Results 1 to 38 of 38

Thread: How duality works

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default How duality works

    My theory anyway....

    I read an article a while back about how the experience of being in love stimulated the same parts of the brain as cocaine. They did tests on mice and found that the reward sites of the brain lit up when there was a 50% chance of a reward. It was the not knowing that made it so exciting.

    So I was thinking how this related to duality. There is a sort of love hate thing that happens. You understand each other but at the same time they are a complete mystery to you. Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.

    Your thoughts?

    P.S.- I can't seem to find the article and forgive me if I didn't quote it exactly right but the gist of it was that there needs to be uncertainty for the reward sites of the brain to light up. I did find this article that was quite interesting though.

    http://health.usnews.com/health-news...-love-can-last

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,969
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.
    This sounds relevant for any romantic relationship or where you have a crush on someone. It doesn't mean the other person is your dual. You will of course be very attentive to how they feel about you....so yes, one minute you may be terrified that they'll leave, and if they proclaim their love then it's a big rush.

    But that can happen even if they're not your dual.

    Also, dual relationships are not necessarily romantic relationships. You could have a friend or business partner or casual acquaintance who's your dual. It doesn't mean that you'll find that person physically attractive.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.
    This sounds relevant for any romantic relationship or where you have a crush on someone. It doesn't mean the other person is your dual. You will of course be very attentive to how they feel about you....so yes, one minute you may be terrified that they'll leave, and if they proclaim their love then it's a big rush.

    But that can happen even if they're not your dual.

    Also, dual relationships are not necessarily romantic relationships. You could have a friend or business partner or casual acquaintance who's your dual. It doesn't mean that you'll find that person physically attractive.
    Yes but what I am saying is that dual relationships tend to last longer than others. Could this be the reason why? It stays exciting for years and years and doesn't seem to wear off.

  4. #4
    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Holy Temple of St. Augusta
    Posts
    3,693
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Yes but what I am saying is that dual relationships tend to last longer than others. Could this be the reason why? It stays exciting for years and years and doesn't seem to wear off.
    Based on what data?
    (i)NTFS

    An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
    and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI

    31.9FM KICE Radio ♫ *56K Warning*
    My work on Inert/Contact subtypes

    Socionics Visual Identification(V.I.) Database
    Socionics Tests Database
    Comprehensive List of Socionics Sites


    Fidei Defensor

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Yes but what I am saying is that dual relationships tend to last longer than others. Could this be the reason why? It stays exciting for years and years and doesn't seem to wear off.
    Based on what data?
    What do you mean?

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,969
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Yes but what I am saying is that dual relationships tend to last longer than others. Could this be the reason why? It stays exciting for years and years and doesn't seem to wear off.
    Possibly, but I think the sense of "exciting difference" occurs in just about every relation except perhaps identity, and may even occur there. I've heard people say that identity isn't the best for long-term relationships because maybe things get stale after awhile. But ever other good relation is going to involve differences that can seem exciting.

    Nevertheless, here's something I find amusing. Generally, when two famous people are a couple, Socionists type them as duals. But then the famous people have this big acrimonious split. So what do we do...change the typing so that they're not duals anymore?

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Yes but what I am saying is that dual relationships tend to last longer than others. Could this be the reason why? It stays exciting for years and years and doesn't seem to wear off.
    Possibly, but I think the sense of "exciting difference" occurs in just about every relation except perhaps identity, and may even occur there. I've heard people say that identity isn't the best for long-term relationships because maybe things get stale after awhile. But ever other good relation is going to involve differences that can seem exciting.

    Nevertheless, here's something I find amusing. Generally, when two famous people are a couple, Socionists type them as duals. But then the famous people have this big acrimonious split. So what do we do...change the typing so that they're not duals anymore?
    Well that's just plain retarded. Typing famous people is a waste of time anyway.

  8. #8
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    There's no rush in duality; it's pretty even. Oxytosin is produced that gives us the feeling of love.

  9. #9
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    Seer
    Posts
    12,809
    Mentioned
    368 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    My theory anyway....

    I read an article a while back about how the experience of being in love stimulated the same parts of the brain as cocaine. They did tests on mice and found that the reward sites of the brain lit up when there was a 50% chance of a reward. It was the not knowing that made it so exciting.

