How do you turn off your role function if you have been forced to use it constantly?
I am pretty certain that I “was” an IEI, but I spent 8 years in the US Marine Corps rising to the grade of sergeant. During this time, I used my hidden agenda of Ti to work around my PoLR in Te, because the Marine Corps is stuffed full of Te bullshit. Essentially, I would ignore the Marine Corps way of doing it, and do it my own way using an awareness of logical structure to communicate what seemed to be a Ni solution to my fellow Marines. Thus, in order to train my subordinates, I had to use tons of Ti to articulate a Ni (essentially a mystical yet forensic) understanding of a problem.
However, I work in a job that is pretty good, it is comfortable, relaxing, however – it requires me to constantly interact with the public is a customer service role. I do like it, but it leaves me unfulfilled. The worst part of it is that requires constant awareness of my surroundings. I am constantly reprimanded for this. So I have set about improving my awareness, first trying Adderall and Ritalin, but then switched to prayer (with a partner) and some illegally acquired T-4 synthetic thyroid medication. I have since dropped the T-4.
The effect of this has been to improve my role Si function considerably. However, the improvement in my role function seems to have sifted all of my “receiving” elements at once. I feel at times that I have Se in the ignoring function, Ni as role function, Ne as suggestive, and Si as lead. I totally hate this. I want my imagination back!
When using my role function, I suddenly feel Se in the ignoring role – I am very easy going and yet I become more aware of the need to defend myself against transgressions. This is a bit positive; however, I need my damn imagination back.
I used to be result to an extreme, going to a psychiatrist because of my helter-skelter way of doing things. Now I need no medication to organize. I seem to be process. This worries me. I liked the old me. My boss hated it. Others hated it. I need to survive, but I want the old me back.
I seem to be an ISFp! But I know that I am not.
Before I went to the psychiatrist to correct my messy (result) ways, I was in no way an ISFp. I need the old me back. I still resemble the old me, it is like my role function (Si) is stuck on, shifting my lead function to my new role function. I don’t want to be an ISFp. Damn this sucks. How do you toggle the role function on and off?
I do want to add, that I seem like IEI most of the time, but I am having a hard time getting my Ni to do anything but “the ability to recognize the unfolding of processes over time (how one event leads to another), have visions of the past and future, develop mental imagery, and see intangible hints of relationships between processes or objects.” That is what Ni is supposed to do, however, I need write stories.
I have writers block. I keep bracing my Ni with my Hidden Agenda Ti!!! I am trying to write some fiction. So I need to tone down the damn Si role function that I need to use at work, and tone down my hidden agenda that I use to repel the hated Te crap away from me.
Also, I have been writing non-fiction for about a decade, I want to do fiction again. My result orientation is at work when I write fiction, by Ti seems to stabilize my "result" style of composition when doing non-fiction.
What I need to do is rapidly decompress after work. I need to be an ISFp at work, and an INFp to achieve happiness.
How can you rapidly toggle the role function OFF!