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Thread: The 16 Types Adventures, Volume II

  1. #1

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    Default The 16 Types Adventures, Volume II

    Last edited by Bullets; 11-15-2011 at 09:10 AM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  2. #2

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    (This story takes place about 3 months after the last volume ended.)

    Chapter 1: A 16types wedding.

    Dolphin brushed her hair many times while staring at herself in the mirror, thinking deeply. Nanashi, wearing a lovely tiger-stripped (with black and golden stripes) gown saw Dolphin through the crack of the door. She walked in and with a giggly tone said "I can't believe my girl is getting married!" she cried.

    Instead of appearing excited, Dolphin looked solemn. Nanashi noticed that Mew's symmetry had been playing faintly on repeat on Dolphin's computer for the longest time.

    "Okay girl, what's up?" she said. She got a camel colored wooden chair from the left side of the room and Nanashi sat down on it backwards, in that cool big sister way.

    Dolphin blinked twice at the mirror and turned around. "You know what we had to do, for this love...." Dolphin said.

    Nanashi nodded. "Sam had to give up his homosexuality, which was the source of superpowers which was-"

    "-The source of all our superpowers" Dolphin said. "The 16types adventures magic. It's gone."

    "But you can have a normal life!" Nanashi said. "You're gonna get married to Sam. Have a kid, and a house in the suburbs."

    Dolphin frowned. "Something about this isn't right. And we both know, nothing about that man is 'normal'" she said. When Dolphin put down her yellow hairbrush on her desk, one could see a picture of a black anime cat on the handle.

    "Love is sacrifice" Nanashi said. "Sam loves you so much, more than silly superpowers, even more than his homosexuality - which, charming as it was - was part of his own selfishness. All our powers....based on our own narcissism. But now that's all gone and we're just....we're just people, Dolphin. The way it should be."

    "But it was the best thing we had to fight all the evil in the world, and now-"

    "Fighting evil" Nanashi laughed at that. "Look at yourself. You're just a gir- no. A young woman. One hell of a young woman. Who deserves nothing but happiness for herself. Not fighting evil or being in danger or-"

    "Part of me liked the danger" Dolphin interrupted. "The fighting. They all think I don't like it just because I can be sweet and kind but they....they're wrong. OH why can't we just have it both ways" Dolphin cried.

    Nanashi, with great INTp empathy in her eyes, held her dear friend's hands into her own and gently bobbed up and down. "It just doesn't work that way. It's love or power. And Sam chose love!"

    Dolphin sighed. "I g-guess you're right. I feel you know, the upside to Sam's choice is I feel like things are finally flowing again. Me just being normal, I feel my humanity again, my mortality. I feel... just like you said. Like I'm meant to take Sam's name, bear his children... and then die. And then peacefully return up in heaven, with Jesus Christ."

    Nanashi smiled and nodded in a happy way, tears swelling up her eyes. "Yeah" she said softly at first. "Yeah." Then "Yeah!"

    But it wasn't gay. It wasn't feminist-y or woman power-ish. Dolphin felt more alive, yet ironically felt there was more to life than just feeling really alive! She looked in the mirror. No, this was for the best.

    Wasn't it?
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  3. #3

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    Chapter 2: Mune-to-Man

    Wyandotte, Michigan: Sam was in his own house, in his own bedroom. Writing stories, the way he usually does. Ink smeared the pages and Sam sighed in frustration. Crumbled up notes could be seen all over the house.

    Sam was conflicted about the choice he had made during the time between the last Adventures book, and now. It was a long grueling quest to do what he did, but he tried convincing himself that he made the best choice.

    It's a long story, and one could write an entire book itself on all the interesting events that led Sam up that long trek up the gray mountain. But here's the short version.

    At the top of the mountain, in a small cave, Sam met with a flying yellow demon. The demon told Sam that the nature of his over-ambivalence would inevitably make him be one of the ones that actually helps destroy the world. Things had to change and move. He was destined to be the a great hero, or a great villain, but to be the hero he had to man up already and make a choice.

    These were his options:

    It was either, long and hard constant fighting. Forever. What does that sound like. Just like hell, you know. The price of immortality was that they would always be targeted by demons who wanted their powers - but yeah, every adventurer would have been immortal like he, Galen, Sean and Eldanen were. That was the only way he could make his friends not hate him in the long run. They'd all be immortal eventually, fighting evil with their magical powers. Forever. It was their inevitable destiny, had Sam chose to keep magic in the world.

    Sam fantasized and saw himself there again, looking at the small yellow demon with the veiny wings and red glowy eyes. The demon carried a sharp black spear in his right hand.

    Or there was another choice. All adventurers could become normal, regular humans, the ones that magical heroes protected instead of the ones do the fighting themselves, and they could all live a normal spiritual life. Where they would be more or less happy, live in the moment, and exist in the stream of soulful heterosexuality instead of the out-in-the-clouds homosexuality. And they'd live fully and die, and be returned to the one-ness that is heaven.

    Sam cared about Dolphin too much to see her live an epic yet lonely life, where she always had to give up her own love to help others. Because that's what people with powers do, or they become just as evil as the demons they fight. They have to live a life of eternal service to the greater good.

    Warriors, homosexuals and otherwise weird, freaky people found that lifestyle invigorating and interesting.

    But deep down, all Sam ever wanted was just pure perfect love. And as long as he was a magical creature, a gay rainbow shaman .... then he couldn't have what he truly wanted: Love. A normal, loving relationship just like everybody else. And he knew that Dolphin wanted the same--

    Sam's introverted strife was suddenly broken up by a good-looking middle-class boy barging into his house.

    Mune came into Sam's room and smiled at him. He was wearing a light blue sweater that radiated an aura of 'hey I'm a good guy. You can trust me.' And it was true.

    Mune cautiously yet affectionately kept inching his way closer to Sam. Sam stood up out of his chair and looked at Mune in the eyes. And...the two young men hugged each other. Sam kept thinking into the distance while hugging Mune.

    Sam, like Dolphin, couldn't help but be sad at what was lost. But see, here's the thing. The only reason why they both still remembered their old lives, was the spell wasn't completely finished yet.

    Their powers weren't quite drained yet, but tomorrow, at 2 pm, this special wedding would seal the deal forever. No more power, no more gayness or magic or going backwards in time and making it stop - instead they would just go with life's flow and be normal and think the things normal people thought and lived the way normal people did. There would still be magic, of course, but instead of holding onto it, they would let it pass through them so it would die.

    There was still a chance, a small window of opportunity for Sam to change his mind and-

    No. He already made the decision. He already did so much work and practice, and many months meditating to get his brain better accumulated in the real world of straight man logic. He even got a real job, working at the local dollar store, to support the small life that he would have with Dolphin.

    It wasn't much, but it was real- and it was love. Instead of the should and the could, and the ideal, like he was before.

    Sam was a real man now. He was straight.

    But Sam couldn't help but feel a little tingle in his crotch when Mune hugged him for a lot longer than was expected.

    "Um, Mune...." Sam said.

    "Oh, right sorry. Uh. are you okay?" Mune backed away a little but his face was still compassionate.

    Sam remained silent.

    "What's up bro" Mune said in a straight guy frat boy way. "I'm here for you little fella. I mean that!"

    "I just.... did I do the right thing?" Sam asked Mune.

    "You were the one that unlocked our powers, sure." Mune remembered that Sam had told him he needed to be more real with others and not always be so nice. "But when you did it was like... you sorta got withdrawn into yourself, in a bad way and I don't mean to judge Sambo, but it's like we didn't really have our own choices anymore, after awhile. Like we always had to team up with you and agree with you to defeat the Ideas and-" Mune stopped himself when he saw that Sam was already effectively chastised.

    Sam shrugged. "I was an annoying ******. I'll take that. But now I'm... I'm straight, and I'm getting married." There was no staying in ambivalence land. Sam's magic was too rawly powerful, and the rest of the world would suffer if he remained indifferent. Both because of Sam's raw power and because magic is innately based on the wholeness of The All (tm).

    "To the girl you've always loved" Mune said, trying to cheer Sam up.

