Intertype relations: Love or Friendship first?

[pianosinger]

Love meaning Eros, in this case.

I'm thinking there must be some marriage/dating relationships where couples are more focused on Love over Friendship; and others where they are more focused on Friendship over Love; and maybe a couple (particularly Duals) where Love and Friendship more equally go hand-in-hand.

Obviously, a long-term relationship will require a good balance of both Love and Friendship to survive. Love without Friendship will result in little more than partners "using" each other for sex; and Friendship without Love, well, they'd really just be better off as friends then.

If a particular intertype relation naturally tends more towards Love and less towards Friendship, lovers who want to stay together will have to learn to make adjustments in order to become better friends. If a particular relation naturally tends more towards Friendship than Love, but the partners still want to make a life together, they will have to learn to kindle their romance even though it may not come as easily (personally, I find my own relationship with my ILI husband falling into the latter category).

Totally basing most of these on loose intuition, nothing really rational to back most of it up, so do feel free to disagree and discuss...

Pairs more likely to be Lovers first: Semi-Dual, Benefit, Super-Ego, Conflict, Contrary

Pairs more likely to be Friends first: Identity, Mirage, Mirror, Business, Supervision, Kindred, Quasi-Identity

Pairs most likely to have a good natural balance: Dual, Activity

[Airman]

You are so beautiful, pianosinger. People will label me 'nazi' for that, but your white beauty makes me think there is still something good left in this world.

About your thread, well I think you're right. I met a dual and I can't forget her. She called me 2 weeks ago after we had a brake-up but I didn't answer the phone. I made a song about her. Anyway. Keep existing, your beauty is needed in this deteriorated world.

[Lobo]

That's tough to answer... So many factors involved. Physical attraction would also affect those who you want to keep as friends vs. lovers.

You are so beautiful, pianosinger. People will label me 'nazi' for that, but your white beauty makes me think there is still something good left in this world.

About your thread, well I think you're right. I met a dual and I can't forget her. She called me 2 weeks ago after we had a brake-up but I didn't answer the phone. I made a song about her. Anyway. Keep existing, your beauty is needed in this deteriorated world.

Why? I guess it depends on what you consider "good."

[golden]

It's an interesting question.

Just based on my own most important relationship experiences, and assuming my typings are correct:

Benefactor: lovers first, friendship always iffy, did not remain friends, by my choice
Semi-dual: lovers first, very friendly, remained friends
Super-ego: (1) friends first, love iffy, did not remain friends; (2) lovers first, did not remain friends
Identity: lovers first, sort of remained friends

Activity: good balance of love/friendship

But I'm not all that likely to be friends first. So this may vary by quadra values, you know?

[pianosinger]

lmao. Uh... you're serious?

I know, strange comment, huh? Besides, I can't help being "white," it's really not a compliment.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

hey don't get sour,Starfall.i'm sure he likes Tila Tequila,too.

but seriously,you really have this "woo looky looky i'm a princess ,you're a creep,dealz? KEEP AWAY FROM MY PINK CLOUD,YOU NASTY BEAST" vibe.

i'm almost sure you'd act the same way as that girl in "i am number 4" did when he was screaming in pain while his third sign was being created.

just accept that there are bazillions of different wavelengths and the fact that yours is embraced as the most politically correct one does not mean anything really.

Fi rant?

[Airman]

Haha, yeah. It came off as kind of weird & creepy. lol

Probably so only because you don't live in a country where whites are almost extinct and the majority of the population is something in between white and black, 'brown'. So yes, it's strange but not if you consider my context. Americans are funny, it's like they know nothing about other countries. They probably think people are white or even anglo-saxon all over the world with the exception of arabs because that's the only people they know other than themselves, lol.

[EyeSeeCold]

Benefit and Supervision I'm not so sure about. There's a tricky power divide.

Foreigners are funny, it's like they know nothing about America. They probably think we think people are white or even anglo-saxon all over the world with the exception of arabs because that's the only people we know other than ourselves, lol.

[Absurd]

I met a dual and I can't forget her. She called me 2 weeks ago after we had a brake-up but I didn't answer the phone. I made a song about her.

You're so emo it makes me cry you little ******.

[Absurd]

It's creepy because it made him come off like ******.

He's beta so it's not a surprise.

[Airman]

It's creepy because it made him come off like ******.



You have to understand that in America, where race is and has always been an issue, a comment like that comes off as very ignorant & crude. I suppose I can be more understanding your mindset as far as culture differences go, seeing as you're a native to a South American country (Brazil, right?), even though I don't personally agree with your stance. My bf is originally from Colombia and he holds similar views as you (though, he wouldn't say crap like "white beauty" or whatever)... he says a lot of latinos actually think that way. Kind of interesting, as most of them aren't fully white themselves.

