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Thread: Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

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    Default Do you prefer quiet or loud love?

    vs loud, public, declarations of it.

    Which do you prefer?
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    quiet for sure. And actions speak louder than words to me when it comes to this. Except PDAs. No PDAs please.
    Last edited by Suz; 10-06-2011 at 02:10 PM.
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    It's a private matter, so I'd handle this as quiet as possible.
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Kinda loud, but only a little.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    My understanding is that this is a Fe versus Fi question. Fe types supposedly want to see more visible, outward demonstrations of love. However, I don't have any good examples that I could look at to explain what exactly this means.

    I know that I myself will physically touch a boyfriend when we are in public places, hugging, leaning on each other, etc. For me love is something that I feel if I look in someone's eyes and feel a connection with them, and it is quiet. I am almost physically incapable of calling people an affectionate nickname - I've tried before, and it's extremely unnatural for me. So that particular type of expression is probably Fe, because I just really, really can't do it. I don't know.

    In fact when I am attracted to a guy, I choke up if I even have to say his name out loud at all. I'll just call him 'you' all the time. In other languages there is a formal 'You' and an informal 'you.' I'm not sure whether I would be using the informal you, or whether I would get stuck using the formal You for a really long time, and avoid using the informal you. I think I do start using whatever English equivalent of the informal you that we have - it's a tone of voice when you say it. I talk quietly in a different tone of voice directed at the person.

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    too loud feels like it's for show. too quiet feels like theres shame in it.

    theres more romance in quiet though. like you're so sure it doesn't need to be confirmed. the nice thing about loud is feeling like someone is proud of having your regard.

    choosing one though, I'd go with quiet.

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    like a nirvana song verse chorus verse

    quiet loud quiet

    or bjork


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    Act from the soul and not for the effect.

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    Quote Originally Posted by k0rpsey View Post
    The informal "you" in English is "dude".
    hahahah I actually do say the word 'dude' sometimes, too, but it's something I blurt out if something shocking or surprising happens (trying to think of an example here) - 'Dude! that stuff went everywhere!' (something made a mess, etc (*I'm talking about the workplace. I just realized this seemed to have a double meaning.*)). So with me it's more of an exclamation of surprise. I have on rare occasions actually called someone 'dude,' though - it's been known to happen.

    The two McDonald's women who I have typed as ESE, one at my store and one I know from another store, both use terms of endearment very liberally. They will say dear, sweetie, honey, hun, darling, and love, to large numbers of random people going through the drive-thru. This is the exact opposite of what I do, like, so far from me it's in an alternate universe. They even call ME 'dear,' and I always get a little bit surprised when this happens, like, who on earth would call me dear, and, do I have to call YOU 'dear' in return??? And these two women are people who I don't actually feel very close to, either. So they feel very confident about calling people loving nicknames even if they don't know them very well, even people who are total strangers buying food at McDonald's. So I associate this with Fe and it's something that I myself am very uncomfortable doing. I've done it under conditions of extreme stress - I told a story elsewhere in the forum where I mentioned that my ex-boyfriend's daughter got sick and I was temporarily calling her 'sweetie' while I was helping her, but any other time, I don't.

    I talk to dogs and cats much more confidently than I do to people.

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    I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    I love you in the silence, and in the darkness, and in the depth of your soul.
    Who are you talking to? My post is above yours so I'm thinking it's me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nico1e View Post
    My understanding is that this is a Fe versus Fi question. Fe types supposedly want to see more visible, outward demonstrations of love. However, I don't have any good examples that I could look at to explain what exactly this means.
    That's too easy, too stereotypical. For example, Fe quadras comprise of many types that lack both feeling and intuition. Are they going to be love-showy?
    Furthermore, an introverted function can sometimes accumulate pent-up energy (that is written in many descriptions of IJ types) and ultimately lead to bigger show-offs than extraverted functions, which release their energy more evenly.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    That made me think about it. In the past when I was attempting to meet people or date people, if anyone ever said the words 'I love you' to me, my instant reaction was 'You don't know me.' If I were with someone I loved, they would know that I loved them because I would start spending large amounts of time with them, asking them lots of questions, talking to them more and more often, and, if we were seeing each other in person (instead of for instance writing letters) then I would initiate physical touch. I am often (but not always) the one who initiates physical touch. I also help them by doing things for them like giving them a ride in the car if they don't have a car, for instance.

