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Thread: Delta STs: how do you feel about strong displays of emotion?

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    Default Delta STs: how do you feel about strong displays of emotion?

    i guess i'm thinking about negative emotion more specifically. like if somebody is really upset either with you or about something else and isn't handling it with much composure. does it freak you out? do you feel pressure to make them calm down? do you expect people to always stay calm? do you always see emotional displays as manipulative?

    i'm sure it depends on context but i'm curious about the replies anyway.

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    I don't know how he feels, but when I get upset my husband does one of several things:

    1. find it amusing and tease me
    2. find it annoying and work in the garage until I calm down
    3. listen to me complain and then tell me he'll make dinner/do something for me so I can have time to calm down
    4. listen to me complain and then tell me to calm down because it isn't that big of a deal

    I am quite sure he doesn't expect people to always be calm or he never would have married me.

    1 and 2 i think would probably be if I'm upset with him or something he did or didn' do. 3 and 4 might be more when I'm upset about something else.
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    I think I do 3 and 4 (on Slacker's list) quite a lot for my ILI when he's upset. Maybe because, subconsciously, it's what I would want done for me when I get upset...
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    I think first thing I do is I try to figure out what caused it just to find solution for it providing those feelings are genuine to begin with and I still do care, otherwise I don't bother. What kind of negative emotions ? Hatred, fear, anger and hostility ?

    To answer the rest I don't think one can stay calm, unless one is dead, in every situation, heh, I don't think I do and I don't see all and every emotional display manipulative, although I know when I'm being manipulated.

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    I like negative emotions, they r fun

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    Too much positive emotion makes me feel small and uncomfortable.
    Too much negative emotion makes me feel useless and uncomfortable.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Too much positive emotion makes me feel small and uncomfortable.
    Too much negative emotion makes me feel useless and uncomfortable.
    me too

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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    i guess i'm thinking about negative emotion more specifically. like if somebody is really upset either with you or about something else and isn't handling it with much composure. does it freak you out? do you feel pressure to make them calm down? do you expect people to always stay calm? do you always see emotional displays as manipulative?

    i'm sure it depends on context but i'm curious about the replies anyway.

    It really depends.
    If I think someone is trying to emotionally agitate me or provoke certain feelings in me, I tend to reject it and not believe them no matter what. My first date with an IEI was a trainwreck because I thought she was lying through her teeth about how much she liked me, because it seemed so "fake" to me. Even though I was beginning to learn socionics at the time and "was aware of" Fe+Te/Fi+Te differences, it still weirded me out. (She later offered to show up to my dorm room in a bikini )

    Still, point is any sort of situation where I'm "supposed to" feel a certain way, I almost always don't. Everyone praising in a church, everyone sad at a funeral, everyone upset at the weather, everyone happy because it's whatever, I usually don't. Mild, positive emotions are the kind I most easily share with other people.


    If something "bad" happens, like (unfortunately this isn't theoretical), ambulances showing up suddenly to a relatives house we were walking across the street to have dinner with.... I go in this state of emotional distance / iciness / etc. It's almost a pure Te state, maybe, I don't know. Or maybe it's part of my 9wing. I can see someone having a heart attack or other things happening and it doesn't phase me, I just think "ok, what has to happen here?", and I'm even more keen about stuff like that because so many times people just focus on other things, and miss the details, and aren't paying attention in those kind of danger situations.

    (To compare myself to one beta ST / ESTP (Ti?), she got very shouting and EMOTIONALLY INTENSE ABOUT WHAT TO DO - she's also an 8, maybe w7 though. She was also calm sort of, but it was different. It was 'I'm being CALM NOW" sort of thing, kind of funny).

    I notice I like how other delta NFs seem to usually also be more like me, in the calmness, in spite of the very emotional material. I'm sure that varies though.


    Now, as far as "negative emotions", or someone being sad, it depends. I hate hate hate hate hate not being able to do anything or fix things or help. If I have to just sit and observe things, I usually don't like it, and I may dismissively deal with things if the emotional content seems repetitive or unnecessary or plain pathetic. If someone is legitimately sad, I try to figure out what needs to be done, or if anything can be done. I don't like wallowing in emotions or lingering in negative emotional states, and I personally despise when I find myself lingering in such states. It's definitely "uncomfortable".

    If someone is angry, I usually find it funny, actually - especially if they are trying to agitate me.

    If someone is feeling depressed or down, sometimes I become a real asshole or hardass, because I maybe don't handle those feelings well and have a lack of sympathy or respect for such - even though, yes, I have been there too.

    I really hate it when i feel like I don't know how to interpret a situation emotionally or not know what I'm supposed to do. In most situations, I care about the person, and I want to help, even if that's getting out of the way. but sometimes I feel extremely clueless and pathetic in the sense of not understanding what actions will "be good" in that situation. I think my Fe role makes me feel very very very strongly responsible to 'do something' about making someone 'feel good', especially people I care about. And I feel extremely inadequate when I can't emotionally support people welll in that situation. I often "try" but in situations where I really don't know, sometimes I get scared and 'timid' because I don't know if my actions are going to help or not. And then I feel bad about that, personally, in addition to feeling bad about the other person's state.

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