It depends a lot on what you call 'white'. If you're used to the USA's concept of a 'white' person, then yes, but this concept would be very similar to ******'s concept of 'the Aryan race', so in the end, the USA and its citizens have a nazi concept of what is a white person. This is something Americans hardly think about because they'd have to admit they're not very far from the old nazis when it comes to racial classification. In fact, ****** considered the whole bunch from Europe to be 'white', but Germanic peoples which include the Anglo-Saxons the nazis held to be a superior and ideal white person.

So your view of 'whites' and 'latinos' shows a very interesting, common and ignorant misunderstanding, as your bf should explain to you. The people who originally came to colonize south america were Spanish and Portuguese and although they are not as white as the Germanic peoples, they are still white, especially because our capacity to produce melanin makes us easily tanned, while your (germanics) capacity to produce melanin is almost zero, so you get red very easily when exposed to a harsher sunlight. In countries of southern Europe the sunlight IS harsher and I don´t know whether this melanin production we have was developed because of that or if it is something else, but it is an European trait, and a white trait, though Germanics do not have the capacity to produce melanin quickly. In parts of our bodies not exposed to sunlight we tend to be very white, like yourselves or even whiter. But because we live in climates where sunlight and UV rays are harsher, we have more melanin, and if you come to live here, you won't, you'll be red, because you're germanic and germanics cannot produce melanin like latins.

Furthermore the whole concept of 'Latino' is pejorative. I understand you apply it to designate immigrants mainly from Mexico, which are, racially, a mixture of the Spanish colonizers with the local indigenous people, so the concept of a 'latino' is not really the same as the so-called Romance peoples or Latins, speaking scientifically.

[Absurd]

I don't know whether you're aware or not but this thread is called "Love first, or Friendship" and not "I love ******" as Obersturmführer and many others on here want.

Anyway, there is no such thing as 'Aryan Race', just as there is no Germanic or Slavic race. This is an oxymoron to begin with, you're mixing culture with race Hitta plus this Aryan race you love to talk about is more in line with a caste system and it was, in fact, "borrowed" and completely twisted by ****** himself just to serve his own agenda. You sure want an example, well take a look at Maritsa's posts and the way she's handles case sensitive information.

So yea, create a thread called "I love ******", get CapitalistPig to participate and I will steam roll over you both. Do we have a deal ?

[matilda]

I'd go for friendship first where trust is already established.

[Lotus]

with my s/o i don't really know how to distinguish between the love and friendship... i guess that makes it balanced? idk we were friends/roommates (even shared a bed) before we were dating/inlove, we shared everything from money to drugs, take care of each other, etc. we make each other laugh all the time, are very sexually compatible/dynamic, blah blah.

i think we're a relation of benefit or activity. he's te-ili, i'm se-xsi i think.

[FDG]

Probably so only because you don't live in a country where whites are almost extinct and the majority of the population is something in between white and black, 'brown'. So yes, it's strange but not if you consider my context. Americans are funny, it's like they know nothing about other countries. They probably think people are white or even anglo-saxon all over the world with the exception of arabs because that's the only people they know other than themselves, lol.

I'm Italian, and a negro of inferior race, thus you are too. LOL OWNED.

[Pa3s]

Yeah, you should forget about that whole 'superior race' thing, Air. It's just not good to keep the different kinds of humans strictly seperated, I'd compare it with incest in a larger scale. Combining similar genes often leads to predispositions to have the same weaknesses. (Besides, thinking one race is superior is pretty stupid anyway.) See dogs for example: many of todays breeds (created by humans) wouldn't even survive in the free nature. Some even all develop very similar diseases like dachshunds for example (intervertebral disk disease) at a given age. Crossbreeds are often physically tougher and more resistand against illnesses. And finally, trees who grow in a monoculture might all die because of a single reason such as bark beetles, storms or landslides. Mixed woodland on the other side is much more stable and resistand against those things.

[redbaron]

lol, this thread...

Let's see. All I can say to this is that my husband and I are supervision and it's definitely been weighted much more strongly on the friendship end of things from day one. Some people would say that's not so bad but it's pretty disappointing, overall. I didn't know what duality felt like, I had been "in love" once or twice before but it ended badly, and my parents had a pretty strained relationship so I grew up thinking that love was a fairly tale.

