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Thread: ENFp, negative feedback and shitty times

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    Default ENFp, negative feedback and shitty times

    so last year i completed my first year of college and im on the verge of flunking out right now. the topic of this discussion is have any of you guys ever met an enfp who got soooo much negative feedback that he/she started to believe it and it just sent him/her spinning downward?

    the reason i ask this is because when i was young i was insanely creative and curious... but then as i got into school and i started getting feedback such as grades (which have always been a problem for me, teachers are boring) i got real depressed. this peaked around my sophmore year of high school when things just werent working out the way i wanted. to add to all this my parents have a tendancy to be extremely negative and eventually around this time my girlfriend cheated on me and i hit a very serious depressive episode that im still getting over now. (the main reason for this was because i blamed myself)

    from what ive read the main thing that keeps ENFP's such as myself going is the fact that they can somehow look past the negative feedback they get. i know i am enfp because every description fits me perfectly, but i want to know how the hell to get out of this slump. how do u guys keep urself motivated for something like a prerequisite class in college that you have no interest in?
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    Last edited by ENFPaaron; 01-28-2011 at 02:11 PM.

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    Being ENTp, I can tell you that most of the time when I'm depressed, it's because I'm not keeping myself entertained. Meet new people, play video games, watch movies; when you feel yourself beginning to get depressed, just try to surround yourself with things that can entertain you, and keep your mind away from contemplating exactly why you are depressed. Why? Because your mind will invariably meander off into the things that suck in your life, because, well, that's just the way a depressed brain works. I know that alot of my personal time is spent just thinking, and if this is the case for you, it's going to be hard to avoid that, but it's worth it when it keeps you from being too down.

    And hey, buck up! Life doesn't really suck. Just think of all the sweet shit you have ahead of you. Hell, think about the sweet stuff you have right now! You're in the best years of your life, dude. Don't sweat the small stuff.
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    acquire ambition before enrolling in college.
    asd

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    Default Re: shitty times

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPaaron
    so last year i completed my first year of college and im on the verge of flunking out right now. the topic of this discussion is have any of you guys ever met an enfp who got soooo much negative feedback that he/she started to believe it and it just sent him/her spinning downward?

    the reason i ask this is because when i was young i was insanely creative and curious... but then as i got into school and i started getting feedback such as grades (which have always been a problem for me, teachers are boring) i got real depressed. this peaked around my sophmore year of high school when things just werent working out the way i wanted. to add to all this my parents have a tendancy to be extremely negative and eventually around this time my girlfriend cheated on me and i hit a very serious depressive episode that im still getting over now. (the main reason for this was because i blamed myself)

    from what ive read the main thing that keeps ENFP's such as myself going is the fact that they can somehow look past the negative feedback they get. i know i am enfp because every description fits me perfectly, but i want to know how the hell to get out of this slump. how do u guys keep urself motivated for something like a prerequisite class in college that you have no interest in?
    You need positive feedback, and motivators.. I don't know where you'd find them, but good luck all the same.
    thing.

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    Default Re: shitty times

    Quote Originally Posted by MySaviour
    You need positive feedback, and motivators.. I don't know where you'd find them, but good luck all the same.
    Im going to have to agree with this. Being around people that tear you down is not a good thing. Talk to some possitve counselors and others who can see your potential and help you see it too. You need to build your self-esteem and the best way to do that is through hard work and accomplishment. Sorry to say, distracting yourself with video games and merriment is just a quick fix and will not contribute to any lasting peace of mind. The real task before you is to look at reality square in the eye, make peace with it and yourself and then get into action. OK so you have to take some remedial classes, its not the end of the world. You are going to have to accept it and not fight it. Fighting it will just make it harder and slow you down. Just do it and before you know it it will be over. Honest. We ENFPs get so used to having things come easy to us or imagining to ourselves that we can master anything with just a snap that it is a humbling shock when we have to hunker down and put forth some real effort and concentration and do something thats not fun. But guess what? Its by actually tackling and perservering through the hard parts of life that help build your self-esteem. Then you'll know that what ever comes down the pike you can handle it. Sorry if this sounds like a lecture but trust me I had to learn it the hard way. :wink:

    Topaz
    The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

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    the topic of this discussion is have any of you guys ever met an enfp who got soooo much negative feedback that he/she started to believe it and it just sent him/her spinning downward?
    Happened to me twice. The funny thing is that I had the impression that I was doing everything wrong, nobody liked, loved, or valued me, and life in general sucked. After a while that stopped, like a bout of the flu or bad weather.

