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Thread: IEIs/INFps shyness and lack of relationship experience

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    Default IEIs/INFps shyness and lack of relationship experience

    So... I've got a new boyfriend. Definitely IEI. 35 years old and has less relationship experience than I did at 16! I can't figure out why! He said it's because he's shy around girls, but he never seemed shy to me? (He hinted about being interested but always let me lead the way.) And he said he gets *really* into girls without them ever knowing it? idk, I guess I'm wondering if this could be a red flag? Everything else is good. He's a delightfully awkward romantic. ^_^
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    congrats. it sounds like he's shy and has stronger feelings than he lets on...i'm not sure what you mean by red flag. what are you worried about, exactly?

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    Red flag = being 35 and having basically no relationship experience. Keep your eyes open and good luck!
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


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    oh, i didn't read it as "basically none." i thought she could have had a fair amount of experience by the time she was 16. but yeah...

    i still don't really get it. being excessively shy is a red flag for...? not taking enough initiative in general? and how is this specifically geared to IEIs?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    red flag
    If you like him...


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    Yeah, no one is perfect. I had some questions about the SLE I'm with (still have a few), but hey, we're Betas! Something is clearly Rong with us.

    Where Starfall says she was able to be upfront with her guy and just discuss her concerns? That's pretty much what it's about, imo. Being able to communicate clearly, reasonably, and compassionately about things is kinda important. So when it's comfortable to do so, there shouldn't be any reason why you can't discuss the issue with him, if only to, you know, get more info. There are still some things I don't fully understand about my bf's past, but as time rolls on I can ask him about those things very comfortably.

    Someone being 35 and having not a ton of relationship experience prolly isn't in itself a huge red flag. Depends.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    So... I've got a new boyfriend. Definitely IEI. 35 years old and has less relationship experience than I did at 16! I can't figure out why! He said it's because he's shy around girls, but he never seemed shy to me? (He hinted about being interested but always let me lead the way.) And he said he gets *really* into girls without them ever knowing it? idk, I guess I'm wondering if this could be a red flag? Everything else is good. He's a delightfully awkward romantic. ^_^
    personally, it would weird me out. i'd feel like if they're 35 and their initiative/confidence is so bad that they have barely any relationship experience, i'd be concerned that it seeps into other areas of his life too. is it hot to you to be the more experienced one, joy? easy
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by Golden View Post
    There are still some things I don't fully understand about my bf's past

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    Hee. No.

    Just stuff like why certain relationships turned out as they did, why he made the particular choices he did, and the time frame for all of it.

    He's super honest, though. I just don't want to pry all at once into every nook and cranny of his life.

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    lol joy, you fucking white trash lard turd ass ain't you? You're never going to get out of your horrible life, deal with it.

    the reason why you had more experience than him when you were 16 its cause you were a fucking SLUT.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    FDG, wtf?

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    lol joy, you fucking white trash lard turd ass ain't you? You're never going to get out of your horrible life, deal with it.

    the reason why you had more experience than him when you were 16 its cause you were a fucking SLUT.
    KJFHLKGHJNFDLKNHJFDLKHNFDLAKHJ

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    Joy, instead of "I've got a new boyfriend," you could have just said, "It's Thursday."

    Both statements have the same meaning.

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    Joy, you are a red flag. ANyway.. dont overthink things. Just chill the hell out and go with it. If he's insane then that'll reveal itself in time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedratsghost View Post
    Joy, you are a red flag. ANyway.. dont overthink things. Just chill the hell out and go with it. If he's insane then that'll reveal itself in time.
    That depends on one's frame of reference.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    lol joy, you fucking white trash lard turd ass ain't you? You're never going to get out of your horrible life, deal with it.

    the reason why you had more experience than him when you were 16 its cause you were a fucking SLUT.
    Wow, how immature.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Wow, how immature.
    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Chill out, FDG.
    rofl

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    lol. immature? Both of you have been around long enough to know why I act like this with Joy.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I've arranged for an MTV/Vivid Video camera crew to chronicle this new relationship so that the world can benefit from studying duality in all its glory. My lawyers will serve you with the appropriate waivers this afternoon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    lol. immature? Both of you have been around long enough to know why I act like this with Joy.
    No, I don't know why you do...or anyone else for that matter. Joy is never even here. Whether you have issues with her or not, it was still over the top to say what you said.

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    It was rather innocuous, IMHO.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I realize you were probably just being facetious. It's O.K.

