There's this middle-aged cashier lady at work who I am convinced is SEE. What I have noticed is that I seem involuntarily fluster her.
This is the actual dialog as best as I can recall it. The entire time this was happening, I was just clowning around and didn't mean to make her upset. Every time she expressed distress I was genuinely surprised, thinking that all I was doing was helping her.
Also, I was jacked up on caffeine and ephedrine at the time, which is why I was so boisterous:
SEE: *perform an obscure operation on the register's computer*
Me: Wait, that's not how you do it. Press the button, then scan the item, then enter the price.
SEE: *silently follows instructions* "I knew how to do that.... but thanks for trying to help."
Me: You are quite welcome.
SEE: *does something that will require a supervisor to correct before order can be completed*
Me: You need an override. *calls supervisor EIE bitch over*
SEE: I could have done that.
Me: So? Relax, Melody. All's well. (yes, her name is Melody)
SEE: (to customer) "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing."
Me: Yeah, Mel knows what she's doing....... (with a silly smile) Or does she?
SEE: *turns to me* "You know, you're not a very good person, are you?"
Me: (with histrionic inflection) "Mel, please don't hurt my feelings. We're all friends here."
SEE: *rings up order and accidentally tenders incorrect change; gets notably flustered and can't seem to figure out what to do; gives off a kind of repulsive energy indicating that she wants me to let her figure it out*
Me: Wait. Give him back his change.
SEE: *hands it back reluctantly*
Me: Now ring up the items again, make sure to enter the correct tender, then have a manager delete the order that you messed up.
SEE: *obviously pissed* "What would I do without you, Peter."
Me: Probably put companies out of business.
SEE: You're mean, you know that?
Me: No. Do you?
SEE: *comes over to me* "It's one thing to help me, it's another thing to make me look dumb in front of a customer."
Me: Whoa, whoa, simmer down, simmer down! No one made you look dumb. You only look dumb if you're dumb. You're not dumb are you? Exactly. Let's be friends.
SEE: Peter, you better stop this!
SEE: These cookies bring out the devil in me.
Me: Mel, you can't bring out something if it's already out 24/7.
SEE: No, it brings out the devil in you. You're the devil.
Me: Hey! I'm not Satan!
SEE: I'm getting sick of you.
Me: What are the symptoms? Do you need to lie down?
Me: *I am done with stocking and setting up the big floor scrubber machine, so I come up front to cashier/bag/whatever, and see that SEE needs a bagger*
SEE: I can do it. I don't want you bagging for me anymore.
Me: But there's no one else to bag for you. Should the customers be denied proper service just because you have a grudge against me?
SEE: I don't like you.
Me: Well I like you, so this is pretty one-sided, isn't it? *starts bagging*