View Poll Results: Do you think following THE RULES is good or bad for women to do?

Voters
31. You may not vote on this poll
  • Good! (Alpha)

    0 0%
  • Bad! (Alpha)

    5 16.13%
  • Good! (Beta)

    1 3.23%
  • Bad! (Beta)

    4 12.90%
  • Good! (Gamma)

    4 12.90%
  • Bad! (Gamma)

    7 22.58%
  • Good! (Delta)

    2 6.45%
  • Bad! (Delta)

    8 25.81%
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 40 of 62

Thread: THE RULES

  1. #1
    ladyinred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    115
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default THE RULES

    The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

    Have you read this? Men and women, guys and girls, what do you think??



    Here are the 25 rules as found in summation

    Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
    Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
    Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
    Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
    Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
    Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
    Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
    Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
    Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
    Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
    Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
    Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
    Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
    Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
    Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
    Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
    Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
    Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
    Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
    Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
    Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
    Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
    Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
    Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
    Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).

  2. #2
    Lobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    TIM
    EII 6w5
    Posts
    2,080
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    This stuff makes me cringe... . Then again, I usually cringe at the whole "I'm a man/woman so I have to do this" kind of things.

  3. #3
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    i think any guy worth dating would be put off by the idea that you followed a list of rules and steps on the way to a relationship instead of being yourself. the gender role aspect is kinda gross, too, but not as gross as the fakeness imo.

    edit: ftr, i don't think all the rules are bad, i think they range from bad to silly to good. its more the idea that they are "rules" than anything else.

  4. #4
    Creepy-male

    Default

    apply common sense, be yourself, don't be shy/scarred/intimidated, and if there is attraction things work out.

    lists like these are dumb and confuse people.

    Typical reasons people fail

    1) Lack of common sense
    2) Being fake/cheesy
    3) Being shy/scarred/intimidated
    4) There is no attraction

    3 of these you control
    1 you do not

    3 skills can be developed
    1 is merely a function of opportunity and patience

    You can develop

    1) common sense through experience
    2) confidence to be authentic through experience being yourself
    3) confidence to act on your goals through experience trying to pursue them

    Most people lack the first three because they over obsess about the single one they can't control, attraction

    that to me is about all the dating advice that is required, I think if people apply these, things will ultimately work out for them

  5. #5
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Kansas
    TIM
    Introvert sp/sx
    Posts
    7,742
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    ARGH

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    0
    Mentioned
    Post(s)
    Tagged
    Thread(s)

    Default

    I deny traditional gender roles in their entirety. I think they are useless, archaic, and incredibly insulting (to both parties). But if someone "follows" them, I won't bother with it unless they ask for my opinion.

    That being said, many of these are just straight ridiculous. "Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.""Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious." Seriously?

    By the way, if a woman ever expected me to take initiative or to lead her, she's just out of luck.

  7. #7
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nil View Post
    I deny traditional gender roles in their entirety. I think they are useless, archaic, and incredibly insulting (to both parties). But if someone "follows" them, I won't bother with it unless they ask for my opinion.

    That being said, many of these are just straight ridiculous. "Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.""Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious." Seriously?

    By the way, if a woman ever expected me to take initiative or to lead her, she's just out of luck.
    Yea that's part of the problem.... when they say things like "let him take the lead", they are assuming all men are leaders... which is dumb, they are also assuming all women want a leader like man. These rules suck because they contain gender roles and stereotypes, they make too many assumptions and are too detailed too a level that can't be predicted or controlled.

    If people apply them they could potentially risk not being true to themselves "playing the role of a submissive woman that needs a strong man to lead them", when that may not be who they are.

    Or they risk turning a guy off because they don't match a stereotype, like someone may be attracted to some guy, but turn them off because they aren't a "leader type" and they may find it stressful.

    Compound this with both aspect, the guy is stressed having to make all these decisions and lead and take charge, the girl is stressed because shes trying to hard and isn't being herself, and the whole things a clusterfuck because she is deciding to take some shitty magazines advice on something. It's especially bad if there was attraction there in the first place but it turned out all awkward because of some dumb list of rules.

  8. #8
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,013
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    This stuff makes me cringe... . Then again, I usually cringe at the whole "I'm a man/woman so I have to do this" kind of things.
    Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    0
    Mentioned
    Post(s)
    Tagged
    Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.
    Why do you think so?

