was all very brief but darn it, he roped me in with his touch. Had he not touched me, maybe it would have been different. But now I am done for.
    Where exactly did he touch you? It's ok to be honest with us, and tell us the truth.



    But no, all joking aside, I really am happy for you Eliza. I wish you the best of luck in your new relationship. I love how simple love can be sometimes, why some people make it so complicated.

    Curious though, what are the next steps? You mentioned writing daily back and forth? Are you two at a distance? You mentioned a fairly far drive, correct? Would you two date at a distance, then consider moving in together after a while?

  7. #7
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Thank your for feedback, Mountain Dew!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Duality or not, I think it sounds like the start of a really healthy relationship. I don't know the guy well enough to type him ISTp, but I like how he wanted a relationship with you before, you said no, and he was cool with that. Didn't pursue it then. He didn't force things, he respected your decision. That, to me, shows not just a 'guy', but a true man, who respects the choices of women, is comfortable and independent himself to not pursue, someone who is mature and well-grounded. I think that shows a lot about the guy, that's HUGE!
    Yes, and I don't know how hurt he was by that rejection. At that point he knew me well, and for me to ignore something like that was out of character for me.

    It feels like it must be duality especially when I see that list of 8 steps in a dual relationship.

    For anyone who hasn't seen it, its: http://www.socionika.com/experiencin...relations.html and that site is down right now so Shulman's article is reprinted here too: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ges-of-Duality

    I felt extremely strongly the i HAD to see him again. The moment I saw him I was pleased, because he felt to me like someone I had always known, instead of the awkward stranger I thought he might seem. I felt a great peace in his presence almost immediately ["leveling of dual energy"?] and I felt I didn't want to be separated ever, and I also felt such joy whenever I thought of him.

    And still do! However I felt like I must be crazy. It was such a brief meeting! And there are obstacles, and this is not how I planned or when I planned to fall for anyone! I prefer practical matters to be in place first! When I first researched - with the intent on discovering more about ISTps because they aren't open books like us ENFps - it was a really pleasant surprise when I first read about Duality. But the more articles I read on it, the more it made sense, and made me feel like I am not crazy for how I feel, and to have felt it so strongly and so quickly.

    It sounds great. It's 1) someone you already know you can be friends with, for many years. 2) Someone you've already confided in before. 3) Someone who knows your past and accepts you for who you are. Etc. Etc. I could go on, and name more specifics, but like I said, sounds like the beginnings of a wonderful relationship.
    Yeah, it does sound good doesn't it? I think it is! But there are obstacles.

    Now, be honest:
    Where exactly did he touch you? It's ok to be honest with us, and tell us the truth.
    I thought you were serious for a minute. It was chaste, honest! Afterwards, I wondered, how did he do this? What was it about it? I thought it was his hands, something magical about them when they took mine... So glad we have the same values.. Or I'd be running.


    But no, all joking aside, I really am happy for you Eliza. I wish you the best of luck in your new relationship. I love how simple love can be sometimes, why some people make it so complicated.
    Yes, I like that, I do think it is simple - and not what I have planned! because the plans I have devised for me for the possibility of falling in love again for me have been very complicated, with a lot of specific expectations and plans for how exactly it should go.


    I feel like he has wrecked my plans for how love is supposed to happen! Which is why I have been drawn to Kahlil Gibran's thoughts on love, and how Gibran says:

    When love beckons to you, follow him,
    Though his ways are hard and steep.
    And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
    Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
    And when he speaks to you believe in him,
    Though his voice may shatter your dreams
    as the north wind lays waste the garden.

    For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning....

    ....And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course....


    Because as I see it, Love is this feeling that has unexpectedly come over me when I did not seek it. And yielding to it, I must lay waste my dreams, and my "garden" - which are my preconceived expectations of how love is supposed to unfold for me - I must crucify the old expectations, prune them out, and not try to direct the course of love, but, instead, only seek to be worthy, so that love may direct me. Into unknown and unplanned territory...

    What follows is some of what love is making me lay waste to. And, I add this as I am finished writing now and cleaning up my many typos: my old "rules" that I have devised and that have given me such peace and security about how I will direct my future have been on my mind much lately, and it has been very cathartic for me to put it into words as I have done here!

