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Thread: My experience with Activity and Duality romance (LSI-IEI/EIE)

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    Default My experience with Activity and Duality romance (LSI-IEI/EIE)

    (I know this goes without saying, but I'm paranoid and would like to ask those who are privy to the details of my personal life to not divulge any information beyond what I bring up myself in this topic.)

    I've amassed a fair bit of personal experience with both of these intertype relations. That is, I've been in relationships with two IEIs and two EIEs -- one of each subtype -- and I've developed what I think are some neat insights.

    My previous relationship was with an Fe EIE, and right now (and hopefully permanently) I am in a relationship with an Fe IEI. Both are compatible subtypes for Ti LSIs, such as myself, so I think this is the perfect comparison, and it will be my primary focus. So perhaps instead you might think of this as subtype-aligned Activity v subtype-aligned Duality.


    Initial attraction:

    One of the most stand-out features for me was the initial attraction I had for both women. With the EIE, I would describe the attraction as cautiously optimistic. A sense of trepidation mixed with a feeling of intrigue and thrill. "She'll be the death of me" mixed with "She's awesome and fun."

    With the IEI, there were no downsides. Rather, there's an immediate, powerful, mutual attraction unaccompanied by any negatives. "She's awesome and fun" mixed with "She's awesome and fun." So I think I can tentatively say that there is a much stronger initial attraction to your Activity partner.


    Personal growth:

    A key, oft-noted aspect of Duality is the way in which both partners naturally, unconsciously facilitate the psychological betterment of one another. The key words here are naturally and unconsciously. Perhaps an even better word would be effortlessly.

    As an example of what I mean, one time at school I encountered the EIE waiting in the snail-paced line to the financial aid office. I went over to speak to her, and she mentioned that she was going to skip a class in order to once and for all take care of the bureaucratic horror that is college financial aid. She seemed visibly perturbed by this, not at all confident that she was making a sound decision (Te Role).

    My response was firm and resolute. Instead of listing out practical reasons for staying or going, I said, "Class should take precedence over something that can be done at anytime (Ti). You should go to class and come back later (Se)." Note the hard-line nature of the first statement, in which I take on the role of Ti for her, not expecting any feedback. Then note the Se that serves a kind of firm-but-gentle poker. "Here's your Dual-Seeking, now go fulfill your Hidden Agenda." She instantaneously appeared to lighten up, saying, "That's a good idea," and off to class she went.

    With Activity, this kind of help can occur, but it requires conscious effort. The IEI I am with was complaining about having a creepy boss who occasionally makes inappropriate physical and verbal gestures toward herself the other female employees. For example, he'll sometimes lightly poke female employees or massage their shoulders while they are working. That's obviously totally unacceptable, and my typical advice would be to make a Ti statement about why that's bad, then offer an Se nudge advising her to report him. However, I knew that she would be very uncomfortable doing this, and that it would be better if I took on the role of Se for her, in a kind of "Fuck this!" manner, then using Ti to clarify and explain my actions. So I wrote down a list of all the things he has said and done, as well as the names of the girls who have been harassed. I would actually call today (in fact, I just now sent her a text informing her of my intent to do so), but she objected on the grounds that they're too busy and that she doesn't want the day devolving into chaos. I'm only going to hold off so long though; you don't touch my fucking girlfriend you foul specimen of human trash. Lucky I don't beat your ass. ajfgkdshfdhfsd

    Sorry, off on a tangent. But the point is that she loves having someone take on this Se role for her, and all it takes is this kind of leaping outward for me, her Activity partner, to do so pretty effectively. The subtype alignment makes it easier too, since her Se expectations are much more in like with my Se output. Even the way I pursued her was Se-oriented. I just decided to seduce her one day, and that's what I did. No mystery as to why it worked.

    As far as the Super Id help that I receive, it's actually very similar with both. With both, I get lots of happy, inclusive Fe output coupled with a subdued, more playful Ni that serves to encourage instead of forebode. This subtype alignment creates an asymmetrical dynamic that makes it easy for the IEI to help in these areas. Recently I was anxious about something, and it put me into this dark, sullen mood. My IEI noticed this and said, "I love you. Stop worrying so much, everything is going to be fine." That's exactly what I needed to hear and it made me feel better right away. I do worry too much and it's silly.

