What's My Type Again? (Version 20) End of Line, End of Charade?

[HERO]

As of yet I'm not really sure what to say. Yet I guess I require the brilliant intellectual minds of the men and women here to affirm my self-typing. If you don't think I'm IEI please tell me why.

[HERO]

I'll be adding some extra info now/soon, and hopefully at least one video eventually, I guess. Just so people know, I won't be upset whether or not people think I'm IEI (some do, some don't). It doesn't bother me anymore what people think of my type. I'm just curious if anyone has an opinion. I guess I'd like some sort of assessments and/or feedback so to speak.

In addition, I'd like to apologize for my aberrant, rude, and disrespectful behaviors and I realize that 'antisocial' offenses like that are destructive and counterproductive, and that acting out is unethical and evil.


Reasons I might Be INFp (IEI)
1. Introversion gives me an excuse/reason to be shy, socially awkward/challenged, ‘asocial’, isolated, lonely, etc. Even if the “I” doesn’t give me carte blanche to be like that, at least it might explain it.

http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...roverted_types

“Energy level is generally lower.
More often focused on their thoughts and feelings.
Tend to be more passive, less initiating.
Often do not have many friends.”

My energy is usually not too high. Yet I once went for a blood analysis at some holistic/vitamin/supplement/etc. store, and the guy said that I have parasitized red blood cells. He said there might have been a time of extreme stress when my immune system was compromised or something (circa 2006). I never told him about Zyprexa though. Either way, he said that parasitized red blood cells can contribute to fatigue, an increase in colds/flus, etc. Plus he said that I might also have acidosis, candida (IBS), and that my digestion probably isn’t that great. And of course it often isn’t; I should probably try going on a candida diet and low acid diet or something (more alkaline foods). Plus he said that my second chakra, heart chakra (among others) are blocked or something.
I am quite often focused on my thoughts and feelings. I do tend to be more passive and less initiating. And I don’t have many friends.

2. Intuition gives me an excuse for having my head in the clouds, daydreaming, for not being an expert when it comes to dealing with practical stuff, tangible reality, the physical world.

3. Feeling/Ethics (especially Fe) gives me a reason/excuse to be hyper-emotional and hypersensitive, which I am at times, although I often don’t show my feelings, and I rarely cry. Nevertheless, sometimes if I want something I have to have it. Although I should be more concerned about my health as opposed to say the rare milkshake or root beer float, if you know what I mean. Anyway, I guess this disease of being a spoiled brat, and practically making scenes (which has actually become more and more rare for me, fortunately), or complaining about things, probably leached into any other relationships/friendships I had, and made me ‘infamous’ for being emotionally volatile/unstable yet at times ebullient and passionate, crazy, ‘effeminate’ (although my Aunt didn’t think I’m ‘effeminate’, my stepdad did), “passive-aggressive and neurotic”, ‘hypersensitive’, “fragile”, ‘emotionally feminine’, “manic-depressive”, [yet ironically for the most part quiet, distant, expressionless, etc.] etc. up to the point where my behaviors made it impossible for me to maintain friendships or relationships with relatively average and/or normal people who were scared of me, disappointed, or just couldn’t take it anymore; and conversely, with the more delinquent, criminal, and/or ‘marginal’ types, they (generally) viewed me as weak and defenseless, a good target or an annoying intruder in their world, someone who is needy, intelligent yet tries to talk about feelings they don’t understand, someone who beats himself up a lot so to speak, a coward, someone from a different ‘world’, who never had any major drug addiction, never had to steal from people, was ‘over-protected’, etc.

http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...#Ethical_types

‘More vulnerable to "logical" manipulation.’

I think that in reality I am quite vulnerable to “logical” manipulation.

4. Irrationality gives me an ‘excuse’ for being disorganized. And to be honest, I’m not good at time management at work, school, in general. Although I try hard to fulfill my duties at work (and I clean washrooms/toilets, collect baskets, sometimes shovel snow, take carts from outside and vice versa, sweep, mop, help with bagging, etc.) at home my Mom complains that I don’t really help with chores and cleaning that much. It’s something I have to work on – cleaning, being more organized, doing more chores at home – so that I can be better at work and in life in general. Even my Aunt once told me that I have to put my inner world in order and start respecting people. Yet in the outside world (at work for example) I’m usually quite quiet, compliant, meek, kind of ‘disabled’ or ‘retarded’. I remember this one girl in Grade 10 who asked me if I’m “slow”.

5. There was this guy (I think he might be ESTp or ENTp Harmonizing or Normalizing) who visited me once – it was somewhat romantic or whatever yet nothing too serious (and if there’s still a ‘relationship’ it’s long-distance (to be honest I don’t think I really like him enough for there to be any relationship) – he thought that I look like an INFp (IEI). I showed him these pictures:

http://www.socioniko.net/ru/type-foto/te-fil.html

Specifically, he thought I look a bit like the guy in the center far-right. [So if it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.]

6. http://www.socioniko.net/en/1.1.types/te.html

‘A somewhat idealistic romanticist. He is a person prone more to reflection than action. An individualist. He is little concerned with the present; he is more excited by brilliant perspectives of "bright cities, which may be built one day".’

I actually relate to this a fair bit.

7. My Mom said, “Who can love you when you’re so f*****g annoying [stupid, retarded, etc.]?”

8. http://www.socionics.com/prof/infp2.htm

The part about me being quite easy to brainwash, I suppose my Aunt would’ve probably agreed, especially regarding some stuff from the past I guess.

9. http://www.socionics.com/advan/prof/infp.htm

“You often complain about your emotional and physical state. Eventually you can cause people to tire of you and even doubt your honesty concerning your well being.”

I can see how a lot of people might perceive me this way since it’s probably sort of how I really am. While I don’t lie, sometimes I do complain. Yet in real life I don’t complain to people who aren’t really close to me. So that leaves my Mom. Yet I don’t really complain that much about stuff – some, if not all, are facts of my (current) existence which could possibly be changed or altered I suppose… Yet on the Internet, which I guess I can abuse, I don’t always act like I do in the real world (quiet, meek, ‘disabled’, ‘monosyllabic’, etc.) so people might think I’m excessive, or that that’s my true self or whatever (when perhaps it’s just another social alter or mask hiding something else I guess).

10. I relate to a lot or almost everything in the Romantic description in Filatova’s book “Understanding the people around you”. Just for the most part I wouldn’t really consider myself graceful or elegant. And I’m not really that interested in clothes. More often than not my Mom chooses them.
Yet it is true that I’m shy around strangers. That I’m relatively tactful and polite. And that I can be rude with family and/or at home, with people close to me. That’s true. I definitely tend to swear more when I’m at home and/or not with strangers or people I’m not too close to. (Sometimes I use the “F” word or whatever too much.)
And I guess I like to think that I can predict things. There have been times where I have predicted things without even knowing. My ex-boyfriend’s psychic said I’m “psychic” – I just don’t have enough control or awareness (and I don’t know how to use it correctly, or for good, the light). A psychic I once went to said that I’m bordering on being telepathic. She also said that I’m an Enneagram 4 which fits with INFp. Another psychic said that I’m probably Introverted (and Intuitive) I think.
I often daydream, and I’m quite imaginative. And it’s true that I like to have an ideal system to believe in, and that if one fails I replace it with another.
I am gullible. I do have a tendency to hesitate when I have to choose something.
Nevertheless this is one thing I can’t really relate to. Maybe it’s because of all the problems I’ve amassed throughout adolescence.
Here’s a quotation from Understanding The People Around You: An Introduction To Socionics by Ekaterina Filatova. It’s regarding the INFp.

Ekaterina Filatova, Understanding The People Around You: An Introduction To Socionics (Hollister: MSI Press, 2006), 46:

- p. 46 [THE ROMANTIC: Intuitive-Feeling Introvert (IFI)]: “Romantics are capable of being very sweet, effortlessly socializing with large groups, and complimenting people in order to leave a good impression (Si).”

I wish I could be like this, but I doubt it. I don’t think it’s in my power. But who knows.

11. http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...overted_ethics
“IEIs can get strong physical sensations of their own internal feelings which pressures them into retreating to their personal boundaries. These sensations range from minor head pains to stomach aches and take place especially when they fall behind due to external pressures. When they do withdraw, they can take many hours reflecting over the problems stressing them, and as a result IEIs can remain reclusive. They can even feel like they're in a nightmare when they cannot resolve the things that are plaguing their minds.”

I can relate to this quite a bit. I can especially remember times in the past where some of this relates to how I felt. I guess my ‘psychosomatic’ and health problems can also account for it.

12. I like a couple of David Lynch’s movies. Mulholland Drive is my favorite. And out of all his other movies, I’d say Inland Empire comes second. I also liked the Twin Peaks series. Yet I find most of his other stuff to be either too boring, disturbing, rarefied, arid, confusing, or depressing. In addition it’s safe to say that movies rarely make me cry, although my Mom sometimes cries at the end of a movie depending on how she feels. For me I might just get some tears in my eyes if something really impressed me. Nevertheless, I’m not convinced that my Mom is an Fe-type anymore (I did think she might be Fe-ENFj); I’m starting to think she’s Gamma SF [and there’s a good chance she might even be Fi-ESFp (or Fi-ISFj, D-ESI)]. When I read her some type descriptions from Filatova’s book, namely the ENFj and ESFj ones, she didn’t really relate to them that much. Yet she seemed to relate to the ISFj one more, and I didn’t really get the chance to read that much from the ESFp description, although there’s quite a bit of stuff written about the ESFp that seems to pertain to her. Yet I’m pretty sure that if she were ESFp, she’d be Fi-ESFp.
Anyway, back to the movie stuff. I wanted to say that even with Mulholland Drive I still sometimes get distracted or fail to pay attention (or in other words I can be kind of detached from what I'm viewing: either analyzing or criticizing it while I'm viewing it or not paying attention). Could this mean that Introverted Intuition evokes and triggers boredom and malaise within me, or that I just haven’t adequately cultivated my base/strong function(s), etc.

13. Here’s a quotation from Understanding The People Around You: An Introduction To Socionics by Ekaterina Filatova. It’s regarding the INFp.

Ekaterina Filatova, Understanding The People Around You: An Introduction To Socionics (Hollister: MSI Press, 2006), 45:

- p. 45 [THE ROMANTIC: Intuitive-Feeling Introvert (IFI)]: “He is a good indicator of other people’s possibilities and perspectives. He is like a weathercock pointing to those who are about to be successful. His attitude to you is a faultless signal whether you are OK or you are losing tempo.”

Just thought this was a cool quote, and I think it complements the ESTp quite well (meaning that it makes sense that the INFp dualizes with the ESTp).


Last but not least, this is my favorite song lately:



"In The Dark Places" [C# minor (Scorpio)] by PJ Harvey: "So our young men/Hid with guns/In the dirt/And in the dark places/Our young men/Hid with guns/In the dirt/And in the dark places/Our young men/Hid with guns/In the forests/And in the dark places/And not one man has/And not one woman has/Revealed the secrets/Of this world"

[Filambee]

Are you really attracted to outgoing, flirty girls?
Are you high sensitive to people's body language and tone of voice?
Do you ever find yourself obsessing about possibly morally wrong actions you've made in the past?
Can you tolerate people that implement nonsense rules so they can feel in control of their world?

[somavision]

Are you really attracted to outgoing, flirty girls?
Are you high sensitive to people's body language and tone of voice?
Do you ever find yourself obsessing about possibly morally wrong actions you've made in the past?
Can you tolerate people that implement nonsense rules so they can feel in control of their world?

Do you ask loaded questions often?

[The Ineffable]

Do you ask loaded questions often?

?? Could you enlighten an ignorant?

[HERO]

Are you really attracted to outgoing, flirty girls?
Are you high sensitive to people's body language and tone of voice?
Do you ever find yourself obsessing about possibly morally wrong actions you've made in the past?
Can you tolerate people that implement nonsense rules so they can feel in control of their world?

I'm hoping these questions could potentially help with typing me, so I'll try.

1. Are you really attracted to outgoing, flirty girls?

Well, first of all I'm gay (and a guy), yet I have occasionally been attracted to women or had crushes on them. As a general rule, most of the girls (or guys) I've been attracted to weren't necessarily what you'd call outgoing or flirty. A lot of them could be quite social, yet at the same time also quite 'serious', maybe somewhat shy, they liked reading/music/and/or school, etc. The girl I had a crush on once wasn't exactly what you'd call outgoing and flirty, she was kind of the opposite. She didn't really like to waste words in conversation, and sometimes she'd be annoyed by me, or say that I'm weird.
And I guess, most of the guys I like aren't really outgoing, are rather quiet, laconic, yet they like music, maybe play guitar, stuff like that. I guess when regarding both males and females, I'd prefer someone who is artistic, and someone who plays music, sings, and/or writes music. And/or someone who reads.
I guess the guy who stole from me was a bit of an exception to this rule. He seemed quite outgoing, yet troubled. He seemed quite Extraverted, yet liked to say that he was hard to get. I don't think he ever actually flirted with me. And now that I'm a bit more mature, I usually prefer the quieter less intimidating types. Maybe I liked the character of Faith, yet it was probably for the character arc. And the girl at the psychiatric rehab, wasn't exactly very outgoing and flirty. She seemed extraverted I guess, and she was quite negative in some ways, and I guess was often considered trouble by a lot of people. Yet I sympathized with her.

2. Are you highly sensitive to people's body language and tone of voice?

To be honest I'm not sure if I'm good at reading people's body language. I don't think I pay attention to that too often. Maybe I'm too self-absorbed or something. Regarding tone of voice, it's hard to say. I'm sometimes aware of my tone of voice. I'm not sure how aware I am of (other) people's tone of voice, especially if I don't know them too well. I don't think it's something I think about too often.
Sometimes, in public and/or at work, I might say "Hello" or they might say "Hello" first, and they might also ask me how I am. And I'll always answer with "Good." That's it. And I never ask them how they are doing. It's probably something I should start doing I guess. But that's how socially challenged I am. And at the same time, perhaps that doesn't just illustrate how socially impaired I am, but also how very little interested I am in social matters and small talk, for example.
Yet in the past, especially when I was younger and had friends, I could be quite social and enthusiastic, talking about different subjects, etc. I remember there was a phase when I was in elementary school when we thought we could be witches or wiccans or whatever. And plus I remember how sensitive I could be at times, and that sometimes I talked too much, which sometimes annoyed people. Or sometimes it was my singing. A lot of my friends were girls.

3. Do you ever find yourself obsessing about possibly morally wrong actions you've made in the past?

To be honest, sometimes, but not too often. I sometimes feel guilty about stuff, and it might just be a memory or something else that triggers it. [I can agonize about mistakes I've made at times; worry about how my actions may have affected people, and the like...] Yet more often than not, what bothers me in life is being dumped, or being betrayed, and what other people did or said. I know that sounds bad, but I like to feel like I'm right and stuff, and that other people hurt me or did worse stuff (in real life), so why should I feel bad about anything. [Although, often times I'm worried about seeing myself or being seen as worse than others.]
Sometimes things I did do bother me. Yet often it might just be because something I did might have ruined a potential friendship or relationship, or because I humiliated myself, or because I don't have any friends, or because I have been ostracized, or because my Mom is my only friend, or because things I did turned out really bad for me, etc. [In other words I might not feel guilty about my actions (which I may have seen as justified at the time; or simply what's done is done, what can I do about it now); I feel bad about the results.] So maybe I really feel bad because of the absence of something (or because of the consequences, the new presense of something bad); and of course there were times when I may have been reactionary/reactive, or may have schemed, or may have acted out, or been (self-)destructive, been melodramatic, tried to take revenge on someone (that was maybe just one time), been dishonest, or disrespectful; yet in reality I often felt that I had lost control, or I had to do it to try to attain something, or it was a unconscious desperate act to deal with my bruised ego or something. Like, when you're panicking that someone has deceived you or has all the power, and if you have the opportunity to prove them wrong; or when you feel like you can't be yourself and people don't understand who you are, so you lose control, when things build up, and act crazy; or you just can't be there. There are no excuses for certain behaviors I guess, yet I can sort of understand why I acted in certain ways, or did certain things in my life. I guess I felt trapped.
I'm trying my best not to be like that anymore. I haven't vandalized anything, or been involved in any mischief or criminal activity. I'm not bringing people to my Mom's place. I'm not acting crazy for the most part. Yet sometimes when I haven't had enough sleep for example, I feel the hypersensitivity and anger building within me, and I try my best to keep it under wraps. And of course I get the few or several hours of sleep I need as soon as possible. Sometimes it's just about trying to deal with the pressure as calmly as possible, and not getting pissed off when you're getting contradictory requests, or when people don't appreciate what you're doing and stuff. And since I'm shy, it helps, because I usually can't say things that are on my mind to people who aren't really close to me. Yet that doesn't change the fact that I don't like my job too much, and I might try looking for another soon. Yet, I'll try to stay with this job for as many months as I can, at the very least. And I have to go back to school soon as well.

4. Can you tolerate people that implement nonsense rules so they can feel in control of their world?

I'd say no (for the most part). I'm not a big fan of rules in general. Yet of course there are some rules that aren't bad (although they're not always followed), and a lot of the time reality and the world itself imposes its own rules which should be self-evident. Yet for the most part I don't like nonsense rules. And even if there was someone who wanted to (try to) 'impose' a 'nonsense' rule that I don't necessarily entirely disagree with, I still wouldn't like that person, because to me they represent a very rigid and dogmatic force; and for me that's an obstacle in the search for knowledge, free speech, and freedom (depending on what the nonsense rules are, I guess).
I like to change my mind a lot. I want to update information; I seldom want something to be written in stone. I usually don't like it when something is decided once and for all. I want to continue things, ask new questions, ask different people, etc. I might not like it when knowledge is too stable, yet in my life, I can be afraid of change, unexpected changes and the like, and I can appreciate routine I guess. And even if it's something I don't entirely like, I try to hang on as much as possible, although in my mind I might fantasize about running away at times.
Yet if there were nonsense rules at work or school or somewhere, it might be kind of hard to deal with, and I might not really tolerate it that much. Yet since I try to tolerate things and not complain (at least in the real world), I might not say anything if it doesn't really bother me that much. When someone asks me what I've been doing, or why I wasn't there or whatever, I'm honest and say, I did work on the cleaning, yet there were some interruptions due to a couple of people needing to use the washrooms, I needed to get a pen that worked, I had to go to the washrooms upstairs (myself), etc. I might not say everything, but I feel the need to explain (or justify) myself. Or in another example, I say the truth, that someone else asked me to return some perishable items, and of course I have to say that to the person who wants me up front instead. And then I help with some bagging up front, although I only have five minutes left in my shift, and someone else asks me to return some frozen products... So I'm finished my shift five minutes later, and I'm okay with that, and don't complain or anything... [There were times when I had to finish later than that, and of course I don't want to try to get paid extra when it wasn't really overtime, and I don't really consider myself a greedy person; there have been times in my life when I wasn't paid for hours and hours I worked, and my Mom had to push me to ask, and then when they still didn't pay me those hours after a month or so, she had to go there and ask on my behalf. That's how difficult it can be for me to fully stand up for my rights. In addition I try to do a fairly thorough job (at times), which interferes with speed, making me slower than other employees at certain tasks (because I don't sweep things under the rug, or like my Mom says that at work I should clean as if it were for the mother-in-law, since that's how other employees get the job done faster).]


Here is an example of several times that I have changed my mind: Shirley Manson's type. At first, my ex-boyfriend V.I.'d her as an ISFj. Then I started to think she might be Beta (after him). Then, when I thought I was ESTp, I thought she might be ESTp. Then I had to start considering that she might be ENFj. Then quite some time later I thought that maybe she's Se-ISTj (C-LSI). And remember I thought she somewhat resembled my Aunt.
Yet I sent my Aunt a description of the Thinking/logical type from Filatova's book and she didn't relate to it. This is what she said:
"I don't know if I can relate to the suggested socionics type in your email, The Thinker.
If this is what you asked. I am not very much of that. I am very intuitive and fluid and use theoretical knowledge integrated in an ever changing river of feelings and thoughts or waves of the imagination.
My inner world is an ever shifting landscape where considerations about people and their interactions figure high. My own relations with other people are very important things, less than scientific, theoretical models."

So as you can see, I've returned to the more likely possibility that my Aunt and Shirley Manson are both Feeling/ethical types, and very likely Intuitive. And possibly ENFj (making Galen and Ashton right). So while in the beginning, my ego might not have tolerated being wrong, or not getting credit; ultimately when I face reality, and realize that a fact is a fact, I'm okay with that. Who cares who takes the credit or who is right. I'm clearly not as smart as the majority of people here, and I'm not as experienced or knowledgeable in Socionics either.

I also saw the Black Swan movie not too long ago. This is what my Aunt had to say:
"I did not like the film The Black Swan, it had such a barren story, or maybe so naive and no strong characters, except for Nina, everybody else was serving to demonstrate the point (not very original) of the director.
There are so few good films receiving awards nowadays, same with books."

This is what I had originally written to her:
"...I did see The Black Swan at the cinema a while ago. Although in some parts or ways it was kind of cliched or graphic I guess, in a lot of ways I found it quite meaningful. Sacrificing oneself for a performance or the creation of a work of art. Metamorphosing, letting go, becoming one with creation, or the performance, what you wish to express. Being it, instead of being detached from it. I found it quite interesting. I guess it's about 'freedom'. 'Hell is other people.'"

[Objectively, though, the character seemed to be undergoing what some might consider a psychotic break(down).]

In addition I could probably add, that the director Darren Aronofsky is typed as an Ni-INFp in Socionix, and him being an Introvert could explain why he focuses on the main character so much (at the expense of say Winona Ryder and the rest). Yet interestingly, he didn't write the screenplay (as far as I can tell from reading the info on wikipedia). The story was created by Andres Heinz. And aren't IEI's like Darren Aronofsky supposed to be "lazy." Yet he was involved in the writing of Requiem for a Dream, and that movie focuses on several characters quite thoroughly from what I remember. It's probably his best, and although Black Swan wasn't written by him, I'd say it's a close second, or just as good in a lot of ways. Yet I can't really make an accurate judgment, since I don't think I've seen all of his movies.

Yet isn't IEI a dynamic type:
http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.p...#Dynamic_types

And don't "The stories of dynamics usually involve multiple main characters."? So that either means that one of the writers (Andres Heinz) himself, isn't an IEI nor a dynamic type; or that I'm misinterpreting the description(s) or taking it out of context.

[somavision]

?? Could you enlighten an ignorant?

Will you look in the mirror?

[The Ineffable]

Will you look in the mirror?

I get it, it's a bluff.

[HERO]

Here are some more songs:

Db major (Virgo)



G major (Gemini)



Db major (Virgo)



G major (Gemini)







Anyway, there was a cashier where I worked who thought my name was Tyler, since there must have been someone else who worked there with that name (presumably in the past I guess). Yet although she called me that, I never actually corrected her, so she never really realized her mistake unless she asked me what my name is, or she found out when someone else called me. I wonder if that's type related (in my case). I think she might be an ESFj or something.

And I know I probably shouldn't say this (or at least not now) yet why is it that I actually kind of like (not in a romantic sense) an ESTj at my work (she's the leader of the cashiers and whatnot, although I'm not a cashier of course), yet there's an ESTp there (or at least I'm assuming she's ESTp) who I can't stand, although I try my best. Yet her approach is kind of aggressive and mean, and although not explicitly rude or anything, definitely not nice or polite either. It's such a big difference from what most ESTj's are like from my experience. In a grocery store I was working in, I also had problems with an ESTp, and she was kind of in charge there a lot of the time. Maybe I'm wrong, and perhaps this is all subjective, yet I guess I can't help finding blocked with as being rather harsh, cold, mean, rigid, stressful/overwhelming, 'prejudiced', hurtful, etc. Of course not all Beta ST's are like that, yet perhaps I prefer the artistic types or musicians. Yet maybe some of the people who I like musically who I think are Beta, are not even Beta, and/or definitely not Beta ST.

[HERO]

Here it is: I've finally succeeded in uploading it and possibly to my detriment, especially if it works. I'm not a good singer, and I'm probably butchering a great song. And I was nervous about recording it. And if it doesn't prove I'm Fe-INFp, I'm not sure what will.




Here are some other songs (not vocal covers by me):

F minor (Libra):



F minor (Libra)



Ab major (Libra)



E major (Taurus)



Ab major (Libra)




Another thing that might be type-related -- my ex-boyfriend who might've been an INFp tried to give me advice at times when I felt stressed or overwhelmed with obsessive-compulsive issues and the like. There were times when he said I have to work on my expressiveness, or when I felt agitated or uptight, that I have to relax or let go. He told me to feel my hair growing, or count my breaths/breathing, stuff like that. To concentrate or pay attention to something else so that you are not overwhelmed by all your thoughts and whatnot, since that is something I have trouble with.

[717495]

Omg dude, you should try out for American Idol.

[The Ineffable]

lazybones: what about a video speaking, like telling things about you or something?

Omg dude, you should try out for American Idol.

I wonder who's the fish and who's the fisher here .

[717495]

Hah, I actually wanted to sound more enthusiastic, but I guess I failed (apparently.)

[HERO]

Omg dude, you should try out for American Idol.

Thanks. Yet I'd most likely want to improve on my singing and/or take vocal lessons before I'd ever consider trying out in such a serious/national competition like American Idol. And I also have to improve on my confidence, etc. Nevertheless, I don't think I ever will.

[HERO]

"Pride goes before a fall" [Pride Goeth Before The Fall]


I actually love George W. Bush (George Walker Bush) [the son, and 43rd President of the United States]. And no offence to Barack Obama -- I think he's cool, yet kind of boring. (That's probably because he's my beneficiary: INTj. Since if I'm INFp then my beneficiary is INTj.)
George W. Bush was a funny and interesting character. Maybe he wasn't a good president, yet I thought he was cool and sweet and cute and powerful. Maybe not as smart as Barack Obama, yet George W. was comical with the thin deceptive grey man lips/mouth, and the eyes... and I really related to the George W. Bush (Jr.) character in the movie W. And don't forget Condoleezza Rice: she was really hot and cool (in real life). Yes sir -- I might not have known what it was like to be them and have their pasts, but I feel you. I really do. I'm still feeling them even if I'm not Ophelia.

But this song by PJ Harvey is not about that of course. It transcends countries and boundaries and politics and leaders just like so many of her other songs.


E minor (Cancer) / D minor (Scorpio):



"What if I take my problem to the United Nations?"

They'll just say, "Suck it up and enjoy your type whatever that is, because you'll still be miserable and annoying no matter what." Begrudge it or embrace it.


C# minor (Scorpio):




A major (Aries):

[for Gwyneth Paltrow (and CLove)]




A major (Aries):




C# minor (Scorpio)




D minor (Scorpio)



"When I was very young/Nothing really mattered to me/But making myself happy/I was the only one/Now that I am grown/Everything's changed/I'll never be the same..."

"Nothing really matters/Love is all we need/Everything I give you/All comes back to me"

"Looking at my life/It's very clear to me/I lived so selfishly/I was the only one/I realize/That nobody wins/Something is ending/And something begins..."

"Nothing takes the past away/Like the future..."


I was fired today, lol. So I was finishing up today, and it was already a couple of minutes after the end of my shift, and the woman who I considered ESTp (she may or may not be) was asking me where one of my co-workers was, and then told me she was taking over for me (and the 'carry-out') since my shift was over, and she told me to go to the manager's office when I go upstairs. She told me this a few moments or so before I asked her what I'd have to tell him or do or whatever, and she just said I have to see him.
I went upstairs, and tried to remain as calm as possible although I was nervous. The door was open and I saw the manager and the (other) woman who I considered ESTj. They told me to sit down. Then he talked about how I didn't respond to his greeting this morning, when he said, "Good morning." That's not true: I said "hello" just about at the same time he said "Good morning," yet he must not have heard. Of course I didn't tell him that while he was talking to me. There were times in the past when I said "hello" to him yet he said nothing to me, so I'm assuming he never heard me. Of course I didn't tell him that (either).
Meanwhile I tried to keep as expressionless and calm as possible, and I was secretly kind of happy, since I hated this job. (Bless You Taco Bell.) So he talked about how important being able to greet people and stuff is in the store, etc. and he asked me if I've been doing any of that, and I politely said, "No." I told him what he wanted to hear. In all fairness I usually didn't help with bagging (or 'wrapping') that much in the span of one day considering all the other tasks I had to do [bringing carts from outside, washroom checks, sweeps, bringing new 15L bottles of 'pure' water, mopping, taking care of spills, taking cardboard and garbage to the back, reshelving returns, replacing garbage bags, price checks, (calls for) carry out(s), etc.] Yet his problem I guess was with the quality of my (social) service, and I tried saying "hello" as much as I could, although I can imagine I was often quite quiet. And I said "have a good day" a lot. And I asked them if they need assistance carrying the groceries out (to the car) a lot.
Well he was saying he doesn't know if the problem for me is that I'm too shy or what. He said he didn't have any problem talking to me now, since I talked a bit, calmly and politely. And that was it... (I want to go to the tiny fitness place in my building now because I feel fat.)

[HERO]

??

[HERO]

C major (Virgo)



Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

[HERO]

y

[HERO]

F minor (Libra)

[HERO]

&

[HERO]

C minor (Capricorn)



The Glorious Land by PJ Harvey

"How is our glorious country sown?/Not with wheat and corn./How is our glorious land bestowed?//And what is the glorious fruit of our land?/Its fruit is deformed children."


It's funny, because when I went to Starbucks with that annoying Se-ESTp guy, I actually had a soy latte or whatever, yet it was chai, and I didn't want any dairy or whipping of course. I already took Lactaid for the pizza before; I didn't need any more dairy. I usually don't have coffee or lattes or drinks like that and I never go to Starbucks. It was an exception because I was with him.
I paid for all the food at Boston Pizza. I paid for the lattes or whatever they are. And two days ago (on Thursday) I paid for the subway sandwiches, and the Strawberry Cheesequake or whatever the heck it is (from Dairy Queen) [that he had]. I didn't tell him I lost my job (of course). [He said he's living on tips until he gets his next pay cheque.]




"Girl germs eat your little virus/Revolution come and die/ELITISTS who eat the virus . . . You can try to suck me dry but there's nothing left to suck/Just you try to hold me down/Come on try to shut me up . . . I don't really miss Santa Claus but I sure miss Jehovah God"

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

what is the purpose of the signs ?

[HERO]

what is the purpose of the signs ?

If you're talking about the zodiac signs, it's from an astrology book I have on birthdays, and in the beginning it connects different things like colors, keys, etc. to each of the twelve zodiac signs. If I remember correctly it goes like this:

Aries: F# minor and A major

Taurus: F major and E major

Gemini: G major and G minor

Cancer: E minor and Eb minor

Leo: Eb major and G# minor

Virgo: C major and Db major

Libra: F minor and Ab major

Scorpio: D minor and C# minor

Sagittarius: A minor and Bb major

Capricorn: C minor and B major

Aquarius: D major and F# major

Pisces: B minor and Bb minor


Anyway, here's the lazybones quote of the day: "My [former] stepdad did to the Jehovah's Witness belief system what Bolt did to Socionics . . . Let's face it -- without inventiveness and creativity, things would be too secure and comfortable. They would stagnate and we would feel (even) more stifled than is necessary. Revolutions and rebellions can sometimes be good things."


Here are the songs:





C# minor (Scorpio):

[HERO]

Favorite female characters from the 'V' TV Show: Lisa, Erica Evans

Favorite male characters fromm the 'V' TV Show: Ryan Nichols, Tyler Evans

Favorite port wine: Madeira

[HERO]

Some songs. Please Love me. Please forgive me.:

C major (Virgo):



C major (Virgo):



C major (Virgo):



Db major (Virgo):



C major/Db major (Virgo) ['in between the cracks']"




I'm drunk and feeling the love. Please, please forgive me... If it still exists.

[HERO]

A minor (Sagittarius)

[HERO]

Songs about my cliched, mediocre, and demonized self:

[HERO]

Nobody likes me.






F major (Taurus)



F minor (Libra):

[HERO]

[Sir Knight]

It's fun to think about what would happen if civilization as we know ended tomorrow. While everyone else would be freaking the fuck out, it'd just be another day in the life for you. Your feet would already be calloused enough for walking in an age where factories no longer churn out shoes.

Of course, you may just end up being one of the (un)lucky few to experience the unique sensation of your skin hitting its boiling point and sloughing right of your bones when the nukes hit or whatever, but, whatever, it's an escapist fantasy, we can rewrite probability for the sake of feeling better.

I relate to a lot of what you write here. My life seems by far cushier in comparison to yours, and in a perverse kind of way that makes me feel like your inferior. Whatever the case, I'd say you can definitely be INFp. Of course, only if you want to be.

[HERO]

http://innerself.com/content/horosco...younghans.html

[crazedrat]

INFp or ENFp. ENFp because you have their bipolar emotional reactivity. I'd say INFp otherwise. Not really sure.

[HERO]

I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

G major (Gemini)





Db major (Virgo)








[my really really bad singing on this one]





E major (Taurus):



Eb major (Leo)

[HERO]

I should probably start writing down my dreams more, although that would require overcoming a lot of my laziness and (unconscious) resistance, fears, discomfort, etc.

I realize that out of all my dreams, dreams of 'the ex' are extremely rare. And not just that -- in most of those dreams I never actually see him, or he's represented by someone that doesn't even (really) look like him, or his face is very distorted. That was the case even when we were 'together'. Either I couldn't reach him or find him or whatever. In the most recent dream I'm supposed to meet him for coffee yet I never get to. In my notebook I wrote -- "I have to leave at 5?"


Bb minor (Pisces)



A minor (Sagittarius)



B minor (Pisces)

[HERO]

F minor

One of my favorite Avril Lavigne songs. I often relate to it.



E minor




I remember that in the beginning of our 'relationship', months before I visited him, 'the ex' once asked me to write an essay he needed to complete for one of his college courses. It's possible that I actually volunteered (to do it), when I heard about it (and how he was struggling or dreading it). I think the essay was on a subject related to the history of education in the United States, its current state, pros and cons, etc. So I started doing some research, even found some stuff by Ivan Illich that really interested me. And also some historical stuff from other sources, so I was able to begin the essay and get some sources, yet I felt very overwhelmed. Yet I didn't tell him that. In the end it turned out that it wasn't due as soon as he had thought, yet I gave up anyway, because well I haven't even finished high school, and school wasn't exactly my forte. [My Mother had to write on my behalf to say I couldn't do it.] Yet what I began was pretty good, and to be honest, if I had finished it myself, he would've probably have gotten a better mark. Yet it's annoying to feel 'used' by someone who doesn't even truly appreciate or understand you, and that's how I've almost always felt in my dealings with Beta Irrationals (in real life). Even if I'm IEI . . . what of it?

[HERO]

Ekaterina Filatova, Understanding The People Around You: An Introduction To Socionics (Hollister: MSI Press, 2006), 124-125:

- pp. 124-125 [PART III: Intertype Relations (7, 8. RELATIONSHIP OF SUPERVISION)]: " . . . Compared to the conflictive relationship, it is asymmetrical, which makes it even more painful. The partner who feels pressure in his weak Channel III is more vulnerable . . . It is important to emphasize the asymmetry of this relationship: the Supervisor, feeling no psychological pressure from a Supervisee, can approach her up to a dangerously close distance. Partners in the conflictive relationship are more careful about <hurting> each other, because psychological pressure is reciprocal."


My Supervisor is the LIE.


Here are some songs:

G major (Gemini)





G minor (Gemini):





F minor (Libra):



G minor (Gemini):






Db major (Virgo):

[HERO]

Sergei Moshenkov and Wing Tung Tang M. Sc., MBTI and Socionics: Legacy of Dr. Carl Jung (Lexington: USA, 2010/2011), 10:

- p. 10 [Dichotomies]: "T/F

Thinking: is the tendency to solve problems and make decisions based on logic, fact and rationalizations. Thinkers have immature and impulsive emotions. They, especially the perceiving thinkers use logic to solve their relationship problems; this tendency eternally unsettles feelers -- thus the mythological conflict of eros and logos. The opinion of many is that thinkers crave emotions.

Feeling: is the focus of consciousness on emotions and relations between people. Feelers are great at emotional manipulation. They are people's people. Although feelers do use logic to make decisions, and they are often deeply practical, their logic is situational and detailed; the opinion of experienced Jungians and Socionics practitioners is that feelers crave an atmosphere of logic and efficiency."


From talking to my Mom and reading I'm starting to think that she might be a Thinking/logical type, and most likely Sensing, and possibly judging/rational. There's such a marked discrepancy between how organized and efficient she is, and how disorganized and random I am. She might even be Si-ESTj (H-LSE) [ESTj-ISFp?], although I've also considered Gamma SF: say Fi-ISFj (D-ESI) [ISFj-ESTj?]. Yet now I'm starting to think that a logical and sensing type is very likely, and for now XSTj (LSX), wouldn't surprise me, especially ESTj (LSE).
Regardless, "Conflict" is still better than "Supervision" in some ways.


Here are some songs:






Bb minor (Pisces):



A minor (Sagittarius):








"They all come here to find a scene/But end up girls on Methedrine/Naked on a TV screen/The dreams that fall beneath my feet/Make my footsteps feel so sweet/But your kisses are my fait accompli . . . . I'm borderline . . . I'm California . . ."






Squint your eyes and look closer/I'm not between you and your ambition/I am a poster girl with no poster/I am thirty-two flavors and then some/And I'm beyond your peripheral vision/So you might want to turn your head/'Cause someday you are going to get hungry/And eat most of the words you just said

Both my parents taught me about good will/And I have done well by their names/Just the kindness I've lavished on strangers/Is more than I can explain/Still there's many who've turned out their porch lights/Just so I would think they were not home/And hid in the dark of their windows/'Til I'd passed and left them alone

And God help you if you are an ugly girl/Course too pretty is also your doom/'Cause everyone harbors a secret hatred/For the prettiest girl in the room/And God help you if you are a phoenix/And you dare to rise up from the ash/A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy/While you are just flying back

And I never tried to give my life meaning by demeaning you/And I would like to state for the record/I did everything that I could do/I'm not saying that I am a saint/I just don't want to live that way/No, I will never be a saint/But I will always say

Squint your eyes and look closer/I'm not between you and your ambition/I am a poster boy with no poster/I am thirty-two impressions and then some/And I'm beyond your peripheral vision/So you might want to turn your head/'Cause someday you might find you're starving/And eating all of the words that you said...

[morgause]

I think you are my gay male soulmate! I am a gay female and I want to watch Twin Peaks and listen to PJ Harvey, Velvet Underground, and Hole with you.
Just saying.

[HERO]

I just read this comment now. If it's genuine it's nice to hear that we like a lot of the same things.

I often have this issue with people I don't know too well (although it doesn't really apply to you now, yet it's a personal problem I have with a lot of people on the Internet in general because I'm crazy/neurotic), where I'm afraid to read their comments or responses or messages or replies or what have you. Usually it's probably some "narcissistic" or insecurity issue, where I'm afraid of people being upset with me or judging me or teasing me or taunting me or mocking me (probably in part because I might feel sort of guilty about something) or something silly like that that most normal well-adjusted people know how to deal with, yet I set myself up for a fall, or dig ditches for myself, just to (unconsciously) act out some repressed trauma or symbolic event from childhood. My problem is that usually I'm too stupid to read between the lines of what people say, or there might be something I don't understand because I'm not educated, or maybe I don't take what's written for what it really is at face value and make something more out of it than was intended. I don't know what it is, but I probably have to work on being more sensitive about how I treat other people, or what I say or how I react; and being less hypersensitive about myself. And if it (really) bothers me I can journal, or ruminate about it (which I often do since I need to get a life and finish high school and stuff).

Anyway, I think it's cool that we like a lot of the same music, and David Lynch. Sorry that it took so long for me to respond.

[HERO]