    "Yeah.. let's do this" Sam said in a heterosexual way.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  4. #4

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    Chapter 3 - Preparation Problems

    Many magical beings from across many lands scurried around the Celestial Chapel, for this was the day that who they were would be no more. They all would be turned into some type of human of some sort. Everybody looked so pretty, so perfect, so ribbon-y, so hollywood-y, Everybody on the forum (that includes you too!) was here, as well as the classic legendary creatures. The extroverts yapped it up with one other while the introverts listened patiently from the sidelines, hoping that somebody would just love and understand them for who they Really Were Deep Down Inside.

    Elves, gnomes, fairy princesses, ogres, dwarves, what have you. This was the day none of those creatures would exist as you know them.

    "I wonder if I'll be fat when I'm human?" An insecure teenage female elf said while twirling a few locks of her curly blonde hair. She leaned on a pillar made from the richest diamonds.

    Tap Tap Tap. "This is classic self-hatred! Tap Tap Tap. Discrimination to his own kind!" Tap Tap Tap. Larry Kramer could be seen ranting to everybody in sight in his signature white and purple t-shirt. He waved gay-rights banners and activist signs in everypony's (Heh. Had to say that at least once. Because yes, the cast from Lauren Fausts' My Little Pony: FIM is here too!) faces. He would not go unheard.

    "How can we hate or abuse something that doesn't even exist anymore?" Director Abbie said in that calm, Delta-y way. "Sam isn't gay anymore. And after this wedding, neither will you be."

    "FUCK YOU HETEROSEXIST. YOU SAY THAT AS IF IT'S A GOOD THING!" Larry Kramer was about to go medieval on Abbie's ass, when a Cyclops intervened and picked Larry up by his grapefruit-shaped head. The Cyclops, who was about nine foot all, easily threw Larry across the chapel. Larry Kramer then just huffed, and went back to gawking at pretty men in black suits from his wallflower, cameo-esque vantage point.

    April cleared her throat and tapped the edge of her wine class with a salad fork to get everybody's attention. "I'm sure when the containing ritual has finally finished, you all will not be annihilated but instead be returned to your pure forms in nature. Gay men as I don't know.... rainbows and pretty pure clouds that you see up in the sky? Dwarves will be human but um little people on sitcoms that make us laugh... and here's to all elves turning into somebody that's hot as Orlando Bloom, who as most of us know, played Legolas in Lord of the Rings!" April raised her wine class and gestured to everybody in the chapel.

    Larry decided to get some payback on the Cylops, and started a scuffle with him. A few others took sides and joined in. Rogue class Nick/strrrng watched coldly from the distance while sitting on a chair. He was unsure of who to stab in the back with his daggers because on one hand he loved being politically incorrect and stabbing gay & women rights' in the face, on the other he still had a soft spot to stick up for the underdog despite his mild sociopathy. He decided to just yawn and fall asleep on Gilly's shoulder instead. (aww) Weddings weren't really a rogue's thing, but where there was people, there were people to get under their skin.


    Dolphin witnessed all this commotion from her bedroom by staring in a small pink magical ball. "Why can't I just have a normal wed-" she stopped herself, realizing that this whole shindig was so they could finally all just be normal.

    Her best bridesmaids, Nanashi and Vero, were tending to her dress, making sure it looked and fit just right. Nanashi was still wearing her tiger-striped gown and Vero was wearing a fitting black dress that really brought out the natural electricity in her eyes. This was the day magic was going to become completely contained again, and so they afforded themselves to be very meticulous and fussy. Because magic was pure and raw and gay and crude and reality was complex and detailed and nuanced and straight.

    "You don't have to watch that you know, but looks like your womanly curiosity is getting the better of you" Vero teased.

    "I just... I always rely on Sam to give me inner wisdom and guidance and so he crafted that ball for me, as a gift... a few months ago. And I can't help but think, after this ritual is over with, will Sam still be insightful and intuitive? Will he still remember to buy me presents or will he be kinda doofus-y like a straight guy and just sit on the sofa all day and drink beer and speak in incomplete sentences?"

    "Magic always has to at least be a potentiality or not even reality can exist" Vero said. "We learned that lesson from when the Idea of Homophobia tried to wipe out the entire world, remember?"

    Nanashi nodded. "We always had our powers, because they always made sense based on our natural organic personalities. Sam just unlocked them, and now well he's well...just locking them away again."

    "For the greater stupid good" Dolphin said under her breath, feeling the urge to suddenly feel ALIVE and throw a demon across the room with her Water Jet power.

    "Not just for that" Vero said with a school teacher smile. "So you two can have a safer life without demons attacking you. So we all can. As cool as our powers were, everything has to be in a balance. With our powers being activated, that naturally causes demons to attack us."

    "I know that already it's just-" Dolphin sighed and blew some hair out of her face. "Okay, so this wedding takes place in a magical cathedral up in the sky. With no more powers how the hell are we supposed to get there?"

    Vero affectionately put her hand on Dolphin's shoulder. "Teleportation. One last time. Our powers aren't really fully sealed yet until the ritual today, so I can use them. One last time."

    Dolphin got excited and without a pause, flicked her hands and set her bed on fire with her fire powers. "Why didn't anybody tell me?"

    Nanashi put out the fire with another blanket. "Probably because you would do that?"

    Suddenly a generic demon materialized in the room. He looked bad-ass but also smelly and homeless and sociopathic. "I want your powers, witch" he hissed like a demon from a Charmed episode.

    "And probably because it would summon that?" Vero added. She shot out a lightning bolt spell at the demon and it fell backwards. "Not a witch, you bitch!" Vero said. Nanashi kicked the dude in the face when it was down.

    Dolphin, not being intimidated, flicked her hands and set a flame spell inside the demon. It exploded and died. Dolphin looked down at the black scuff mark the demon made.

    "I don't care. You take the good and bad with the powers and..... there you have....the facts of life , or something." Dolphin sighed in frustration, as she realized that just like Sam she had a tendency to put a pretty bow on things too much. "Weddings are stressful no matter what, you know, with or without demon attacks and no matter your personality flaws and strengths."

    "But Dolphin, do you really want that sort of thing to be happening, nonstop. Even while you try to sleep? While you're trying to I don't know... do something simple like make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" Nanashi smiled at Dolphin cutely, softening up to be more mouse-like. Nanashi was cute when she was like a mouse. And so okay, she was cute even when she was being a bitch. <3 Nanashi.

    "I guess I don't care. I feel like with Sam's love I can do anything, but ironically with Sam's love- it means I would have to be giving that part of me up. I - I don't know." Dolphin wiped some tears from her face. "Let's just go to the wedding , okay?" She was feeling such a conflicting mix of emotions right now and she just wanted to burst out and yell at everybody and then be coddled and fucked hard by a real man.

    Dolphin stood on the left side of Vero and Nanashi on the right, and the three incredibly powerful women zapped up to the sky.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  5. #5

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    Chapter 4: 11-11-11. AKA The Special Day of the Containing Ritual.

    Woofwoofl was playing the traditional 'Here comes the bride' theme on the piano. He was wearing a snazzy yellow and gray jacket. All audience members oohed and ahhed as they watched Dolphin make her way across the aisle. She was wearing a lovely puffy white wedding dress with fabulously intricate ruffles. With a light blue corsage. She wasn't wearing a veil or anything though. She smiled beautifully and emphatically at everybody. She waved her hands like a sailor moon princess. Okay, this was really sweet she thought.

    She walked up to Sam and smiled. Sam was wearing a black suit and looked adorable and introverted and dashingly handsome. Nicole was there in a female druid outfit, and with her druidic powers she would use her abilities to wed Sam and Dolphin. "Do you, fag- I mean, sham- I mean Sam. Do you, Sam. Pure loveable human straight sam from the core mother breeding st8 people earth and not the find your own way narcissistic gay magic Sa-"

    "We get it Nicole!" Sam said. "And yes, I-"

    Suddenly, hkkmr walked in from a back room of the chapel, followed by three bodyguards. Must be adventurers that Sam has never meant before, or something.... Sam thought. "Aren't you forgetting something?" hkkmr said to Sam.

    "Uh..... no?" Sam was genuinely confused. Even though this was a Big Special Event and everything, Men like to keep things simple! Took a leak, yes. Ate a little something, check. Had afternoon nap? Well, hkkmr surely wasn't going to ask him to sleep now. Masturbate? Not yet, but well he was gonna at least try to be intimate with Dolphin for their honeymoon. Sam pushed himself out of being less introverted, and saw that in external physical reality, hkkmr brought in a moveable tray with what was obviously a person tied under a white cloth.

    "In order for the Containing Ritual to truly be complete...." Hkkmr removed the white cloth that lay over the body that he and the other men rolled in. In there, one could see Reuben being tied up with hkkmr standing before him holding something in his hands.

    Hkkmr lifted his right arm to show himself wielding a butcher axe, and he looked down at Reuben's chicken-like neck. Reuben was tied up on the tray with strong ropes. Reuben tried to struggle and wiggle free but he just couldn't. "MMngngm. MMmhsd." Reuben's mouth was duct-taped shut.

    "....You have to spill the blood of an adventurer" hkkmr said coldly.

    The audience gasped, and a few people started screaming and running out of the chapel. Some people tried to call for help. Hkkmr just coolly smiled at that. "We're in a fantasy Chapel up in Magic Land. Cell phones. Do not work here."

    No. This wasn't right. Hkkmr was going to decapitate Reuben in order to lock all our powers? "There has to be another way!" Sam looked at Dolphin. Then back at hkkmr. "I thought we just had to get married, a-and that would do it!" As much as Sam hated Reuben's trolling, he didn't want him to die.

    "Your gay love blossoms and explodes and expands, this...this is what ties it down. Ties your magical nature down to the natural harmonic rhythms of earth" Hkkmr said. "Murder. Sociopathy. The balance to your big faggy heart. There is no other way."

    Okay big faggy heart. That was funny. But this? This, this was stupid. "Nobody's gonna get killed!" Sam held out his hands and materialized his Shaman staff to come to him.

    "You're not supposed to use -" Abbie said, but Sam froze her in place with a stop spell. ENTj and ESTj are good with hastening-based powers, but INFp and ISFps are good with Stop spells and Crowd Control magic.

    "You musn't even think of challenging me in a battle" Hkkmr said coldly. "For months while you were busy walking up a bleedin' mountain, I was fighting viscious lvl 90 Crystal Beasts that made me into the strongest adventurer ever!" hkkmr said.

    "I'm not going to fight you..." Sam said.

    "We're not?" Hitta said, dissapointed.

    Sam looked up to the stage where hkkmr was at. "I'm going to merge you."

    "Merge?" hkkmr was confused.

    Hitta, being a good-natured but like-to-get-under-women's skin Louisania maverick man, had enough - and just wanted to fight already. So he tried to send a powerful psychotic blast at hkkmr, but the asian saw this coming and turned all of hitta's magical power into a pocket of air in his hand. Hkkmr then condescendingly took the power in his palms and blew it outward towards hitta, knocking the southener back into a pillar. He slipped out of consciousness.

    Sam concentrated and sighed deeply. "You will not kill Reuben if you see him as you see yourself, if no- he IS you as every bit as you are him......" Sam waved his staff in a 360 motion and right as hkkmr swung down his hands to cut off Reuben's head, hkkmr simply cut the silver tray Reuben was lying on instead. Claaaaang. The failure of defeat reverberated back up through hkkmr's arms.

    "What the-" Gulanzon scratched his head. Had Samerang teleported Reuben to safety? Pulled some sort of houdini?

    No. Hkkmr gulped because he felt it. This literally was like ****** empathy on steroids. Him and Reuben's own identity had become one.

    That's right. Reuben was inside hkkmr's body.

    "Reuben doesn't get his own body back until he learns how to not troll people" Sam said.

    Hkkmr stepped back a little, confused. A voice in hkkmr's head told him to grab April's tits and then slap them up against her face, but he soon realized that was the Reuben inside of him talking and he could control it. Hkkmr was a naturally stronger adventurer than Reuben, what, being the moderator of the place and all.

    "Yay you saved the day, I guess, but I still want me a demon to fight!" Dolphin said.

    Suddenly, a black cloud of smoke appeared from the ceiling and the same yellow demon that Sam saw up on the gray mountain showed itself to all the adventurers.

    "You broke the agreement! You cannot do this. The choice was you either make all adventurers immortal or you contain your powers with the death of one of your own! You chose the latter. An adventurer must kill another adventurer to seal the deal!" the demon hissed.

    "Yeah....I break a lot of rules and agreements I guess" Sam said in a matter of fact way. "And you said nothing about having to kill an adventurer to me when I first talked to you, but then again, I should have known better than to trust a demon."

    "That's right, you should" the demon laughed at Sam. "But still, you cannot remain ambivalent in life!"

    "Whose being ambivalent? I'm just realizing more and more who I am now. A healer. A shaman. A merger. An inspirer, an unlocker. A walker between worlds." Sam shrugged. "I want my life to have magic. For no other reason then I think it's cool!" Sam looked at Dolphin, and then Mune and Vero and Eldanen and all the rest of the others. "And I want it for my internet family, and I know they want it as well!"

    "THE WORLD WILL PERISH IF YOU GO ON THIS PATH" the yellow demon said.

    "Who cares. Maybe in a way our world is always perishing and being reborn in new ways, constantly, at different intervals. I think that's the way things really are. And even if it's not? Who says that the end of the world is always this horrible thing. You know, maybe the world has to end in order for a new one to be born. By a pure Idea, a pure spark."

    Sam continued to speechify, stepping up to the place. He rolled his shoulders back as he gained more confidence.

    "Magic isn't real, no, but magic is the reason everything else exists. Since magic is more important than reality, why the hell is everybody around me trying to make me feel guilty for using so much of it? Gay men aren't as common as straight men but we're rare and magical and beautiful and powerful and I think-" Sam flicked his hands and tried to blow up the yellow demon, but he just knocked him down instead-

    "I think you don't want to fuck with us."

    Dolphin, Vero, Nanashi, Mune, Maritsa, Nicole, and all the nice people on the board cheered excitedly. Nick just yawned again, but that was a huge step up for him because at least he didn't start punching Uniden in the throat or anything.


    "I know. Believe me, I know Sam whispered to himself. "Nobody understands you or gets you. You become emo and alone and cut off in the worst of ways. Magic is everything but if you try to become everything you become nothing. To your friends, your family. I get that. That's why, this time around, when I unlock our powers Ima be a little gentler. While still remaining connected to the earth" Sam held Dolphin's right hand, for she was the feminine earth-mother balance to his loveable-yet-insane male ego plans.


    "God he's annoying. Can't we kill him already?" Dolphin asked.

    Sam nodded. Sam hurled his staff like it was a javelin at the demon's chest and he growled and exploded. "IDIOTS. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DID YOU JUST .... UNLEASHED ..... HORRIBLE DARKNESS."

    Suddenly a bunch of smaller yellow demons appeared in the chapel and started getting in a brawl with every 16types adventurer. Sam levitated in the air and watched this chaos from afar. He had a lot of inspiring and healing and power-giving to do here.

    But this time, he would do things a little differently.

    Hitta woke up from being unconscious. Poli and Rat made sure he was okay. "mmmm...victoria secret models.... playing ring around the rosie in a garden of perfect heterosexuality" our loveable hitta said. "Quite some fantasy you had there while you were knocked out" Poli said.

    The stop spell wore off on Director Abbie. She forgot what she was angry about, and just wanted to sew some sweaters and take care of some toddlers.
    Last edited by Bullets; 11-11-2011 at 11:39 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  6. #6

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    (shitcock. double post mistake)
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  7. #7


    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    He was unsure of who to stab in the back with his daggers because on one hand he loved being politically incorrect and stabbing gay & women rights' in the face, on the other he still had a soft spot to stick up for the underdog despite his mild sociopathy. He decided to just yawn and fall asleep on Gilly's shoulder instead. (aww)
    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Woofwoofl was playing the traditional 'Here comes the bride' theme on the piano.
    Nicole was there in a female druid outfit, and with her druidic powers she would use her abilities to wed Sam and Dolphin. "Do you, fag- I mean, sham- I mean Sam. Do you, Sam. Pure loveable human straight sam from the core mother breeding st8 people earth and not the find your own way narcissistic gay magic Sa-"
    Hkkmr lifted his right arm to show himself wielding a butcher axe, and he looked down at Reuben's chicken-like neck.
    "I'm not going to fight you..." Sam said.

    "We're not?" Hitta said, dissapointed.
    Hitta woke up from being unconscious. Poli and Rat made sure he was okay. "mmmm...victoria secret models.... playing ring around the rosie in a garden of perfect heterosexuality" our loveable hitta said.
    The stop spell wore off on Director Abbie. She forgot what she was angry about, and just wanted to sew some sweaters and take care of some toddlers.

