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Thread: ENTjs making categorical opinions about people

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    Default ENTjs making categorical opinions about people

    Visiting with my Sister-in-Law this evening, she brought up the fact that there's been a rift between her and her brother (my infamous LIE brother-in-law, as mentioned in other threads). She wanted my advice, and I shared a few thoughts and observations. I mentioned that I had done a lot of study of personalities; she was interested in that, and thought maybe I could help her understand her brother better, and maybe figure out some sort of solution to their falling-out.

    Later after she left, I got to thinking more about it, and wrote down the following observations as they came to me-- somewhat of an epiphany; I wish I'd thought of it all as I was still with her, but it didn't come to me until later. Anyway, before I send it to her, I thought I'd run it by you folks, particularly the LIE's.

    Is this what it's like for you guys? Am I on the right track?


    Content Deleted.

    I will be deleting the above letter at some point, as it is quite personal. Please don't quote major portions of it. But I would appreciate some input.

    TIA.
    Last edited by pianosinger; 06-09-2011 at 02:27 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Sure. I tend to size people up pretty quickly and get a strong impression of what to expect from them—in terms of their mentality, attitude, worldviews, and so forth. Some of this is probably E8/gut triad related too.

    If I don't like what my instincts are telling me about them, it'll be hard for me to change that impression. Over a long period of time I can somewhat adjust, though I'm not inclined to 2nd guess myself. Plus I've been blindsided before for going against my 1st impressions of people and trying to be optimistic, so I make it a point now not to do that.

    Similarly, if someone wrongs me in some way, I rarely give 2nd chances. Sometimes a person can change—sort of—but they really don't, at least not innately so. As a matter of course, some people are just incompatible and need to be let go of for the betterment of both.

    I also don't feel as though I need help figuring this stuff out. I think I tend to read people better than my own duals most of the time, heh.

    Anyway, I'm not sure how to answer your question so I'm rambling open-endedly a bit. Are you wanting something more specific?
    Thank you. That is helpful.

    What do/would you do, however, if the person(s) you are having trouble with are family? Would you really just "let them go" for being incompatible with you?
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    Was this supposed to be in Alpha?


    TBH, this doesn't fit me at all. I'm not heavily conscious of my opinions of people when interacting with them. At least, not in any categorical capacity such as "they're a jerk." I really naturally put my personal sentiments aside as I interact with people. I even tend to to ignore past negative occurrences with ease as if they have never happened, unless I think I should do otherwise out of principle. Forgive and forget is pretty natural to me. I really can't hold a grudge even when I want to. It just takes more energy than I'm willing to put in.

    OTOH, I do come to expect certain things of people. I form ideas about people that involve predicting their actions, but I don't usually form any strong ideas about a person's character. My attitude then becomes: "People are gonna do what they're gonna do, and you just have to handle it as best you can." So, I just do my best to work around people and just recognize when I have to just distance myself from them. There have been cases where I just have to end a relationship, but there's still no lasting animosity that I have towards them. It's just a matter of it being the best course of action for both us. "If this is what you're going to do, it's just better if we go our own ways." Not that ending a relationship has always been civil, but all relationships (friendship or otherwise) that have been intentionally ended were ended because I knew things weren't working and I wasn't willing to bend enough for it and not because I hated the person or anything like that.

    A good example is that I won't hate someone for lying to me. I just won't trust their word anymore.
    Last edited by Azeroffs; 06-03-2011 at 10:25 AM.
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    he's pissed because she had triplets?
    what the....

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    he's pissed because she had triplets?
    what the....
    My mother-in-law had triplets. Before the triplets were born, my brother-in-law was the youngest of two boys already in the family. He was 4 years old, and very jealous. He seems to have struggled with jealousy issues ever since, believing that his parents (mother especially) cared more and did more for the triplets-- particularly the two girls-- than they ever did for him.

    My sister-in-law is one of those triplets. The other two are a boy and another girl; they are all in their mid-20s. My LIE brother-in-law is currently on speaking terms with the other two, but has been ignoring/not acknowledging the first for the last 8 months (I'm not too clear on exactly why, but apparently she got into some sort of argument with his wife, and maybe with him, too). My sister-in-law is puzzled and sad, because before that time, she and her brother had been getting along really well, taking guitar lessons together, hanging out and having fun; for the first time ever they weren't arguing or fighting, just really enjoying being together.
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    My mother-in-law had triplets. Before the triplets were born, my brother-in-law was the youngest of two boys already in the family. He was 4 years old, and very jealous. He seems to have struggled with jealousy issues ever since, believing that his parents (mother especially) cared more and did more for the triplets-- particularly the two girls-- than they ever did for him.

    My sister-in-law is one of those triplets. The other two are a boy and another girl; they are all in their mid-20s. My LIE brother-in-law is currently on speaking terms with the other two, but has been ignoring/not acknowledging the first for the last 8 months (I'm not too clear on exactly why, but apparently she got into some sort of argument with his wife, and maybe with him, too). My sister-in-law is puzzled and sad, because before that time, she and her brother had been getting along really well, taking guitar lessons together, hanging out and having fun; for the first time ever they weren't arguing or fighting, just really enjoying being together.
    Well he sounds like a whiny bitch, I'd make no excuse for that whatever type he is...if the triplets thing is the real reason.

    OTOH it also seems like this real reason isn't that obvious. Anyway I only partially relate to your explanation - I don't think I'm that much of an asshole. I definitely don't respond to anything emotional, but I don't really cut people off very easily - I will cut them off from specific activites (i.e. I won't trust them with delicate information, say).
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