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    I say cut the guy some slack (if only because I'm desperately afraid of becoming him... sigh). Anyway, I have less experience than average for my age, and I'm not that damaged (at least, I'm no more damaged because of that than I would be otherwise, probably less so). So yeah.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    I say cut the guy some black (if only because I'm desperately afraid of becoming him... sigh). Anyway, I have less experience than average for my age, and I'm not that damaged (at least, I'm no more damaged because of that than I would be otherwise, probably less so). So yeah.
    HAHAHAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID?!! LMAO I CHANGED SLACK TO BLACK BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACK! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT LITTLE BOY ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

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    this is just this is too much
    maybe a saint is just a dead prick with a good publicist
    maybe tommorow's statues are insecure without their foes
    go ask the frog what the scorpion knows

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    HAHAHAHAHA SEE WHAT I DID?!! LMAO I CHANGED SLACK TO BLACK BECAUSE YOU'RE BLACK! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT LITTLE BOY ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
    This shouldn't be funny.

    But it is!
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    Thanks for the responses, everyone. I think I was just confused about why no one had snapped him up already. Yesterday I got to see him in social situations and realized that he actually is *a lot* more shy than he seemed to me like he was. I guess he's just more comfortable around me? I haven't seen anything suggesting he's unhealthy so far, so I'm just not going to worry about it.

    I think sometimes he would just be too shy to approach a girl he was interested in and sometimes he'd get "friend zoned".
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    And I'm 30 and have only had 7 boyfriends, which I don't think is a lot. At 16 I'd been with the same guy for a year and a half, and he'd been my only boyfriend. This guy had told me that his longest official relationship was 2 months. His longest "unofficial" relationship was like a year. idk, we'll see what happens. We still don't really know each other all that well yet.
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    How big is his penis?

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    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    How big is his penis?
    Holla.

    Erect and prune dry otherwise.

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    Bigger than yours.

    If you don't want to hear stuff like this about me, put me on ignore.
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    lol oh damn

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Bigger than yours.
    joy > dj

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    He says I'm "a handful". LOL. That's an understatement! He takes it all in stride though, not easily shaken. It seems to amuse him. ^_^
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    Joy! In this cases, the only thing which works is...


    BAYONET CHARGE

    ILE "Searcher"
    Socionics: ENTp
    DCNH: Dominant --> perhaps Normalizing
    Enneagram: 7w6 "Enthusiast"
    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

    To learn, read. To know, write. To master, teach.

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    LOL Starfall, I'm not *that* bad... I mean, I know how to avoid getting in any *real* trouble. People do sometimes comment on about how "entertaining" I am though... another nice way to put it. The fact that he never bitches... idk, if he ever were to, I would most definitely listen. This goes beyond being IEI though. He's not just cool and calm because of his temperament or functional arrangement. He's similar to a couple of other Ni subtype Ni dominants I know, but more... good natured?

    Slater, I'm not *trying* to rile him up, lol. Sometimes I say/do stuff not knowing how he'll respond and am surprised by the awesomeness of his response though. It's like... things I worry about and think could be an issue end up being things he responds to so nonchallantly. And in a cute and really funny way. And just ignores other stuff that I think could be a problem. Sometimes I ask if something bothers him, and he says it doesn't.
    Last edited by Joy; 06-23-2011 at 12:09 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Slater, I'm not *trying* to rile him up, lol. Sometimes I say/do stuff not knowing how he'll respond and am surprised by the awesomeness of his response though. It's like... things I worry about and think could be an issue end up being things he responds to so nonchallantly. And in a cute and really funny way. And just ignores other stuff that I think could be a problem. Sometimes I ask if something bothers him, and he says it doesn't.
    Wow, you are not used to deal with non-neurotic people!

    The only exception I ever saw was right after we got together when one of his friends said "you got her before I could". He seemed sort of upset by it, but I responded "people don't *get* me, I get them" and he laughed and said "that's pretty much how I responded... 'more like she got me!'". haha <3
    Yeah, the bayonet charge was an advice to him and his bayonet
    ILE "Searcher"
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    MBTI: ENTJ "Field Marshall" or ENTP "Inventor"
    Astrological sign: Aquarius

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    wants to be a writer. silverchris9's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1981slater View Post
    Wow, you are not used to deal with non-neurotic people!
    There are non-neurotic people?
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    lol, yeah SLEs (esp Se-subs) can be handfuls. And they usually know it too.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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