    So I was thinking how this related to duality. There is a sort of love hate thing that happens. You understand each other but at the same time they are a complete mystery to you. Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.

    Your thoughts?

    P.S.- I can't seem to find the article and forgive me if I didn't quote it exactly right but the gist of it was that there needs to be uncertainty for the reward sites of the brain to light up. I did find this article that was quite interesting though.

    http://health.usnews.com/health-news...-love-can-last
    This is good. I assume you're talking about the prospect of being infatuated by your dual in the beginning?

    I would definitely describe being infatuated by your dual as extra stimulating, almost like crack. The extreme highs, and confusing withdraws. They drive you absolutely crazy in a way you can't put your finger on... it's awesome. Interactions are so fluid and easy. Feel good feelings build up, and you become more confident in areas you once lacked in. You never get bored. The pull is strong, so strong that it can make you flip your life around and do crazy things. If you're already in a relationship you'll definitely consider leaving your spouse for a dual (I'm sure many actually have). At times you'll freak yourself out and wonder if it's what you really want. For a split seconds you want out, then you find yourself pulled deep in again. It's insane.
    Last edited by fox; 07-01-2011 at 04:44 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

  10. #10

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    There's no rush in duality; it's pretty even, so much so that there's a tendency for need of excitement and independence or rush like one offered in benefit relations.
    Well that's not my experience of it. After 6 years we are still very excited by one another. I didn't think it was possible to keep that level of excitement up for so long.

  11. #11
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    There's no rush in duality; it's pretty even, so much so that there's a tendency for need of excitement and independence or rush like one offered in benefit relations.
    Well that's not my experience of it. After 6 years we are still very excited by one another. I didn't think it was possible to keep that level of excitement up for so long.
    excited by one another is a yes, but a rush seems a bit over the top; it's just semantics anyway.

  12. #12

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    153
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    My theory anyway....

    I read an article a while back about how the experience of being in love stimulated the same parts of the brain as cocaine. They did tests on mice and found that the reward sites of the brain lit up when there was a 50% chance of a reward. It was the not knowing that made it so exciting.

    So I was thinking how this related to duality. There is a sort of love hate thing that happens. You understand each other but at the same time they are a complete mystery to you. Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.

    Your thoughts?

    P.S.- I can't seem to find the article and forgive me if I didn't quote it exactly right but the gist of it was that there needs to be uncertainty for the reward sites of the brain to light up. I did find this article that was quite interesting though.

    http://health.usnews.com/health-news...-love-can-last
    This is good. I would definitely describe duality as being incredibly stimulating, almost like crack. The extreme highs, and confusing withdraws. They drive you absolutely crazy in a way you can't put your finger on... it's awesome. Feel good feelings build up, and you become more confident in areas you once lacked in. You never get bored. The pull is strong, so strong that it can make you flip your life around and do crazy things. If you're already in a relationship you'll definitely consider leaving your spouse for a dual (I'm sure many actually have). At times you'll freak yourself out and wonder if it's what you really want. For a split seconds you want out, then you find yourself pulled deep in again. It's insane.
    Thank you. This is more in line with my experience.

  13. #13
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    My theory anyway....

    I read an article a while back about how the experience of being in love stimulated the same parts of the brain as cocaine. They did tests on mice and found that the reward sites of the brain lit up when there was a 50% chance of a reward. It was the not knowing that made it so exciting.

    So I was thinking how this related to duality. There is a sort of love hate thing that happens. You understand each other but at the same time they are a complete mystery to you. Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.

    Your thoughts?

    P.S.- I can't seem to find the article and forgive me if I didn't quote it exactly right but the gist of it was that there needs to be uncertainty for the reward sites of the brain to light up. I did find this article that was quite interesting though.

    http://health.usnews.com/health-news...-love-can-last
    This is good. I assume you're talking about the prospect of being infatuated by your dual in the beginning?

    I would definitely describe being infatuated by your dual as extra stimulating, almost like crack. The extreme highs, and confusing withdraws. They drive you absolutely crazy in a way you can't put your finger on... it's awesome. Interactions are so fluid and easy. Feel good feelings build up, and you become more confident in areas you once lacked in. You never get bored. The pull is strong, so strong that it can make you flip your life around and do crazy things. If you're already in a relationship you'll definitely consider leaving your spouse for a dual (I'm sure many actually have). At times you'll freak yourself out and wonder if it's what you really want. For a split seconds you want out, then you find yourself pulled deep in again. It's insane.
    Are you sure this isn't happening because one doesn't want to be in it? I've never experienced an LSE run back to me after I dumped them. Something's fishy about your relations, guys and I'm not saying this to be contradictory or mean. I'm being honest. Just doesn't seem like duality.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 07-01-2011 at 05:02 AM.

  14. #14
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    Seer
    Posts
    12,809
    Mentioned
    368 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    LSE's are not SLE's.

    Maybe it's an aggressor victim dynamic. I'm flighty with my feelings and it doesn't take much for me to freak out and pull away, while it seems SLE's are very aggressive, straightforward and upfront. They'll hunt and chase you when you go into hiding.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

  15. #15
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    LSE's are not SLE's.

    Maybe it's an aggressor victim dynamic. I'm flighty with my feelings and it doesn't take much for me to freak out and pull away, while it seems SLE's are very aggressive, straightforward and upfront. They'll hunt and chase you when you go into hiding.
    Yeah, I can see this.

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    252
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    A dual essentially supplies a functional need for you. I notice I have a need (or really more of a want) for SeFi in a person. Duals just complete each other, hence the dual part. They block for a weak side you have. I dont really think there is a whole lot more to it than that.

  17. #17
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Eye of the Potato-- the push-pull has lasted beyond 6 years?? damnit, I thought that stuff would eventually wear off.

  18. #18
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Freiburg im Breisgau
    TIM
    ENTj
    Posts
    15,632
    Mentioned
    157 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jonathan View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Your dual can drive you crazy at times. I'm wondering is it this barrier that keeps the relationship exciting? So many obstacles to be overcome, one week you are terrified they are going to leave and the next week you get a rush when they proclaim their love. Without this uncertainty our brains would not get the same high as we would get in a relationship with someone who is very similar to ourselves.
    This sounds relevant for any romantic relationship or where you have a crush on someone. It doesn't mean the other person is your dual. You will of course be very attentive to how they feel about you....so yes, one minute you may be terrified that they'll leave, and if they proclaim their love then it's a big rush.

    But that can happen even if they're not your dual.

    Also, dual relationships are not necessarily romantic relationships. You could have a friend or business partner or casual acquaintance who's your dual. It doesn't mean that you'll find that person physically attractive.
    Yeah that. Plus living for many years on an emotional rollercoaster might be good if your life is boring. I can make my life very interesting by myself, adding a weekly emotional up and downs makes my life much worse on the long run.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

  19. #19
    not gonna be around as much anymore
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    C-IEE
    Posts
    1,258
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    My life's work (haha):
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin/blog.php?b=709
    Input, PLEASEAnd thank you

  20. #20
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,757
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Eye of the Potato-- the push-pull has lasted beyond 6 years?? damnit, I thought that stuff would eventually wear off.
    Im skeptical, sounds like Identity or Activity.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  21. #21
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,757
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Push and pull happens in any relationship. It's just part of the honesty of human needs.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  22. #22
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Eye of the Potato-- the push-pull has lasted beyond 6 years?? damnit, I thought that stuff would eventually wear off.
    Im skeptical, sounds like Identity or Activity.
    Yeah I'm skeptical too. His describing duality as a "mystery" and driving you "crazy". Noooo.... you should be perfectly relaxed with your dual. It could happen in duality, but is less likely. I'm wondering how healthy his relationship is, and if he's just trying to open up the definition of duality, as opposed to correctly defining his relationship.

  23. #23
    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    TIM
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    24,757
    Mentioned
    91 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Yeah it sounds like Activity to me.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

  24. #24
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    You're better off anticipating that duality can be tumultuous, to a point that at times will push you to your psychological thresholds. Expect a reasonable dose of fights, stress, insecurity, and upheaval. The test will not be the absence of conflict, but how well the relationship is strengthened by it and endures.

    yeah, really. people don't usually grow unless they are put into a situation where it's necessary. and can have tons of practice runs until they learn and get the hang of whatever it is they need to.

