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Thread: Overlooked problems between members of the same quadra

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    Default Overlooked problems between members of the same quadra

    Here are the portions of Intra-Quadra relations descriptions that people tend to forget. I say this because a lot of people are consistently stuck on the Alpha v Gamma and Beta v Delta dichotomies and don't realize that problems between members of the same quadra are not at all uncommon. The major benefits of Intra-Quadra relationships are only apparent after a long-term working relationship is established.
    Duality
    However, let's not idealise these relations too much. Although theoretically relations of Duality are the best of the best, practically not everybody who is your Dual will make your dreams come true. The reason for this is that we are usually so twisted up during the course of our lives that our already formed and stable views and attitudes can affect our relationships quite heavily. In fact, younger people have more chance to succeed in the quest for their perfect partner than older people. But the chances are always there.
    Identity
    Identical relations have a negative side too. Interaction with an Identical partner may quickly become boring unless partners have common interests, working on the same project, or if one partner has sufficient preponderance in knowledge so a teacher and student situation can develop. Usually when partners do not receive any new information from each other they find no use in such interaction and their relations can become neutral.
    Activity
    The other problem with these relations is that information between Activity partners always needs some adjustments. One partner may think of it as too foggy and not concrete enough, whereas for the other partner it is too unrefined. Collaboration is also difficult, because partners cannot predict each others behaviour and actions in what seem to be ordinary situations. Because of this, partners cannot rely or count on each other in full. Most of the problems that arise during Activity relationships are because one partner is always Perceiving and the other is always Judging, meaning that they live in different life rhythms.
    Mirror
    The area of confidence of one partner is always the area of creativity for the other partner. What one partner considers solid and final appears incomplete and changeable for the other partner. This difference may often puzzle the partners especially when they fulfil their mutual plans. It seems for them as if the other partner simply misunderstood the main concept. Therefore partners attempt to correct each other's understanding but usually fail, because each partner acts from their confident side. For the same reason, Mirror partners can be involved in really hot disputes and can even come to blows in the name of their opinion.
    ILI (FINAL ANSWER)

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    So far I do find the described downsides of intra-quadra relationships to apply. I also know of a couple of failed duality marriages, I think.

    The thing about intra-quadra difficulties, for me, is the ability to communicate about and therefore to resolve problems. There's less of a sense of threat, more a feeling of being understood fundamentally, even if the details need to be ironed out.

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    I've experienced all of those downsides. I think they're obvious to anyone who hangs out with other members of their quadra on a regular enough basis. Obviously they're generally easier to talk to and not as annoying as many members of other quadras, but I often find my relationships with ILEs (illusionaries) more psychologically comfortable, at least superficially, than those with EIEs (mirrors) and sometimes LSIs (activators).
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    The other problem with these relations is that information between Activity partners always needs some adjustments. One partner may think of it as too foggy and not concrete enough, whereas for the other partner it is too unrefined.
    does anyone know why this happens in activity relations?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Nevero View Post
    does anyone know why this happens in activity relations?
    I think I understand my SLE activity partner pretty well. We don't really ever have communication issues. From my perspective, I don't think she really pays attention to the details that I think are important. The really big thing is that she is too quick to act. An IP type might not mind that but I always find myself thinking that I wish she would not be so hasty. From her perspective, I waste time on Fe and Si issues. We have known each other a long time so it is very nice to work with her. I try to anticipate when she is going to be impulsive and head her off, she anticipates when I am going to bog down the proceedings and barges ahead. It works pretty well.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
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    For the same reason, Mirror partners can be involved in really hot disputes and can even come to blows in the name of their opinion.
    this described the conversations I have with one of the girls at work perfectly. she could be my mirror type.

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    regarding activity relations, all I can say is that they sometimes become too polarized (this might be more pronounced in Ni/Se quadras but I'm not sure)... the LSI's Fe-seeking eventually grates on me, and my more adaptable search for Se doesn't fully mesh with their energy.

    I think with mirrors it's more about implicit overlap, like every now and then things need to be ironed out because you know on some level you're occupying the same space. otherwise communication is pretty seamless.

    I haven't interacted with many IEIs extensively, but I can definitely testify to the boredom. in one case (which was amplified by us always smoking weed) it was as if the sharing of our impressions would just gradually trail off, leaving less room for substantial expansion.
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    However, let's not idealise these relations too much. Although theoretically relations of Duality are the best of the best, practically not everybody who is your Dual will make your dreams come true. The reason for this is that we are usually so twisted up during the course of our lives that our already formed and stable views and attitudes can affect our relationships quite heavily. In fact, younger people have more chance to succeed in the quest for their perfect partner than older people. But the chances are always there.


    Okay I thought this paragraph was silly because it says to not idealize Duality too much but by the end of the paragraph it just does exactly that. It doesn't really give a concrete example of the weakness of Dual relationships themselves. It is implying that twu wuv duality will make you happy. It's all you need! I think bottom line they just are being 12 year old twlight fangirls and they don't have the balls to really admit it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post

    Okay I thought this paragraph was silly because it says to not idealize Duality too much but by the end of the paragraph it just does exactly that. It doesn't really give a concrete example of the weakness of Dual relationships themselves. It is implying that twu wuv duality will make you happy. It's all you need! I think bottom line they just are being 12 year old twlight fangirls and they don't have the balls to really admit it.
    I agree with what you point out here, but i think it's trying to make the point that NTR influences really matter, which i also agree with.

    What i also get from that blurb (and i've kind of sensed it myself as well) is that as people go through life, they strengthen their own weak areas (or compensate for them or mimic, etc) so the distinct "stereotypical" type phenotype (if that even exists) may become obscured to some extent. However, I see that as a good thing -- I dont feel its something to lament at all.

    Of course the "compensation" can go both ways, it can make someone act in unpleasant ways, such that nobody would want to be around that kind of behavior, even a dual. (obvs NTR factors can be involved in this as well -- like unrestrained anger issues, a misogynistic philosophy, etc)
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    Quote Originally Posted by yeves View Post
    For the same reason, Mirror partners can be involved in really hot disputes and can even come to blows in the name of their opinion.
    this described the conversations I have with one of the girls at work perfectly. she could be my mirror type.
    tbh I'd say that this phrase alone taken out of context is NTR. Not saying the girl you mention isn't your mirror, just saying that the quoted phrase can describe a multitude of relations including (|among others) both conflict and activity, so... ntr.

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