    While I agree with Topaz, I think it's not the only answer. Of course one must confront the ugly truth, but it's important to cushion one's fall a bit, and the best way to do it is to have fun and get yourself lots of positive feedback. Usually, if people confront an ugly truth, they have to climb down from their high horse and become more sober and reach a level of matter-of-fact dispassionate honesty. I think if you're really depressed you approach the whole thing from the opposite direction. You don't need to climb down, you need to be hoisted up a little until you're again confident and optimistic enough for dispassionate honesty. So that's where Gilligan's and MySaviour's advice fits in, IMO. Fun, entertainment and positive feedback aren't the answer to big questions, but they keep you energized until you find those.

    Other stuff I did that seemed to help:

    Giving myself positive feedback. This is very important, esp. during shitty times. Sometimes one has to learn how to be one's own friend. That includes judging oneself realistically instead of harshly, giving oneself treats, taking adequate care of one's own needs (sleep, exercise, food, light, relaxation,...), appreciating one's own achievements, etc etc.

    Tidying up myroom, rearranging all the furniture, throwing all the superfluous stuff away and cleaning everything while playing John Lee Hooker at full blast.

    Cutting down on the amount of coffee and tea I drink.

    Freewriting.

    Wearing only clothes that make me look good.

    Doing something new and interesting.

    Realizing who I am, and what my strengths are, and that people will just have to accept this or go hang. I can change my behaviour to some extent, but I can't and won't change who I am.

    Avoiding environments that are extremely scheduled and small-villagey. Every time I've been in one of those it's been a nightmare.

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    Default Re: shitty times

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPaaron
    so last year i completed my first year of college and im on the verge of flunking out right now. the topic of this discussion is have any of you guys ever met an enfp who got soooo much negative feedback that he/she started to believe it and it just sent him/her spinning downward?

    the reason i ask this is because when i was young i was insanely creative and curious... but then as i got into school and i started getting feedback such as grades (which have always been a problem for me, teachers are boring) i got real depressed. this peaked around my sophmore year of high school when things just werent working out the way i wanted. to add to all this my parents have a tendancy to be extremely negative and eventually around this time my girlfriend cheated on me and i hit a very serious depressive episode that im still getting over now. (the main reason for this was because i blamed myself)

    from what ive read the main thing that keeps ENFP's such as myself going is the fact that they can somehow look past the negative feedback they get. i know i am enfp because every description fits me perfectly, but i want to know how the hell to get out of this slump. how do u guys keep urself motivated for something like a prerequisite class in college that you have no interest in?
    I say just roll with the punches and ignore the negative feedback and think positively. Use that feedback to motivate you to actually perform well and to downplay your critics. Try not to let your overpower you and force you to cloud your judgement and continue working hard in school. The main problem is that if you got yourself in an uncomfortable position where your lagging behind in homework is very undesirable for an ENFp. I recommend that you begin catching up immediately to avoid it or always keep up pace on your work to protect yourself from that trap. Also, the best motivation for performing well is knowing that you won't have to suffer the pain of piled up work. Plus, you'll find that you'll have much more free time and feel much more energetic if you do well in school. This will enable you to enjoy life more, meet new people and embrace things that you would of never done if you were in a depressive turmoil as a result of inadeuqacy in school.
    "Nothing happens until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of change."

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    My parents are ENFj and ENTj, and I've received what feels to me like negative feedback from them my whole life. They are just trying to warn me and make sure I'm aware of things but it has always felt like they're dragging me down.

    Do you live with your parents? If not, try just talking to them once or twice a week for a while if that'll help.

    Personally, I find sometimes what makes me pick myself up is when I have the opportunity to pick someone else up. I don't know why that is. But maybe try to see the positive potential in your friends and others close to you and share it with them. That might make things seem less gloomy in your world, and it might spread to your self-perception.

    Also, try listening to positive music. ENFps are very affected my music and when I was feeling down in high school and college, I listened to way too much Smiths and the Cure and other morose bands of the era. That just made me even more gloomy.

    Also, it's hard after losing a girlfriend, especically the way you lost her, but allow yourself to get out and meet other girls anyway. Nothing helps with a bad mood and a broken heart like new love. Or new infatuation anyway.

    Those are my suggestions!
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    Default ENFP to the rescue lol

    Hehe,

    It should be obvious by now than ENFP love to help others. You can tell because pretty much every one i know on here has responded here in our own way. I suppose the funny thing is in some ways we are awesome at helping you because we know what works, but in other ways we need another types opinion because they can see what we cant some of the time.

    I went through a stage of Intense Anxiety for about 2 years. Felt like it was the end of my life i saw no way out of it. But now that is in the past. Just know that you will shed your skin per say and these feelings will pass. All the suggestions on here work a treat. I have been on a few anti-depressants they seem to help when you really need them. Exercise is also very under rated, nothing like regular exercise to keep your mind sharp.

    I have total faith you will work it out mate. You will work it out very deeply as well by the end, but it could take a bit of time

    Edit: btw i used to be very into self help. Used to read soo many books it was insane and the most valuable thing / conclusion i ever came to was let it go. Finally i stopped pushing so hard and that is when i finally became more relaxed and my anxiety lifted
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    am i the only one who values the depression?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    am i the only one who values the depression?

    Shhh, the institutionalists will hear you

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    am i the only one who values the depression?
    I value quiet apathy of the outside world.

    Is that similar?
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    am i the only one who values the depression?
    I value quiet apathy of the outside world.

    Is that similar?
    ISTP apathy = standby mode.
    ENFP apathy = sign of a very sad and/or bored ENFP who is about to go into an unhappiness coma. Treat with lots of talk and hot cocoa.

    Just my guess.

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    Apathy and depression can be related but theyre definitely different things. Of course, I could see apathy to be highly subjective as well. One's apathy may be another's retreat... and so on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jadae
    Shhh, the institutionalists will hear you
    i wish you would stop thinking this way.

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    I dont.

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    unearned unhappiness is so cool
    LII
    that is what i was getting at. if there is an inescapable appropriation that is required in the act of understanding, this brings into question the validity of socionics in describing what is real, and hence stubborn contradictions that continue to plague me.

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    It's a side-effect of being NeFi, so shush. You can't judge other types the way you'd judge yourself. If you had all the information about the other type, you could. But you don't have it. If you ever managed to become ENFp for any length of time (ten years, perhaps), then you'd have the required data. But you didn't. And you haven't got it. Without the required data it's difficult to make confident judgments about other people, right?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    am i the only one who values the depression?
    No.

    1. If one never feels a depression, how can they fully enjoy a high?
    2. I am reminded of an experiment which my friend told me about. About how a rat was placed into a box with tall sides and filled with water enough that should the rat make it to the sides, he wouldn't be able to climb out. The rat struggled and struggled and struggled to get out, to no avail. So then it stopped struggling and sank into the water. A few seconds and then the rat would try a different tactic of trying to get out. Failed. Allowed itself to sink again. And then again tried to get out. Somehow, the times when the rat was allowing itself to sink was labeled "depression". And if you look at people, they tend to follow the same formula. They are struggling against something, over and over, to no avail. So, at some point, the body needs to recover its energy and the mind needs to break old connections down and rebuild new ones, in essence, create a new plan of action. At that point, the person will attempt to overcome or go around whatever they were struggling against. It might take a few rounds before they are successfull. Or worse, decide that it's not worth struggling anymore.
    3. Considering the above, depression serves its purposes.
    4. "That which does not kill you, (can) make you stronger."
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    Pedro and anndelise, is that "depression" as in "feeling low and melancholy", or as in "crippling inertia that is so painful you end up feeling suicidal"? If it's the second bit, then... hmmmmno, I don't quite value that. If it's the first, then... yes, you're right.

    The great art is in learning to tackle the melancholy so it doesn't degenerate into a true full-blown depression.

    @Everyone: what works for you?

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat

    @Everyone: what works for you?
    alcohol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Pedro and anndelise, is that "depression" as in "feeling low and melancholy", or as in "crippling inertia that is so painful you end up feeling suicidal"? If it's the second bit, then... hmmmmno, I don't quite value that. If it's the first, then... yes, you're right.

    The great art is in learning to tackle the melancholy so it doesn't degenerate into a true full-blown depression.

    @Everyone: what works for you?
    I would think that that rat felt the "crippling inertia that is so painful he came close to committing suicide" type depression.

    I used to suffer the intense inertia.....I still get bouts of inertia even now. However, after learning about what it is that is happening (not some "chemical imbalance") but that that inertia is serving a purpose either/both physically as well mentally helps me to get over it much sooner than those times when I only focused on the feelings (or lack thereof).