    Some of my devised rules and expectations for whom I will fall in love with, and how, that are is taking a hit with this simple matter of love are:

    1. He must offer clear financial security to me. My ex gave me at least this. It was a "Benefit" relationship, and he was "broken" so there was no love or validation [only the empty promise of it before we married, a romantic pretense], but at least security and I thought loyalty [turned out I was wrong on that one]. So in my mind, if I married again [and being alone is much better than the unhappiness of a bad marriage] then it would be case of the financial security and loyalty, with the missing love added to this equation. In other words, my next marraige would consist of the what I lost, plus what was missing in my first.

    I looked at the difficulties of financial insecurity in my life as a single Mom as a temporary sacrifice for the good of my son, and that would be all restored [as if it were my due] later when the intensive parenting period was over [for me, that's after high school!]and I would either put my energy into establishing it for myself, or, if God willed I marry, then my husband would provide all the security for me, whatever I have is just icing on the cake [his cake]. A little travel money, or "extras" money..

    Well, right now, because of some unfortunate reversals of fortune, my ISTp is not looking so secure in the security department... so, so much for the plan of the husband to completely providing all my financial security...

    2. He must pursue me avidly. This is how it is supposed to work, right? I sit back like a flower waiting to be picked and the man works like crazy to get my attention and capture my heart and convince me he is the one for me. Actually I think this is what INFps do [or is it INFJs?] and maybe because I am close on "E and I" it not only worked for me before, but I was sure this was the way things should always work in love. Just part of the rules of the game!

    However, when I married, I sure picked the wrong pursuer, and paid for that with many unhappy loveless years. And I did have my pick at the time, and many years later I realized that other guys I dated might have turned out as bad as well [at the end of my marriage, reflecting back on my past, I realized that I seem to be what I dub a "Narcissist Magnet"].

    So I was afraid of, and not trusting of whom I might allow in my life again. So, this time, I would wait till God brought someone to my doorstep and then the guy would have to really convince me He was God's will for me. So, I would play it safe by playing "harder to get". This was my plan! And the waiting part works for me, because I am in no hurry.

    Instead, I violate my own rule! It seems now I have thrown the "hard to get" game completely out the window. I have been way open, with many hints and even some almost blatant declarations of my feelings to my ISTp and he has has been -- a lot more reserved! [but he is very smart - not too reserved...].

    So at least emotionally, I seem to be pursuing! What the heck! This is not my plan! I just can't seem to help myself! However, because I am so stuck on this I have been looking for understanding by reading. And I read an article on the start-up of dual relations, and wow, what I naturally did is what I am "supposed" to do! Yes, in an ISTp/ENFp dual, the ENFp, with her intuitive-feeling strength coupled with the Extroversion, is "supposed" to initiate the emotional component...

    Oh, here is the article for anyone who hasn't read it, See, mid-page, "Dual' Zones of Responsibility": http://www.socionics.us/practice/duality.shtml

    3. I make rules! : If I fell in love with someone and planned to marry, I would ensure that I protected my chastity by laying down firm rules about things like never being alone with him unchaperoned, and firm rules about no touching so that I did not risk going down a path of no return...

    However, the rules thing - it has not seemed right. The need for a chaperone seems an unwieldy burden at this stage of life. The never-touching-till-married rule seems severe and I found myself hating imagining this. Maybe because I can express my emotions clearly through writing and word, and I know he is more sensory, and probably expresses better through touch, so its not really fair, then (to either of us), not letting him express himself in his own language, while I am free to express in mine. So we sort of visited this conversation, actually I initiated it, and shared that I have decided, I am going to put him in charge of the whole touch thing, and not worry or plan or make rules about it at all. After all, he has kept his chastity for many years as I have, and we share the same values, the same faith, so I can just trust him on this. Just as I practice letting go and trusting God with many things, I will trust him in this one,and make no rules.

    He agreed; "I also think it better not to have rules there, Eliza," he wrote me when I explained this , with his characteristic brevity that still addresses things perfectly. And then after this, then I came across the above-linked article on "Zones of Responsibility" - and found out that this is his zone. Wow. It seems like I have been following the "Duality Rulebook" all along before I even knew what "Duality" was...

    Curious though, what are the next steps? You mentioned writing daily back and forth? Are you two at a distance? You mentioned a fairly far drive, correct? Would you two date at a distance, then consider moving in together after a while?
    Thanks for asking since I really want to talk about this! Yes, we are writing daily. Me, at much more volume. He, just enough! Barely! Sometimes silences make me panic but if I complain he comes through for me. He will never be as wordy as me, especially about feelings.