  25. #25
    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Holy Temple of St. Augusta
    Posts
    3,693
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eye of the Potato View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post

    Based on what data?
    What do you mean?
    What studies or otherwise, data, has found that dual relationships tend to last longer and stay exciting longer than other relationships?

    The concept of duality by Augusta hasn't been validated on that level.
    (i)NTFS

    An ILI at rest tends to remain at rest
    and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI

    31.9FM KICE Radio ♫ *56K Warning*
    My work on Inert/Contact subtypes

    Socionics Visual Identification(V.I.) Database
    Socionics Tests Database
    Comprehensive List of Socionics Sites


    Fidei Defensor

  26. #26
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    My relationship is very good and easy. and we don't really fight, but we still are able to grow. People here have funny ideas about relationships.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  27. #27
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    My relationship is very good and easy. and we don't really fight, but we still are able to grow. People here have funny ideas about relationships.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Yeah I'm skeptical too. His describing duality as a "mystery" and driving you "crazy". Noooo.... you should be perfectly relaxed with your dual. It could happen in duality, but is less likely. I'm wondering how healthy his relationship is, and if he's just trying to open up the definition of duality, as opposed to correctly defining his relationship.
    Heh, I really don't think one should assume duality as necessarily 'easy'; good relationships typically aren't the easiest. You can't individually grow if you're 'perfectly relaxed' all the time.

    You're better off anticipating that duality can be tumultuous, to a point that at times will push you to your psychological thresholds. Expect a reasonable dose of fights, stress, insecurity, and upheaval. The test will not be the absence of conflict, but how well the relationship is strengthened by it and endures.
    You're talking to me about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone to grow? That's what I say all the time!

    That being said, Ashton, I usually say that in regards to life goals. In regards to relationships... if it's draining your energy, it's usually better to get out. Just curious, as far as credibility, how much relationship experience do you have Ashton? Do you have a girlfriend now?

  28. #28
    Jarno's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Netherlands
    TIM
    ILI-Te
    Posts
    5,375
    Mentioned
    30 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Sumer1an View Post
    A dual essentially supplies a functional need for you. I notice I have a need (or really more of a want) for SeFi in a person. Duals just complete each other, hence the dual part. They block for a weak side you have. I dont really think there is a whole lot more to it than that.
    if you've experienced duality you'll know its not just a practical thing, that you can help eachothers weak spot, there's a lot of psychology involved. You'll feel better etc.

  29. #29

    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    252
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jarno View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sumer1an View Post
    A dual essentially supplies a functional need for you. I notice I have a need (or really more of a want) for SeFi in a person. Duals just complete each other, hence the dual part. They block for a weak side you have. I dont really think there is a whole lot more to it than that.
    if you've experienced duality you'll know its not just a practical thing, that you can help eachothers weak spot, there's a lot of psychology involved. You'll feel better etc.
    Oh, I know there is a ton to duality.. I really just meant to say that all of the psychological facets to the interrelation stem from the functional completion, but the whole uncertainty aspect the OP talks about is not why duality is duality. Maybe what she describes occurs in the relation (it may just be another facet that makes duality complex) but it isn't a core aspect that defines duality.

  30. #30
    Creepy-male

    Default

    I has answer















    And remember... there is no such thing as a magnetic monopole

  31. #31
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    My relationship is very good and easy. and we don't really fight, but we still are able to grow. People here have funny ideas about relationships.


    Food for thought.

  32. #32

    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    TIM
    LIE-Ni sx/so
    Posts
    412
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Ashton! You're supposed to be dating MY mom?!?!?!? WTH?
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

  33. #33
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    You're talking to me about pushing yourself outside your comfort zone to grow? That's what I say all the time!
    Okay.



    I didn't say draining energy. I just said don't expect it to be a cakewalk 24/7.

    Entering any relationship expecting it to be idyllic and perfect, is setting yourself up for disappointment. No relationship is 'perfect', dual or no dual.



    More than enough to stand by what I said.