    Knowing that the brain has to break some of the connections down to rebuild new and better connections, lets me know that the inertia is only temporary and will eventually pass. This little bit of knowledge eases those times as well as what used to be suicidal thoughts.

    Instead of seeing those bouts as something wrong with me, I see them more as, my body/mind is making things right for me.
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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    alcohol.
    Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away Cracka
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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    I get so depressed and emotional when i'm drunk, it's a bad thing. And yet i do it every weekend, sometimes more, lol

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    lol sounds great!


    (i can never read an lol out of context, know what i mean? if it's lollin i'm prolly lolin! i mean i read jessica's post and was like, "so she hates herself and gets drunk all the time...but lol.")
    asd

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    i usually put an lol after all my statements, lol. ahhh

    no, i just think it's funny because i end up hating myself for doing it yet i somehow manage to get drunk every weekend and engage in drunk dialing which i DO NOT recommend. Is this alcoholism? haha

    Waaaait, today is saturday and i'm not drunk! Kudos to me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    i usually put an lol after all my statements, lol. ahhh

    no, i just think it's funny because i end up hating myself for doing it yet i somehow manage to get drunk every weekend and engage in drunk dialing which i DO NOT recommend. Is this alcoholism? haha

    Waaaait, today is saturday and i'm not drunk! Kudos to me.
    you seem to alternate between the paths of pity and pride. Trust in your heart.
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    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    alcohol.
    Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away Cracka
    Ah, but alcohol makes me quit thinking about my problems and makes me try to solve everyone elses problems, even if they really don't have any...then I'll be drunk, they'll be cured of any problems they might have been depressed about, even if they weren't in the first place...and i won't remember why I was depressed until the next day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    i usually put an lol after all my statements, lol. ahhh

    no, i just think it's funny because i end up hating myself for doing it yet i somehow manage to get drunk every weekend and engage in drunk dialing which i DO NOT recommend. Is this alcoholism? haha

    Waaaait, today is saturday and i'm not drunk! Kudos to me.
    Oh its too familiar...
    Maybe if you built a race track in your backyard?

    The drunk dialing is the worst... lol

    I find in the long run it just makes me more depressed. Its better to take it out with some intense exercising... Movies are good to.

    The biggest way to fight depression is the same way to fight boredom, stay busy.

    {♠x<º))))><¸.·´¯`·.¸IcEPiCk¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>x♠ }

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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    Quote Originally Posted by meatburger
    Quote Originally Posted by cracka
    alcohol.
    Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away Cracka
    Ah, but alcohol makes me quit thinking about my problems and makes me try to solve everyone elses problems, even if they really don't have any...then I'll be drunk, they'll be cured of any problems they might have been depressed about, even if they weren't in the first place...and i won't remember why I was depressed until the next day.
    (only quoting the above cuz of the talk of using alcohol to chase away the blues)

    I tried really hard to be a drunk one time. (When i was 17-19.) Mostly hard liquor with soda...(couldn't stand the smell/taste of beer) No matter which liquor I tried, I could never get past 2-3 drinks. My problems never "went away", they were still on my mind, no matter where I was at nor what I was doing. The feelings were still there. The only difference I ever felt was that after the 2nd drink I couldn't break OUT of trying to solve whatever problem.

    I finally learned that the only time I can get warm fuzzy feelings from alcohol is when I'm not stressing over something.

    So now, I'm a maybe once a year drink kind of gal. (Unless it's my real birthday finally....then I get soused while dancing with all my friends!!)
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    Quote Originally Posted by IcEPiCk
    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129
    i usually put an lol after all my statements, lol. ahhh

    no, i just think it's funny because i end up hating myself for doing it yet i somehow manage to get drunk every weekend and engage in drunk dialing which i DO NOT recommend. Is this alcoholism? haha

    Waaaait, today is saturday and i'm not drunk! Kudos to me.
    Oh its too familiar...
    Maybe if you built a race track in your backyard?

    The drunk dialing is the worst... lol

    I find in the long run it just makes me more depressed. Its better to take it out with some intense exercising... Movies are good to.

    The biggest way to fight depression is the same way to fight boredom, stay busy.

    Personal goals help. And I dont mean huge, massive ZOMG goals. Just...whatever goals.

