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Thread: Romancing styles - "victim" males

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    Default Romancing styles - "victim" males

    Victim males How do you act with women.
    If im enfj then
    Personally i act like aggressor. If see someone interesting i start chasing and harrasing her, and try to get her see my positive value and will to have her. Now im trying to get an infp girl, but as i have just started to get on the meds so i shouldnt really leave this place. Im being 50% and 50% about leaving. As i think i dont really care about the danger. Actually its a bit thrilling

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    I think the boy that I ended my relationship with must be a victim male.


    He behaves much like you mentioned. And I'm just like "please, stop"
    and he then continutes to ask me about a hundred and fifty questions about that which I do not wish to speak of. I try to be reasonable. I try to explain that I have no answers, that I have nothing to say on these subjects, that I don't acknowledge them, I do not give them my time, I do not think about them. At all. Forty seconds later,

    him: "what would you like to have a constructive conversation about?"
    me: "I have no preference as long as no one gets upset or hurt or angry or vicious."
    him: "so what do you think would help us?"

    ... seriously? Just stop.

    He then gets mad at me for being unresponsive. I have nothing to say. If that's all you want to speak of you will reach a wall and then you will talk about non stop for months. You do not respect my wishes you do not think of anyone but your selfish wants.

    /rant

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hydrangea View Post
    I think the boy that I ended my relationship with must be a victim male.


    He behaves much like you mentioned. And I'm just like "please, stop"
    and he then continutes to ask me about a hundred and fifty questions about that which I do not wish to speak of. I try to be reasonable. I try to explain that I have no answers, that I have nothing to say on these subjects, that I don't acknowledge them, I do not give them my time, I do not think about them. At all. Forty seconds later,

    him: "what would you like to have a constructive conversation about?"
    me: "I have no preference as long as no one gets upset or hurt or angry or vicious."
    him: "so what do you think would help us?"

    ... seriously? Just stop.

    He then gets mad at me for being unresponsive. I have nothing to say. If that's all you want to speak of you will reach a wall and then you will talk about non stop for months. You do not respect my wishes you do not think of anyone but your selfish wants.

    /rant
    So you would rather liked to be punched in your face, and taken the hard way than have a conversation. Thank you i think i understand

    But yeah i think that is a good description

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    i seem to only attract victim males. the word i want to use is "provoking," i feel they try to pull things out of me, though not overtly. i feel like the more active one, but it's very reactive to them and what they're doing.

    if it's a good relationship, i barely notice the provoking of me i mentioned. it's just natural back and forth.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    I would much rather be punched in the face until I died.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hydrangea View Post
    I would much rather be punched in the face until I died.
    We could make a good couple. Whats your phonenumber ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by borderline View Post
    i seem to only attract victim males. the word i want to use is "provoking," i feel they try to pull things out of me, though not overtly. i feel like the more active one, but it's very reactive to them and what they're doing.

    if it's a good relationship, i barely notice the provoking of me i mentioned. it's just natural back and forth.
    WHO ARE YOU! What do you want to achieve ?

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    nothing in particular
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    accomplishments are transient

    re OP: passively draw in (the energy really seems to only align with beta STs). pursuing objects of desire = pushing away.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    hah just noticed the rest of the title, "Those little suckers" ... how true.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by borderline View Post
    i seem to only attract victim males. the word i want to use is "provoking," i feel they try to pull things out of me, though not overtly. i feel like the more active one, but it's very reactive to them and what they're doing.

    if it's a good relationship, i barely notice the provoking of me i mentioned. it's just natural back and forth.
    Ooh, yes, this is good. People are always leaving little threads poking out of their metaphorical life-sweaters and it's always so tempting to just tug on those and unravel the whole thing.

    Anyways, as to how I act with women... I really don't. I don't really know any single women that are worth acting on. Not that I'm some prize catch or anything, it's just that you can usually just look at someone and realize, "Any relationship I have with this person will probably be unrewarding and short-lived." And, really, no relationship at all is probably better than unrewarding and short-lived.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    Ooh, yes, this is good. People are always leaving little threads poking out of their metaphorical life-sweaters and it's always so tempting to just tug on those and unravel the whole thing.

    Anyways, as to how I act with women... I really don't. I don't really know any single women that are worth acting on. Not that I'm some prize catch or anything, it's just that you can usually just look at someone and realize, "Any relationship I have with this person will probably be unrewarding and short-lived." And, really, no relationship at all is probably better than unrewarding and short-lived.
    You dont really know it. Unless you yourself are the reason why the relationship is gonna go crap. All these sound like a rationalization upon why you dont do anything. Take a change. Have some fun. Learn something. ANd prepare to be surprised

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    Quote Originally Posted by strrrng View Post
    accomplishments are transient

    re OP: passively draw in (the energy really seems to only align with beta STs). pursuing objects of desire = pushing away.
    This is... interesting. Do you mean, like, actively playing hard to get? Or is it more of, like, a subconscious repellation in the hopes of meeting someone who likes you so much they overcome it?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    This is... interesting. Do you mean, like, actively playing hard to get? Or is it more of, like, a subconscious repellation in the hopes of meeting someone who likes you so much they overcome it?
    I think its about being unsure of theyr interest and having tests and plays to see if the person is worth the effort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Creep Of a beast View Post
    You dont really know it. Unless you yourself are the reason why the relationship is gonna go crap. All these sound like a rationalization upon why you dont do anything. Take a change. Have some fun. Learn something. ANd prepare to be surprised
    Well, I mean, of course I don't really know, and maybe I'd have more fun than I think I would. And yeah, I'm probably a shiftless pussy when it comes to these things, but really, looking at most people you can generally feel out whether or not you'd enjoy their company and whether you could really get close to them.

    I mean, of all the could-be romantic relationships I've had, most of them were just really hollow and transient and superficial... There was only, like, this surface level thing going on and no real depth that warranted getting in closer. I mean, you can only drink so many coffees and have so many empty conversations before you just get tired of it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    Well, I mean, of course I don't really know, and maybe I'd have more fun than I think I would. And yeah, I'm probably a shiftless pussy when it comes to these things, but really, looking at most people you can generally feel out whether or not you'd enjoy their company and whether you could really get close to them.

    I mean, of all the could-be romantic relationships I've had, most of them were just really hollow and transient and superficial... There was only, like, this surface level thing going on and no real depth that warranted getting in closer. I mean, you can only drink so many coffees and have so many empty conversations before you just get tired of it.
    So lets imagine this conception of depth. You find it real. So the reason not having it has been because either you lacked that depth and you needed it also or you had difficulty connecting with the other person. Or the other person lacked the depth, which means that such conception of depth as it lives in you it lives somewhere else in the human psyhce meaning that its probably more developed in other individuals and there is no reason not to chase for it. Im allways surprised upon how much variety we do actually posses. So theres actually no reason not to go on experimenting more im sure you would find your conception of depth and fullnes.. If not the way you expect then in another way. In anyway its not like you have better things to do. Not all time atleast

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    Well, I mean, of course I don't really know, and maybe I'd have more fun than I think I would. And yeah, I'm probably a shiftless pussy when it comes to these things, but really, looking at most people you can generally feel out whether or not you'd enjoy their company and whether you could really get close to them.

    I mean, of all the could-be romantic relationships I've had, most of them were just really hollow and transient and superficial... There was only, like, this surface level thing going on and no real depth that warranted getting in closer. I mean, you can only drink so many coffees and have so many empty conversations before you just get tired of it.
    You are the master of your ship after all. So there is no reason to chose to live your in an empty and unsatiesfied ways. The earth is filled with fruits and gifts to those who are courageous enough to pursue them

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    Quote Originally Posted by borderline View Post
    hah just noticed the rest of the title, "Those little suckers" ... how true.
    as if the control we grant aggressors isn't purposive

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    This is... interesting. Do you mean, like, actively playing hard to get? Or is it more of, like, a subconscious repellation in the hopes of meeting someone who likes you so much they overcome it?
    no, not hard to get; I hate that attitude in anyone. I just keep a neutral distance from people, it helps clarify how much magnetism there is. and yeah, I sort of expect that a female with a certain level of intelligence/self-awareness will grasp the implicit before interaction occurs. otherwise I just feel like I'm wasting time running through a program whose output I already know, which negates any respect I could have had for them.
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    lol too true
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    These subgroup descriptions here are interesting. Struck me as more accurate for γ at least (aside from the stupid titles Employer/Employee/etc.); unsure about β. Either way, it departs from the typical notion of 'Victims' being meek, submissive rape fodder.
    Ooh, right, I remember these! The Beta NF one seems very applicable.

    Quote Originally Posted by Creep Of a beast View Post
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    You know, if someone were to tell me that the "depth" I'm looking for is unobtainable and that I'm a pretentious twat with unrealistically high standards, I would probably believe them.

    But that's ok.

    And yeah, you're right. Most people do have a developed inner life. Most people have, on some occasion, explored "the depths." But most of the women I've dated seem so cut off from that. Like, they don't want to talk about anything too personal or too uncomfortable. They just want to have fun and talk about cheery bullshit. And that's fine. I can talk cheery bullshit and chug coffee with the best of them. But it seems like the only reason they're there with me is to have fun.

    And this sounds really weird and doesn't make any fucking sense at all, but in a way I don't really want to just have fun. I mean, in a relationship I'd like to have fun, of course, but, I'd rather that be, like, the context under which the relationship takes place rather than the entire reason for the relationship in the first place. A means to an end rather than the end itself, so to speak.
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    I really wanted an explanation, but it's obvious you don't want to give me one.
    Really, not even a brief message?
    I guess I'm not going to get that last conversation.

    I trusted you with my insecurities, and now you used them against me.
    Really, nice move not letting me know anything, while you know I desire to understand situations,
    and I keep endlessly dwelling on them.
    Sure, in your mind you'll justify it with: 'He said things I didn't like so I can make him feel bad '

    You managed to push away a person who sincerely cared for you.

    You're quite a self-centered individual, and you have managed to prove me wrong.
    You're just like everyone else after all.

    Liar.

    I blocked him on an instant messenger.


    He told me not to tell him my schedule/what I was doing. So I didn't.

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    A guy said that?
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    and an ILI in motion is probably not an ILI

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    /thread
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hydrangea View Post
    I blocked him on an instant messenger.


    He told me not to tell him my schedule/what I was doing. So I didn't.
    I'm glad you broke that off!
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    Me too, if only he would leave me alone/let it be.

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    That guy sounds clingy and desperate. I dont think thats victim related.

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    Before I met my husband, I dated an LIE for a year and a half. He was critical and baited me all the time, and then I'd get upset. I don't know, maybe that's what he was going for. Anyway, we got along pretty well for a while but obviously things didn't work out forever.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Before I met my husband, I dated an LIE for a year and a half. He was critical and baited me all the time, and then I'd get upset. I don't know, maybe that's what he was going for. Anyway, we got along pretty well for a while but obviously things didn't work out forever.
    Do you mind explaining how he baited you?
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    Well ok so it's been a LONG time - I'm old and I've been married a while now. But as I recall, he would comment on every single thing, and I don't like criticism, and it felt to me like he did it on purpose, to get me to respond to his criticism - like he was upsetting me on purpose. But that could be just my perception, I don't know.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I'm glad you broke that off!
    Poor Delta NF's, they always get abused by evil people.
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    Hydrangea, do you feel you acted rationally or ethically? I'm really curious here.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    Well ok so it's been a LONG time - I'm old and I've been married a while now. But as I recall, he would comment on every single thing, and I don't like criticism, and it felt to me like he did it on purpose, to get me to respond to his criticism - like he was upsetting me on purpose. But that could be just my perception, I don't know.
    Ah okay. Thanks.
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ineffable View Post
    Poor Delta NF's, they always get abused by evil people.
    What is up with you AGAIN? This is because of stuff she said in chat, not about specifically being Delta NF, and the guy didnt' sound evil.
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    I blocked every single person on my contacts list but the ones that never speak to me so that I could have some much needed me time. He had told me the day before not to tell him of my goings on so I did not. I did as he asked, I don't understand how this comes down to a question of ethics.

    He asked me how he was supposed to anticipate that telling me that would lead to me cutting all contact with no explanation, and I merely explained he should think before he requests. I was trying to please him, to do as he wished.

    Did I act rationally? Yes.

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    I wasn't judging you. I just wanted to hear how you reasoned your actions if you had thought you were being ethical. There is no wrong answer ultimately, but I have hard time seeing that as ethical and am curious to understand how someone could reason that ethically and soundly because I'm sure it can be done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    What is up with you AGAIN? This is because of stuff she said in chat, not about specifically being Delta NF, and the guy didnt' sound evil.
    That was just a general observation, they always dramatize such situations, gossip and jump in "support".

    I agree that it's good that she broke the deal, however IMO she should have told him and explain him first. If he refused to understand, then yes, block him. I am personally offended by such behavior and I'm telling you that besides there is no reason to behave like this, it creates a negative potential: that person may get angry and abuse someone who he perceives "the same" or whatever. This is a dumb approach, the person should be confronted and try to discharge the emotional load first. I was myself target of such guy on a website who picked on me because he got offended by what I wrote in my profile. He saw my pictures and threatened me, however, I confronted him and asked what his problem was - it was apparently about his prefered musical style - I explained it was a misunderstanting, we talked a bit, by-bye and that was it.

    Those kinds of revenge are stupid and no, it was merely technically reasonable what she has done, not in reality - in other words you do shit but feel good about yourself because that's not written anywhere. It is an offense to silence someone when he's looking for answers - again, not when the situation was clarified but he refuses to understand. You may say "but it's his problem, I don't want to answer him", though in that case I would ask you: what if you work for a company and then suddenly you're fired without any reason? In the end it's only your interest, they don't give a shit about what you want. The fact that there are laws regulating employment and there are no laws regulating IM conversations does not make them different cases, the company can do you if the want to. I think anyone has a right to know why his interests need to be dismissed, it's common-sense and polite. These acts of suppression should be discouraged instead of encouraged, IMO, and I think you have the means to understand how arrogance creates negative emotions.
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    How is that unethical?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hydrangea View Post
    How is that unethical?
    And here's the case when someone you explained your reasons still won't (want to) understand. In this case you have no option but not answer.
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    ... he asked me not to tell him anything.

    Perhaps I should have gone against his wishes, surely that must be more ethical.


    Also, since you weren't the person to ask me about whether or not it was ethical, Ineffable, I didn't bother to read your post.

    I thought Divided (I believe it was whom asked) would have been perfectly capable of speaking for himself.
    Silly me, yet again.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Ineffable View Post
    That was just a general observation, they always dramatize such situations, gossip and jump in "support".

    I agree that it's good that she broke the deal, however IMO she should have told him and explain him first. If he refused to understand, then yes, block him. I am personally offended by such behavior and I'm telling you that besides there is no reason to behave like this, it creates a negative potential: that person may get angry and abuse someone who he perceives "the same" or whatever. This is a dumb approach, the person should be confronted and try to discharge the emotional load first. I was myself target of such guy on a website who picked on me because he got offended by what I wrote in my profile. He saw my pictures and threatened me, however, I confronted him and asked what his problem was - it was apparently about his prefered musical style - I explained it was a misunderstanting, we talked a bit, by-bye and that was it.

    Those kinds of revenge are stupid and no, it was merely technically reasonable what she has done, not in reality - in other words you do shit but feel good about yourself because that's not written anywhere. It is an offense to silence someone when he's looking for answers - again, not when the situation was clarified but he refuses to understand. You may say "but it's his problem, I don't want to answer him", though in that case I would ask you: what if you work for a company and then suddenly you're fired without any reason? In the end it's only your interest, they don't give a shit about what you want. The fact that there are laws regulating employment and there are no laws regulating IM conversations does not make them different cases, the company can do you if the want to. I think anyone has a right to know why his interests need to be dismissed, it's common-sense and polite. These acts of suppression should be discouraged instead of encouraged, IMO, and I think you have the means to understand how arrogance creates negative emotions.
    You do not know anything about me, him, or the situation. When you have some knowledge feel free to comment. Until then I suggest you stop while you're ahead. I am not going to bother explaining myself to you, because as you said:
    And here's the case when someone you explained your reasons still won't (want to) understand. In this case you have no option but not answer.

    What woman hurt you so badly Ineffable?

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