Fi egos and anxiety wondering if somebody likes you

[ashlesha]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

[Simon Ssmall]

Yes.

[April]

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not?

Yes, I'm human.

if so, how do you deal with it?

It depends on the person and circumstances. Ask them how they feel, tell them how I feel, remain silent and choke on my tears, etc.

does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it?

Yes, I'm quite bad at keeping in touch. It's partly because my feelings about people don't really change over time (static ethical type?), so I don't feel like I need to talk to somebody every few days to maintain the relationship or keep it meaningful, in my mind. I also vacillate between being fairly sociable to being a hermit, with not wanting to talk to most people for several weeks.

or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

I don't really do this as a habit, but it's happened.

[pianosinger]

Yeah. I am particularly bad when it comes to more casual friendships, my upkeep is terrible. I am always open to being friends with people and helping people out, but I typically rely on them to be the ones to say "hey, let's do something," or "I could use your help with xyz."

Once a friendship is strongly established, I can be a very faithful and attentive friend, but it takes me a long time to finally come to the conclusion that a particular friendship is really worth making a concerted effort to maintain. Up till that point, I seem to be constantly (if not always consciously) re-evaluating my relationships with people.

I guess maybe that's where the IEE can sometimes be perceived as "flaky." idk.

[Bardia]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

Are you talking about friendships or romantic relationships?

[Galen]

Sometimes it happens. It seems like there's a definite pattern to when that kind of thing happens: for me, I only really feel that way when I'm trying to consciously vie for reciprocation in terms of feelings for one another, i.e. I try to create a relationship consciously. This is when I get neurotic and over-analytical because I can't tell if the state we're in is the state that I want us to be in, so I tend to think that we aren't as good of friends. But when strong relationships simply pop up naturally, I never feel a need to question them. It's when they have to be created or consciously fed that I get insecure.

[ashlesha]

thanks for the responses.

Are you talking about friendships or romantic relationships?

either or both.

[ashlesha]

Sometimes it happens. It seems like there's a definite pattern to when that kind of thing happens: for me, I only really feel that way when I'm trying to consciously vie for reciprocation in terms of feelings for one another, i.e. I try to create a relationship consciously. This is when I get neurotic and over-analytical because I can't tell if the state we're in is the state that I want us to be in, so I tend to think that we aren't as good of friends. But when strong relationships simply pop up naturally, I never feel a need to question them. It's when they have to be created or consciously fed that I get insecure.

this ding-dinged.

[pianosinger]

Sometimes it happens. It seems like there's a definite pattern to when that kind of thing happens: for me, I only really feel that way when I'm trying to consciously vie for reciprocation in terms of feelings for one another, i.e. I try to create a relationship consciously. This is when I get neurotic and over-analytical because I can't tell if the state we're in is the state that I want us to be in, so I tend to think that we aren't as good of friends. But when strong relationships simply pop up naturally, I never feel a need to question them. It's when they have to be created or consciously fed that I get insecure.

You said what I wanted to say much better than I did

[munenori2]

Very much the last bit, in my experience.

I'm big on "building things up in my head about a relationship", real or not, to vicariously live a relationship without consequences, one where I can't really "lose" or be disliked.

Doing that kinda serves to stave off that anxiety and self-consciousness you mentioned first. (i.e. "If he/she likes me in my imagination, well, ...I'll just hang out there and never hafta find out what he/she really thinks.")

Bad idea, FWIW.

[Park]

The boy who never... what? Help me out here, I am Fe-blind. Reading between the lines is not my forte.

[shindaiwa21]

I don't think that's type related.

[Aiss]

I don't think that's type related.

+1

[Creepy-Snaps]

I don't think that's type related.

QFT. +2

[Galen]

The boy who never... what? Help me out here, I am Fe-blind. Reading between the lines is not my forte.

The boy who never fell in love, so the lyrics would have me think. Much of the lyrics state the idea "if you don't try, then you can't fail," so in the context of love this would mean "if you don't fall in love, you can't get hurt by it." I guess this could be extended to "the boy who never did anything" too.

[Park]

The boy who never fell in love, so the lyrics would have me think. Much of the lyrics state the idea "if you don't try, then you can't fail," so in the context of love this would mean "if you don't fall in love, you can't get hurt by it." I guess this could be extended to "the boy who never did anything" too.

Thanks for the reply.

[Beautiful sky]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

All emotive types have confusion of thought because logic is part of the subconscious of all emotive types. You'll rearly see a T type wonder about such a thing. Yes, I wonder about this and I have also seen my Fe sister do this as well; I have never seen or heard any T type wonder or care.

[EyeSeeCold]

All emotive types have confusion of thought because logic is part of the subconscious of all emotive types. You'll rearly see a T type wonder about such a thing. Yes, I wonder about this and I have also seen my Fe sister do this as well; I have never seen or heard any T type wonder or care.

Okay Maritsa what's going on? I mean, it's great that you're contributing, but it seems you are too focused on producing to really consider the inaccurate generalizations you are making.

Confusion of thought is not subdued by logic(just the outward appearance of it), emotions are still present and leave one susceptible to certain information. INTps doubt, INTjs doubt, ENTps doubt, ENTjs doubt etc...I assume Dynamic types are more vulnerable, still, all types are to some extent.

[Beautiful sky]

Okay Maritsa what's going on? I mean, it's great that you're contributing, but it seems you are too focused on producing to really consider the inaccurate generalizations you are making.

Confusion of thought is not subdued by logic(just the outward appearance of it), emotions are still present and leave one susceptible to certain information. INTps doubt, INTjs doubt, ENTps doubt, ENTjs doubt etc...I assume Dynamic types are more vulnerable, still, all types are to some extent.