    Okay, so just to reiterate, the point here is that aligning subtypes create a kind of mini Duality that can still help while having all the fun of Activity. It's more awkward, but it doesn't feel like a chore. It just seems like happily going out of your way to help, and it's deeply appreciated by the recipient. "It makes me happy knowing that you'll defend me" isn't something an IEI says to someone who is pocketing their Se.

    This segment went on way too long lmao.


    Ease:

    Duality is like .5mg xanax and 40mg adderall taken at once. Invigorating yet relaxing. A balance of two drugs that were made for each other. The adderall makes things fun, and the xanax eases away anxieties and insecurities so that you feel comfortable even talking about your weaknesses.

    Activity is like 80mg adderall followed three hours later by 5mg ambien. VERY invigorating, but the come down is more dramatic. Fun as hell, but you both need to pass out and get some sleep afterward. I think this holds true especially for introverts. Several descriptions claim that both partners need to be alone, but I find that it's more that both partners just need to take a nap, but can do so in the same bed. You don't mention weaknesses because neither of you perceives any in the other.

    I think of Duality as two partners staying up all night in a castle library, in big chairs by the fireside, talking and losing track of time, intimate, like a little pocket world, delighted with each other. Relaxed yet stimulated. I see Activity as Belle and the Beast dancing in the library during the day, all colors and music and energy that will inevitably be followed by passing out in a feather bed. There is overlap here, of course, but that is how I'd articulate the far end of either spectrum. The thing about the subtype alignment is that it shortens the span between either extreme. The Dual is more "active" and the Activity is more "dual-ish," though each relation is still closer to its respective side.


    Stability:

    In this area, Activity wins out by quite a bit. There is very little, if any, reason to stay mad at your Activity partner. You don't even quarrel. It feels solid, yet never boring.

    Duality is a love-hate sort of thing. You love them but they drive you crazy. Unfortunately, this can easily lead to breaking up. I'd wager there are far more Duality divorces than Activity.


    Closing, the reason I wanted to write this because, with my grasp of Socionics, I can see that all these little problems described in Activity relations aren't actually big deals at all. Like I said earlier, I've been in relationships with both an EIE and an IEI of aligning subtypes, there are noticeable differences, but it doesn't feel in any way worse or less fulfilling. And the feeling is mutual, us both having had Dual partners in the past and feeling the same way now. With a little effort, you can get some missing Duality features while retaining the benefits of Activity.

    I know I kinda bashed Duality in this topic, and made it sound like Activity is better, but that's not what I think. While I do maintain that Activity trumps Duality as far as initial attraction and relationship stability are concerned, Duality is obviously better-aligned as far as input-output. However, with a decent grasp of Socionics, as well as the presence of subtype alignment, it's pretty fucking easy to make Activity relations just as fun and happy.

    I'd rate them 50-50.
    Last edited by discojoe; 06-07-2011 at 08:04 PM.

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    Amazing post, DJ. I enjoyed the read. I'm going to be nitpicky though and point out something small:

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Duality is a love-hate sort of thing. You love them but they drive you crazy. Unfortunately, this can easily lead to breaking up. I'd wager there are far more duality Divorces than Activity.
    You've dated two duals, but had no experience in a marriage capacity with them? I would still believe the 'accepted understanding' that the longer the relationship with a dual, the stronger it becomes. Through marriage too. So I'd still believe there are more Activity divorces than Duality divorces.

    But that being said, I'm sure it's a marginal difference. I'm gathering the major point of this post was that Activity can be just as good as Duality. I slightly disagree, and think it can be *almost* as good.

    As I've said many times before on this forum, dating someone HEALTHY is more important than the intertype relationship. In this post, in terms of pure intertype relationship itself, I'd still rank Duality higher than Activity. Not 50-50. At least 55-45.

    But as you pointed out, exceptional personal growth can be obtained from both. And there's a noticeable difference in terms of ease, be it conscious or unconscious. Great examples to back this up as well.

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    Hmm, it could be that my particular relationship is a one-in-a-million sort of deal, given the fact that we complement each other in every way in terms of sexual preferences, interests, sense of humor, etc. It's sort of surreal. Never had so much in common with anyone.

    So yeah, that high degree of complementary qualities may be acting as a sort of booster, pushing her up above my other dual relationships.

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    lol come on.

    youre obviously biased towards your current relationship.

    not saying its a bad thing but just realize it before you start trying to justify relations > others.

    youre probably just compatible in all those other ways you mentioned beyond type.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    lol come on.

    youre obviously biased towards your current relationship.
    Don't try to sweep away everything I said with some stupid platitude.

    not saying its a bad thing but just realize it before you start trying to justify relations > others.
    Lol, as if I didn't consider that, Miss Presumptuous. I'm not an idiot.