    We have obstacles right now. Yes, distance, as he is in the next state, on the far side of mine, so its a drive and I don't do long drives much - its very rare for me - and neither does he right now. My teen son is involved in sports and I am constantly driving him places all over creation and I am caretaker of my Alzheimer's Mom and I work [an erratically varying schedule, can be full-time stretches then I can have longer breaks] and I drive her around and take care of everyone's needs and cook and clean -- you can imagine, its full life which is why I had no problem not-dating - just no time at this time anyway. And there is no uprooting anyone right now, especially my son.

    My ISTp also has family responsibilities right now, and that could change, but right now he has that plus somehow getting himself back on his feet financially after some recent devastation.

    However, my son is looking ahead now to college, still 2 and a half years away, and his no.1 choice is in my ISTp's state, and my ISTp's town is en route to it in fact. And, as when I was there in October, I have a long-time dear friend, a single Mom [INFJ!], whose teen boys are my son's age, whom I stayed with who lives on the edge of my state, and her home is just 60 lovely wind-y hilly miles from my ISTp/s town. And we have been visiting her and her boys annually most years anyway. And, my son visits his Dad, not too far from that part of the country, a lot in the summer...

    So there are many reasons to see my ISTp friend again anyway, and to spend a day would be so lovely, and share out love for hiking (in reality instead of virtually), maybe go to Mass together - the other love we share - and just be together for a whole day maybe. This could happen at least a couple times a year over these next couple years while we are both clearly tied up with our own family and other separate responsibilities.

    Just this week I have been wondering how I can possibly go on much longer without confirmation from him that he feels the same way. I mean, I am wiling to wait till he spends some time with me - which, the soonest I am thinking it might be is int he spring, for a good long day I hope, and if he did not show or hint, in any way, that day, or in writing following that day, that he feels the same things, it would certainly cool it for me. Because I want to live in reality, not fantasy!

    However, he very recently gave me a decent hint he sees things along the same lines, so i am good! And so happy.
    Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 12-13-2011 at 06:08 PM.

  8. #8

  9. #9
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Oh, gosh, NO - not there yet, NewBorn STAR! But yes, I get that this is the natural course for where thought goes next! But I am out of the loop for the whole sex thing which is appropriate for my state in life, and only with the grace of God do I stay that way.

    I am normal! So yes my thoughts do go that way, and I ask God for help with them, and He pours down miraculous supernatural graces to help me with that as soon as I ask. Any control I get over my thoughts is from God, not me!

    And if I were to imagine how things should go next, I think I would ruin the moment for when the moment will happen someday, God willing - such an unfair burden to put on my intended.

    I believe God is the Author and Creator of that magnificent gift of sexual intimacy, and as He is Omniscient and All-Loving, He wants the very, very best for us, so, to allow the very best to naturally unfold for us, as He the Creator of it intended, we have just a few rules to get us there... And I do believe in "God's Rules" - benevolently and lovingly made by the God who wants only our best, and entrusted to and taught by His Church. Yes, I am a firm believer in this, as is my ISTp, who has practiced his own long road of chastity because of his faith. For me, this belief was very much tested in a difficult and loveless marraige and then when my self-esteem suffered loss when I was divorced.


    I have long learned, or I should say God showed me when I asked Him how, that in order to remain chaste I must keep my thoughts chaste. And to control such thought, when you feel passion, is like trying to stop a train - it takes a miracle to stop a train, it is impossible on your own, and God grants that miracle whenever we ask.

    So, one thing at a time, I won't jump ahead. [This Jazz player, I will only assume he is a soul following his own conscience and is appropriate to his state in life..].


    Here is one more my speed:

    Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 12-13-2011 at 06:51 PM.

  10. #10
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Huge walls of text
    Are you very talkative IRL?
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  11. #11
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    LOL. Not particularly! Like many other IEE's I tend to be more quiet in a crowd or group. Yeah, writing is my way of organizing my thoughts and getting them out. So yes, huge walls of text if I have been holding a lot in! Yeah, I know you SLI's don't like that. I keep asking mine if its too much! Almost always not! Unless its a topic he doesn't like.

  12. #12
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Opposites attract. It's just a lot easier (for me) to listen than read.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  13. #13
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    IDK
    Posts
    6,470
    Mentioned
    169 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Hi new Socionic virtual friends! I hope you can give me insight. I really want insight. I think I met my dual. Its kind of shook up my whole life and my plans for the future.

