Hey 16types. It's really late, and I'm really tired, but I think I just finally realized something which I had been trying to piece together for a while.
So, I know I've been disliked before for 'preaching' at people, for 'smug self-importance', and maybe even for thinking that I'm always right. I'd just like to share a realization that I was wrong about something. Figured I'd write here and share it publicly instead of doing a journal entry. I'll probably regret this in the morning. This is just stream of consciousness writing, take from it what you want.
People know what's best for them. This is something I've always been a strong believer in. Probably can be understood very well for any person who's grown up in a family with members from outside their quadra.
And this is the beauty of people. Of 16 different personality types, of all kinds of different perspectives, all competing to leave their own footprint on the world. Some people don't want to leave a footprint, but just go with the flow. See, I can't say anything strongly and confidently that everyone will agree to. You can please some of the people some of the time, all of the people some of the time, some of the people all the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time!
I'm 23 now. Have had some big fights recently with my parents. About my future. About caring. About lots of stuff! We just don't see eye-to-eye. We disagree on a lot!!!
But I'm perfectly old enough to choose for myself what I want. What I need. My needs and wants are different from my parents.
See, I think it's natural, on a psychological and mature level, once you reach 25+ or so in age, to want to share your experiences with the world. To make the world a better place.
Anyone take psychology? The stages of development. That 21+ or so group, the last group, where you can finally see the world objectively, see yourself as part of a whole. Finally take away your personal characteristics, the teenage drama of finding your personal identity, and see yourself as truly a part of a group, a part of society.
Let me give an example. In high school, a friend from my high school died in a car accident. She was speeding between 70-75 mph on a 35mph curvy, windy, backroad, while not wearing a seatbelt. She swerved off the road and hit a tree, died instantly.
I thought she was an idiot. I wouldn't let myself feel pity for her. I was very cold. I couldn't mourn for someone who brought about an accident on herself.
After all, my entire life, my parents always told me to wear a seatbelt. They told me not to speed. They warned me of all these dangers. For me, it was common sense.
... But now, being a bit older, my perspective has changed. I take away the individuality part of it. What are parents teaching their children in society? Are our driving laws not strict enough? Should drivers education be mandated? Should the legal driving age be raised, so 'kids' are generally more mature when they get behind the wheel?
See, perspective changes over time. Anytime I see an "accident", I'm able to empathize more than ever. I wonder if that could happen to me. Or someone I know and love. What was the person really doing wrong?
Anyway. Got on a huge tangent. That's not even where I wanted to go with this thread.
Basically, perspective changes over time. Now, I'm very stubborn in my following belief: EVERYONE WANTS TO BE SUCCESSFUL! I fully recommend "The Magic of Thinking BIG" by David Schwartz. That book will change your life.
What I'm finally realizing, is that SUCCESS is truly defined in different ways. I think one way in my life, AND on this forum, which I've come across as 'preachy' towards people, is because I was soooo convinced that my advice could help people.
... Because it can.
Oh wait, that's just my perspective.
Over the past few months, a couple times I 'scolded' people for misusing socionics. For not using it to better intertype relationships, but using it destructively, to take people down. One time in DJ's thread about how to capitalize on people POLRs rings a bell, and I forget the other time.
And the responses I got? They said using socionics to improve relationships was one way of looking at things.
... Now I don't know if that's just my Alpha version of viewing things. Why, as a society, should we invest so many countless hours of research and study, into understanding intertype relationships, if we don't use it to help ourselves get better as a society? Get stronger? Otherwise it seems like a waste of time, right?
Again, I think I'm realizing maybe that's just my optimistic perspective, using the knowledge for good. I feel like right now, k0rpsey or HLD or other Gammas would come screaming in at me, reminding me how politicians and media could use knowledge and power for evil.
Now, even more specifically in my realization, I hadn't realized that teaching was only my perspective. Or doing. Maybe that's Ej temperament. In my 'look-alike teachers' thread, comparing ESFjs and ESTjs. Doers. Practical advice-givers.
Even more more specifically, I've given people advice on how to be successful professionally, financially, in their careers. Loki called me a hypocrite. And I've given some of my friends in real life advice too, which has helped. Others, I can tell, don't even want my advice. They're not worried about achieving success.
Maybe that's enneagram 3 talking. But I'm realizing, some people focus so much on spirituality, of relaxation, or romance, of obtaining power, they simply don't care about achieving things, or making a difference in the world. They don't look at what they do.
I've never been one to revel in my accomplishments. I define myself by who I am, and where I'm going, and what difference I can make in the world, rather than focus on past accomplishments. But I do believe making a concrete, tangible difference in the world is important.
But anyway. I'm getting on another tangent, what I believe. Truth is, not everybody cares! What I think isn't what everyone else thinks! It's not right or wrong, it simply is! And again, that's the beauty of people! That's the beauty of each of us being diverse, and having our own strengths. Bringing our strengths together and becoming unstoppable.
Maybe that sounds like some hippy, feel-good, optimistic euphoria. But I truly see the positive, the potential of each and every person.
... But not everyone wants my advice.
... And more importantly, which I'm learning from discussions with my parents lately, MY advice isn't best for everyone. I imagine myself being the parent. I can't give all of MY advice, my knowledge and experience, to my child, if they see things differently than me, if they're a different type/quadra than me, etc. etc. I can still love and care for them, yes. But when is it time to let them make their own decisions? Think for themselves?
Because as we all know, there are some things in life that can't be taught by theory. Sometimes you just have to go out and try, and fail, and adjust. Learn by experience.
"You can't be old and wise without first being young and foolish."
Anyway, I guess this is just a huge that my ethics, high standards, and expectations aren't truly for everyone. Not because others are lazy, or don't want success; they just want it in different ways. And people aren't BAD, they're just different.
I feel more humble now than ever before. I feel like a complete jackass for having developed an 'all mightier than you' attitude. For feeling more important than others.
I still think my attitudes are better than others, yes. I think if others change their perspectives, and attitudes, they can achieve their own success, however they define it, more easily. That's not something I'm willing to change my mind about anytime soon.
But I'm not better than others. Not with intelligence, or morals, or anything else.
At work, I stayed after today, trying to get more done. Ya know, achieve more. And whenever I do that, I always smile and greet the housekeeping staff warmly. Even though it's a professional building, and I'm in a suit and tie, I feel no better than them. I was just doing housekeeping a few months ago! Earning less than minimum wage! Until I got lucky in this economy.
But when I'm nice to them, it's not that I feel sorry for them. Because they're happy too, it seems, deep down. Not everyone wants/needs money, or "achievements", in order to feel successful. They have reasons to be happy too, for living, for breathing, for seeing the sunshine/sunset every day.
Or maybe they are miserable. Maybe my advice can help them. But only if they want it. And what I do, and what I've gone through, isn't for everyone. Because deep down, my beliefs and convictions are simply different than others. But not necessarily better.
That's enough for now. Sorry if this is too long, and it turned into preaching again anyway. Once again, I love you all. (Not as much as the thread I made a few months ago though. ) I love even the bickering, the fighting (while being appropriate! ), the different viewpoints. I love not being respected for my attitudes and viewpoints, because it keeps me humble. Keeps things real. Because I'm just one person. And the things I want to do in my life, the differences I want to make, will be a big footprint on the world in my eyes. BUT. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a footprint. It's everyone walking and leaving their own footprints which makes the world enjoyable.
Hopefully you guys got something valuable from this.