[Airman]

Yeah, you should forget about that whole 'superior race' thing, Air. It's just not good to keep the different kinds of humans strictly seperated, I'd compare it with incest in a larger scale. Combining similar genes often leads to predispositions to have the same weaknesses. (Besides, thinking one race is superior is pretty stupid anyway.) See dogs for example: many of todays breeds (created by humans) wouldn't even survive in the free nature. Some even all develop very similar diseases like dachshunds for example (intervertebral disk disease) at a given age. Crossbreeds are often physically tougher and more resistand against illnesses. And finally, trees who grow in a monoculture might all die because of a single reason such as bark beetles, storms or landslides. Mixed woodland on the other side is much more stable and resistand against those things.

I was talking AGAINST Starfall's prejudice of whites being only the 'Aryan'. Please read again with care.
edit: what I admire is the germanic or let's say nordic beauty of women. Now, if someone says he loves black women because they're the most attractive, no one is going to point that out as racism. So I am clear that after WW2, every germanic felt so guilty and ashamed and nowadays they cannot even accept a compliment for their beauty. This is my logical conclusion.

[Pa3s]

I was talking AGAINST Starfall's prejudice of whites being only the 'Aryan'. Please read again with care.
edit: what I admire is the germanic or let's say nordic beauty of women. Now, if someone says he loves black women because they're the most attractive, no one is going to point that out as racism. So I am clear that after WW2, every germanic felt so guilty and ashamed and nowadays they cannot even accept a compliment for their beauty. This is my logical conclusion.

I didn't talk about Aryans in particular, but the idea of 'racial' differences of people in general. Of course, there are beautiful people who have blonde hair and are pale-skinned. And there will always be people who prefer this style over others. It's just important to realize that this is a matter of taste and different races are not naturally less beautiful or capable than others. Quotes like these do have a racist undertone in my opinion:

People will label me 'nazi' for that, but your white beauty makes me think there is still something good left in this world.

[Jinxi]

I was talking AGAINST Starfall's prejudice of whites being only the 'Aryan'. Please read again with care.
edit: what I admire is the germanic or let's say nordic beauty of women. Now, if someone says he loves black women because they're the most attractive, no one is going to point that out as racism. So I am clear that after WW2, every germanic felt so guilty and ashamed and nowadays they cannot even accept a compliment for their beauty. This is my logical conclusion.

Every Germanic felt so guilty and ashamed and nowadays they cannot even accept a compliment for their beauty? LMAO. Where the fuck do you live? You're out of touch with reality, the Germanic superiority complex is still prevalent today. Why the fuck is neo-nazism/nationalism on the rise in Germanic countries?

You're really lame. Like, really, really lame.

Her "white" beauty makes you think that there's good in the world? Go fuck yourself.

[Pa3s]

You're out of touch with reality, the Germanic superiority complex is still prevalent today.

Is it?

Why the fuck is neo-nazism/nationalism on the rise in Germanic countries?

Where did you get this info from?

[Jinxi]

Is it?



Where did you get this info from?

You're German. You should know.

[Pa3s]

You're German. You should know.

Okay, that means you don't know. Please base your claims on facts instead of just talking bs, thanks.

[Jinxi]

Okay, that means you don't know. Please base your claims on facts instead of just talking bs, thanks.

I wonder why immigrants can't integrate into German society? Is it because they don't want to or is it because the people won't allow them to? Anyhow, Merkel is right: Multiculturalism has failed. Why? Because Germans have a superiority complex and not many homogenous populations can accept an influx of foreigners. Germans don't treat Turks the same way they treat their fellow Germans, do they? I've lived in Germany. In the west, people are much more tolerant - But, you'll never be treated equally. There is that resentment in the shade that you always see. How do you explain the rise of neo-nazism in East Germany and xenophobia in all of Europe? When have Europeans ever treated other races as equals? Every continent has been the European's battlefield.

I don't feel like delving further into this subject. The FACT is that you are deluding yourself. Thanks.

[Airman]

lol @ jinxi

you really know nothing about germanic people. please google the term germanic peoples and learn something about them. then separate this concept from 'the germans'. many germans are NOT germanic but latin. if you see the leadership of the 3rd reich many, if not most, were latin with dark hair, less tall than the germanics, still, they held that the 'best' human was the germanic, and so this was their racial prejudice and concept.

neo-nazism on the rise? LOL... i wonder which planet you live in. nowadays everyone is totally open to our one-world one-big-family thing and this is good.

Finally, I´m a polite humanist. And so lol@you swearing at me with so much self-hatred projected onto me.