    I am going to save myself some typing and for the first sharing of this story I will share what I shared on an MBTI forum recently. On that forum, it was not favorable to talk about Duality, since it is Socionics, and some there are offended with Duality talk; it gets some people's hackles up. But I have Duality on my mind! So I am here, and telling it here, and hopefully I will get some understanding and insight from those of you that have it on your minds!

    Maybe I will make this into two posts as I originally wrote it.

    The first, below, was my response to people discussing physical characteristics of ISTPs [it has been so helpful to learn what ISTPs are like from ISTPs there!]. Here it is:

    ********************

    I just have to tell you what that gesture makes me think of. Something I savor.

    This hands-on-face gesture was my ISTP's reaction when I showed up at his door unexpectedly. I thought he knew I was coming. He lives in another state, next to the far side of mine, and I was going through it, first time ever, and my mapped route had the option of going through his town, so it was an impulsive [inspired?] choice to fit in a quick meeting with my dear old friend, in my very full long weekend in this part of the country I had never been to. So I dashed off a quick email hello and told him before I left town. But he had not gotten it, having changed his email address, and was not expecting me, so I was surprised by his surprise.

    ...
    I will always love that hands-on-face gesture.
    What exactly is this hands-on-face gesture you're referring to? What I imagine you are referring to is something i have a hard time seeing an SLI do (other than as mockery or posing for a photo or something) as that seems more of an Fe sort of expression (and SLIs are Fe-POLR). But what i have in mind could be different from what you are referring to. Can you post a pic of what you mean? Or describe it?

    Maybe your guy is SEI (with Fe-creative), not SLI.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  14. #14
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    IDK
    Posts
    6,470
    Mentioned
    169 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    LOL. Not particularly! Like many other IEE's I tend to be more quiet in a crowd or group. Yeah, writing is my way of organizing my thoughts and getting them out. So yes, huge walls of text if I have been holding a lot in! Yeah, I know you SLI's don't like that. I keep asking mine if its too much! Almost always not! Unless its a topic he doesn't like.
    I'm definitely with you there. I love writing.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  15. #15
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    IDK
    Posts
    6,470
    Mentioned
    169 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Opposites attract. It's just a lot easier (for me) to listen than read.
    Oh really?? why is that? body language?
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  16. #16
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Someone said it was a facepalm. He also put his hand to his face sometimes when he was trying to think. But was a "I can't believe its happening", almost to shroud himself for privacy while he took it in. He had me looking at him, his daughter who came to the door wanting to know what was going on, and i think he just wanted some privacy to react!

    Absolutely no way is he SEI - clearly he is "thinking" type and the physical description, character description, of SEI ISTp no match at all, not even close.

  17. #17
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    IDK
    Posts
    6,470
    Mentioned
    169 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Someone said it was a facepalm. He also put his hand to his face sometimes when he was trying to think. But was a "I can't believe its happening", almost to shroud himself for privacy while he took it in. He had me looking at him, his daughter who came to the door wanting to know what was going on, and i think he just wanted some privacy to react!

    Absolutely no way is he SEI - clearly he is "thinking" type and the physical description, character description, of SEI ISTp no match at all, not even close.
    OH... a facepalm is more consistent with SLI, true. I was envisioning the Home Alone thing of both hands to the cheeks, showing surprise.

    Be careful though, your discussions of type still smack a lot of MBTI-esque analysis (e.g. "he's a thinker not a feeler" etc).
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  18. #18
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    OH... a facepalm is more consistent with SLI, true. I was envisioning the Home Alone thing of both hands to the cheeks, showing surprise.

    Be careful though, your discussions of type still smack a lot of MBTI-esque analysis (e.g. "he's a thinker not a feeler" etc).
    Hmm, interesting, but I am not as schooled on the differences as you are. Though I got some help in my intro post. Still learning! He is just way stronger on Thinking function that feeling, and with me its the opposite.... And, I love the difference!

    Of the subtypes, from what I read, he is more sensory I think.

  19. #19
    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    On a chatbox diet
    TIM
    IDK
    Posts
    6,470
    Mentioned
    169 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Hmm, interesting, but I am not as schooled on the differences as you are. Though I got some help in my intro post. Still learning! He is just way stronger on Thinking function that feeling, and with me its the opposite.... And, I love the difference!

    Of the subtypes, from what I read, he is more sensory I think
    .
    See, that's what i mean by an MBTI-esque approach. You're talking in MBTI terms there, not socionic.

    Oh and dont get me wrong, i didn't mean to suggest that any particular gesture is a "hallmark" of an SLI. In fact, typing anyone by such isolated things is wrong. The home alone gesture though, in response to your sudden appearance did reek of Fe to me though, that was all i was saying. Any type can face palm or touch their faces or what have you.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

  20. #20
    Fuck-up NewBorn STAR's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    TIM
    me>> Augusta whore
    Posts
    998
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Oh, gosh, NO - not there yet, NewBorn STAR! But yes, I get that this is the natural course for where thought goes next! But I am out of the loop for the whole sex thing which is appropriate for my state in life, and only with the grace of God do I stay that way.

    I am normal! So yes my thoughts do go that way, and I ask God for help with them, and He pours down miraculous supernatural graces to help me with that as soon as I ask. Any control I get over my thoughts is from God, not me!

    And if I were to imagine how things should go next, I think I would ruin the moment for when the moment will happen someday, God willing - such an unfair burden to put on my intended.

    I believe God is the Author and Creator of that magnificent gift of sexual intimacy, and as He is Omniscient and All-Loving, He wants the very, very best for us, so, to allow the very best to naturally unfold for us, as He the Creator of it intended, we have just a few rules to get us there... And I do believe in "God's Rules" - benevolently and lovingly made by the God who wants only our best, and entrusted to and taught by His Church. Yes, I am a firm believer in this, as is my ISTp, who has practiced his own long road of chastity because of his faith. For me, this belief was very much tested in a difficult and loveless marraige and then when my self-esteem suffered loss when I was divorced.


    I have long learned, or I should say God showed me when I asked Him how, that in order to remain chaste I must keep my thoughts chaste. And to control such thought, when you feel passion, is like trying to stop a train - it takes a miracle to stop a train, it is impossible on your own, and God grants that miracle whenever we ask.

    So, one thing at a time, I won't jump ahead. [This Jazz player, I will only assume he is a soul following his own conscience and is appropriate to his state in life..].


    Here is one more my speed:

    Ok you are awesome after all.

    Also thank you for randomly¨thinking about¨sex when answering to me

  21. #21
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    You are welcome.

  22. #22
    Your DNA is mine. Mediator Kam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Wisconsin
    TIM
    SEI
    Posts
    4,481
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I love how romantic this whole story is.

    I also value the respect and "chaste-ness" of your guy's interactions. It reminds me of Victorian times
    D-SEI 9w1

    This is me and my dual being scientific together

  23. #23
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mediator Kam View Post
    I love how romantic this whole story is.

    I also value the respect and "chaste-ness" of your guy's interactions. It reminds me of Victorian times
    Thank you! It is special. Worth changing for, worth shedding my useless values and pre-conditions for falling in love. And discovering the whole duality idea - it gave a much-needed explanation for this incredible pull, but, to think that this very, very easy relationship could be ours [once we navigate some difficulties to get there] makes me feel hugely and undeservingly graced. But I guess that's why they are called graces - they aren't deserved. I give to God what I can, but He gives so much, much more back! You can't out-give God.

    Yes, his respect and chasteness - it is better than gold! So yes, we have some "gold"-related difficulties, financially it won't be so easy, but with two working at it - and, harmoniously, as duality "promises" - we can set things aright together. That material good pales in comparison to his many years of faithful discipline, and also shared faith, worth so much. To trust someone - that is worth more than gold.

    Thanks for your thoughts.

  24. #24
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Beyond the blue horizon
    TIM
    SLI
    Posts
    13,088
    Mentioned
    164 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Oh really?? why is that? body language?
    Less effort required on my part.

    Plus more/better interaction.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  25. #25

    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    USA
    TIM
    LII
    Posts
    20
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Eliza,

    Glad the old is now a distant shadow and new sun rays are shining on you! Take your time learning more about each other and your respective families. A relationship really is more than just the two people involved and you are wise to think about the impact and change it will have on your son and his daughter. Keep praying, alone and together over the phone when you can’t see each other! You will find the answers to when to do what in your hearts and minds.

  26. #26
    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    eastern U.S.
    TIM
    ENFp, IEE
    Posts
    2,520
    Mentioned
    233 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Thanks for kind thoughts, Orion. Yes we have some bridges to cross, and our responsibilities. Which won't last forever... And so we have time to get to know each other. And we like each other. I'm so glad.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •