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Thread: Would you break up with your SO if you found yourself falling in love with a dual?

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    Default Would you break up with your SO if you found yourself falling in love with a dual?

    Serious question.

    *edit*
    I meant it in a way that your significant other is not a dual.
    Last edited by fox; 02-28-2011 at 01:32 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    In b4 everyone says depends on blah blah blah.
    ILI (FINAL ANSWER)

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    I take it the SO would be one of the 16 types that is not my dual?

    -PoLR says, sure why not.

    If they were both my dual, I'll let my duals duel so the winner can I can dualize while the other dual can drool.

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    you cant really be in love with 2 people. I would just go for the one i was in love with. But I'd also just break up with someone the moment I wasnt in love with them.

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    If you're falling in love with ANYone other than your significant other, even a non-dual, you should stop and try to figure out why that's happening and what's going on with the relationship you're supposed to be focusing on. Then move on from there. So the answer is: maybe.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Serious question.
    It's fine to be with your bf. Their shit was doomed from the start.

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    Somewhere between no and maybe.

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    Yes I would. Absolutely I would. There's no substitute. I've dated other type of men and as soon as they want to cook for me, I observe their messiness in comparison to my dual's organized and planned approach, I get sudden pounding head aches and want to run away. I can't stand it. I'm just a very dualized EII. I love to watch my dual do thing/tasks. They are so swift, efficient, orderly, and considerate. I invited an SLI friend to cook for me when I was sick and boy, the work he left behind when he left was a major energy drainage and anger inducer for me. He didn't go into the task without prior consideration for what he would need; for example, he didn't ask for where things were located and moved my stuff around, creating a mess and then he didn't work cleanly. He was disorganized, going back and forth between one task to another; he would chop than look for a spoon, than go sit down to relax, than go back to chopping again...it drove me NUTS. The dirt he left behind wanted me to pull out my ninja black belt...I used it to clean instead. I won't have him over to cook for me again. I would rather do the cooking, at least I'm very clean and take points on being organized. He had the audacity to tell me "It's not HOW I did it that was important; it's that I did it." Sure...I'm grateful for the help and he can, as a friend, come over and make a mess as long as I don't live with him where I don't experience this day in and out, because that would drive me insane. I don't pick on my guests to be as clean, neat and organized as myself or my dual because I value Si and I want them to be very comfortable in my home, but as far as having anyone other than my dual, the answer is NO. NOPE. NO WAY JOSE. PERIOD. It is very important how he does things. It's important how my SO does things; if he can get a transplant and do things like a Te than maybe he can be a permanent SO, but until then there will be no SO if it's not going to be my dual.

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    maritsa you're just like my grandmother. I bet she has these murderous thoughts towards me when I do regular things around the house. She probably evokes the whole life of her struggles against me, and how I'm so inconsiderate of her comfort by creating small work for her like roughing up the pillows. Im gona have to be more weary of that woman.

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    Well to answer this question I probably don't need to know whether the other person is a dual or not, to me that is irrelevant. Either way Id say probably not, I have fallen in love numerous times and just as often I fell out of love after half a year or so. So I would probably analyze what is wrong with the current relationship and try to fix the one I have if it is broken. Obviously if its really not working anymore then it is better to break up.
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    Married or not? If not, I would.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    If you're falling in love with ANYone other than your significant other, even a non-dual, you should stop and try to figure out why that's happening and what's going on with the relationship you're supposed to be focusing on. Then move on from there. So the answer is: maybe.
    This.

    If you worded the question as, "Would you break up with your SO if a dual became available/interested in you?" then ABSOLUTELY NOT.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Timeless View Post
    I take it the SO would be one of the 16 types that is not my dual?
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by Timeless View Post
    -PoLR says, sure why not.
    Ha... makes sense.

    Quote Originally Posted by discojoe View Post
    It's fine to be with your bf. Their shit was doomed from the start.
    Yeah, you're probably right. They're divorced as of now. I suppose its better that they part ways (they had no kids), rather than years down the road. SLE's & IEE's don't mesh too well, even if they are both good healthy/normal people.
    Last edited by fox; 02-28-2011 at 01:49 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    I'll go with people who say it depends on the current relationship and the potential one. How happy am I in my relationship? Am I still in love? How real are these feelings I'm having for the new person? Whether the new person is a dual or not isn't what I'd focus on. If I'm no longer in love with the SO and I've fallen in love with someone else, yes I'd break up. Not all relationships last forever, and IMO we shouldn't treat all relationships as if they should. Especially if you're young and not married/don't have kids together, you're in the stage of life where you're working on finding the right person still. It's ok to realize you're still on that journey and move on.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    That would mostly depend on my relationship with my non-dual SO. If I was happy or okay with the relationship so far, I wouldn't break up. Otherwise, I should think about breaking up regardless of other persons. So the appearance of a dual isn't a critical factor for me to think about this option.
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    Whenever I read people's duality wetdreams on this board, I become grateful for the 99.9%+ certain odds that anyone I date won't know a damn thing about Socionics.
    I am so glad I didn't know about Socionics when I met my husband. And until our relationship was settled. I can imagine getting upset with him and thinking, "He isn't my dual after all!" and breaking up with him. Socionics is bad for dating, IMO.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timeless View Post
    -PoLR says, sure why not.
    What does creative say? Wouldn't you worry that you're sending the message that you're willing to drop a relationship at the drop of a hat over feelings?

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    Glorious Member mu4's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    I am so glad I didn't know about Socionics when I met my husband. And until our relationship was settled. I can imagine getting upset with him and thinking, "He isn't my dual after all!" and breaking up with him. Socionics is bad for dating, IMO.

    People judge and idealize others without socionics, they read books like The Rules, The Secret, The Bible, The Quran, etc, etc. It doesn't take socionics for people to think various things to break up a relationship or stay in a bad one.

    "He isn't a good christian after all!"
    "He isn't the one after all!"
    "He doesn't love me like I should be loved after all!"

    I think socionics is a way if people are properly type to predict future interactions. If I had my SO well typed and they weren't my dual or a decently compatible type and I was starting to lose interest, breaking up is something that I would do without incentives. If I met a "dual" I fell for, it's a no brainer. I don't think my brain works this rationally, I don't exactly choose who I like usually, I sort of just have a chemical reaction.

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    Socionics is only bad for dating if you take it too literally and are obsessed with the idea of finding a dual. I'm picky. I have always been open to dating people I was interested in, and type never mattered to me. I wasn't actively looking for a dual, or even a boyfriend for that matter, it just happened organically. Also, my SLE doesn't have a clue about anything Socionics or personality related, and he really doesn't care to learn about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Socionics is only bad for dating if you take it too literally and are obsessed with the idea of finding a dual. I'm picky. I have always been open to dating people I was interested in, and type never mattered to me. I wasn't actively looking for a dual, or even a boyfriend for that matter, it just happened organically. Also, my SLE doesn't have a clue about anything Socionics or personality related, and he really doesn't care to learn about it.
    What I posted was in response to this, not you:

    Yes I would. Absolutely I would. There's no substitute. I've dated other type of men and as soon as they want to cook for me, I observe their messiness in comparison to my dual's organized and planned approach, I get sudden pounding head aches and want to run away. I can't stand it. I'm just a very dualized EII. I love to watch my dual do thing/tasks. They are so swift, efficient, orderly, and considerate. I invited an SLI friend to cook for me when I was sick and boy, the work he left behind when he left was a major energy drainage and anger inducer for me. He didn't go into the task without prior consideration for what he would need; for example, he didn't ask for where things were located and moved my stuff around, creating a mess and then he didn't work cleanly. He was disorganized, going back and forth between one task to another; he would chop than look for a spoon, than go sit down to relax, than go back to chopping again...it drove me NUTS. The dirt he left behind wanted me to pull out my ninja black belt...I used it to clean instead. I won't have him over to cook for me again. I would rather do the cooking, at least I'm very clean and take points on being organized. He had the audacity to tell me "It's not HOW I did it that was important; it's that I did it." Sure...I'm grateful for the help and he can, as a friend, come over and make a mess as long as I don't live with him where I don't experience this day in and out, because that would drive me insane. I don't pick on my guests to be as clean, neat and organized as myself or my dual because I value Si and I want them to be very comfortable in my home, but as far as having anyone other than my dual, the answer is NO. NOPE. NO WAY JOSE. PERIOD. It is very important how he does things. It's important how my SO does things; if he can get a transplant and do things like a Te than maybe he can be a permanent SO, but until then there will be no SO if it's not going to be my dual.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
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    lol that sort of thinking will lead people to be alone forever. Lists are so dumb.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    What I posted was in response to this, not you:
    I figured you did. I was referring to her post as well.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    I figured you did. I was referring to her post as well.
    It's probably a very bad idea to have a firm non-negotiable idea of how someone absolutely must be.

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    Short answer: no

    Long answer: if I was married and committed to my significant other, then I would accept that as the lifelong commitment that I chose to be in, through thick and thin, ups and downs, and feelings I may or may not develop for others. despite my romantic-head-in-the-clouds nature as an IEI, I know that "feelings" are fading and fickle. although socionics is great, and duality is in theory spectacular, i'm not convinced that it is the be-all end-all in relationship making decisions.

    Side note: with that said, I'm not married, and don't plan on getting married anyime soon, so for now my relationship choices are mostly based on the path of least resistance. I'm just riding the relationships of life, wherever they take me
    “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” - Jalal ad-Din Rumi

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    External factors aside, why would you be with anyone if they weren't the person you loved most, assuming they aren't abusive, insane, etc?
    But, for a certainty, back then,
    We loved so many, yet hated so much,
    We hurt others and were hurt ourselves...

    Yet even then, we ran like the wind,
    Whilst our laughter echoed,
    Under cerulean skies...

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    I agree with this.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    If I were genuinely falling in love with another, I'd break up with an SO regardless of the types involved. Even if the SO was the dual and my feelings were no longer w/ them, then so be it; I won't be able to remain in the relationship.

    I'd just have to confirm for myself that the shift in feelings was genuine, and not a fluke arising from other factors. If I conclude that my feelings for the SO had irreparably changed and can never be again, I'm out.
    How long have you been with your SO? How long have your feelings been developing for the dual?
    As long as it's not a spur of the moment decision....
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    "Would you break up with your SO...?"

    Maybe, if they started it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    No. As a few people have already stated, not just for the reason that a dual was interested, but only if the relationship I was in was already unhealthy and falling apart, but even then I would approach anything after slowly and with extreme caution, rebounding is way too easy to fall into.

    And yeah, I would never date anyone who knew or paid attention to socionics.
    I feel dirty for even applying it occasionally.

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    And yeah, I would never date anyone who knew or paid attention to socionics.
    I wouldn't date anyone who thought socionics was garbage. I doubt I could date anyone who didn't know it existed. (Not because I have anything against people who don't know it exists, but because nobody could spend that long alone with me without finding out about it.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    but even then I would approach anything after slowly and with extreme caution, rebounding is way too easy to fall into.
    Anti-rebounds are possible, lol. Been there, still doing it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mariella View Post
    What I posted was in response to this, not you:
    I can decide who is right for me. You're not my mother, although you have been acting like a mommy to me lately. Advice. I don't need a mommy. I have one and she's very supportive of my decisions. And, she knows me and knows my train of thought, which often tends to be a bit rigid and selective, but that's just who I am and how I arrive at concepts that I'm comfortable with...J type mentality, remember. Anyway. I'm very comfortable in saying as a 32 year old, life experienced woman, it's ok to use Socionics to be more selective of one's mates. There's nothing wrong with it and it might actually, in all potentiality, help people stay on the right track, not only for themselves in the "dating" and "mating" scene, but also in selecting friends and groups that are supportive and beneficial to maintaing a healthy sense of self. I wouldn't like to see a bad relations go even worse because people can't learn to recognize who they are and who the other person is and develop some work arounds in dealing with each other and improve relations. I'm all about having good and positive relationships and that comes with self awareness and maturity. That happens to be my primary concern because my base function is Fi, while to you it doesn't seem to be as much, which I understand and you don't. But, unlike me, you're unable to let go of your values to see it my way while I'm perfectly comfortable with seeing it your way.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 03-01-2011 at 05:02 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I can decide who is right for me. You're not my mother, although you have been acting like a mommy to me lately. Advice. I don't need a mommy. I have one and she's very supportive of my decisions. And, she knows me and knows my train of thought, which often tends to be a bit rigid and selective, but that's just who I am and how I arrive at concepts that I'm comfortable with...J type mentality, remember. Anyway. I'm very comfortable in saying at as a 32 year old, life experienced woman, it's ok to use Socionics to be more selective of one's mates. There's nothing wrong with it and it might actually, in all potentiality, help people stay on the right track, not only for themselves in the "dating" and "mating" scene, but also in selecting friends and groups that are supportive and beneficial to maintaing a healthy sense of self. I wouldn't like to see a bad relations go even worse because people can't learn to recognize who they are and who the other person is and develop some work arounds in dealing with each other and improve relations. I'm all about having good and positive relationships and that comes with self awareness and maturity. That happens to be my primary concern because my base function is Fi, while to you it doesn't seem to be as much, which I understand and you don't. But, unlike me, you're unable to let go of your values to see it my way while I'm perfectly comfortable with seeing it your way.
    Aw. Yeah, I see you being single for a few more......years to come.


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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Aw. Yeah, I see you being single for a few more......years to come.
    That's fine with me. I am in no rush. If I can't have kids I'll adopt. I don't have to birth them to raise them and love them.
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 03-01-2011 at 05:01 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I wouldn't date anyone who thought socionics was garbage. I doubt I could date anyone who didn't know it existed. (Not because I have anything against people who don't know it exists, but because nobody could spend that long alone with me without finding out about it.)
    YES! You can't be close to me and not eventually have me talk to you about Socionics - that's just how it is nowadays. You surprise me though - every other LSE I've met does not take to socionics.

    I hate it when people scoff and roll their eyes and call it a pseudo-science or a way to create behavioral patterns to conform to, etc... I mean, I wouldn't make fun of THEIR religion!
    EII/INFj

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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Aw. Yeah, I see you being single for a few more......years to come.

    Well, in that context, I don't think that is a book or wall.

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    heath's Avatar
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    everyone in this thread is selling socionics a little short.
    asd

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    Robot Assassin Pa3s's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Diaphanous View Post
    I mean, I wouldn't make fun of THEIR religion!
    I knew it! Socionics IS a religion!!
    „Man can do what he wants but he cannot want what he wants.“
    – Arthur Schopenhauer

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    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    I can decide who is right for me. You're not my mother, although you have been acting like a mommy to me lately. Advice. I don't need a mommy. I have one and she's very supportive of my decisions. And, she knows me and knows my train of thought, which often tends to be a bit rigid and selective, but that's just who I am and how I arrive at concepts that I'm comfortable with...J type mentality, remember. Anyway. I'm very comfortable in saying as a 32 year old, life experienced woman, it's ok to use Socionics to be more selective of one's mates. There's nothing wrong with it and it might actually, in all potentiality, help people stay on the right track, not only for themselves in the "dating" and "mating" scene, but also in selecting friends and groups that are supportive and beneficial to maintaing a healthy sense of self. I wouldn't like to see a bad relations go even worse because people can't learn to recognize who they are and who the other person is and develop some work arounds in dealing with each other and improve relations. I'm all about having good and positive relationships and that comes with self awareness and maturity. That happens to be my primary concern because my base function is Fi, while to you it doesn't seem to be as much, which I understand and you don't. But, unlike me, you're unable to let go of your values to see it my way while I'm perfectly comfortable with seeing it your way.
    Stop being such a drama queen. It was simply her opinion.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Timeless View Post
    Well, in that context, I don't think that is a book or wall.
    ? ok?

    Back to the point of the thread:
    Yeah, if a guy was in a unfulfilling marriage divorced his wife for his dual, I don't see a moral problem with that: there was no affair, the marriage was already on the rocks, and you seem to genuinely care about eachother.

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    I think that if my feelings change for whatever reason, there can reach a point where I can't continue on a certain path because the more I go on it the more wrong it feels and if I know what I want I consider it very important, so I guess I'd just think about it a long while to make sure I'm clear on what I want and if I reached a resolution then I would have to change things so that I'm not continuing on a path I know I don't want (and that's the more important feeling to me because it's often more clear what I don't want). But if I were actually going through this and it weren't simply hypothetical, I'm sure it would somehow be much more complicated than this and reaching a resolution would be much more difficult. (I don't seem to think whether the person's a "dual" or not is really the issue and would still break it down into being with one person and realizing I'm in love with someone else which then would raise serious question as to whether I love or want to be with the person I'm with because I tend to only fall in love with one person at a time, if I ever "fall in love" with anyone).

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