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Thread: Immature IEI/INFp manipulation in relationships

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    Default Immature IEI/INFp manipulation in relationships

    My INFP friend has struck a nerve with me. He has a girlfriend but he is playing another girl. He is using both for sex. He bragged like a 12 year old boy about receiving a BJ from this girl and I was reminded of my ENFJ friend who exbits similiar behaviour -a introverted inutition moment. I'm liberal when it comes to sex but my INFP friend has a dubious nature. He did a little research on this girl and found out two things he needed to know. #1 She puts out. #2 She is a head case. What this means is he treats them subhuman in terms of lying to them, playing mind games (maybe abusing them), cheating on them and of course using them for sex. What is dubious is that he prefers women who are mentally unstable. When he thinks that they are a bit off in the head that makes it okay to use them for their bodies. In other words he feels no guilt nor remorse because when he thinks they are 'crazy' then they do not deserve to be respected. Once this occured to me I can understand why friends who have known him longer feel no sympathy toward him when he is brokenhearted or when a women cheats on him.

    Of course these women happen to be ESFJ who have no idea what he is thinking. He thinks their minds have no merit so essentially the only thing that is worthwhile is their bodies. He thinks his girlfriend is undiagnosed bipolar and he heard an extreme case of this other girl chasing this guy across town so he thinks she's crazy. Admittedly both of these girls are bit stupid as I think most women can detect that he is a player.

    I have another friend who is dating an ESFJ. He mentioned to me that she is depressed, maybe bi-polar. His attitude is that she needs help.

    The point of this thread is not to knock iNeF but personally I want to intervene. I would like to hear what people think. Is there anything wrong with this picture? Do I let this continue? will my INFP wise up?

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    He might wise up, but it could take awhile. Maybe at this point, he's deduced something about the world in these shitty terms, and he thinks he must live up to it, and now he's experimenting. It'll take some humbling experience to knock him out of it and come up with more ideal ways of interacting with people. At least, this is how I wisened up myself. In a way, I don't think IEIs are strongly ethical in the static/traditional sense until later.. you got be a sinner before you become a saint.

    Of course, I could be full of shit too.

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    Let's fly now Gilly's Avatar
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    IEIs will do what they are doing until either their motive has been subverted continually, or another, more powerful incentive arises.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I have an IEI friend who cheats on his girlfriends. He's a bit of a nut case himself. But yeah, I doubt that kind of immaturity is type related. I can vouch for that one; I always stick to my ethics.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Put me up for another cheating IEI. Just a one-time thing though(so far, atleast, to my knowledge).
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    The flip side to that arguement is this:

    How have you proved yourself to be a worthy enough warrior for the INFp to be loyal and monogamous to you? It might seem immature to you, but INFps really just want somebody that cares as much as we do. =p

    IEIs have great insight to human nature, as well as people's shadow sides and their cruel motivations (what we supervise ESEs on) and so you can't 'fake care' with an IEI and get away with it too well.

    If somebody is really the one why would I want to cheat or be with other people? It just would seem like a silly suggestion...

    But if there's any ambivalence that I have about the person, then I will just consider them to be just another evil selfish stupid whore in life. Not my soulmate. Not the one. It's not that I'll totally dislike the person but if you really want me to be monogamous and be with you, you have to prove to me without a shadow of a doubt that I'm the one for you out of TRILLIONS of other people in this universe, and I should be doing the same to you. Otherwise, why are you asking for monogamy?

    Anyway that person is just treating you how they will assume that you will treat them. A lot of time when people are being externally cruel, you have to look at it that way and see the true heart of the matter and not just their off-putting behavior. I know it's really frustrating because IEIs can be dicks, but it's a defense mechanism. =p

    You're taking their rudeness personally, which is not what an IEI/SLE wants you to do at all, and so you're failing their 'Love Test' as it were.

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    You were supposed to say:

    "How can we make this better? Don't you know that I'm the only one for you baby? What have I done to make you act this way. Please?"
    (Like a self confident masculine gangsta ESTp str8 male that smells good in his chest area and works out and has been to prison 3 times but has a big heart and protects people)

    Then if they are still a dick, it's just an IEI being a dick. But a lot of time people are rude as a test and cry for love.

    And socially ostracizing them because of it doesn't really solve anything. It just makes the problem worse and gives more fuel to their fire and makes them try even harder to get under your skin.

    Hehe. I should write a book 'To really understand an IEI'

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    I feel like Tristan in Stardust tied up with the star, I'll do anything for love. But the real question is what are they gonna do for me? Huh. I deserve just as much love as I give out. =p

    So the real question is what are they gonna do for me!!! What is he or she gonna do for me is the real kicker...

    It's too easy to take advantage of an IEI's caring nature, all IEIs have big hearts, it's why I act like a crazy lunatic from time to time, why Nick says cutting things to everybody, and why Ian will insecurely bully people on occasions. =p

    If you piss on our hearts or make fun of it or not appreciate it or be smug and condescending with us, then well fuck you. =) We're just gonna give you hell. So the correct response to this situation (like most anything life) is to take the moral high ground and show that you really care about us.

    I mean if you don't want me to treat you like a two dollar whore: Then fucking act like it. Be respectful. And very kind. Treat me like I'm the Disney Princess I am.

    And sometimes being kind is throat fucking us when we want it and sometimes it's just buying us a $50 video game , but you should be masculine and insightful enough to know the difference. =p =p =p

    As Chris Crocker says: BUY ME A FRUIT BASKET STRAIGHT MAN, AND STOP WHINING!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    The flip side to that arguement is this:

    How have you proved yourself to be a worthy enough warrior for the INFp to be loyal and monogamous to you? It might seem immature to you, but INFps really just want somebody that cares as much as we do. =p

    IEIs have great insight to human nature, as well as people's shadow sides and their cruel motivations (what we supervise ESEs on) and so you can't 'fake care' with an IEI and get away with it too well.

    If somebody is really the one why would I want to cheat or be with other people? It just would seem like a silly suggestion...

    But if there's any ambivalence that I have about the person, then I will just consider them to be just another evil selfish stupid whore in life. Not my soulmate. Not the one. It's not that I'll totally dislike the person but if you really want me to be monogamous and be with you, you have to prove to me without a shadow of a doubt that I'm the one for you out of TRILLIONS of other people in this universe, and I should be doing the same to you. Otherwise, why are you asking for monogamy?

    Anyway that person is just treating you how they will assume that you will treat them. A lot of time when people are being externally cruel, you have to look at it that way and see the true heart of the matter and not just their off-putting behavior. I know it's really frustrating because IEIs can be dicks, but it's a defense mechanism. =p

    You're taking their rudeness personally, which is not what an IEI/SLE wants you to do at all, and so you're failing their 'Love Test' as it were.
    Pretty insightful. Helps me understand polyamory(dunno if this is the right term, I mean when people shack up with multiple people in a short time rather than trying to find one) a little more.
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    and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI

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