[Jinxi]

lol @ jinxi

you really know nothing about germanic people. please google the term germanic peoples and learn something about them. then separate this concept from 'the germans'. many germans are NOT germanic but latin. if you see the leadership of the 3rd reich many, if not most, were latin with dark hair, less tall than the germanics, still, they held that the 'best' human was the germanic, and so this was their racial prejudice and concept.

neo-nazism on the rise? LOL... i wonder which planet you live in. nowadays everyone is totally open to our one-world one-big-family thing and this is good.

Finally, I´m a polite humanist. And so lol@you swearing at me with so much self-hatred projected onto me.

Germans = Celts/Saxons, people who have lived in the historical regions of Northern Europe, England and Scandinavia. You stupid? Everyone knows that.

****** was not latin. He had blue eyes, brown hair, pale skin and he was South German - Brown eyes are actually quite common in Southern Germany - Goebbels had brown eyes. What the fuck are you talking about? Heydrich was your typical North German. Goering was short but he had all the other physical features. Himmler was Bavarian.

Neo-nazism is definitely on the rise in Europe. Racist attacks are up in xenophobic Eastern Europe and even the moderate French/English are quite frustrated with immigrants.

"nowadays everyone is totally open to our one-world one-big-family thing and this is good." - Really?

You really think that? You're really, really dumb if you think that.

[pianosinger]

Okay, I get to have the final say in this off-topic discussion, since it's MY thread; if y'all want to keep debating whether or not Air is a Nazi (and other such things unrelated to the OP), please start a new thread to do so.

I don't believe Air was making a racist statement...he meant to make me a compliment, he just said it in a weird way. And, what I found the most odd was simply the randomness of it, why he even said anything in this thread (of all places) to begin with?

Secondly, Air, if you really wanted to make me feel good about myself, you'd do better to compliment something about my character that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, rather than my genetically-determined appearance, which I had no control over. So I'm white. A rather sickly-looking white, IMO, but, it's my skin and the only skin I'll ever have. But why does that make me so "good"? It doesn't, of course.

But, thanks for trying...

/OT Discussion

Now, back to the point of the OP, please? Thanks.

[Pa3s]

I wonder why immigrants can't integrate into German society? Is it because they don't want to or is it because the people won't allow them to? Anyhow, Merkel is right: Multiculturalism has failed. Why? Because Germans have a superiority complex and not many homogenous populations can accept an influx of foreigners. Germans don't treat Turks the same way they treat their fellow Germans, do they? I've lived in Germany. In the west, people are much more tolerant - But, you'll never be treated equally. There is that resentment in the shade that you always see. How do you explain the rise of neo-nazism in East Germany and xenophobia in all of Europe? When have Europeans ever treated other races as equals? Every continent has been the European's battlefield.

And again: meaningless claims without any evidence. I don't know why you're so anti-european but you'll have your reasons. Yes, there are Neonazis in Germany, but also in Russia for example. I don't see how the situation of immigrants is different from any other country with a higher percentage of foreigners. Maybe this isn't the case in Canada?

I don't feel like delving further into this subject. The FACT is that you are deluding yourself. Thanks.

Whatever.

@pianosinger: sorry for further derailment.

[Jinxi]

And again: meaningless claims without any evidence. I don't know why you're so anti-european but you'll have your reasons. Yes, there are Neonazis in Germany, but also in Russia for example. I don't see how the situation of immigrants is different from any other country with a higher percentage of foreigners. Maybe this isn't the case in Canada?



Whatever.

@pianosinger: sorry for further derailment.

I'm not Anti-European. I'm stating the truth. In countries with homogenous populations and a rich history, the people have a superiority complex. This is the case in Europe and good Asian example would be the Japanese. In Canada, it's easier to integrate and fit in - Everyone has an immigrant background.

[EyeSeeCold]

Too many conspiracy sites Jinxi lol.

I've been through the same thing. No point in arguing about the patterns you see because you need the intuition and background to see the processes happening. You might as well start a crusade against invisible ghosts.


With all the hype over the end of the world, ethno-economical elitism, and secret groups, one might think Nazis are becoming more prevalent. Not that they are or aren't.

[Airman]

Too many conspiracy sites Jinxi lol.

I've been through the same thing. No point in arguing about the patterns you see because you need the intuition and background to see the processes happening. You might as well start a crusade against invisible ghosts.


With all the hype over the end of the world, ethno-economical elitism, and secret groups, one might think Nazis are becoming more prevalent. Not that they are or aren't.

lol, you just basically wrote NOTHING with about 100 words. you didn't state one single point there. only perhaps suggesting the notion that me or someone else is into conspiracy theories. I am not, particularly. The world is going down because humans have replaced love of each other for love of money and only profit and money matter so nature is starting to destroy the human plague from the planet and I cannot disagree with her, she has a point there, we fu--ed the world now we get f---ed, it's cause and effect.

Starfall if you want to talk to me please use PM instead.

[pianosinger]

OT Discussion/

yeah, how do you like that, huh?

READ THIS!
I don't mind the occasional OT discussion within a thread-- it happens all the time, sometimes I even start it. But really, this has gone beyond off-topic and really needs its own thread (which it now has), so please continue there.

[EyeSeeCold]

lol, you just basically wrote NOTHING with about 100 words. you didn't state one single point there. only perhaps suggesting the notion that me or someone else is into conspiracy theories. I am not, particularly. The world is going down because humans have replaced love of each other for love of money and only profit and money matter so nature is starting to destroy the human plague from the planet and I cannot disagree with her, she has a point there, we fu--ed the world now we get f---ed, it's cause and effect.

That wasn't for you.

[Airman]

That wasn't for you.

Ok, now free us from the Matrix, Architect.

[Jinxi]

lol, you just basically wrote NOTHING with about 100 words. you didn't state one single point there. only perhaps suggesting the notion that me or someone else is into conspiracy theories. I am not, particularly. The world is going down because humans have replaced love of each other for love of money and only profit and money matter so nature is starting to destroy the human plague from the planet and I cannot disagree with her, she has a point there, we fu--ed the world now we get f---ed, it's cause and effect.

Starfall if you want to talk to me please use PM instead.

[Sir Knight]

I don't mind the occasional OT discussion within a thread-- i

Now do you mean to say that you don't mind the occasional on-topic discussion or the occasional off-topic discussion?

'cause with the way this board seems to work, I'm not really sure.

[Creepy-Snaps]

As others have pointed out, physical attraction is a factor, as well as how well you naturally get along. Affecting both friendship and love.

But, I think, over the course of people's lives, it's very natural to go through several stages of wanting to love versus just wanting to be friends. Sometimes you get busy with work or a parent's death or various life issues that you have to deal with, when you just would rather have a friend there to support you, more than anything else. Other times you may want to make love as much as possible.

So pianosinger, with that said, I'm not sure if it's a static question, which intertype relationships tend to favor love versus friendship, but rather a dynamic one, bieng aware of how the balance towards one or the other changes through a lifetime as well. I'm curious to know too how that changes per intertype relationship and individuals throughout life. Maybe best not to worry about understanding the dynamic so much, but just live your life and be comfortable in whatever stage you're in.

[pianosinger]

Sorry for going off topic, Pianosinger. I can ask the other mods if I can move the derailed discussion to a new thread if you would like.

Well for that matter, I could ask them myself...You really don't have to do it for me. Anyway, it doesn't bother me as long as it ends now.

And, you weren't really that bad; anyway, you were just responding to Air's response to your response to his first post...ah, you get what I mean, right?

Why half a dozen additional people felt the need to jump in without even bothering to address the original topic...that's what I don't get. You, however, were really trying to contribute to the thread.

[pianosinger]

As others have pointed out, physical attraction is a factor, as well as how well you naturally get along. Affecting both friendship and love.

But, I think, over the course of people's lives, it's very natural to go through several stages of wanting to love versus just wanting to be friends. Sometimes you get busy with work or a parent's death or various life issues that you have to deal with, when you just would rather have a friend there to support you, more than anything else. Other times you may want to make love as much as possible.

So pianosinger, with that said, I'm not sure if it's a static question, which intertype relationships tend to favor love versus friendship, but rather a dynamic one, bieng aware of how the balance towards one or the other changes through a lifetime as well. I'm curious to know too how that changes per intertype relationship and individuals throughout life. Maybe best not to worry about understanding the dynamic so much, but just live your life and be comfortable in whatever stage you're in.

Yeah, I think you're right that priorities can change throughout a relationship. "For every thing there is a season..." There have been periods in my marriage where we have been more focused on romance, and other times when we have been more focused on friendship.That said, though, we started out more as friends when we were dating; the real romance didn't really spark so much until we'd already decided we were going to marry each other.

[Airman]

Yeah, I think you're right that priorities can change throughout a relationship. "For every thing there is a season..." There have been periods in my marriage where we have been more focused on romance, and other times when we have been more focused on friendship.That said, though, we started out more as friends when we were dating; the real romance didn't really spark so much until we'd already decided we were going to marry each other.

I think this is better than starting with physical attraction towards each other first. So you'd be in a good relationship. I value loyalty and compromise a lot. And I think this has to do with delta.