Making eye contact--type related?

[Suz]

Well actually my question is more about NOT making eye contact. Here is the scenario:

So I'm sitting across the table from an old friend in a restaurant (otherwise empty, no other people there). We're talking to each other, going back and forth in conversation. The majority of time, in particular when the friend is speaking, she is looking sideways/upward, and only briefly once in a while, swings her eyes to make eye contact.

If i didn't already know that she's a kind, gentle, if somewhat quirky soul, I'd think she was mega-rude, disinterested, bored, and/or crazy. I think she does that because she's shy, just totally oblivious to social conventions, and has a poor ability to recognize how she is coming across.

Wondering if this hesitation with eye contact might be type related. Not sure if it is...

(I'm having a hard time coming up with her type actually).

[Park]

I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.

[Suz]

I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.

Ok but by avoiding "prolonged eye contact", does this mean you make frequent eye contact but with frequent little breaks?

This was more like, her eyes spent a prolonged amount of time swung sideways & upward, with rare moments of actually looking towards me.

I'm not even talking staring straight into the eye, i'm talking just looking "at" the person you're talking to. I mean I dont look at people 100% of the time when i'm interacting, but the proportion of time she spent looking away just seemed unnatural and affected to me.

[Marie84]

I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.

Same here.
I feel like if I don't know someone well I could be invasive by staring at them

[Creepy-Snaps]

I maintain eye contact 100% of the time!!

[Park]

I maintain eye contact 100% of the time!!

Well aren't you a sweetie.


In the picture I mean.


I think ESFj fits you better than ESTp, by the way. You always seemed Si-creative to me.

[Creepy-Snaps]

Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!

Were they virgins before or after they were killed? lmao.

Well aren't you a sweetie.


In the picture I mean.

Huh? In my profile picture? Thanks I think! haha

[Crispy]

I don't look anyone directly in the eyes for fear of seeing someone seeing me seeing someone seeing me seeing someone etc... The recursive loop of perspectives gives me a headache.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!

[Crispy]

Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!

Since I've moved, none... yet.

[Park]

Since I've moved, none... yet.

BnD wants to be the first. Not technically a female, but fits the bill.

[ashlesha]

i'm decent w/ eye contact while someone else is talking but feel weird about it while i'm the one talking. but all in all i dont think about it much so i dont know where i fall in the range of the normal amount or anything. i dont make a concerted effort unless i can tell theyre trying to catch my eye or something.

i doubt its type related but maybe someone wants to speculate.

[Creepy-Snaps]

i doubt its type related but maybe someone wants to speculate.

I recall in one of the INFp descriptions, that INFps generally maintain excellent eye contact.

[Bardia]

I keep a healthy amount of eye contact I think. Well, I don't feel like I look directly into peoples eyes as much as I look very close to the eyes. I do know that if I am asked something that requires a lot of thinking I will often look off to the side or away while thinking.

[Absurd]

When someone makes eye contact with me, I usually am like "what do you want ?" not knowing the person beforehand, that is. Am I doing this ? Yea, I think I do as long I am genuinely interested in what other person has to say, otherwise no.

EDIT: Found that making eye contact with some people makes them uncomfortable so I don't overdo it.

[Nico1e]

If I'm explaining something that requires thought, I have to 'look at' a mental image, which I sort of hallucinate onto thin air next to me, and I have to look at something less distracting than a face, in order to see the mental image. I might draw a vague picture with vague shapes and lines in it, again, using my imagination, and I can't see the picture if I'm looking at a face. If I have to struggle to remember something, again, I can't remember it if I'm looking at anything distracting.

If I'm using particular drugs, like St. John's Wort (which I am not using anymore), I fearlessly stare directly into the eyes of everyone, including strangers who are passing me in public places, without smiling, with a blank facial expression. Guys often take this to mean that I am sexually interested in them.

But I personally don't understand what would make someone spend the majority of the conversation not looking at you. I don't do that. I glance often at the other person's eyes but not constantly. The only time that I have ever spent a large amount of time not looking at someone, it was because it was someone who I strongly disliked and did not want to be talking to. I did not want to feel connected to that person. It was like being violated.

If physical contact is allowed, then I look in their eyes a lot more. When I look directly in someone's eyes without looking away, I become excited and I start breathing faster. (There was actually a scientific study that agreed that this was real, but I forget where I read it.) It feels like fear, and it feels like connection. Physical touch lets you express it. But if you're physically repulsed by the other person, then you don't want to connect with their eyes, and you don't want to invite them to touch you.

Then again, I also avoided looking too much at someone because I was too intensely attracted to him - the opposite situation. I felt attracted to him, but I believed he wasn't attracted to me. I didn't want to overwhelm him with my deep, adoring gaze, only to get myself rejected and hurt because I could not go farther and touch him. So I politely glanced at him sometimes but not for long.

If I'm sick or exhausted, I avoid eye contact. (Other people said the same thing in previous comments.)

[JWC3]

Beta Stare

[Cone]

If i didn't already know that she's a kind, gentle, if somewhat quirky soul, I'd think she was mega-rude, disinterested, bored, and/or crazy.

I caught this thread about an hour ago, and this has been spinning around in my mind ever since. No offense or anything, just an honest question, but if you did not know much about her--or if she was a complete stranger--why would you assume first off that she was a rude person? Or rather, a better question: you do in fact know a lot about her, but then you say:

I think she does that because she's shy, just totally oblivious to social conventions, and has a poor ability to recognize how she is coming across.

Why is your first impulse to make what psychologists call a "character attribution", i.e. assuming that her behavior here is a result of her general character rather than her behavior being a result of the specific situation she is in?

[jughead]

Looking away from people increases the processing power. In a broader context I think looking away for a few seconds as your thinking is pretty much normal. Continually looking takes away brain power.

[jessica129]

Looking away from people increases the processing power. In a broader context I think looking away for a few seconds as your thinking is pretty much normal. Continually looking takes away brain power.

There are some people that keep it locked even when they're talking and it's really creepy.....creepy.

[Suz]

I caught this thread about an hour ago, and this has been spinning around in my mind ever since. No offense or anything, just an honest question, but if you did not know much about her--or if she was a complete stranger--why would you assume first off that she was a rude person? Or rather, a better question: you do in fact know a lot about her, but then you say:



Why is your first impulse to make what psychologists call a "character attribution", i.e. assuming that her behavior here is a result of her general character rather than her behavior being a result of the specific situation she is in?

what???

What I said was that I DO know her very well, she's an old friend i hadn't seen in a long time.

I think a lot of you are imagining the scenario incorrectly. I'm not talking about the normal breaks in eye contact that people normally do that avoids creepiness and allows the speaker time to think. This was like a long creepy stare but the OPPOSITE in that it was a long creepy avoidance of eye contact, like off to the side upwards somewhere in lalaland. It was like she had her eyes rolled up in her head except off to the side. If there were other people in the restaurant, I would have thought she's looking at them instead of focusing on our conversation and thus rude. But I know her. I know she's quirky. I know she's socially a little inept. So I knew this was not the case and thus I didn't take offense.

[Cone]

what???

I don't know. I was recently reading about how people tend to understand unexpected behavior from others and some common errors they make. I think I got a little too abstract there.

[The Ineffable]

If I'm using particular drugs, like St. John's Wort (which I am not using anymore), I fearlessly stare directly into the eyes of everyone, including strangers who are passing me in public places, without smiling, with a blank facial expression. Guys often take this to mean that I am sexually interested in them.

Would that change anything if they were actually thinking they wouldn't encounter opposition?

[golden]

.