  8. #8

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    Chapter 5: Powers, Powers, Powers

    "This time everybody gets only three active superpowers. Any others that develop will be really natural and realistic and subtle!" Sam said while holding his Shaman staff firmly in both hands.

    Sam started with Vero. "Vero.... you get the powers of Electricity, Telekinesis & Teleportation" he said.

    "Isn't that everything I had before?" Vero asked.

    "Yes, but if you learn anything else it won't be for a long time and will have a lot of natural tempo to it" Sam said. "Same goes for all of us."

    Sam turned his direction in the face of an intimidating straight man wearing a brown wedding suit with his hands in the pockets' of his gray slacks. " get the powers of Super Strength, Debuffing & Super Speed, since speed based powers are based on Te."

    Ashton just gruffed. Not one to be directly compassionate to others, he settled for ignoring the guy for now.

    Sam looked at Nick, who as always, was just being an introvert looking for the best way to chomp into people. Nick was wearing a puffy black and red gangsta thug jacket. To a wedding. A damn wedding. Oh, Nick. Sam sighed. "You're a Rogue. You get Stealth, Super-Strength and a Teleport that can only be used on yourself. Because of this, it has a shorter cooldown than Vero's."

    "What's a 'cooldown?'" Slacker Mom asked, not being familiar with geeky roleplaying lingo. Poli explained what it meant to her.

    " get the powers of water, you can also reflect magic back at the attacker with Empathetic Reflection. Finally, you also have the power of fire."

    "Thanks, Sam!" Dolphin said. She smiled as she let two demons on fire. A demon tried to shoot a yucky poisonous bolt at her, but she held out her hand and the projectile changed its path of trajectory, and zoomed right at the demon instead. It exploded into yucky vomity bits.

    Sam walked up to every adventurer in the wedding chapel, reading off everybody's active powers.

    (I'll create a post at a later date describing everybody's powers. Along with profile pictures! If you want certain sets of powers, send me a PM.)

    Sam pointed to himself. "And I have the powers of healing (includes Sam's merging power), levitation and.....a-and...."

    "Spit it out!" Vero said.

    Sam shot a stream of water out of his left palm, playfully hitting Dolphin in the chest with it. "Empathy. Really fucking good empathy. Where I can absorb other adventurers' powers and use them as my own, but they are never as strong as the original caster" Sam said. "Empathy is watery. It dilutes and fades from the natural source."

    "Makes sense that you can do a little bit of what we all can do Sambo, you were the one that started at all" Mune said. Mune himself had the power of materialization (can create objects instantly just by thinking about them!), Buffing and Earth Magick.

    "And ooh, plus, he has that thing with his eye how it's all rainbow colored in real life!" Uniden said. Uniden had the ability to create a Clone of himself as a 'Victim' to distract demons, the ability to Misdirect Hate back on a Tanking Class, and 'Poet Power'; which had the power to turn somebody's powers into their purely opposite form (for example he could turn Vero's Electricity into Ground-type magic!)

    "The rainbow diversity of gay shaman magic...." Gulanzon added. Gulanzon had the ability to bind things in places with viney roots, the ability to change into various animal forms, and the ability to cast a healing over time spell that energized up to 7 adventurers at once. It also gave them mana back too!

    "So I guess the three powers-only-rule doesn't apply to you?" Dolphin commented with arched eyebrows.

    "Just another way of magic bending the rules" Sam said with a snarky gay man smirk. "But hey, don't be jealous missy, because my water bolts are at least 60 percent weaker than-"

    Suddenly, a few of the nasty imp yellow demon annoying fucktards jumped on Sam and kept biting his ear. With their new powers, Sam's friends helped them get them all off.

    A few normal people, the kind of people that think Friends was a good tv show and are just you know, really normal and don't think too deeply or question society norms like internet nerd types.... hid under their chairs while the magical types did the real fighting.

    Sam called out to them while bopping a demon on the head with his staff. "I know you all will continue to be condescending and rude to us when we're not saving your asses from a magical threat, but the thing is?" A rogue-class demon tried to sneak up on Sam but he punctured it in the heart with his staff as soon as the beast corporealized himself out of a stealth.

    "I'm so not caring anymore" Sam said with a smile.

    "The 16types adventurers are back!" Dolphin said. Sam and Dolphin gave a high five while they more or less easily cleared out the yellow demon threat. Sam ordered a few more of the new adventurers to lead the regular humans out to safety.

    "Okay, as inspiring as that was, what do we now?" Vero asked. She had just got done melting down two demons at once with her electricity powers.

    Sam shrugged. "I can't tell anybody what to do. But I know what I want. I want to build a 16types university, where we all can live together in hippie magical peace. Dolphin and I have been talking about it for the longest time. No force though. You don't have to be there. But it would be you know, swell, if you all showed up." Sam smiled like a 1950s boy that gets seduced by homosexual men a lot.

    "You'd have to charge people for admission or you would get socialist scum" Ashton said bluntly.

    "Thank you Ashton, for that um perspective, but it's more like a place where you come and go freely and seek true magical knowledge wisdom and inspiration if you so desire. And uh, we will of course teach people how to effectively kick ass?" Sam saw Ashton foaming at the mouth. A straight male, learning more ways to inflict pain and shake people up from the inside? He would be in.

    "Oh yeah? What makes you think you're so good at helping people!" Krae said, half-trolling, half being good natured, the way he usually is. But also, he was 'half-way being serious' for the European did have a good point. Krae, like Dolphin, also had the power of Water. He could also 'Anti-American' rant at people, which was an anti-power that made other thing's powers weaker. Most importantly, as a Shaman class, he could create Portals into other worlds!

    Sam was at a lost for words, but Dolphin walked up behind Krae and playfully smacked him on the back of his head. "He unlocked all our magical powers, silly. He's The One! Or something like that."

    "I'm the leader, but I don't really want to tell other people what to do or anything. You don't have to come but surely, we're stronger together."

    "Fuck that shit. What if somebody plants a hidden bomb in the university and then I die with you social rejects" Nick said. He self-teleported out of the chapel.

    "I"ll try to talk some sense into him..." Gilly said. "I'm nicer than Nick, but more of a bad-ass than most of you, so maybe I'm the one that can get through to him. Plus I've been his close friend for like four years!" He pushed some of his curly hair back behind his ear. "Uh I can't teleport so...." (But he can use Fire powers, Drop Anvils on People & cast a 'Juggle Shield' around himself and others that protects them.)

    "On it" Vero said. She wiggled her fingers, and teleported Gilly to wherever Nick went. ZZzzzzaaaap!

    "But what buliding are we gonna use? Are you saying we have to build something, from scratch?" Dolphin asked.

    Sam nodded, and rolled up his sleeves. He stood next to Mune, and channeling Mune's powers with his own Empathy Power, Sam magically conjured a work belt around his waste. He also created a blue collar working man's shirt and wrangler blue jeans. With a hammer in his left hand he said, "It's gonna take some work, of course, but everything we want in life is worth some work!" That was the lesson Sam learned himself over the past volume. Not many people were as rawly powerful as Sam was, but his magic still needed a lot of fine tuning and harnessing.

    Sean noticed how hot and gay porn-y Sam looked in a construction outfit and immediately tackled him. Sam couldn't fight back because Sean had really good Super Strength. As well as Super Defense, and the ability to Roll away from danger incredibly quickly. He was a classic Warrior tank.

    "Sean!" Sam said. "I barely noticed you in the fight. How are you-" But he was interrupted by Sean's tongue invading his mouth.

    Dolphin giggled at that while crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, looks like Sam is gay again and we're super powered again so that means..."

    "Demons" Vero said in a subtle, adult female powerful way. Vero stood behind Dolphin and rested her chin on her shoulder and sighed. "But hey, bring them on."

    Nanashi and April were too drunk to say or do much of anything. Hitta kept staring them, thinking about the nature of their sexuality. Hitta had Psychic Powers, Super Insight, and the ability to summon Verdic Astrology Avatars in battle!

    "I wonder who the big bad of this volume will be?" Gulanzon asked, sneaking up behind Vero, Dolphin and Samerang. His face was messy with pink frosting from the wedding cake that he already had decided to get into. "An Idea? A demon? Another adventurer? Ooh, a human gone wrong perhaps?"

    Scene Cut:

    A figure in a dark gray robe watched the adventurers from a crystal ball. He studied them very closely for about five minutes, and then calmly walked over to the center of the lair.

    He reached down in a satchel tied to his robe and took out a dash of mysterious powder. He sprinkled the powder on a very dark red star that was painted with the blood of the pure. At the north end of a black star the man could be seen standing. And then suddenly at each of the other 4 points, 4 different dark beings appeared from a mist of black smoke.

    A demon.

    A normal human gone wrong.

    An Idea.

    And sadly,

    An adventurer of our very own.

    "Try all of the above....." the masked being said. The five beings smiled confidently at each other, for they formed a Pentacle of Evil.

    Dun, Dun, Dun!

    Last edited by Bullets; 11-15-2011 at 09:22 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  9. #9

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    Chapter 6: A Cosmic Evil

    The masked man in the gray robe twirled around happily while a middle-aged woman was tied up against the wall in his lair. The rest of his minions weren't around him, however. She was a normal human with no powers, and of course he was something greater.

    "Are those chains uncomfortable" he asked.

    "Y-yes" the woman said.

    "Good" the man said. He stopped dancing, sat down on a rock, and began to clean his knife.

    The woman looked at him. "You don't have to do this. Please. Why are you doing this" she said.

    "People would think that I'm lowly scum for how I'm treating you. The truth is...." In a blur of dark magic the man rushed over and suddenly pressed the knife against the woman's throat. "I'm still higher. I'm still better than you."

    "You look like just another creepy misogynist to me" the woman snapped back. For that, she got punched in the stomach.

    The man got up and walked away a little bit. "People don't really understand how annoying guilt and empathy is until they don't have it anymore, how much it just ties you down. When you don't have that, you're just freer."

    "You're a monster. What do you want...." she said. She remembered that she was alone, in her apartment, when she was kidnapped in the middle of the night a few days ago. She had no idea who this man was or what he wanted to do with her.

    "I want to re-write my own destiny." the man said while turning around. "Come, we need to go for a little walk."

    The man confidently walked over to the woman and pulled her up by her dirty brown hair. She tried to fight back, but she just wasn't strong enough. Soon she stopped trying to fight him and she just followed. Together, they walked out of the cave and into a brown, brick hut in the middle of the woods. It was really an observatory. They walked upstairs together.

    "Look in the telescope. What did you see."

    At first the woman refused. So the man grabbed her head and coldly smashed her face to the telescope.

    "What do you see" he asked again.

    "I see... I see stars" the woman said. She tried to find her own emotional core from the sociopath taking away all vibration and bounce in herself.

    "Yes. Stars. The very things that give people hope. It's hard not to feel inspired when looking up at the stars. Seeing the universe's eternal expansion. But people are idiots. What they don't realize is that not all growth is good. Not all staying the same is bad."

    "I...get....what are you saying" the woman said. If she pretended to empathize, maybe he would let her go.

    The man smiled. "There's evil in even the stars. In astrology... verdic, western, or otherwise. What people don't understand you know, is that all that crap is true! All that fancy magical shit that people don't think is real, it is. And they waste time with their logic & rationality and buildings of so-called science, a distraction which by the way, I helped orchestrate from behind the scenes."

    "Well evil....evil is everywhere. So it would make sense," the woman said calmly. "It would make sense it would be in the stars too."

    "The stars think they are so great. But what happens when you make a star cry. That creates filthy women you know, filthy people......"

    The man suddenly floated up in the air. "I want to become something even better than stars." A bunch of star magic circulated around him and jutted into his heart. "This planet, this universe, everything is stardust, everything came from stars, from rainbow orgasms exploding and divine insights. Each supernova creates a universe that thinks its oh so great...."

    He tapped his knife on his chin. "There has to be something more to this, something better."

    The woman tried to get through to the crazy lunatic. "But you said the stars were evil. And then you say you want to be better than the stars. So that means.... you want to be better than evil right?" she said, trying to be calm and encouraging.

    The star magic was running through his eyes now, making them turn black with yellow pupils. "Frustrating...they think I can't catch them." He looked upward, as if he was talking to everybody important all at once.

    The woman suddenly got an epiphany.

    "The fall of the economy. The slow suicide destruction of the middle class. YOU'RE THE PERSON BEHIND IT ALL!" she gasped. When it was most important, magic flowed through even non-magical beings.

    "The stupid stars told you that. They give you intuition, gut reactions about people. The more one meditates the more one gets in touch with the true nature of things. The more they might even be onto me...."

    "You can get help you, you can-"

    The man calmly extended his arm out and slid the knife into the woman's chest. He loved feeling all the intricate, interesting things inside her when he twisted the knife into her heart. They were just like all these caves that all at once just.... collapsed. He peered into her soul and saw exactly what was lost when each of the caves died, and each loss amused him that much more.

    "I don't think so." He then opened his mouth and drained her star essence into his own. As soon as he did, something interesting happened. Usually, a star soul would fly back up into the galaxy back as a pure Idea, but instead this sadistic man trapped her Idea into his own self. It's like she didn't exist anymore. But her own essence was there, and instead it stirred down into the man's cock.

    He smiled in a narcissistically evil way. "You're inside me now, kicking and screaming to get out just like I had to kick and scream to get out of you. HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, BITCH!" he said. He spat on the body of the dead corpse. Walking away slowly, he said:

    "Killing my own mother is just one tiny piece to my Grand Plan. It's so nice seeing it all come together" he said with a smile.

    "She didn't even know it was me. She gave me up for adoption when I was born. Filthy selfish new-age feminist cunt...." he thought over at how she was just dead now, and how he was just that much more alive.

    He arrived back in his lair, and smeared his mother's fresh blood on the ground, at the same spot he summoned the other beings. He had soaked up all the blood up with his gray robe. "The blood of the pure dries up. It needs to stay fresh for my summoning powers to continue to work...." He instinctively and hastily reached down into his satchel for another pinch of summoning dust.

    Oh great. Out again. The man sighed, walked over to a torch and pulled it to the right. An entrance revealed a hidden room with many outfits hung on hangers. He put on a light green nike t-shirt and some blue slacks, and orange sneakers.

    "Time to go to the magic shop again" he said.
    Last edited by Bullets; 11-17-2011 at 12:39 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  10. #10

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    Chapter 7: Axem Ashton

    Sam was in a forest with almost every adventurer you can think of, and they were all doing one thing: Cutting down trees to gather enough wood for the new university!

    "I still don't understand why we can't purchase a building the regular way" Vero said while trying to zap down a tree. "Ah, this isn't working! My powers aren't strong enough. All I seem to be doing is making branches fall down on my head."

    Dolphin handed Vero an axe. "I could start a fire with my powers... but I don't want the entire forest to catch on fire" Dolphin said.

    "Ah, Vero. Ever so logical and rational and real world-ish despite you also being a magical class" Sam said. The Shaman was levitating up in the sky, watching everything from above.

    "Get down here and help you fag!" Dolphin called out.

    Sam floated down slowly and smiled at them both. "The reason why we can't get a place through the system is it would be controlled too much by socialists, and exploited too much by capitalists" Sam said. "This place has to be protected from all systems, away from being found out" Sam said.

    Vero rolled her eyes. "Almost everybody in the world supports gay people now Sam. You don't have to stay inside the closet!"

    Sam shook his head. "This isn't about gay people. At least.... not anymore. This is about magic, it's about helping people. For real. And real help is always the long, hard, slow, grueling....annoying way" Sam said as he watched Dolphin's petite little body try to cut down a huge tough 'straight man' tree. He stared at her with pity.

    "Time is money" Sam said after snapping himself out of it. "Yes, we could all pool together enough money to run the place, and just buy a building from a realtor- but we'd be selling out. Now this way we get to make what we really want. It'll just take more effort and time." It was going to be their new home for Hecate's sake!, Sam thought. It deserved to be just perfect.

    "And then we can sell the place for huge bucks" Ashton said bluntly.

    Sam sighed. "Ashton we're not going to sell the place."

    "People don't work this hard...." Ashton cut down a tree without yelling timber, and it almost killed 5 people! "...for nothing" Ashton said.

    "Aw it's not for nothing!" Nicole said while wearing daisy dukes and a red barnyard shirt tied in a pretty bow around her apple-shaped breasts. She smiled warmly at everybody. "I made peanut butter cookies for everybody as a snack." She held up two jugs. "And lemonade!" Nicole was always so nice.

    "I want to fuck your eyesockets" hitta said, gawking at Nicole's revealing outfit.

    Poli playfully punched hitta on the arm. "Hey come on man, that's no way to talk to a woman" he said in a kind-introverted-boy way.

    "Aw everybody knows im just kidding around" hitta said good-naturedly. "All guys talk roughly." He looked around the forest. "All straight guys anyway."

    Sam sighed. For the past four minutes, he tried to think of the right thing to say but he was more or less just emotionally pissed at the way Ashton talks to people. "Correction Ashton, you won't work hard for noth-" Vero looked at him, and Sam realized he was being a sort of hypocrite because ever since they got here, Sam had been spending all his time levitating in the sky and looking down on other people instead of getting to work and picking up an axe himself.

    Sam, effectively chastised, turned an ugly shade of red, and picked up an axe and got to work on the same tree that Dolphin and Vero were on.

    Ashton was quite pleased with Sam's humiliation, and continued to cut down more trees.

    After a long awkward silence, Starfall walked over to Sam and asked him why he was always so hard on Ashton.

    "I'm hard on ashton -" *axe whack.* - Because - * axe whack* Sam stopped for a moment to catch his breath. Putting his axe over his shoulder, he looked at Starfall and said. "I'm hard on Ashton because he knows better. He probably has the strongest melee powers out of all of us."

    Ashton's face lit up as if to say 'you better believe it, ******.' In fact, Ashton had already chopped down 15 trees whereas everybody else only had chopped down 5 at most.

    "But he uses that power to intimidate and bully others , instead of attacking the demons that really deserve it" Sam said.

    "You're just jealous!" Ashton snapped back. "And there's no such thing as-" Ashton sighed, for he was not going to be lured into a philosophical debate.

    "So he's mean and a little bit gruff," Bionicgoat said. "But aren't we all."

    Sam sighed. "Darkness lives inside everybody sure, but somehow Ashton just got more of it." Dolphin overheard that and 'Heh'ed to herself without wanting anybody to see her.

    Sam looked at Bionicgoat. "You don't enjoy being mean, BG. At least, most of the time. Ashton doesn't enjoy being nice. Most of the time. Different people." Sam sighed. Bionicgoat just kept looking at him in that 'we're all monsters' way.

    "Argh, BG you can't just solve conflicts by saying everybody gets that way, like Miley Cyrus singing nobody's perfect. EVERYBODY DOES NOT GET THAT WAY!" Sam yelled. "NOT TO THE EXTENT AND POTENCY OF ASSTON AT LEAST!"

    Crazedrat smiled at Sam, whereas both Crispy and Sean nearly got hearts in their eyes from Sam standing up to him. If Gilly and Nick were here they'd probably be pleased as well, but Gilly was still alone with Nick trying to convince him that this idea was a cool one.

    Ashton just coldly smiled at the discord inside Sam that he was causing. Standing behind Allie he remarked "I bet it turns you on doesn't it?" He brushed some of her hair back behind her ear and made Allie shiver. "How I'm so tough, so straight and so... mean."

    Allie blinked twice. She stepped away from Ashton and turned around to face him. "Kind of. I mean you're not a pussy like Steve is.." Steve heard that and just looked at everybody insecurely. ".. and you are a regular straight alpha male like FDG is." FDG waved hi to everybody. The italian was getting ready to chop down his sixth tree. "But Sam has a point. If you really are so bad-ass why don't you spend your time wrestling all the people who deserve it, instead of taking it out on those who don't?"

    "Because it is naive and IEI-ish to think you can make the world a better place." Ashton calmly stood up, and arrogantly pronounced: "There will always be ego, hate, death, time and pain. It is up to me to teach you all that."

    Sam got up in Ashton's face. "Then you're no better than any demon or Idea we've fought, and I will take you down."

    The audience gave an audible 'oooh' at that. Director Abbie ate some popcorn (looks like Nicole or somebody else also made some popcorn for this adventure), watching the conflict while sitting on a log. Hkkmr and Subterranean were also sitting on the log watching.

    Dolphin cleared her throat. She tried to think of something healing and motherly and mediator-like to say to mend this conflict between the boys, but she realized it was just something that they would have to figure out themselves. "Okay Sam himself said that building this building wouldn't be easy." She wiped some sweat from her brow. "Both physically and emotionally. Looks like he's just learning that lesson the hard way" Dolphin spoke her words softly, although she was not sure that many people heard her. No matter. She had a tree to cut down!

    Ashton kept staring at Sam coldly and sociopathic like, trying to read any weakness and sensitivity in Sam's self, to troll him and use it against him. But Sam spent his entire life learning how to stand up to people like Ashton, and he would not be fazed.

    Sam folded his arms and sighed. "Look Ashton if you don't want to be here, then why don't you just-"

    Ashton suddenly threw his axe so hard in a random direction, it nearly chopped off Gulanzon and HaveLucidDream's heads!

    "Fine. Maybe I will...." Ashton said while stepping closer to Sam's face.

    Sam gasped at that. "What are you doing! Ashton, you could have killed them!" And although he could heal, Sam wasn't confident in his ability to resurrect people.

    Ashton shrugged his shoulders. "Don't be so sensitive. I was just joking around." After Ashton did something just plain wrong, it was always his tactic to cover up his tracks by saying that he was just kidding. Or he gave a 'who, me?' face like the kid on the cover of MAD magazines.

    Sam was taken aback by that. "Didn't look like a joke to me. Did you all see that, did everybody see that." Sam pointed to Ashton. "EVERYBODY SAW THAT RIGHT???"

    Vero sighed. She didn't like how Sam came across like he was always so much more humane than everybody else, but she did indeed see that- and it did cause her to be uncomfortable. But she also had silently agreed with Dolphin. This was Sam and Ashton's business.

    "Guys!" Sam called out desperately. "Everybody drop their axes now. Or more specifically: Everybody use them against Ashton!" Sam got in a fighting stance. "We have to take down Ashton...."

    Ashton smiled. Sam looked around. Nobody was listening to him, they were all just quietly working on their trees, wishing that the conflict would go away. "Dolphin? DOLPHIN!"

    But not even Dolphin would listen to Sam!

    Sam looked back, and stared into Ashton's eyes again. "You don't seriously think you can take me, do you?" Ashton said as if everybody but him was a joke.

    "Looks like we're going to find out...." Sam and Ashton approached each other in the forest, about to engage in the epic battle you've all been waiting for.
    Last edited by Bullets; 11-17-2011 at 12:44 PM.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  11. #11

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    Chapter 8: It. Is. On!

    Ashton super sped about 40 yards backwards, and picked up an axe that was lodged in a tree. He threw it violently towards Sam, but Sam levitated and kicked Ashton in the face.

    Sam looked around, but nobody was cheering him on. Nobody was cheering on Ashton, either. All the rest of the adventurers just continued to cut down trees like nothing was going on.

    This was between Ashton and him.

    Ashton punched Sam in the face. Sam healed. Ashton kicked Sam in the nuts. Sam healed. Ashton palm striked, head bopped and spat in Sam's face hatefully as if Sam broke his Placebo records. Heal, heal, heal.

    "I can heal through your dps" Sam said with a smirk on his face. Sam held his left hand out, to try and copy Ashton's powers .. but something went wrong.

    Ashton smiled. "You see me as a demon. You can only use empathy on people you're well, empathetic towards. Since me and you aren't close, in fact, since we hate each other right now- I'd wager that it has the opposite effect on yourself. Nice going, fag. You just debuffed yourself."

    Ashton flicked his fingers cruel and cat-like. "And with my own Debuffing power, I just debuffed you that much more."

    Sam tried to levitate backwards to protect himself, but Ashton grabbed Sam's ankle and yanked his body to the ground. With Sam accidentally debuffing himself, and with Ashton's help, Sam's levitate was slow and sluggish and easily controlled.

    "No" Ashton said bluntly. "You want to fight so let's do this. Man to man. No magic. Or at least the things you will cast now, won't do you much good."

    "Not fair" Sam said.

    "WE LIVE IN A CAPITALIST SOCIETY!" Ashton said, like he always did. "It's not about being fair. It's about pure raw power. And I have it. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE IT BECAUSE I AM TOUGH AND STRAIGHT AND MEAN AND THE WORLD WILL ALWAYS HAVE DARKNESS IN IT AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP THAT!" and then he punched Sam in the jaw so hard that he went flying backwards a whole bunch of feet.

    Jeesh, tone it down there Ash. You're getting kinda well.... campy Sam said to himself as he laid down on a pile of leaves. He was zoning in and out of consciousness here. Sam looked around. Ashton had punched him so far in the forest that they were well away from their friends by now.

    Sam thought he had more time to recuperate then he really did, because in a flash he had just remembered that Ashton had super speed. He would be here in-

    Ashton suddenly stepped out from behind a tree. "Can empathy save you from getting killed here. Can love, gay rainbow friendship magic?" Ashton was in his full plate Death Knight gear now, and his voice was semi-demonic every time he spoke. He drew out a huge bad-ass looking straight man sword with gray spikes all over the edges.

    "Don't be ridiculous" Ashton said, as condescending and supervising as ever. Ashton swung his sword downward at Sam, but Sam rolled out of the way just in the nick of time. The shaman's body was starting to ache, but he had to stay in the game. He couldn't let Ashton win, he just couldn't.

    "You really do love the smell of your own asshole, don't you" Sam quipped.

    "You're gay" Ashton snarked back. "I thought you'd know what that was like..... " Ashton attacked, this time Sam dodged by doing a backwards somersault. (his favorite kind.)

    * * *

    Crazedrat didn't know why or how, but he was starting to well, worry about Sam. This was wrong. A man wasn't supposed to worry about another man! He slowly put his axe down, sighed, and started to pace back and forth in the forest.

    "What's wrong lil bud-" Hitta said, but Crazedrat walked away from hitta.

    "Not now" Rat said.

    * * *

    "Okay, it looks like that's our..... third tree" Dolphin said, looking up at Vero after she got done looking at the ground. "Who knew cutting trees was so hard. How come we can't just use machines?"

    "Because well, um to quote Sammy, he said they were too 'loud and annoying and straight man ish" Vero replied. "We had a few adventurers cast a cloaking spell on this place, but it wouldn't be enough to keep out loud, noisy machinery. Yes, using machines would be quicker, but we have to do this the smart way. The real way. The long hard, oh god my elbows are killing me way."

    "Oh. Yeah. That sounds like something.... Sam would say." Dolphin swung her axe, getting started on their fourth tree. Dolphin started to whistle the tune of 'whistle while you work', when somebody tapped her on the shoulder.

    Dolphin twirled around and took a swing with her axe, but swung nothing but air. "Demon! There's a-" Dolphin pointed out. "Rat! It's a rat. Ewww a rat. But rats can't poke people on the shoulder...."

    The rat that Dolphin saw, transformed back into a young middle-class white boy. "A little slow on your game, aren't you Dolphin?" Crazedrat teased.

    "You can do that? Turn into a rat?" Dolphin said. "Cool!"

    "Well it is one of my powers considering my name is CRAZEDRAT."

    "Oh, what are your other two?" Dolphin said.

    "We don't have time" Crazedrat said. "Sam's in trouble. Don't you care?"

    Dolphin blinked. "No, actually I don't. That is surprising." She looked up at Crazedrat. "The better question is, why do you?" Dolphin arched a brow, leaned on a tree and folded her arms against her chest. "That's right mister. Sam isn't the only one with Empathy powers."

    "I don't know either. I just do."

    Vero looked at Rat. "You always did have a big heart" she said with a smile. She pushed up her glasses on her face and took another hit at the tree.

    "I do not!" Like a typical straight guy trying to drown out his sensitivity, Rat plugged his ears and went lalalalala. "I don't have a big heart I havenoideawhatanyofyouaretalking about I CAN'T HEAR YOOOU. LALALA RANT ABOUT ASTROLOGY AND DRUGS AND NARCISSISTIC THINGS ON ONLINE MESSAGE BOARDS TO DROWN OUT MY EMPATHY CUZ IT'S FAGGY AND GAY."

    Dolphin smiled at that.

    "Dolphin, you don't really believe Sam can take on Ashton, do you. I know Sam means well but come on, Asston is like five times physically stronger than him!" Crazedrat exclaimed.

    "No" Dolphin said. "But it only matters if Sam does."

    Crazedrat sighed. "He needs his friends. He needs you. You're the one closest to him. So do what you hero-types do and go on-"

    "No" Dolphin said, cutting crazedrat off. "Sam needs to believe he can do this for himself. If I am always saving him well....." Dolphin sighed.

    "I know you want to be less motherly and everything" Vero said. "But I think crazedrat's right. Shouldn't we....."

    "I don't think Ashton would actually kill Sam. Would he. He's not really a murderer he's just a misunderstood str8 dude on the internet. Right. Right?" Dolphin said.

    Rat, Vero and Dolphin just silently looked at each other. And then not two seconds later, they all rushed out to find Sam.


    Zzzzaaaaap. Vero's lightning bolts could be seen flying at the side of Ashton's armor. Ashton just stood there, as if nothing more than a fly landed on his arm. Ashton turned around. "Oh Vero. My armor is super effective against your lightning" he said.

    "How does it feel about.... FIRE!" Dolphin said. She flicked her hands but the fire bounced off him and went after Dolphin instead. She shrieked, spun out of the way, and let the fire ignite a tree instead. She used her water magic to put out the fire, because the fire would have spread fast.

    "Oh no! He killed Sam already and stole his copying power for himself!" Rat said.

    "Don't be stupid" Ashton said. "It's the armor again. It may protect against lightning, but it reflects fire."

    Dolphin threw a huge ball of water at Ashton. Ashton got knocked down a little. He squirted a stream of water out of his mouth. "And well that....that's just water. Doesn't do much against humans....or most demons. Water naught to be used offensively" Ashton said.

    "STOP THAT. STOP. STOP always talking so bluntly like you're better than everything...or everyone. Because you are NOT!" she demanded.

    "Oh but I am. Surely I'm better than your precious Sammy." He looked in Dolphin's eyes. "It's why you didn't want to come and rescue him right away, isn't it."

    Dolphin looked around nervously. "I don't know what you're talking about...."

    Vero just stood there, trying to figure out a way out of this.

    "Oh of course you do. You knew the inevitable outcome. There would be no way Sam would be able to take me down. Losing not only his respect, but the respect of his friends as well."

    "Well you're not just dealing with Sam anymore" Vero said, realizing that Sam was right all along. "You're dealing with all of us."

    Ashton just laughed, "Not a problem." He then spun quickly around in a 360 motion and whacked Rat, Vero & Dolphin around like they were ping pong balls against the trees. Crazedrat tried to turn himself into a rat to protect himself, but he got knocked into a tree in the middle of his transformation animation.

    Using a combination of his super speed mixed in with his super strength, Ashton was able to easily take on all three of them.

    "Okay. That guy so needs his ass kicked" Dolphin said while looking up. She watched Ashton's boots make the leaves part ways, showing that he had used his super speed power to zoom out of there.

    "What does he want, why is he doing this?" Vero said. Minor cuts and bruises could be seen all over her body, along with the other two.

    "I wish I knew..." Dolphin said. "Now where's Sam. We have to find Sam."

    But she was too weak to stand up.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  12. #12


    I do NOT sing whistle while you work

  13. #13

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    May 2007
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    Chapter 9: Nick & Gilly

    "Come on man" Gilly said in his semi-feminine cute middle-class boy voice. He was talking to Nick in an alley, behind some restaurant or something. They were in Detroit. Smoke could be seen evaporating out of the manholes and dirt and pollution and grime were abound. Gilly was wearing a red preppy polo t-shirt and blue jeans, and Nick was still in his puffy black thug jacket. "You just have to help us cut down some trees and shit" Gilly said.

    "And how much will I be compensated for this labor?" Nick said.

    "Well um, nothing. Because it's not like Sam has a job or any money in which to pay us." Gilly looked around sheepishly. "It's more about...."

    "Doing the right thing?" Nick said. "According to whom?" He spoke like a mixture of a classy Nietzsche professor and Eminem.

    "According to Sam, of course. And I'm sure Dolphin too but the funny thing is, they seem to be growing apart kinda lately. I wonder what that's about..."

    "Don't tell me you're actually interested in their little emotional waldorf salad" Nick said. "We're straight men, Gilly! We're supposed to be strong and independent and cutting and light cats on fire. Because we CAN."

    "I know but. but." Gilly sighed. "You can't be a good sport and help out awhile? It would mean a lot to Sam. He said so himself you don't-"

    "I exist only for myself. Sam is always trying to get me to be more like him, but why isn't anybody trying to get Sam to be more like me?"

    "Yeah- well maybe because you two are different people. Nobody is trying to get you to be like Sam it's just.... why are you so stubborn, anyway?" Gilly said.

    "I'm a rogue" Nick said with a shrug. "You should know by now that I do my own thing."

    "Right!" Gilly said, pointing enthusiastically. "A rogue class. With the cool sexy looking leather armor...."

    "Did you just say 'sexy?" Nick said coldly.

    "Yes, you are a rogue. How would you even know you were a rogue without Sam's help. And me a Jester, I drop anvils on things and stuff. I mean it.....fits. He like totally knows us, and he hasn't even seen us in real life! He was the one that unlocked our superpowers, don't you think we owe it to him to help him out a little?"

    Nick shook his head. "I am not impressed."

    "My point is, you know you're a rogue because Sam has this way with words and helping other people with their identities and stating things like pure and raw and crude and gay man like" Gilly said.

    "Then he should know that I, as a ROGUE, am going to do what *I* want not want somebody else wishes of me!" Nick replied hastily.

    Gilly just looked at Nick in a you're-being-a-little-shit-bro kinda way.

    "Is that all, MINION!" Nick said.

    "I'm not your minion!" Gilly said. "I thought we were friends but apparently-"

    Nick just laughed. "If you care about being a queer carebear, why don't you just join Sam and the others."

    Gilly scratched his head. "I don't know....I'm confused, I guess. Conflicted. Part of me wants to love the fags with Sam, part of me wants to stab them in the throat with you."

    "Then prove your worth...." Nick reached in his coat pocket and revealed a dagger that was wrapped in brown cloth. ".... Do it" Nick said.

    "Do what?"

    "Kill ******s with me" Nick said, handing Gilly the dagger. "They ain't ******s but they go down quick just the same."

    "Um. ******s as in black people? ... Why?"

    "Because it's fun and politically incorrect and shocking and FUN" Nick said.

    Gilly just laughed nervously. "Nick, I don't want to kill black people."

    "Pussy" Nick said.

    "What did you just call me?" Gilly said.

    "I called you a PUSSY" Nick said.

    "I'm not a pussy I just-"

    "Prove you aren't. A black woman is about to turn that corner. When she does, stab her in the face and steal her wallet. And then we can take her cash and use it to buy drugs and porn and talk shit about how bad-ass we are."

    "I thought rogues stabbed people in the back...." Gilly said.

    "If everybody starts expecting we do that, then we're no longer 'rogues', are we.' Nick said. "A good rogue musn't be predictable."

    Gilly swallowed. He uneasily looked down at the weapon clutched in his right hand. "I'm not sure I want to kill people...." he said.

    "...Yet you don't want to play we're 'one big ****** family' with Sam, either" Nick said. "Interesting. You seem to be trapping yourself."

    "Yes I-"

    "But hey, I also don't care. I'm not a healer class or anything." Nick snatched the dagger from Gilly's hands. "Fine, pussy. I'll just do it myself" he said.

    Was Gilly really going to let Nick just kill people? "Nick you used to just call them ******s on bus stations and stuff but this is- don't you think this is-"

    "Sociopathic. Evil? Going too far? Those are just words the weak use to rid themselves of the strong!" Nick said.

    Nick peaked his head a little around the corner. "Two more minutes" he whispered under his breath.

    Gilly just stood there looking ambivalent.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  14. #14

    Join Date
    May 2007
    177 Post(s)
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    Chapter 10: We All Walk Alone

    Sam floated down gently, kneeled to the ground and healed Vero, Dolphin and Rat. Green and white beams of light radiated out of his palms and mended all their wounds.

    Sam hugged Dolphin. "Why didn't you come and save me! Sooner, I mean."

    "I thought you could handle yourself" Dolphin said.

    "Well you should know that I was just bluf-"

    "Why is Ashton being such an ass?" Vero asked to nobody in particular. "I mean more so than usual...."

    "I don't know. Ashton's empathy levels were always kinda off, like he only felt sorry for you if you were well, down. Seemed to have trouble with other people's happiness" Dolphin said.

    "Yeah and how come he always preached about capitalism without owning a mansion like Oprah and at least pretending to be nice..." Sam added.

    "I figured a lot of it had to do with the fact that he was you know, straight and manly and a melee class but yeah- something is different this time around" Crazedrat said. He suddenly blinked, and looked around at everybody. "Oh fuck, what the hell am I doing. This isn't me."

    "Ta hell it aint! You're an adventurer" Sam said proudly. "You help people, squash the bad guys. It's what we do."

    "No....I'm crazedrat. I do what I want. No faggyness, please." He looked at Sam sharply and coldly.

    "Rat you have a big heart, it's your destiny it's-" Sam said.

    But Rat had already turned into a rat, and scurried off into the forest.

    Sam sighed. "We should do more research on the Death Knight class" Sam said, turning around to face the girls. "If we can understand Ashton's powers, then we might be able to understand what he's up to" Sam said. "I know the generalities of the class but we need to know specifics. The nookies and crannies, you know um- like english muffins" Sam said, trying to tell a joke to lighten the mood.

    Vero nodded, albeit a little coldly. Her mind seemed elsewhere, though.

    "Aw, a bunch of reading..."

    Sam blinked. "Is there a problem Dolphin?"

    "No, it's just... I already do so much reading now that I'm in college, and I just got done cutting down a bunch of trees with you and it's just-" She was tired, she was weary, and as much as she usually loved her friend's gayness, he was beginning to bug.

    "I'm not sure reading a bunch of books is going to help us kick Ashton's ass. We don't have the time" Dolphin said.

    "You're right, but we need to know everything we can about the things we fight. And no, we don't have time, but I do know somebody that does...."

    Sam looked at Dolphin. What was this distance/this chasm between them, he wondered.

    "Are you okay?" Sam asked meekly. He had asked Vero to teleport back to camp by herself, so he had some alone time with Dolphin.

    "Of course" Dolphin said, a little bitchy like. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

    "It's just....we've been kinda distant lately and-"

    "If anything, I'm the one that's worried about you. I mean I'm the one that's in college and didn't drop out like you and-"

    "Okay, what the hell is it with you gammas and your superiority complexes" Sam said angrily.

    Dolphin sighed. "Sam, I just want a normal life in addition to a magical life. I know being normal never appealed to you, but it does.... it does to me. It's like for somebody that's supposedly more empathetic then the rest of us, you don't understand other people's lifestyles very well, but we're what, supposed to just all get together and bow down to yours!"

    "Dolphin Water Mage Amanda!" Sam said, as though that were her full name. "I'm disappointed in you. You of all people know that we have destinies to fulfill. Now, yeah the real world doesn't care about what Ashton the Death Knight is up to, but that's what makes us the good guys and them.... well. Just guys."

    Dolphin rolled her eyes. "I'm the one with the superiority complex? You constantly make faces that would make Jesus guilty! There's nothing wrong with being just a guy!" she snapped back.

    "I know that. I respect your normal life-"

    "No you don't. Just admit it, you.don' It's always the magical mission with you. You don't care that I'm in college, that I work a job, AND somehow still manage the time to do-" Dolphin reached out her hands and lit a tree on fire. "That!" She then put it out with her Water Magic.

    "Okay so I'm more one-note than you" Sam said. "Rub it in why don't you..."

    "Renee Hunt was right. You do play a victim" Dolphin said.

    "I'm not playing a victim I'm just-" Sam said. But Dolphin had already ran away.

    "Okay this sucks. This was supposed to bring us all together not-"

    Scene Cut: Ashton smiled at an incredibly large object that the audience couldn't see yet. His straight man eyes wide with awe.

    Rat, still a rat, continued to scurry in the forest by himself.

    Dolphin walked ahead of Sam,

    Sam stood there alone, with his hands in his pockets, walking slowly by himself.


    And Nick and Gilly in Detroit, with Nick about to stab somebody and Gilly unsure of what to do.

    And finally, we could see Vero, on a mysterious planet, sitting all by her lonesome. Why did our lightning mage go there?

    "Tear us apart" Sam said sadly.
    n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.

  15. #15


    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    "Tear us apart" Sam said sadly.

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