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Thread: CONFLICT diffusion

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    NinjaTim's Avatar
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    Default CONFLICT diffusion

    So basically there was a fair bit of 'arjy barjy' at my weekly 5 a side match and I want some advice on how to diffuse these situations.
    Will set the scenario for yous, so please discuss and advise.

    Our team was made up of 4 guys (IEE, ILE(possible IEE) , EII and SLI) and 2 girls (IEE, can't get a bead on the other :s, will call her NAC (not a clue)). The ILE and SLI were really there to win, all the others for fun.
    But yeah, the game started off innocuously enough, but it quickly became clear we were outclassed, and it was going to be a much more defensive game for us. Throughout the first half the the ILE was shouting 'advice' at everyone, who to mark, when to run etc etc but most especially at our goalie EII, criticising him heavily. Our SLI was getting annoyed as he wasn't getting any chances to shoot, and by the end of the first half (15 min halves btw) were 5-3 down, with a fair bit of luck, and this game was extremely physical with people getting shoved over and into walls left right and centre. NAC came to me at half time complaining that ILE was detracting from her fun, yelling at her etc EII said the same, the same for me (IEE) and girl IEE.
    anyhoo, about 5 mins into the next half there is an eruption, SLI and ILE are yelling and slight shoving of 2 guys on the other team.

    This is the part I would need help with yeah, I pretty much just said "Relax guys, it's soccer!" which didn't seem to calm them down. Generally in any sort of conflict I tend to keep mouth shut and run away. Unless it involves me in which case I try to be assertive...while running away.
    So any ideas in terms of socionics, how to calm these guys down, or any types for that matter. Anyone with personal experience or theories from advanced reading please chip in.

    Also NAC girl ended up walking away and into the night alone, we found her eventually, and she cries out "All I want is my brother back, and these bastards are just fighting over a soccer ball" and then quiet sobbing. Myself, IEE girl and EII guy were in the car, so it was awkward silence, none of us knew what to say, then IEE girl goes of on some random topic (much to my relief) so also compassion ideas would be good. I am quite independant, never really tell anyone anything personally effecting me and deal with it myself, so my typical view is 'why can't everyone be like that?" but yeah...

    (ps i happen to be writing a role play detailing an intervention into aggression in sport for Sport Psychology. but I only started after the match...in case anyone was interested)

  2. #2
    Hot Message FDG's Avatar
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    1) why are guys and girls playing soccer toghether? That seems a recipe for disaster.
    2) i believe the greatest majority of soccer matches end up like that.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    ഗന᎕ᒹ ±ᗉᚔXᙂഗ woofwoofl's Avatar
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    I'd steer the aggression in such a way to rally them to play better! trying to defuse a fight just makes people more mad, I found - if I was in a fight, and someone was trying to break it up, I'd try to rip that person's head off more than anyone else!

    I'd get them to channel their aggression into the game, let them know that it's alright to be mad, and they should be mad and you are too (even if you aren't exactly mad), and to let them know it's a good thing, but to not waste it on teammates, because that's what the other team wants... let them know if you can all focus and act as a team and not worry about the small stuff (accentuating the good is a big help here), then we got this thing won...

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    Currently God Brilliand's Avatar
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    What I'd do: Never mind the feelings - address the organizational issues that are letting those feelings out. For example: That ILE - he's trying to lead the team. Apparently the others don't like that. Reach a definite agreement on who's leading the team, or if no one is, make it clear whether advice is welcome. Granted, the ILE will probably oppose the policy that there's no leader and no one gets to do it ad hoc (because it will make you lose), and you might not be able to agree on a leader, and ad hoc leadership will result in the ILE continuing to annoy everybody, but at least then things will be on the table and you might be able to come up with something more sustainable.

    People who argue are generally arguing about something. You can always address the substance.



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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    1) why are guys and girls playing soccer toghether? That seems a recipe for disaster.
    2) i believe the greatest majority of soccer matches end up like that.
    FUk Co-ed

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    NinjaTim's Avatar
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    In regards as to why guys and girls are playing together: it is a mixed competition. Must be at least 2 guys and 2 girls on the field at all times (though as our girls are unfit we negotiated to have one girl on the field, and 1 guy having to stay behind the halfway line).
    Also I feel I should point out it is a social competition. There is no award or anything for finishing first second or third. Teams join and drop out whenever they like, the players on each team change nearly every week. For our team the IEE girl, SLI guy and myself are the most regular (2 LSE's guy and girl are also normally there but weren't this week). It's main purpose is increase fitness and enjoyment. There is a bar there and we may often stay back for a drink and watch another 5 a side game or tennis or volleyball match (also played at the venue).
    I am the captain of the team only because I pay for it each week, not because I'm the greatest or any other reason.

    But yeah...

    So with woofs idea of channeling the aggression, I see where you are coming from. In a proper comp I definately agree with the idea of keeping the aggression (try to lower it to assertiveness but yeah) in order to play harder and eventually win. However, what of in a social 'for fun' situation like this?

    And the idea of having a clear leader, with boundaries imposed is what I take from your post Brilliand yeah? Again, I see the merit of this, but I worry that in a social 'for fun' situation, having someone 'in charge' would detract from the enjoyment.

    I would much prefer to lower the aggression in such a situation rather than keep it, even though it may enhance performance if properly manipulated. I believe the 'benevolent Taskmaster' thread generated some thoughts, but only on how Delta NF's respond to people in charge (generalisation).
    Last edited by NinjaTim; 05-13-2011 at 07:00 AM. Reason: classified FBI information

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