Sorry about the generalization thing, that's kind of the "bad" side of the pattern making Ne in the ego block. We have to watch for that, but thank you for pointing out that that pattern is not consistent from your experience; it helps us Ne types be more flexible, but generally, Fi is really good at seeing the individual nature. I thought that my comment may have a grain of truth in it in terms of not emotions, but emotive types having their thoughts affected by an emotional reaction to someone they like; that is from observation.

"that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real"

With the above statement, I have observed that women, especially F types, build relationship connections in their own mind about things that are not real, realistic, available, apparent, conjuring up all sorts of connections that are not part of reality.

[Cuddly McFluffles]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective. does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it?

Heck yes. I stress over it a lot. I've gotten to the point where I can see that this is a pattern, and I can tell myself, "It will pass". Not sure whether I always apply this, but... Also, see below about coming on too strongly.

does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it?

Heck yes. Thank goodness for Facebook and Twitter.

or that you come on too strongly,

I try to avoid coming on too strongly, so much so that I take the exact opposite route and seem like I don't care at all. The fear, of course, is that if I express/show my feelings and the person doesn't feel the same way, they'll be repulsed.

or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

Oh, yes. I'm facing that one right now.

[Simon Ssmall]

Sorry about the generalization thing, that's kind of the "bad" side of the pattern making Ne in the ego block. We have to watch for that, but thank you for pointing out that that pattern is not consistent from your experience; it helps us Ne types be more flexible, but generally, Fi is really good at seeing the individual nature. I thought that my comment may have a grain of truth in it in terms of not emotions, but emotive types having their thoughts affected by an emotional reaction to someone they like; that is from observation.

"that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real"

With the above statement, I have observed that women, especially F types, build relationship connections in their own mind about things that are not real, realistic, available, apparent, conjuring up all sorts of connections that are not part of reality.

Can you for once stop using "we" and "us" when talking about your own behaviour.

[Park]

Can you for once stop using "we" and "us" when talking about your own behaviour.

Don't you seriously hate that shit? I mean, not just Maritsa, but when anyone does that.

[Lobo]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

Hmmm, not really, unless I know that I gave them a reason for them not to like me. I'm pretty conscious about what other people know about me, and even choose what I want them to know about me. I'd be more anxious that I gave out info about myself that can be used against me, rather than the fact that they don't like me for it, heh.

[Amber]

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it?

"wondering" is not the right word. I can only be preoccupied if it's someone I like a lot and I usually know in what ways they relate to me. Sure sometimes it comes down to different types of personality and "emotional sensitivity" (or "love languages" or whatever) in which case I still feel it as a distance from what I'd like things to be like (e.g. my current SEE bf will always be activated by stuff I may not care very much about and vice versa ... we're not the best fit, although we like being together).

does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it?

rarely. It happened in long-term relationships (after years). I guess I took it as something static, assuming things would remain unchanged. I didn't invest much at some point. But surely that's not the reason why stuff disintegrated, some things just reach their sell-by date. I guess I let it "fall to the side" for a reason.

or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?
about a relationship - nope. but it has happened that I experienced a crush this way. I don't know about "coming too strong" because when I'm not sure (doubtful) about a relationship/its outcome, there's a specific kind of ambivalence that comes up and I guess it can act as a brake or it can mess things up further.

[ConcreteButterfly]

Sometimes it happens. It seems like there's a definite pattern to when that kind of thing happens: for me, I only really feel that way when I'm trying to consciously vie for reciprocation in terms of feelings for one another, i.e. I try to create a relationship consciously. This is when I get neurotic and over-analytical because I can't tell if the state we're in is the state that I want us to be in, so I tend to think that we aren't as good of friends. But when strong relationships simply pop up naturally, I never feel a need to question them. It's when they have to be created or consciously fed that I get insecure.

haha this is exactly me. Nicely said @Galen.

[Amber]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

I try to avoid fantasizing without point about what what a relationship can be. While I was younger I was more anxious. I know how to read people well enough now. I wonder in the beginning till it's clear where we stand, afterwards I give people chances to get to know me or get close to me when I'm interested. I am sometimes a little too subtle and I was told some people I liked a lot didn't even know it or they misunderstood my silence and thought I was not into them. I'm working to change. I am more open and accepting of myself now. If I am not sure and I fear possible rejection, I retreat in myself and over-analyze till I have the answers. If the feeling is not reciprocated yes I am anxious and I think about the person concerned a lot. But I take my distance from him.

I let close relationships take a break once in a while. So fall to the side only for a while. If it's someone I care about, that will get back to how it was, nothing is lost. These ebbs and flows come natural to me. I easily get bored when I let a friendship fall into routines so I prefer it like this.

Unfortunately when I was younger I used to build imaginary things in my head because sometimes I was afraid to let another know how much I want to get close. They couldn't hurt me only in my head you know. At this age obviously I only want something real be it friends or romantic relationships and I am more practical about many things. I refrain from fantasizing much. I test the relationship fast enough and let go if there are too little chances to build something beautiful. I'm not the one to come on too strong. It's more like I let them pursue me and just give them some signs I want them to do that. My problem has been not showing enough I was into someone and I probably lost some things that could have been great because of that.

[The Exception]

these are kind of personal, but i'm hoping for some perspective.

does it ever happen that you get anxious or self-conscious wondering if somebody likes you or not? if so, how do you deal with it? does it ever happen that you let less close relationships fall to the side because you just don't think about it? or that you come on too strongly, or build things up in your head about a relationship that aren't real?

I'm always anxious about whether or not people like me. People I don't already have a close relationship with that is. I won't establish a closer relationship with someone unless I'm quite sure they like me first. I probably shouldn't be even answering this question. I'm not an Fi ego or even an Fi valuer. I just like answering questions and increasing my post count.