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    Actually, I find it easy to quarrel with my activity relations because they are perceptual types and our two communication styles don't align; specifically, I want them to be more rational than perceiving (keeping an open mind and door); I want them to be more judging and concluding. Also, I argue with them often because I want them to get up off their Si butts and do some Te, which they often have a hard time doing.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Don't try to sweep away everything I said with some stupid platitude.



    Lol, as if I didn't consider that, Miss Presumptuous. I'm not an idiot.
    defensive jeez. i READ everything you said and THAT was my final reaction. don't like it? your loss


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    Nice post.

    The friendships with all my INFP buddies have been really really easy to start. I feel a lot of loyalty from them as well, as there are many in my life even after long periods of time.

    ENFJs, not so much...I can't see them the same way. It almost feels like they think they're too good for me or something.

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    good post

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    While I do maintain that Activity trumps Duality as far as initial attraction and relationship stability are concerned, Duality is obviously better-aligned as far as input-output.
    That has been my experience as well, that there is even stronger initial attraction than with duality. For some reason I spot LSIs very easily, sometimes even without speaking to them. It's a combination of body language/reflexes/facial expression that immediately catches and keeps my attention. How it plays out long-term though I've read different stories, some with happy endings while others not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    defensive jeez. i READ everything you said and THAT was my final reaction. don't like it? your loss
    I'm not allowed to react negatively to haughty condescension? You expect me to like it? You consider it a loss if I don't?

    ???

    Quote Originally Posted by guy123 View Post
    Nice post.

    The friendships with all my INFP buddies have been really really easy to start. I feel a lot of loyalty from them as well, as there are many in my life even after long periods of time.

    ENFJs, not so much...I can't see them the same way. It almost feels like they think they're too good for me or something.
    EIEs are easy. Just arrogantly contradict every whiny thing they say.

    EIE: "God, you're such a dork."

    LSI: "Bullshit. I'm charming as hell, and you like it."

    EIE: "dsnglksnlg"

    Quote Originally Posted by dolphin View Post
    PICS
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    Quote Originally Posted by siuntal View Post
    good post


    That has been my experience as well, that there is even stronger initial attraction than with duality. For some reason I spot LSIs very easily, sometimes even without speaking to them. It's a combination of body language/reflexes/facial expression that immediately catches and keeps my attention. How it plays out long-term though I've read different stories, some with happy endings while others not.
    I notice both of them right away, but there's more of a feeling of cheeriness and availability with IEIs that draws my attention to them more easily. EIEs are standoffish or something.
    Last edited by discojoe; 06-02-2011 at 02:03 AM.

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    Thanks DJ that was a good post. Smilingeyes described activity as "resonant" while duality is "complementary". That means you're not supposed to talk with your dual about something you feel strongly about and expect them to agree with you, something that I generally found as being true. OTOH your activity will generally agree with your approach (my personal opinion is that this attitude is often mediated by shared negativism / positivism + shared I/E axis).

    Personally I've never had a close relationship with a SEE female. They seem to think I'm very uncool, but not uncool enough to be ILI (in which case they'd approach me, lol). I'm not necessarily attracted to them, either - they come across as quite extraverted, and I've always liked introverted women. OTOH I've seen a large number of ESI-ILI couples around, a pair which spells long-term disaster from my pov.
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    This is a good thread. A lot of what you said about Duality rings true, especially in my current relationship.


    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    One of the most stand-out features for me was the initial attraction I had for both women. With the EIE, I would describe the attraction as cautiously optimistic. A sense of trepidation mixed with a feeling of intrigue and thrill. "She'll be the death of me" mixed with "She's awesome and fun."
    I felt the exact same way when meeting SLE. There was an instant attraction, and I thought he was cool as hell... yet, at the same time he felt dangerous. Something told me to be cautious and stay far, far away, yet there was also a strong pull. I think I even joked about our meeting on this forum. lol "this creepy attractive SLE is stalking me. What does he want?! What should I do?" lol

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    A key, oft-noted aspect of Duality is the way in which both partners naturally, unconsciously facilitate the psychological betterment of one another. The key words here are naturally and unconsciously. Perhaps an even better word would be effortlessly.
    Yeah. It's pretty awesome feeling to experience when you can be your complete self and you find that somebody truly appreciates you for who you genuinely are, especially when you're not used to it. For this reason you kind of become addicted to one another in the beginning. It's like you find yourself in a warm & peaceful that bubble you cant pull away from, and things move really fast.