    But an ideal relationship for me would be one where we actively avoided saying the words 'I love you,' which is uncomfortable for me for some reason. And it isn't because I think that I don't deserve love. I just don't say it. I'm becoming pretty sure that this is a Fe-PoLR, Fi-seeking kind of thing. In fact, it actually annoys me when people say 'I love you' to me. http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...overted_ethics The Fi-mobilizing description there matches my own experience of wanting to have 'feelings that go unsaid.' (Note, my mother and I say 'I love you' to each other, but it's taken for granted as a family thing. I'm actually awkward saying it to my dad, who seems to be either SLI or ILI. But anyway I'm talking about dating, not family.)

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    I've said this before, and some people are always amazed, but I don't think my SLI husband has ever said "I love you" to me, or if he has it was unimportant enough that I haven't specifically remembered. He shows me he loves me, but it isn't something he says.

    On the other hand, I do think he likes for me to tell him I love him. And he loves it when the kids tell him they love him. But I think he'd be weirded out if I made some public declaration of love, like the way people have huge public proposals at sporting events and that kind of thing. I don't even get that.
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    My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    It depends.

    When my daughter was younger, and in school, I'd deliver a balloon bouquet, some cupcakes/cookies, and some little gifts that she got to hand out to her classmates. Money was tight, but this was worth it because a) she felt important to me, and b) she got to share her joy with her classmates. I wouldn't do it now, though, because she's grown, changed, and has a different way of sharing/feeling special than when she was young.

    When I was younger and working at a desk, I always felt special when someone I was dating would deliver a single flower to my workplace. He didn't do it in a grand way, just kind of snuck it in with a vase so that I'd find it after lunch. It let me know he was thinking of me.

    I've never been upset/concerned about PDAs like kissing, hugging, holding hands, arms around waist/shoulder, etc. I am touchy-feely, and I don't really care what others think of it.

    I like reading the local sign where people put up congrats and love yous, and welcome homes, and happy anniversary/birthdays. Their fun to read, and make me smile.

    But when Richard and I are together in a public space, we're usually close together, in our own little space, it's rare to see us apart. However, he does wear an anklet type thing...that reminds him that I'm committed to him, and want him...similar to a wedding band on someone's finger. However, because it's unusual (not a wedding band), some people view it as a loud declaration.

    I liked what leckysupport said above, "Act from the soul, not for the effect."
    And I do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kassie View Post
    too loud feels like it's for show.
    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
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    Well gee, wouldn't you guys like it both ways? Save one for parties and roller coasters and reserve the other for the bed, unless you like to mix the two

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    Both are awesome and relevant in the right context.

    IEE Ne Creative Type

    Some and role lovin too. () I too...
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    Quote Originally Posted by MisterNi View Post
    Both are awesome and relevant in the right context.

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    Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MegaDoomer View Post
    Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.
    Wouldn't it depend on if you were deliberately keeping it secret? If you're purposefully keeping it hidden from others...then those others are already interfering, even if that interference is merely by letting your thoughts of them influence your actions in this relationship.
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    fwiw, every Delta I've known has been very quiet about that aspect of their lives. My EII sister hates it when I bring up the subject of love, or ask her about her boyfriends; I always found that to be kind of weird & frustrating.

    From my experience, Betas tend to be the loud ones; PDA & all.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    My personal opinion: positivist-extravert "loud love", negativist-introvert "quiet love", merry "loud love", serious "quiet love". Then you can create all the cross typings starting from those dichtomies, that predict alpha extraverts to be those who prefer "loud love" the most, and peak-Te introverts those who prefer "quiet love" the most.
    Sounds right. For me, the "quiet love" is the important part, and the "loud love" is a nice bonus.
    Quaero Veritas.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MegaDoomer View Post
    Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.
    Yeah, except for what laghlagh said. Too lowkey and it's like you have something to be ashamed of, if someone deliberately went out of their way to keep it on the hush I'd suspect something.
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    I'm quite PDA, and all the betas I know are too, but for me it's not because I want everyone to know or to rub it in people's faces, but rather than when I'm with someone I love, I want to hug/kiss/cuddle/rub noses with them and I don't care what anyone else thinks.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    My ex-girlfriend once told me to stop stroking her thighs in public.









    She loved me for not listening to her.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quiet.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MegaDoomer View Post
    Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship? To a person you can really trust, I mean. You don't need anyone to validate a relationship, nor is it anyones business who you like and why. This way, nobody would be interfering, it would be just you and the other person. Everything that matters, actually.
    Ah, idk, I don't even think about loud love as something having to do with boasting with other people about your relationship. More like you know...loud stuff. Idk, like having sex outdoors, lol.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I like having sex outdoors, without people watching.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reuben View Post
    I like having sex outdoors, without people watching.
    Rueben, you're a virgin!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    That doesn't stop me from liking it.
    She is wise
    beyond words
    beautiful within
    her soul
    brighter than
    the sun
    lovelier than
    love
    dreams larger
    than life
    and does not
    understand the
    meaning of no.
    Because everything
    through her, and in her, is
    "Yes, it will be done."


    Why I love LSEs:
    Quote Originally Posted by Abbie
    A couple years ago I was put in charge of decorating the college for Valentine's Day. I made some gorgeous, fancy decorations from construction paper, glue, scissors, and imagination. Then I covered a couple cabinets with them. But my favorite was the diagram of a human heart I put up. So romantic!

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Wouldn't it depend on if you were deliberately keeping it secret?
    Yes of course, that's why I put the "secret" in quotation marks. It wouldn't be very good for your relationship if nobody is allowed to know about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Ah, idk, I don't even think about loud love as something having to do with boasting with other people about your relationship.
    It's a matter of taste, I didn't want to say that "loud" expressions of love are necessarily attention-seeking. There are certainly a many people who would feel constrained if they weren't allowed to show their love openly. But I handle most personal things very secretive, anyway.
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Mostly quiet. Though I am not opposed to public hand-holding, snuggling, and kissing (within limits), and telling people I love them-- whether in public or in private. I'm not going to paint it on a billboard, though. My husband and I both say "I love you" to each other often, and also to our kids. I'll yell it across a parking lot if I really feel the urge, though my husband prefers the quiet "I love you" hand signal that he picked up from his parents and taught to me (holding out thumb, index finger, and pinky, to make the letters "I L U").

    Verbal affirmation is very important, though it should always be backed up with loving actions.
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    Quote Originally Posted by MegaDoomer View Post
    Wouldn't it be actually best to have an almost "secret" relationship?
    For me? Yes, absolutely. For most people I know, not really. Or perhaps I'm wrong.
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    the quiet "I love you" hand signal that he picked up from his parents and taught to me (holding out thumb, index finger, and pinky, to make the letters "I L U"). .
    Omg this kind of stuff would creep me out. Like I would feel the need to shout it as loud as I can to contrast the strong dampening and stifling of emotions this kind of stuff implies.
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    As far as emotions go, I prefer implicitness.

    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    Verbal affirmation is very important
    Why? I shouldn't have to tell someone how I feel about them, especially not people I love.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Why? I shouldn't have to tell someone how I feel about them, especially not people I love.
    True, but not many people can figure it out unless you tell them at least once.

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