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    The alcohol comment was almost more of a comical reply from me...but like was said a few posts up...If I am depressed I usually end up going to work or trying to hang out with people just to keep busy.
    Although, if I'm hanging out with friends it does seem to usually involve alcohol, I keep a huge circle of friends/acquiantances so there's always someone to go out with any time I feel like it. Maybe this keeps me from being depressed . Now that I think about it, maybe this makes me a drunk/alky and I need help? eh, maybe not...lol

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    One of the best ways to fight depression is getting angry.

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    jessica129's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    One of the best ways to fight depression is getting angry.
    If that were the case, i'd be the happiest person in the world.

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    Default Re: shitty times

    Quote Originally Posted by ENFPaaron
    so last year i completed my first year of college and im on the verge of flunking out right now. the topic of this discussion is have any of you guys ever met an enfp who got soooo much negative feedback that he/she started to believe it and it just sent him/her spinning downward?

    the reason i ask this is because when i was young i was insanely creative and curious... but then as i got into school and i started getting feedback such as grades (which have always been a problem for me, teachers are boring) i got real depressed. this peaked around my sophmore year of high school when things just werent working out the way i wanted. to add to all this my parents have a tendancy to be extremely negative and eventually around this time my girlfriend cheated on me and i hit a very serious depressive episode that im still getting over now. (the main reason for this was because i blamed myself)

    from what ive read the main thing that keeps ENFP's such as myself going is the fact that they can somehow look past the negative feedback they get. i know i am enfp because every description fits me perfectly, but i want to know how the hell to get out of this slump. how do u guys keep urself motivated for something like a prerequisite class in college that you have no interest in?
    Hate to say it but it's the P in ya. P's need time to settle down or something. Don't cave to what everybody else is doing - you've got to see what works for you.

    I had a similar first year of college - didn't really know what I wanted to do and I partied way too much and ended up with a 1.8 gpa for the year. ooooo and I'm pretty smart too.

    Ended up taking a couple of years off to work, took a couple of classes part time at a community college, this was the best thing I could have done since it gave me a chance to see some reality and figure out who the hell I was.

    If you're depressed you might be drinking too much, which only drives more depression. Stop drinking - you'll see a lot of benefits.

    A family member of mine is enfp and he, too, had to delay college plans for not knowing what to do. It helped him to get some reality and some money, too.

    HTH. Good luck!
    Entp
    ILE

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    schrödinger's cat's Avatar
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    Depression is often caused by hidden anger. Perhaps it's different for different types. Something I do that could be ENFp-related: I often bottle up my anger directly without even experiencing it. Reason, usually: I'm being too nice and understanding for my own good. "She didn't mean it like that anyway. I know what she's like; she can't help being like that. I simply misunderstood her. She is under such a lot of pressure right now and of course something's gotta give, sooner or later." That sort of thing. It's a bit healthier to just go and start off by being nice and understanding to yourself. Which probably means punching something and screaming "THE BITCH!! I'LL STRANGLE HER!! GRAAAAAH!!!"... and THEN you can calm down and think all the nice and sensible things about the other person.

    BTW, that doesn't make you happy. It just helps un-depress you (if you're an ENFP, more specifically: if you're schrödinger's cat).

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Pedro and anndelise, is that "depression" as in "feeling low and melancholy", or as in "crippling inertia that is so painful you end up feeling suicidal"?
    the latter. it is freeing.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pedro-the-Lion
    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Pedro and anndelise, is that "depression" as in "feeling low and melancholy", or as in "crippling inertia that is so painful you end up feeling suicidal"?
    the latter. it is freeing.
    Hmm... that seems a bit extreme to me. I go more for the melancholy type stuff. Maybe it's type related? lol. "Depression according to your type". Sometimes I remind myself more of the Honus Wagner-type melancholy. He was ISFP... maybe it's just a natural state for ?
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Hmm. As an ENFP is depression common?
    I dont think i have ever been unhappy long enough to warrant it being called depression. I had anxiety for about 3 years tho. That was absolute torture. I wanted to reach out to people but i was so hyper sensitive to people i just couldn't. I thought so lowly of myself it was just as shit as can be ;(

    Some how it has pretty much gone away. I find if i get depressed or anxious, its because im focusing on things too much. Im inside my head too much. Need to focus externally and bring the joy back into things
    ENFp (Unsure of Subtype)

    "And the day came when the risk it took to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anaïs Nin

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