    Quote Originally Posted by wikisocion
    Romantic relationships affect the most intimate areas of a person's functioning, so dualization in this area will have the greatest affect on a person's life.
    The early stages of a dual romance may be similar to any other relationship where infatuation is present, but what is different is the psychological distance between the partners. The naturally close distance causes partners to relax internally and be more spontaneous than they would be in most other relationships. Duals quickly recognize that their partner is not overly concerned with their weaknesses and is not going to criticize sore spots. In romance dual partners quickly move from stereotyped romantic behavior to what is actually natural and sincere for them. Partners may find that they "discover themselves" through the dual relationship. By seeking out their true desires and natural tendencies and ignoring societal expectations, they actually enrich the relationship and gladden their partner. If a person has not enjoyed dual relations before, experiencing them for the first time will likely be a transformational experience. In the initial stage of a dual relationship, partners often "drop out" of society for a period of time to devote energy to the new relationship and the exciting process of self-discovery.
    I know people will roll their eyes at me for that, but That's honestly the only way I can describe it.


    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    That's obviously totally unacceptable, and my typical advice would be to make a Ti statement about why that's bad, then offer an Se nudge advising her to report him. However, I knew that she would be very uncomfortable doing this, and that it would be better if I took on the role of Se for her, in a kind of "Fuck this!" manner, then using Ti to clarify and explain my actions. So I wrote down a list of all the things he has said and done, as well as the names of the girls who have been harassed. I would actually call today (in fact, I just now sent her a text informing her of my intent to do so), but she objected on the grounds that they're too busy and that she doesn't want the day devolving into chaos. I'm only going to hold off so long though; you don't touch my fucking girlfriend you foul specimen of human trash. Lucky I don't beat your ass. ajfgkdshfdhfsd
    That was clever. Yeah, a SLE would react in that way. I remember I was at a club with the bf and some drunk asshole put his hand under my dress and grabbed my ass. I got upset & told SLE. He immediately told a bouncer and had the guy and all of his friends kicked out. It was awesome.

    I also help him when he overreacts in intense situations. I remember one of his good friend flipped out at him in a drunken rage & he said something rude to me (which didn't bother or offend me, as I knew his friend wasn't in his right state of mind). SLE got extremely defensive and went to grab his freaking gun . I immediately stopped him & ended up helping to solve the dispute between everyone peacefully. This quickly relaxed him & he ended up talking it out with his friend. I feel like things would have ended much worse if I wasn't there.


    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Ease:

    Duality is like .5mg xanax and 40mg adderall taken at once. Invigorating yet relaxing. A balance of two drugs that were made for each other. The adderall makes things fun, and the xanax eases away anxieties and insecurities so that you feel comfortable even talking about your weaknesses.
    Yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    I think of Duality as two partners staying up all night in a castle library, in big chairs by the fireside, talking and losing track of time, intimate, like a little pocket world, delighted with each other. Relaxed yet stimulated.
    Exactlyyyy


    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post

    Stability:

    In this area, Activity wins out by quite a bit. There is very little, if any, reason to stay mad at your Activity partner. You don't even quarrel. It feels solid, yet never boring.

    Duality is a love-hate sort of thing. You love them but they drive you crazy. Unfortunately, this can easily lead to breaking up. I'd wager there are far more duality Divorces than Activity.
    This is really good. Although Duality is extremely fulfilling and has helped me out in so many ways imaginable, I still cant help but feel that the relationship lacks a certain stability. I feel especially hesitant when you take his reckless over impulsiveness into consideration. That aspect about him doesn't bother me at the moment, but I could see how it could be potentially damaging in the future. Even though I can usually sense when somethings up, he's still very unpredictable. I believe he feels the same way when it comes to my insecurities & allusiveness. For this reason I'm not really sure if I could see myself ever wanting to marry my SLE, and at this point I know I definitely wouldn't want to have children with him (who knows, my feelings about this could change). He had a little situation which I was very uncomfortable with, (yeah, you all probably know what that was about) and he still carries a lot of baggage from it. Never the less, I feel like things are awesome as they are for the moment being. We get along great & have little conflict but at the same time we do drive each other crazy in the strangest ways. I can't describe it. What makes it even more strange is that even the negative aspects end up helping us improve ourselves for the better. It's so weird.

    Anyway, sorry to kind of steer away from the point of the thread, but I strongly resinated with a lot of your post. As far as Activity relations go, I don't have a lot of say. I don't have a lot of experience with them, but who knows; maybe one day.
    Last edited by fox; 06-02-2011 at 01:51 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    This is really good. Although Duality is extremely fulfilling and has helped me out in so many ways imaginable, I still cant help but feel that the relationship lacks a certain stability. I feel especially hesitant when you take his reckless over impulsiveness into consideration. That aspect about him doesn't bother me at the moment, but I could see how it could be potentially damaging in the future. Even though I can usually sense when somethings up, he's still very unpredictable. I believe he feels the same way when it comes to my insecurities & allusiveness. For this reason I'm not really sure if I could see myself ever wanting to marry my SLE, and at this point I know I definitely wouldn't want to have children with him (who knows, my feelings about this could change). He had a little situation which I was very uncomfortable with, (yeah, you all probably know what that was about) and he still carries a lot of baggage from it. Never the less, I feel like things are awesome as they are for the moment being. We get along great & have little conflict but at the same time we do drive each other crazy in the strangest ways. I can't describe it. What makes it even more strange is that even the negative aspects end up helping us improve ourselves for the better. It's so weird.
    I feel as though, with what you quoted from wikisocion and in general, duality is about both self-discovery and balancing you out. You really have to depend on a mature, strong partner to literally be your "other half". And many people have a hard time even acknowledging their weaknesses, even if long-term it means more growth.

    Goes back to the classic debate: DO YOU WANT A PARTNER WHO IS MORE LIKE YOU, LOTS IN COMMON, OR NOT LIKE YOU, OPPOSITES ATTRACT? Do you want someone who will balance out your weaknesses or enhance your strengths?

    I don't think debating the theory is of much use, or a good use of time. I think the practical point people should take away is, if you find a HEALTHY partner whom you have a lot in common with OUTSIDE OF THE INTERTYPE RELATIONSHIP, stick with them if they're either Duality or Activity. Both are viable long-term. Don't leave a healthy Activity relationship hoping for a better Duality one.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    Don't leave a healthy Activity relationship hoping for a better Duality one.
    And I guess as Krig would 'logically' say haha , the opposite is true: Don't stay in a Duality relationship if it's unhealthy, thinking there is nothing better out there.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    I think the practical point people should take away is, if you find a HEALTHY partner whom you have a lot in common with OUTSIDE OF THE INTERTYPE RELATIONSHIP, stick with them if they're either Duality or Activity. Both are viable long-term. Don't leave a healthy Activity relationship hoping for a better Duality one.
    Yeah dawg.

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    good thread. I agree with everything.

    the end.

    how's that for lazy harmonizing?
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    good thread. I agree with everything.

    the end.

    how's that for lazy harmonizing?
    THANKS FOR DROPPING BY

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    THANKS FOR DROPPING BY
    lol anytime.
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    I started seeing someone I really like. We have a lot of values and ideals in common. I don't know what type he is, and I used to think he was possibly an extrovert, but I'm leaning ISFJ-Fi sx instinct.


    I was thinking a similar way about what DJ mentioned above: how I like the Fi-subtype. ESFp-Fi and ISFj-Fi

    Also noticed that my attempts to do so easily diffused and ameliorated a situation for him, but it was me attempting. Since Te is my 'parenting self'/champion function, do activity partners kind of parent each other?

    I am a tad worried though, realizing how hermetic he is. It's weird: he's INTENSE like me, but he's either an introvert or he is an extrovert who has been severely affected by an extensively rough childhood and adolescence or something similar. So, this thread is particularly well-timed for me. Psst...dj, type him for me when you can. ?

    It's difficult for me, having had the irrational-irrational pairing of duality portrayed to me as ideal for so long, to not have some flags going up right now.

    i could be totally wrong on his type, too.

    also....he's incredibly organized/neat. I have undertaken a mass purging of my bat cave.
    ENTj-Ni sx/so

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    Send me a PM with details, pics, etc., and I'll try my best.

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    That's really interesting. I can definitely see how activity can be better than duality. E vs. I - I'm sick of getting drunk 3 nights in a row, I just want sleep sometimes

    How long have you been with this IEI? Do you think you'll get sick of the conscious effort?

    Also, what is the HA interaction like? With me and the SLE, we both know that HA criticism is the quickest way to hit a nerve, and we both do it to each other when we're cranky.

    Duality is a love-hate sort of thing. You love them but they drive you crazy. Unfortunately, this can easily lead to breaking up. I'd wager there are far more Duality divorces than Activity.
    Yeahhh. Fuck. SLEs are dumb in unfathomable ways. I've tried to break up with him at least 5 times
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by octopuslove View Post
    That's really interesting. I can definitely see how activity can be better than duality. E vs. I - I'm sick of getting drunk 3 nights in a row, I just want sleep sometimes
    It's not better. I was just remarking at how it appears to be comparable under the right circumstances.

    How long have you been with this IEI? Do you think you'll get sick of the conscious effort?
    About a month, and any fatigue arising from conscious exertion is negated by the positives.

    Also, what is the HA interaction like? With me and the SLE, we both know that HA criticism is the quickest way to hit a nerve, and we both do it to each other when we're cranky.
    The HA is given nothing but encouragement. No criticism whatsoever.

    Yeahhh. Fuck. SLEs are dumb in unfathomable ways. I've tried to break up with him at least 5 times
    When judging the quality of a relationship, pretend you know nothing about socionics.

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    Hmmm. . . I'm going to have to agree with Mountain Dew here.

    I think Activity can be a good relationship. But after experiencing Duality, I'm never going back to Activity. . .

    Honestly, I've never been attracted to my Activity partner. . . they're hilarious, and great company, but they're always my FRIENDS, not my lover.

    I guess I just find the LII nervous approach to court me so much more adorable then the: "let's get this thing started, 1. . . 2. . .3. . . BAM, now GO!" attitude that my Activity partners have.

    My natural response is: "wait a minute. . . WHAT?!? I don't know you well enough!"

    What I like about LII's, is I have a tendency of trusting them faster then ENTp's, and they take the courting process intuitively much slower. Again, ENTp's I greatly enjoy but. . . duality is far better IMO.

    LII's are just SO adorable, and they love me for who I am, completely and entirely, and I love them for who they are, completely and entirely. Flaws and all, there's always still that attraction no matter what they do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by yellow82 View Post
    Hmmm. . . I'm going to have to agree with Mountain Dew here.
    You don't agree with him.

    Honestly, I've never been attracted to my Activity partner. . . they're hilarious, and great company, but they're always my FRIENDS, not my lover.

    I guess I just find the LII nervous approach to court me so much more adorable then the: "let's get this thing started, 1. . . 2. . .3. . . BAM, now GO!" attitude that my Activity partners have.

    My natural response is: "wait a minute. . . WHAT?!? I don't know you well enough!"
    No response to this other than to say it doesn't correspond to my experience or to the testimonials of others that I've heard. Shrug.

    LII's are just SO adorable, and they love me for who I am, completely and entirely, and I love them for who they are, completely and entirely. Flaws and all, there's always still that attraction no matter what they do.
    My experience is entirely the opposite. EIEs seem to be critical of everything I do and say unless I sort of overwhelm them in such a way that they're scared of saying anything. But that just makes them standoffish. The universal acceptance that you're talking about is what I experience with IEIs.

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    You intimidate them into accepting you are right; that doesn't make them standoffish; that makes you into someone who wants to be right and wants to be acknowledge for that. When you push for your way and don't want to have any other way, they have no choice but to be quite, because they can't win with you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    EIEs seem to be critical of everything I do and say unless I sort of overwhelm them in such a way that they're scared of saying anything.
    true.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post

    My experience is entirely the opposite. EIEs seem to be critical of everything I do and say unless I sort of overwhelm them in such a way that they're scared of saying anything. But that just makes them standoffish. The universal acceptance that you're talking about is what I experience with IEIs.
    Well if you're looking for universal acceptance, you've come to the right type. IEI or SEI anyway. haha
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Well if you're looking for universal acceptance, you've come to the right type. IEI or SEI anyway. haha
    The problem doesn't seem to be universal acceptance so much as inertia. It didn't even occur to her to call the police when her ex did something I won't mention. I had her call the police and he was arrested (I don't want to discuss my own involvement). She said the thought didn't even pass through her mind, and she was visibly energized by my volitional directives.

    So in a sense, she was accepting her ex by not reacting to him. That's not the same thing as accepting him as an individual. That sort of acceptance is reserved for godly Beta ST specimens like myself.

    As for SEIs, I haven't noticed this kind of passiveness. They seem as quaintly tolerant on the surface, but they are much less likely to go along with bullshit for very long. At least that's been my experience.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    It's not better. I was just remarking at how it appears to be comparable under the right circumstances.
    I meant that some aspects can be better, although in theory, an ideal duality relationship will overall be better than an activity relationship.

    When judging the quality of a relationship, pretend you know nothing about socionics.
    Goes without saying I'm just a whiner.
    Quote Originally Posted by Agee The Great View Post
    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    So in a sense, she was accepting her ex by not reacting to him. That's not the same thing as accepting him as an individual.
    agreed. but yeah it does send the signal that she will tolerate that behavior.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    I just now called him, and used "persuasive" language to convince him that it would be in his best interests to apologize to her, return her books to her, and never contact her again. I gave him 24 hours to capitulate, and he called and apologized immediately after I hung up on him.

    It was weird. For some reason he seemed very intimidated--downright scared even--despite that I was being nothing but... *ahem*... cordial about the whole incident.

    Tee hee.

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    Hung out with my activity today.

    Had a few "I was thinking that!" moments (not quite as many as I've had with Duals). We can usually always make each other laugh.

    It feels comfy and incredibly safe, like you're protected by each other, that you can count on the other person to be there and look out for you, and for the most part, actually understand where you are coming from and what you need. There is tremendous loyalty and a sense of "I've got your back, you've got mine". But every so often there are those moments where you are knocked back into reality by being slightly (or sometimes very) baffled by each other or something the other person said.

    I don't always feel that same comfort level with duals, the safety I mean, that I feel around my LSI friend. I haven't had a lot of close experience with any Dual yet though, so maybe I'm wrong and have yet to get in on this Dualy goodness that everyone is raving about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    You intimidate them into accepting you are right; that doesn't make them standoffish; that makes you into someone who wants to be right and wants to be acknowledge for that. When you push for your way and don't want to have any other way, they have no choice but to be quite, because they can't win with you.
    lol never have i agreed so whole heartedly with maritsa

    talk to me when you and said IEI have hit a year. almost any relationship is great and chalked with endorphins for the first MONTH or.... 6.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    lol never have i agreed so whole heartedly with maritsa
    There's something wrong with reacting negatively to bitchy criticism? Lmao.

    talk to me when you and said IEI have hit a year. almost any relationship is great and chalked with endorphins for the first MONTH or.... 6.
    Blah blah, I have far more experience than you and a much better grasp of human relationships. Your lectures are pointless.

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    If your GF is bitching and criticizing you than you're not with your dual.

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    Maritsa, if you're addressing me, just remember that I have you on ignore.

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    OK.

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    This is more person-related than type-related imo. I do not have the same relationship with one IEI-Fe that I have with another, or with one EIE-Ni, or EIE-Fe that I have with another, even though they are the same subtype. People aren't interchangable, which obviously goes without saying, but sometimes does need to be said anyway. I've had people here tell me that when I like someone that I shouldn't necessarily focus on that particular person because there are other people with the characteristics I like in that person. Except, that misses the point. I don't like a person for certain characteristics of them, I like them for them. And they aren't found somewhere else, only in themselves.

    When people say that they want a particular type, or they like a particular type or subtype and don't like another, that should really be seen in a very general sense. Yes, you can say so generally, or in your experience, and socionics relationships do follow trends (or else what would be the point of looking at them at all) but if you're happy in your relationship with someone, it's not because you found the right subtype of the right type. Another person of that same type and subtype will not be the same. Duality can be good, and it can be not so good. Activity can be good, and it can be bleh. And it doesn't matter if your subtypes "fit" or not. That's been MY experience.

    There are cool things about socionics. I like it when things line up and fit into place, and it makes sense and explains something that I've already observed, but it doesn't explain everything. And when you're in a new relationship and you're still riding that "everything is wonderful" high, then it particularly doesn't explain well, because you see what you want to see. That DOES NOT MEAN that your relationship isn't as good as you think it is, it just means that there's no way you can objectively state how similar type relationships go, no matter how detached or objective you try to be, or make yourself sound.

    Don't bother trying to argue with me, because there's no point in doing so. And don't say that you already took that into account and I'm pointing out the obvious, because it clearly does need to be said and not dismissed. Yes, those are some interesting trends that you noticed in your relationships and experience. It's not so clearly delineated and cut and dry in mine.

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    +100!!
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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