    Do you have a girlfriend now?
    Yeah, me and your mom are dating.
    Hmm, I think we're talking about two different things. I never said the relationship would be "perfect". I said you should be "perfectly relaxed" with your dual. I do agree that some difficulties can be expected with any relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Heh, I really don't think one should assume duality as necessarily 'easy'; good relationships typically aren't the easiest. You can't individually grow if you're 'perfectly relaxed' all the time.
    That being said, I think it's weird to say that good relationships aren't easy. I mean... that's why they're good. You seem to have a twisted 'no pain, no gain' viewpoint... which can be frustrating, if you're constantly trying to date girls who intentionally upset you... thinking that's what's needed for duality.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    You're better off anticipating that duality can be tumultuous, to a point that at times will push you to your psychological thresholds.
    I think it's healthier to anticipate duality being easier than most relationships... not perfect, no, but easier. Expecting negative will get you negative... and frustration. Expecting positive will get you positive... and happiness.

    Not sure if this is a quadra difference or what. I do understand where you're coming from though. But whatever.

  34. #34
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    The way many of you speak
    I am not "many of you". You seem to put me in a group of nansy-pansy duality-lovers, when I've written many times before that I disagree with them too. Just because I gave a positive view of duality, you feel the need to jump to many things I already know, Ashton. I know duals vary. Talk to me, Ashton, not some collective grouping you've placed me into.

    Anyway, g'night.

  35. #35
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'm in a dual marriage and I was in a lot of other relationships before that as I didn't get married young. I have enough relationship advice to feel very comfortable comparing the two. It is simply easy. I would say easy before better even - easy the most obvious thing about it. And the ways it is easy make sense with Model A and Socionics. Things I do that agitate people who don't value Ne are appreciated by my husband. The way I am naturally without editing myself works with teh way my husband is naturally without editing himself, and vice versa. I don't know how to describe that other than "easy". It isn't about being coddled, it's about naturally getting along without much conflict.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  36. #36
    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Space
    TIM
    Seer
    Posts
    12,809
    Mentioned
    368 Post(s)
    Tagged
    9 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I'm in a dual marriage and I was in a lot of other relationships before that as I didn't get married young. I have enough relationship advice to feel very comfortable comparing the two. It is simply easy. I would say easy before better even - easy the most obvious thing about it. And the ways it is easy make sense with Model A and Socionics. Things I do that agitate people who don't value Ne are appreciated by my husband. The way I am naturally without editing myself works with teh way my husband is naturally without editing himself, and vice versa. I don't know how to describe that other than "easy". It isn't about being coddled, it's about naturally getting along without much conflict.
    This. You can pretty much be yourself & your dual appreciates you for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

  37. #37
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,819
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The concept of duality and the ease of my marriage are what drew me to this forum in the first place, actually. Someone sent me this MBTI test, and I took it, and got my husband to take it, and wondered if it would explain why our marriage was so easy compared to most people I know. It didn't. But I googled something like ENFP ISTP marriage and up popped the16types and discussion of duality. It described our marriage very well, and if it hadn't I probably wouldn't have bothered sticking around. I don't think duality is the only possible good relationship, or that all dual relationships will be great, because there are outside issues. But among people with similar views on The Big Issues (religion, politics, issues re children, etc.), I think a dual relationship will be easier than other relationships. I also know lots of people who seem very happy in their non-dual marriages, but they talk about how they have to "work on" their relationships, by reading books and going to couples workshops and things. They are willing to put in the work and find their relationships wonderful, I don't doubt as good as mine, and worth the effort, but they do have to put in effort, where we don't. So IMO dual relationships are specifically easier but aren't necessarily going to be better, except in as much as easier = better, which is a partial and not complete thing. And if The Big Issues come between people, it will cause problems whether the couple is a dual couple or whatever.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

  38. #38
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    22,740
    Mentioned
    531 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    My dual relationships have helped me to not let other people's pressure bother me (I can deal with walking away and not applying too much pressure or force back where I know it isn't going to yield any results). By confidently taking control and being more decisive and making decisions and sticking with them whereas I would ordinarily be consumed, distracted, disoriented, indecisive, and just needing the consultation of many people and having many opinions to form my own idea. My duals, in turn, become more emotionally and self confident (as far as how they look and come across to others), put less pressure on themselves, are more careful about ethical mistakes. The zone between the yin and yang, that very fine line, becomes bigger and we start looking like each other.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 07-04-2011 at 06:49 AM.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •