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Thread: Making eye contact--type related?

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    Default Making eye contact--type related?

    Well actually my question is more about NOT making eye contact. Here is the scenario:

    So I'm sitting across the table from an old friend in a restaurant (otherwise empty, no other people there). We're talking to each other, going back and forth in conversation. The majority of time, in particular when the friend is speaking, she is looking sideways/upward, and only briefly once in a while, swings her eyes to make eye contact.

    If i didn't already know that she's a kind, gentle, if somewhat quirky soul, I'd think she was mega-rude, disinterested, bored, and/or crazy. I think she does that because she's shy, just totally oblivious to social conventions, and has a poor ability to recognize how she is coming across.

    Wondering if this hesitation with eye contact might be type related. Not sure if it is...

    (I'm having a hard time coming up with her type actually).
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    I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    I maintain eye contact 100% of the time!!


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    I don't look anyone directly in the eyes for fear of seeing someone seeing me seeing someone seeing me seeing someone etc... The recursive loop of perspectives gives me a headache.
    ILI (FINAL ANSWER)

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    Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mountain Dew View Post
    I maintain eye contact 100% of the time!!

    Well aren't you a sweetie.


    In the picture I mean.


    I think ESFj fits you better than ESTp, by the way. You always seemed Si-creative to me.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!
    Since I've moved, none... yet.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    Okay Crispy how many innocent female virgins did you bury in your backyard. Confession is good for the soul!!!
    Were they virgins before or after they were killed? lmao.

    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    Well aren't you a sweetie.


    In the picture I mean.
    Huh? In my profile picture? Thanks I think! haha

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    Quote Originally Posted by Crispy View Post
    Since I've moved, none... yet.
    BnD wants to be the first. Not technically a female, but fits the bill.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    i'm decent w/ eye contact while someone else is talking but feel weird about it while i'm the one talking. but all in all i dont think about it much so i dont know where i fall in the range of the normal amount or anything. i dont make a concerted effort unless i can tell theyre trying to catch my eye or something.

    i doubt its type related but maybe someone wants to speculate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    i doubt its type related but maybe someone wants to speculate.
    I recall in one of the INFp descriptions, that INFps generally maintain excellent eye contact.

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    I tend to look at people directly when I'm solely listening unless they start overfocusing on me in a group, then I start to smile too much or look away because its like favoritism lol

    Idk, it completely depends on who I like. I will stare into the eyes of someone I'm speaking to if I think they're interesting.

    I also tend to look into the eyes of people I don't get to see as much, like a new interesting person or someone I've missed.

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    I keep a healthy amount of eye contact I think. Well, I don't feel like I look directly into peoples eyes as much as I look very close to the eyes. I do know that if I am asked something that requires a lot of thinking I will often look off to the side or away while thinking.
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    When someone makes eye contact with me, I usually am like "what do you want ?" not knowing the person beforehand, that is. Am I doing this ? Yea, I think I do as long I am genuinely interested in what other person has to say, otherwise no.

    EDIT: Found that making eye contact with some people makes them uncomfortable so I don't overdo it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Absurd View Post
    When someone makes eye contact with me, I usually am like "what do you want ?" not knowing the person beforehand, that is. Am I doing this ? Yea, I think I do as long I am genuinely interested in what other person has to say, otherwise no.
    Yeah, this too.

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    I've met a lot of new people the past couple weeks, and since I can recall what most of their eyes look like, I know my eye contact is good at least when listening. I know I look around at other stuff when I don't want to answer a question, like if it feels prying or something, while I try to quickly get out of that spot. That's just normal body language stuff though - everyone does that.

    So, maybe it doesn't have to do anything with your friend's type, she was just feeling on-the-spot or uncomfortable for some reason.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    So, maybe it doesn't have to do anything with your friend's type, she was just feeling on-the-spot or uncomfortable for some reason.
    Yea, I think that's it.

    Some people trying to make eye contact with me are somewhat funny though. They stare thinking I won't stare back or don't see them, when I do, I see him/her gazing down or in space tickling sputnik with their sight.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.

    Ok but by avoiding "prolonged eye contact", does this mean you make frequent eye contact but with frequent little breaks?

    This was more like, her eyes spent a prolonged amount of time swung sideways & upward, with rare moments of actually looking towards me.

    I'm not even talking staring straight into the eye, i'm talking just looking "at" the person you're talking to. I mean I dont look at people 100% of the time when i'm interacting, but the proportion of time she spent looking away just seemed unnatural and affected to me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post

    So, maybe it doesn't have to do anything with your friend's type, she was just feeling on-the-spot or uncomfortable for some reason.
    No that's why it's so mystifying to me. It seemed to just be her normal conversational state.
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    I've read it in an ESI type description, and my ESI brother does avoid eye contact, but I don't think it's limited to ESIs or something that is super common necessarily in ESIs. Maybe like someone said introversion in general? Maybe more than just that - like maybe introversion + something else? Introversion + Fi valuing? Just guessing though.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Some old Myer Briggs info that I read linked lack of eye contact more to introversion.
    Of course there are many medical possibilities that could cause a condition like this.
    In Socionics I would suggest that because you say the eyes look upwards and sideways that the person is likely an NT with ILI and ILE being most likely. I have also personally observed this occurring quite noticably with both of these types.
    I have in fact been looking into the possibility of her being alpha NT (not necessarily for the reasons you mention, and lets try to keep MBTI and socionics separate), but she does sort of have an alpha sort of demeanor and humor preference. I've been looking into LII > ILE though, but either one could make sense.

    p.s. re: your avatar, i've said it before and i'll say it again, your husband looks overwhelmingly delta ST. Te-SLI>LSE. If you're ILE it wouldn't be out of the realm of possibility that you would be semi-duals.
    Last edited by Suz; 05-19-2011 at 09:30 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slacker View Post
    I've read it in an ESI type description, and my ESI brother does avoid eye contact, but I don't think it's limited to ESIs or something that is super common necessarily in ESIs. Maybe like someone said introversion in general? Maybe more than just that - like maybe introversion + something else? Introversion + Fi valuing? Just guessing though.
    Yeah both of those possibilities have crossed my mind. I really dont think she's Fi-dominant, that's one of the things i'm fairly certain about. Nor is she Fe-ego, not even remotely.

    I can't decide whether or not she's Fi-valuing. She made this comment to me that she was never great at being able to tell which of our peers is nice and who isn't, and she was always so impressed at how my sister and I were really good at knowing that and providing her with that info (which I personally never realized I was providing her with and that it meant so much to her). That made me think Fi-seeking, but i guess it really depends on what she means by "nice" and "mean". There's the "nice/mean" in the Fe sense as well as the "nice/mean" in the Fi-sense.

    The Fi-seeking hypothesis though falls apart with her demeanor. She overdoes Fe like crazy, which is why I doubt SLI or ILI. Her behavior often looks/sounds ridiculous (which she also seems pretty oblivious to), but I ignore that in favor of the good person and friend i know her to be.
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    If there's any confusion about who I'm talking to, I always will - if the talk is a bit more brief and/or energetic at the moment, I will too... if it's longer and more abstract, then I can't turn my head/body and think well at the same time (though walking actually helps along the thinking process) if I'm already locked on to a person, I'm good to go though...

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    Eye contact doesn't bother me much...it's hard for me to maintain it when i'm doing the talking though because I start to focus too much on the other persons reactions that i forget what I'm even talking about so I look away a lot, I can focus better that way. It's also really odd to just stare at someone when they're talking, feels unnatural. I then start thinking if they notice me staring and if they're feeling the awkwardness too so then i forget what they're even talking about. ha...that's why i try to keep it balanced. Normal amounts of eye contact coupled in with brief look-aways.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Eye contact doesn't bother me much...it's hard for me to maintain it when i'm doing the talking though because I start to focus too much on the other persons reactions that i forget what I'm even talking about so I look away a lot, I can focus better that way. It's also really odd to just stare at someone when they're talking, feels unnatural. I then start thinking if they notice me staring and if they're feeling the awkwardness too so then i forget what they're even talking about. ha...that's why i try to keep it balanced. Normal amounts of eye contact coupled in with brief look-aways.
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    I avoid eye contact... they'll see into my soul and make me lose my careful composure. I can see into their soul without eye contact (but they of course can't see me because my eyes are averted... it's the ostrich with its head in the sand thing, oblivious to the fact that everyone can see its giant ass sticking out).

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    I'm usually exactly like the OP describes - unless I'm high, drunk, or very-very tired - and know people like this of different types. However, that doesn't mean I'm disinterested, that I hide something or that I fear being "read", these judgments are off, simply because I know what I actually think and it doesn't fit. My initial impression of people who dumbly stare at you all the time to be lower on an intellectual level, mostly because it is "dumb", but also, one can verify this rationally by asking himself: why would someone insistently look at something which is not the object of his thinking? Why doesn't one have to look at his fingers instead?

    There are also people who stare at others in an attempt to dominate emotionally - eg eager policemen - , behavior found in apes too, but that's a different matter.

    I actually think the other way around about interest than the OP (also about the real intentions), someone who insistently looks at you doesn't really get it, is not focused on the subject of the discussion, but on you instead, like in a social game. Pupils who didn't learn their lesson or don't understand what's being said in the classroom, will look attentively at their teacher, to make it appear everything is fine.
    I can agree with this only when it concerns physical appearance, when you look at someone beautiful and you can't get enough, however that's called distraction as well, you can't take that person very seriously in a discussion about something else.
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    I'm usually almost excessively into eye contact. . . especially when I was younger. I was finally told by my EIE brother that it's almost creepy for someone to always be looking into another person's eyes when they're talking to them, like, it almost comes across as staring, so I've worked a bit on that. But I've been told that when I'm really into someone that my eyes will sparkle and it's almost like I can't stop looking at them. Haha.

    For me, it almost seems rude to not look into someone's eyes when you're talking to them.

    I've noticed that certain LII friends of mine and SLI friends can be not so much into eye contact. However, if you become someone that they like and have a comfortable relationship with they will usually look at you more. . . (just a note)

    The only times that I may not look at someone as much is when I really don't want to talk and I'm super exhausted and wish that the person would leave me alone, (which happens maybe once every year. ) And then, when I'm creeped out and don't like the person, or if I'm feeling uncomfortable in some way. . . OR, if you're making me think really hard and I'm using all of my brain power and can't focus on who I'm talking to at all because I'm completely focused on what someone is saying to me. . .

    So yeah, if I'm not looking at you in a conversation, it usually means I'm not really into you that much. . . go away.

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    .
    Last edited by golden; 06-09-2011 at 09:34 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Semi-duals is of course a possibility but I think everything is finally coming together with types in the family and SEI and duality fits considerably better. Also one of my daughters has been dating an SLI for a year and a half and there are many marked differences between the two of them with my husband being a lot more emotionally expressive, playful, clown like, holiday loving and food orientated.
    You were IEI, then ILI, and now ILE? lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Yes but this time I think I might have got it right as all of the connections are coming together at last .
    No way you're Ne ego, based on your videos.

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    Eye contact can communicate a lot of things. Generally, people assume it is related to assertiveness/confidence. Even dogs equate assertion with eye contact. Also, it communicates interest, either interest in the person or interest in that they are saying.

    People often look away when they're thinking specifically because the eyes and face communicate so much. When trying to think of something challenging it is distracting to notice all the other person's body language as well.

    And there are some weird studies trying to correlate political views with eye contact...
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    i remember having lengthy talks with my ISTj brother and at a certain point noticing that for about an hour we had been talking without ever making eye-contact. there was somehow nothing unnatural about it.

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    I think I'm a little weird with eye contact sometimes. As a listener, if someone is talking to me I'll make eye contact or frankly just stare at their face. But if I'm part of a group being addressed, it weirds me out if the speaker keeps focusing in on me, so I'll maintain eye contact for four or five seconds then look off into the background in the hopes that they'll move on. Maybe it has to do with the eyes I'm looking into too. People that don't gesture with their eyes (like widen them or narrow them or blink or furrow the brow) and just stare dead open make me uncomfortable. As a speaker, I try to engage in dialogues. In that case, I tend to make eye contact momentarily, maybe look away for a sec and think then come back. Sometimes though, if I'm doing something, I'll talk without looking at who I'm talking to, but what I hate about that is it always makes me feel emotionally mute and disconnected. There are times though that making eye contact with certain people almost seems painful. Either I read expectations there or I just feel flat out vulnerable, like they are truly seeing me for who I am, which excites and frightens me. I don't like talking to groups though. In those cases, I try to make eye contact with everyone for very short periods and I kind of have to struggle to keep my mind on what I'm trying to say. Usually I start asking if anyone has questions so I can talk to one person out of the group.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Parkster View Post
    I think I avoid prolonged eye contact with people I don't know or don't feel close to. And I don't feel comfortable staring at people's eyes while talking to them either.
    Same here.
    I feel like if I don't know someone well I could be invasive by staring at them
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shayley View Post
    Yes way .
    A few people have suggested it for my type recently and it was a type that I had never given much thought to for myself but it's fitting...the dots are connecting and I am starting to feel content with Socionics at last!
    Well, whatever works for you.

    As for eye contact, I've found that keeping my eyes locked on others causes them to pee their pants because my eyes are analytical and it creeps them out. I did this to a poor teacher of mine, and the guy looked like he was about to shit himself. Idk, people must be scared of me. Anyways, I adjusted and now I look to the side while people talk and give occasional nods and brief eye contact. Plus, locked on eye contact IS weird.

    As for speaking to others, I do maintain eye contact because it gives me an advantage when conversing with them. It isn't necessarily an emotional connection, but it puts me on superior ground and allows me to speak down to people. Rarely have I met people who aren't intimidated when I do this. There are times when I have to look away to think because I can't articulate my thoughts, but I'm pretty polished in public discourse, and I know how to get things done.

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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    I have in fact been looking into the possibility of her being alpha NT ... I've been looking into LII > ILE though, but either one could make sense.
    I myself am not a fan of eye contact, the nearest I get is often staring at people's profile, not necessarily looking them in the eye, but I feel fairly uncomfortable looking them in the eye. When speaking to a (smallish) crowd, however, I try to maintain eye contact with people, which requires quite some effort to not feel too uncomfortable. When speaking to people I often look at something moving, be it generally nature or people in the distance doing something. I've never really considered especially rude, maybe just me being absent-minded, but generally I never felt like I wasn't paying attention.
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    i turn it on and off. naturally, emotions leak from my face when i break eye contact. like i'll talk about something while making eye contact, and if whatever i'm talking about makes me happy i'll break into a smile when i look away. but when i'm waitressing or something i'll smile during eye contact. it's really loud and crowded at night and hard to hear people, so if i'm not making eye contact and engaging them emotionally the entire time people usually don't notice i'm talking to them (guests tend to be drunk and distracted).

    idk i like eye contact, i make it too often even, especially with people i barely know. it's almost like the longer i know someone, the less inclined i am to want to stare into their eyes.
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    strrrng's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    I make a lot of direct eye contact with someone if I'm explaining something to someone, to make sure they're paying attention and grasping what I'm saying. Or if I'm asking someone questions, I'll monitor eyes for sincerity and whether they seem like they know what they're talking about.

    If I'm thinking, I tend to look away a lot.
    I'm the same, though in the case of gauging disposition/intent, I find it more useful to watch a person's facial muscles, and let the eye movements follow; otherwise you run the double-slit risk.
    4w3-5w6-8w7

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    Well hello there Nick.
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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