  10. #10
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ashton View Post
    I like ordering people around and taking lead initiatives; but in a personal relationship, it's the last thing I want to bother with. I've had to deal with it before and being told, "You're the man, you decide." And the girl will just start feeling like deadweight to me and pissing me off.
    yea that's interesting and all, but my point is its dumb to paint every person with one brush, so much of relationship issues are unique to the two personalities involved. Therefore advice shouldn't try to predict things at that level, unless its specifically specialized for a single relationship or individual.

  11. #11
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,013
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nil View Post
    Why do you think so?
    To my mind, women are something of a prize to be won. Might be an old-school concept, but I think the package is more inticing before it's opened.

    I don't mean to suggest that women are objects to be possesed, but they are to be pursued. These 25 rules play to that theme.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  12. #12
    Lobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    TIM
    EII 6w5
    Posts
    2,080
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyrano View Post
    Lobo, I think they're great rules. I think It's smart for girls to go slow.
    Yeah but... The stuff on the list encourages what I see as playing games. You don't really do what you feel like doing.

  13. #13
    Haikus
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    8,313
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    This stuff is boring to me. I expect a woman to be herself, and not have to follow rules of etiquette. If I wanted a lady robot, I'd have one shipped in from Japan already.

  14. #14
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    If I wanted a lady robot, I'd have one shipped in from Japan already.

  15. #15
    ladyinred's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    115
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Guys say this, I'm not sure I believe it all though. you are saying be yourself so is it not true that guys like to chase?? seems to me guys are FLATTERED by being hit on but then these are not the women they end up being with longterm.

    ??

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    1,968
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I think the Rules are a terrible idea. They just cause pain and misunderstanding. The "old fashioned values" are good, and 1,14,15,16,18,20,22,23,& 24 look pretty good. I don't think trying to make someone a woman likes think that she doesn't like him for the purposes of manipulation is such a great idea. The whole idea seems to be based on trying to manipulate someone into working hard to win you because his ego has been hurt because you've pretended that you don't like him that much. It's very twisted.

  17. #17
    redbaron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    9,315
    Mentioned
    17 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I agree with Cyrano (maybe because I'm older also). But I think they work best as guidelines, not as something to be overly rigid about. They're general principles to follow for the best result. Sure there are exceptions but overall I think they work, even when the man is an introvert. This doesn't remove the individuality of the persons involved because relationships will play out differently, even when following "the rules". But overall, I do think they're smart.

    And, I agree with Jonathan that they shouldn't be followed as a means of manipulating and pretending, but rather from a place of acknowledging that this is sort of a natural law thing and you're just doing what works and respecting yourself by not calling him and not accepting less than you deserve, etc, etc. You can do those things without being bitchy or manipulative.
    IEI-Fe 4w3

  18. #18
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    i agree that they're probably smart a lot of the time, but looking at them i don't know if a woman could follow them without being misleading about who she is. i mean, just #17, for example, "let him take the lead," well, fine, but this will be attractive to men who prefer to take the lead. and if you're a woman naturally more drawn to taking the initiative in things, this sort of thing will surface later on down the road in the relationship. isn't this sort of thing contradictory to what we get from socionics?

  19. #19

    Join Date
    Dec 1969
    Posts
    0
    Mentioned
    Post(s)
    Tagged
    Thread(s)

    Default

    Alright, here is how I understand this:

    Both parties (male and female) act as they normally would; in other words be "themselves." Compatibility of the two comes naturally if they both end up supporting each other. If a girl follows these "rules" because that is who she is, and then a guy fulfills the role he is expected to play according to these "rules," then it sounds to me that this girl and this guy are more or less going to be very compatible in a relationship. But this (following the "rules") comes about because that is how they both are, not because they are deliberately changing themselves just to do follow the rules.

    Personally, I would hate to have a romantic relationship with someone who is like what the rules depict, but someone like Cyrano may prefer for women to be like what the rules depict.

    Do you understand? It is all preference. But if two people are compatible with each other, it is because they complement each other rather than anyone following some gender-specific set of rules.

    I hope this all made sense.
    Last edited by nil; 02-16-2011 at 04:25 AM.

  20. #20
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by nil View Post
    Alright, here is how I understand this:

    Both parties (male and female) act as they normally would; in other words be "themselves." Compatibility of the two comes naturally if they both end up supporting each other. If a girl follows these "rules" because that is who she is, and then a guy fulfills the role he is expected to play according to these "rules," then it sounds to me that this girl and this guy are more or less going to be very compatible in a relationship. But this (following the "rules") comes about because that is how they both are, not because they are deliberately changing themselves just because they do follow the rules.

    Personally, I would hate to have a romantic relationship with someone who is like what the rules depict, but someone like Cyrano may prefer for women to be like what the rules depict.

    Do you understand? It is all preference? But if two people are compatible with each other, it is because they complement each other rather than anyone following some gender-specific set of rules.

    I hope this all made sense.
    That's pretty much what I think,

    My own personal view on them is that I prefer to develop my interactions with the opposite sex in a more by "the seat of your pants" kind of way rather than in a more "follows these explicit rules/procedures", because ultimately rules only work if they fit you well and you can relate to them.

    I do like some of the rules, but I hate the idea they are "rules" rather than just things I do or do not relate to.

    Example, lets dissect a single rule, Rule #16, Don't tell him what to do..... I mean who the fuck likes being told what to do, both sides in a relationship hate to be treated like a tool most of the time, freedom is a natural human desire, that's not so much some kind of prophetic insight as it is common sense, don't be bitchy and controlling for women, and don't be a chauvinistic depreciative asshole for men. Even then there are always those bizarre types that want to be dominated and controlled, so even me saying that isn't some profound universal truth, its mostly just an articulation of common sense and not really a rule to me.

    I mean maybe these guidelines are useful because they get neurons firing off in your head and get you thinking about things with relationships, but your going to fail hard if you just follow a list of 25 rules from some magazine and expect them to get you results like it was some cooking recipe.

    Socionics wise I think this could be or - HA/DS, but its hard as a creative-Ti to take these as serious "rules"
    Last edited by male; 02-16-2011 at 04:53 AM.

  21. #21
    you can go to where your heart is Galen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    8,459
    Mentioned
    206 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Several of those rules are pretty damn stupid, especially the buying presents and how to act on whatever number date ones. Progressions of relationships are supposed to happen naturally, not calculated. Ugh, I can't believe people actually do this sort of thing.

  22. #22
    Snomunegot munenori2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Kansas
    TIM
    Introvert sp/sx
    Posts
    7,742
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    The thing about rules is that they help you when you have no idea what's going on but once you figure it out the rules just start looking like blunt instruments.

  23. #23
    jessica129's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    10,121
    Mentioned
    77 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Some of these are good because it's naturally how I am. Others are just ridiculous. If you want to call a guy, call him..who cares what some 'list' says you should do. If he's turned off by how you really are, guess what? Time to move on. I could see someone taking this list too literally. Why is it so hard for people to just be themselves?

  24. #24
    Creepy-Snaps

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ladyinred View Post
    The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right

    Have you read this? Men and women, guys and girls, what do you think??



    Here are the 25 rules as found in summation

    Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
    Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
    Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
    Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
    Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
    Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
    Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
    Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
    Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
    Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
    Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
    Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
    Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
    Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
    Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
    Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
    Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
    Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
    Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
    Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
    Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
    Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
    Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
    Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
    Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).
    Playing hard to get... is sometimes really dumb. At some point, the girl has to show that she cares, and it's common courtesy to make an effort to make the relationship work too.

    The rules seem quite old-fashioned... I think in today's society, it's best for women to just be themselves. It's more acceptable now than at any other time in history. Don't mold yourself with pointless submission rules, if that's truly now how you feel. Lots of dominant, alpha women out there. Still lots who like to submit. Just be yourself. Screw the rules.

    But yeah, lots of the early rules are just dumb... it's ok for the girl to make the move, and tell the guy she loves him. Or initiate things, or make the phone calls, etc. Some of the later rules are good, but the first 3/4 of the list is just bad...

  25. #25

    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    South Korea
    TIM
    INTJ - intuitive sub
    Posts
    214
    Mentioned
    13 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    why is it so hard to be yourself? obviously your concerned the person you like and are interested in will not like you for who you are! if I'm not mistaken is it not more common for women to adopt to the tastes of the man. I especially notice that of ESE. i remember going on a movie date. she first suggested some romantic moive. I said yes and said I'm only seeing this because of you, otherwise, i don't watch chick flicks - being honest. Then suddenly she says she doesn't really like romantic movies and she's not your typical girl - not being herself cause I could read her body language and tell she wanted to see the movie but would not admit it. we went to see resident evil 4 instead which i had already seen and she did not enjoy it. I think they call that people pleasing. In an idealized form "I like you and want you to like me" but that train of thought can be misleading.

  26. #26
    aka Slacker Slacker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    North Korea
    TIM
    IEE
    Posts
    8,814
    Mentioned
    24 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Some of the rules are common sense. Some are game playing. People should just be themselves and not worry about stuff like that. But by all means follow common sense.

  27. #27
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    so far it looks on the poll like there's more acceptance for this from aristocratic quadras? lol, coincidence? or why?

  28. #28
    Creepy-male

    Default

    Considering these are designed to "hook" the one you want, they sound pretty spot on.

    Though I suppose you can infer from it that no introverted men can ever be any woman's "Mr Right"

  29. #29
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    East of the sun, west of the moon
    TIM
    SLI 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    13,706
    Mentioned
    196 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    This thread reminds me of this comedy.

    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  30. #30
    Humanist Beautiful sky's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    EII land
    TIM
    EII INFj
    Posts
    26,935
    Mentioned
    699 Post(s)
    Tagged
    6 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by HaveLucidDreamz View Post
    apply common sense, be yourself, don't be shy/scarred/intimidated, and if there is attraction things work out.

    lists like these are dumb and confuse people.

    Typical reasons people fail

    1) Lack of common sense
    2) Being fake/cheesy
    3) Being shy/scarred/intimidated
    4) There is no attraction

    3 of these you control
    1 you do not

    3 skills can be developed
    1 is merely a function of opportunity and patience

    You can develop

    1) common sense through experience
    2) confidence to be authentic through experience being yourself
    3) confidence to act on your goals through experience trying to pursue them

    Most people lack the first three because they over obsess about the single one they can't control, attraction

    that to me is about all the dating advice that is required, I think if people apply these, things will ultimately work out for them
    Nice Ti
    -
    Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
    Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?


    I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE

    Best description of functions:
    http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html

  31. #31
    Park's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    East of the sun, west of the moon
    TIM
    SLI 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    13,706
    Mentioned
    196 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa33 View Post
    Nice Ti
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Gilly
    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

  32. #32
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,013
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    i agree that they're probably smart a lot of the time, but looking at them i don't know if a woman could follow them without being misleading about who she is. i mean, just #17, for example, "let him take the lead," well, fine, but this will be attractive to men who prefer to take the lead. and if you're a woman naturally more drawn to taking the initiative in things, this sort of thing will surface later on down the road in the relationship. isn't this sort of thing contradictory to what we get from socionics?
    It's just a dance. It doesn't mean the guy has to lead all the time or for everything. as an ENFp I know you get that it takes a give-and-take.
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  33. #33
    without the nose Cyrano's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Columbus, Ohio USA
    Posts
    1,013
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    Some of these are good because it's naturally how I am. Others are just ridiculous. If you want to call a guy, call him..who cares what some 'list' says you should do. If he's turned off by how you really are, guess what? Time to move on. I could see someone taking this list too literally. Why is it so hard for people to just be themselves?
    555-1547
    ISTp
    SLI

    Enneagram 5 with a side of wings.

  34. #34
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    lol after looking the list over, I see that I naturally do most of these things. I always blamed that kind of behavior on the victim erotic attitudes style. Apparently it's just common sense.
    rules for snagging an aggressor male? and cyrano, haha.

    i do wonder how much of this is fairly universal. i mean, obviously every man is different. but i wonder where socionics stops and mating instincts (or whatever lol) begin.

  35. #35
    Grand Inquisitor Bardia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    TIM
    ESI
    Posts
    1,251
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ladyinred View Post

    Rule 1. Be a "Creature Unlike Any Other."
    I prefer that people just be themselves. If that means you seem "normal" that's fine. If it means you are eccentric that's fine to, as long as its yourself.
    Rule 2. Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance).
    Dumb rule.
    Rule 3. Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much.
    The staring would make me personally uncomfortable but maybe not everyone. Talking too much could be annoying I guess but so would talking too little.
    Rule 4 Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date.
    I guess if it was a real date, yes. If you are just getting to know one another, no.
    Rule 5 Don't Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls.
    I'll assume you're not interested as that's what people aren't interested do.
    Rule 6 Always End Phone Calls First.
    Who cares who ends the phone call?
    Rule 7 Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday.
    Out of date rule.
    Rule 8 Fill Up Your Time before the Date.
    Do whatever you want to do. If that's relaxing at home who cares?
    Rule 9 How to Act on Dates 1, 2, and 3.
    Rule 10 How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time.
    Rule 11 Always End the Date First.
    I don't see how this matters. This and the phone call one makes it seem like its about power or something.
    Rule 12 Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
    You don't just stop dating someone for that but you should ask why depending on how long you've been dating.
    Rule 13 Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week.
    I think this is a good rule for early dating. I think going out with groups is a good idea too. It helps you to get to know the real person and prevents some of the blindness of infatuation.
    Rule 14 No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date.
    Good rule.
    Rule 15 Don't Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy.
    Good rule.
    Rule 16 Don't Tell Him What to Do.
    Most people don't like being told what to do.
    Rule 17 Let him take the Lead.
    I think this can be a good thing, especially when you've gotten past the getting to know each other phase and into the regular dating.
    Rule 18 Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him.
    I'd say don't expect too much change. Especially don't think they will drastically change all their bad habits once you're married.
    Rule 19 Don't Open Up Too Fast.
    This can be good. You don't have to tell someone all your life problems on the second date.
    Rule 20 Be Honest but Mysterious.
    Be honest and yourself, not mysterious unless being mysterious is what you naturally do.
    Rule 21 Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal Ads.
    If you lie about who you are people are going to be disappointed when they meet you.
    Rule 22 Don't Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment).
    Good rule.
    Rule 23 Don't Date a Married Man.
    I thought this was obvious?
    Rule 24 Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children
    Good rule, though I wouldn't date someone with kids at this point in my life.
    Rule 25 Practice, Practice, Practice! (Or, Getting Good at The Rules).
    Overall, I think many of these rules are dumb and that the goods ones are kind of obvious and common sense.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

    http://kevan.org/johari?name=Bardia0
    http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Bardia0

  36. #36
    Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    TIM
    D-LSI-Ti 1w9 sp/sx
    Posts
    11,529
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Women are cunts.

  37. #37
    Slippery when wet Simon Ssmall's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    ✈ ↺
    Posts
    2,225
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    so far it looks on the poll like there's more acceptance for this from aristocratic quadras? lol, coincidence? or why?
    You could also say there is 100% more people in aristocratic quadras thinking it is a good idea. Reality is though that it is 2 people versus 1.

    On topic though when you start using rules you start being fake. Even if it is only guidlines, you still taking some guildines from someone else instead of being who you are, which naturally is good as is already and if things don't work out it is not due to reason you didn't follow these rules.
    Looking for an Archnemesis. Willing applicants contact via PM.

    ENFp - Fi 7w6 sp/sx
    The Ineffable IEI
    The Einstein ENTp

    johari nohari
    http://www.mypersonality.info/ssmall/

  38. #38
    c esi-se 6w7 spsx ashlesha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    the center of the universe
    Posts
    15,833
    Mentioned
    912 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ssmall View Post
    On topic though when you start using rules you start being fake. Even if it is only guidlines, you still taking some guildines from someone else instead of being who you are, which naturally is good as is already and if things don't work out it is not due to reason you didn't follow these rules.
    well said.

  39. #39
    Feeling fucking fantastic golden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Second story
    TIM
    EIE
    Posts
    3,724
    Mentioned
    250 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Oh, for a totally different take on this stuff see the best-selling book Why Men Love Bitches. There's also this self-styled Internet guru who goes by the moniker Christian Carter and advises women on how to "catch" a man.

    The thing is, it seems like these ill-advised, one-size-fits-all systems and advice on how to get a man interested and keep him interested have to point to some underlying problems, and I don't have time today to meditate deeply on what those problems are, but ...

    Some that come immediately to mind are (a) general communication gaps between men/women; (b) many women seeking this advice being young and inexperienced and therefore willing to spend money on these products; (c) women of all ages feeling less than fully empowered to have equal say-so in progressing a relationship; (d) people on the dating scene sometimes having different goals--short-term sex versus long-term love.

    The fact is there are no rules anymore--there used to be. We live in a complex society where dating/mating is concerned, and a list of rules seems like a misguided sentimental gesture toward a supposedly simpler past.
    Last edited by golden; 02-16-2011 at 08:17 PM.
    LSI: “I still can’t figure out Pinterest.”

    Me: “It’s just, like, idea boards.”

    LSI: “I don’t have ideas.”

  40. #40
    Creepy-Korpsey

    Default

    Shorter version: "Pretend it's 1955."

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •