I've been reading Patti Smith's biography, 'Just Kids' (fabulous, by the way. highly, highly recommended) and realizing I might not be IEI. I know that's a pretty weird thing to say. And probably every IEI would look "boring" compared to her. But several things have occurred to me, nevertheless.
I have always tested 50/50 on the MBTI J/P sections of any test.
My life has looked "normal". Rational and reasonable. I've chalked that up to a conservative upbringing. But honestly, when I look at my choices (and they *are* MY choices. Nobody twisted my arm), I see a linear, one-step-after-the-other progression. Predictable. I've said this was me doing what other people expect of me. But maybe it was what I expected of myself because that's how I saw the world. I don't really know anymore. I can't tell. It's become too difficult for me to decipher my natural state.
Lately I've noticed that my emotions can have these bright bursts (which is probably normal for all Fe-egos) but mine seem particularly bright. Occasionally brighter than other Fe-creatives? Like, unnecessarily bright.
I also tend toward not being able to concentrate. I start projects and cannot finish them (or it takes forever) because I get bored. I start writing stories and I can't see them through to the ending.
My natural state is laziness and I can sit immobile for a long time, perfectly happy. Yet there are other times when I'm sitting that I can't stop moving my foot. If there's a song I like or I feel really enthused, it's extremely difficult to keep my body from moving.
I feel jealous of performers. I was such an extremely shy child but there's a big part of me that wishes I could have done that from a young age. (also, maybe not type related, or maybe more common among Fe-egos of all kinds)
I prefer to focus on other people. I don't really like talking about myself and would rather ask questions of others so that I can listen and react/respond and in that way, gain their trust, love, friendship, etc through our interactions (but will only go to this trouble if I really like the person). It's taken me a long time to learn how to reveal my inner self. It's much easier for me to reflect back someone else's view than it is to hold my own. And maybe that's not type related at all. I don't know. BUT when I DO have a view, it seems to just roll off my tongue in a very opinionated way. All at once and it comes out of me in a surprisingly strong way. This is rare, don't get me wrong. But occasionally I'll think "whoa, where did *that* come from?"
My parents used to tell me all the time that I loved to argue. They even told me I should be a lawyer and/or marry a lawyer (what kind of parents would tell their argumentative child that she should marry another argumentative person?).
I sometimes feel angry when I'm not taken seriously. When someone tells me I can't do something, I try harder to do it. I get this strange almost otherworldly determination. But it's all to prove the other person wrong, not to do whatever it was, for its own sake.
I also get angry when I'm ignored.
Overall, I'm very calm, laid back, go with the flow. But I have to admit that there are aspects of me, deeper in, that are more intense. Not as Ip as I sometimes pretend to be. Maybe I've learned, over time, to squash down certain aspects of myself. I'm feeling like a mix of the beta NFs I guess. But it's weird because I almost feel like I'm two different types. (dual type! lol)