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Thread: IEIs/INFps does your attraction to someone develop fast or over period of time?

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    Default IEIs/INFps does your attraction to someone develop fast or over period of time?



    When you become interested in someone romantically, does it usually happen pretty quickly once you meet that person, or does it slowly develop over a longer period of time?

    When it happens quickly, does it work out well in the end?

    When it happens slowly, does anything ever come of it?

    What's the best way for someone who's interested in you to know that it's time to take action?

    And if you have any way to explain WHY regarding any of your answers, I'd appreciate it.

    Thank you!
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    The way we feel for others is the same as it is for everyone. Attraction > lust > love. It may be harder to "catch" and keep an IEI then it is with other types, but the initial attraction is the same it is with everyone. It can happen slow or fast.

    Basically, once you can tell an IEI is into you keep going at it & don't let it get away.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
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    When you become interested in someone romantically, does it usually happen pretty quickly once you meet that person, or does it slowly develop over a longer period of time?

    Both

    When it happens quickly, does it work out well in the end?

    Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Things that start quickly are a gamble in my opinion. Sometimes you get lucky and really like the person you didn't know that well before you got invovled, other times you wish you had taken things more slowly

    When it happens slowly, does anything ever come of it?

    Yes & I prefer friendships that grow into romantic ones, it will only happen if the other person instigates

    What's the best way for someone who's interested in you to know that it's time to take action?

    Take action when I'm asking a lot of question, I'm in a cheery mood, look pleased to see you and seem to have made more of an effort with my apperance. If all the above applies except I seem a bit moody or hurt then you should have taken action sooner, if none of the above applies then don't take any action at all

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    fwiw I'm picky as hell. If i've already established you as a friend in my mind, then I don't really want you to become a lover. You will also never become a lover if I find little to no chemistry upon first talking to you. I also don't like people being passive & playing hard to get. If you like me then be bold about it, otherwise don't waste my time.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Basically, once you can tell an IEI is into you keep going at it & don't let it get away.


    Romantic attraction varies by the moment. If you can tell an IEI likes you, at whatever point in the process, then go for it. I am very vague and indirect, because I am generally uncertain that I like someone or not. I look at girls more when I like them. Not helpful, I know. I make more effort in general. Shrug.

    I dunno if I fall in like quickly or slowly. It's usually instantaneous (that is, she does something that flips a switch in my head to "potential whatever"), but can occur at any point in a relationship. Sometimes when I barely know a girl, sometimes when we've been friends for a while. Actually more often the former than the latter. But, this one time, I discovered I liked a girl after subtly but intentionally discouraging her from liking me (because I was after another girl), so... it varies, wildly.

    Know that it's time to take action...? Um... shrug. If he doesn't seem uninterested in you... if he makes an effort that seems like he's more interested in you than in other girls in the room, especially if he bothers to do any sort of initiating (given that IEIs are generally initiative-less), be it conversation or whatever, then it doesn't hurt to... I dunno, maybe be more physical with him. I like it when girls are physical, even in like, basic random shit that "means" nothing (sort of). This is likely to elicit a positive response (i.e., even more attention), and that's a good sign that he's into you, at which point the time to take action is NOW. Why? Because IEIs are shy and lame and respond super well to initiative from the other party. If he's not into you, he'll imply subtly that (one example, not universally applicable, but an example, is I kept referring to this one girl as "bro"---I don't normally refer to girls as bros, but it was an inside joke---but I sort of used the word to imply that I wanted to be friends).

    Helpful?
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post

    (one example, not universally applicable, but an example, is I kept referring to this one girl as "bro"---I don't normally refer to girls as bros, but it was an inside joke---but I sort of used the word to imply that I wanted to be friends).
    lol subtle!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by IEI View Post
    lol subtle!!!!
    More subtle than it sounds, given the circumstances. We were in a scene together that we commonly referred to as the bro scene and she was playing a guy. So it was already a joke between us. Shrug.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    fwiw I'm picky as hell. If i've already established you as a friend in my mind, then I don't really want you to become a lover. You will also never become a lover if I find little to no chemistry upon first talking to you. I also don't like people being passive & playing hard to get. If you like me then be bold about it, otherwise don't waste my time.
    YES. I'm exactly the same way, word for word. The worse is the passiveness..nothing could be more unattractive. Seems so weak.

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    Now when you say passiveness, are we talking about just garden variety "I like you but I'm too big of a pussy to actually tell you that" passiveness or the whole nice guy, "I like you and I'm going to pretend to be your best friend in the world in a vain attempt to get into your panties" passiveness?
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    For me it's both, especially the latter.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Attractive females turned off by unsuccessful IEI male mating rituals = the root cause of all popular music, most visual art, and a significant percentage of poetry. But especially the phenomenon of celebrity. Celebrity inducts many a wayward IEI into the halls of the eminently fuckable.

    Summary: guitar lessons.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

    I am grateful for the mystery of the soul, because without it, there could be no contemplation, except of the mysteries of divinity, which are far more dangerous to get wrong.

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    "Romantic attraction varies by the moment."

    That's what he said, too. lol. Slightly different words.

    He indicates in various ways, sometimes directly but usually jokingly/indirectly both that he's interested and not interested. He switches back and forth even in the same visit. I give him mixed signals too though. I often respond to the "interested" signals as though I asume he's just joking or that I took it to mean something else, haha. I do respond well to some of them though, and I know I send out my own "interested" signals. I'm sure my lack of decisive action speaks volumes though, plus we've agreed on multiple occasions that we should keep it platonic. And we should, for a variety of significant reasons. The attraction and feelings are there regardless. It's to the extent that I don't think it would be fair for me to get involved with anyone else because I won't stop being his friend for anyone, and I don't think my feelings for him would go away unless I cut contact.

    Now I'm just wondering if "if it was going to happen, it would have already" or if I should just go with the flow and see how things turn out. Maybe some of the situational factors will become less significant over time. Or maybe I'm just being silly. idk.

    We did talk about this not long ago, and we both said that we don't know how we feel. After that conversation I began to realize that my romantic feelings for him have probably always been there... I was just refusing to acknowledge them. I wonder if there's a healthy way to continue to do so and just stay strictly friends?
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    Oh, and thanks to everyone that's responded. Your observations/insights are very helpful. ^_^
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    The existence of romantic attraction doesn't mean a real relationship is necessarily a good idea!! :wink:

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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    Attractive females turned off by unsuccessful IEI male mating rituals = the root cause of all popular music, most visual art, and a significant percentage of poetry. But especially the phenomenon of celebrity. Celebrity inducts many a wayward IEI into the halls of the eminently fuckable.

    Summary: guitar lessons.
    LOL

    I've noticed a lot of this, too. And yes, he's totally awkward... but it's adorable and endearing... even if somewhat frustrating at times because it's difficult to interpet his indirect and sometimes passive-aggressive words/actions/tone. Like I recently figured out that when he gets this playfully accusing tone with a bit of an edge to it, it probably means that he's challenging me to be forward about how I feel or what I want. I'm probably pretty frustrating myself, lol. IF I KNEW I WOULD TELL YOU, DAMMIT!
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    Go with the flow, go with the flow, go with the flow. Push, push, push.

    Basically, make it happen, because the IEI sure as hell wont. ;]
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    Now when you say passiveness, are we talking about just garden variety "I like you but I'm too big of a pussy to actually tell you that" passiveness or the whole nice guy, "I like you and I'm going to pretend to be your best friend in the world in a vain attempt to get into your panties" passiveness?
    Both of those are equally horrible. And when a guy does number two, you can basically bet they'll be out of my life for good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    And when a guy does number two, you can basically bet they'll be out of my life for good.
    Weird. I sorta like it when guys I might be interested in do number two (LOLOLOLOLOL) because then I can be the one to make the moves, and I much prefer to be the pursuer. However, there was one Fe ego (likely IEI? I didn't interact with him enough to be that confident about his type, but he sure as hell seemed like it, right down to that cute awkwardness haha) who was really upfront about being attracted to me right away, and I liked that. Another guy (definitely IEI) was less forward but still communicated his interest clearly yet indirectly. Neither of those ended up going anywhere for various reasons, but I did appreciate their communicativeness.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Go with the flow, go with the flow, go with the flow.
    Okay. (:

    Push, push, push.
    I always do, lol.

    Basically, make it happen, because the IEI sure as hell wont. ;]
    If I was sure I wanted it, I would. :-/

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    The existence of romantic attraction doesn't mean a real relationship is necessarily a good idea!! :wink:
    I don't think a "real relationship" is an option at this point in either of our minds. But I'd rather have a "sorta relationship" with him than a "real relationship" with anyone else. I don't know if that means that I'm just not ready for a relationship yet or if it means that he's that significant to me.

    Uh, that said... it's very possible that he just wants to get laid. LOL That's definitely NOT why we have the close friendship we do though. And it's not because of romantic feelings, either. It's because we light up around each other and bring out the best in each other and help each other out with stuff and love each other on a level that's deeper than all of this nonsense. But we're both rather lacking in self-awareness, so who knows, maybe romantic feelings have been there all along and that's why we're like that with each other and we're just not being honest with ourselves. That's what my psycho Fe-dominant ex-boyfriendf/roommate always claimed, but it turned out he was full of shit on most of the stuff he ever said, so who knows what that's worth.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    Weird. I sorta like it when guys I might be interested in do number two (LOLOLOLOLOL) because then I can be the one to make the moves, and I much prefer to be the pursuer.
    To me, I just end up feeling lied to and used...I'd much prefer someone be upfront and direct about what their intentions are. Don't pretend to be just a friend and then have ulterior motives the entire time because you'll lose my trust after that..as if everything that was said out of friendship was just a ploy to get me in bed. Nah, that's not cool with me.

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    I doon't think most guys are willing to put THAT much time into trying to hook up with a girl if they're truly just looking for a lay.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    To me, I just end up feeling lied to and used...I'd much prefer someone be upfront and direct about what their intentions are. Don't pretend to be just a friend and then have ulterior motives the entire time because you'll lose my trust after that..as if everything that was said out of friendship was just a ploy to get me in bed. Nah, that's not cool with me.
    Oh, well that's not it at all. That's just an asshole move: pretend to be a friend, get laid, get out. That's a fail. But this is more like... exposure.

    The idea is that with more exposure to IEI, a) IEI will feel more comfortable around attractive female X, and therefore more able to express his feelings openly, and b) Attractive Female X will notice all the wonderful things about IEI, which are not as immediately obvious as with an extrovert/sexy guy/rock star/dude-with-some-fucking-cojones. After prolonged exposure, IEI briefly disappears, Attractive Female X realizes that she really does like having IEI around, and dating ensues. IEI continues being the nice guy he always was (unlike jackass in your version of the story), and is above-average-ly complementary post-coital.

    So it's not pretending to be a friend, it's being a friend with the hope of something else developing. Like the differences between having a defensive alliance and then becoming trade partners and having a fake defensive alliance you have no intention of following through with in order to steal oil and leave.
    Not a rule, just a trend.

    IEI. Probably Fe subtype. Pretty sure I'm E4, sexual instinctual type, fairly confident that I'm a 3 wing now, so: IEI-Fe E4w3 sx/so. Considering 3w4 now, but pretty sure that 4 fits the best.

    Yes 'a ma'am that's pretty music...

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    I ended up telling him most of the stuff in this topic but took a slightly... unique... approach. I let him know that he has feelings for me. LOL I'm so ridiculous.

    As for the outcome, time will tell.
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    Quote Originally Posted by silverchris9 View Post
    So it's not pretending to be a friend, it's being a friend with the hope of something else developing. Like the differences between having a defensive alliance and then becoming trade partners and having a fake defensive alliance you have no intention of following through with in order to steal oil and leave.
    Also trying to get a better feel for the person and whether they're right for you, and if they reciprocate your feelings in a sincere manner.

    Quote Originally Posted by jessica129 View Post
    To me, I just end up feeling lied to and used...I'd much prefer someone be upfront and direct about what their intentions are. Don't pretend to be just a friend and then have ulterior motives the entire time because you'll lose my trust after that..as if everything that was said out of friendship was just a ploy to get me in bed. Nah, that's not cool with me.
    Haha, there was an IEE who did that in my social circle. The LSI thought of him as "spineless" and "creepy".
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    Nobody here...besides me, seems to know what SLE is except for maybe Maritsa.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    I ended up telling him most of the stuff in this topic but took a slightly... unique... approach. I let him know that he has feelings for me. LOL I'm so ridiculous.

    As for the outcome, time will tell.
    u still think you're sle?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    "Romantic attraction varies by the moment."

    That's what he said, too. lol. Slightly different words.

    He indicates in various ways, sometimes directly but usually jokingly/indirectly both that he's interested and not interested. He switches back and forth even in the same visit. I give him mixed signals too though. I often respond to the "interested" signals as though I asume he's just joking or that I took it to mean something else, haha. I do respond well to some of them though, and I know I send out my own "interested" signals. I'm sure my lack of decisive action speaks volumes though, plus we've agreed on multiple occasions that we should keep it platonic. And we should, for a variety of significant reasons. The attraction and feelings are there regardless. It's to the extent that I don't think it would be fair for me to get involved with anyone else because I won't stop being his friend for anyone, and I don't think my feelings for him would go away unless I cut contact.

    Now I'm just wondering if "if it was going to happen, it would have already" or if I should just go with the flow and see how things turn out. Maybe some of the situational factors will become less significant over time. Or maybe I'm just being silly. idk.

    We did talk about this not long ago, and we both said that we don't know how we feel. After that conversation I began to realize that my romantic feelings for him have probably always been there... I was just refusing to acknowledge them. I wonder if there's a healthy way to continue to do so and just stay strictly friends?
    blah blah

    it sounds like you're thinking about it too much. how can you enjoy it platonic or not if u think about it so much? you're going to confuse whatever is there.

    and i don't think there's such a thing as strictly friends. there's strictly work. is he work?

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    hi mercutio.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    hi mercutio.
    i'm tempted to try answering :/

    but i wouldn't want to encourage joy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post


    When you become interested in someone romantically, does it usually happen pretty quickly once you meet that person, or does it slowly develop over a longer period of time?

    When it happens quickly, does it work out well in the end?

    When it happens slowly, does anything ever come of it?

    What's the best way for someone who's interested in you to know that it's time to take action?

    And if you have any way to explain WHY regarding any of your answers, I'd appreciate it.

    Thank you!
    basically...

    --- What's the best way for someone who's interested in you to know that it's time to take action? --

    is the point, and Se types often fuck up the timing.. but y'know what if there's a connection it doesn't really matter and becomes funny...

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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    how can you enjoy it platonic or not if u think about it so much?
    yep. it's pretty unusual for people to agonize over their friendships. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that. So, why do that with romantical relationships?

    What I think happens is that. . . shoot, I don't know, but a person's perspective gets all fucked up, and everything gets magnified and becomes overimportant. Happens to me sometimes, and I'll get overfocused on a guy, thinking too much and the works. You have to regain perspective. Stop investing yourself in the outcome, don't try to control anything, relax, and just be happy you get to be around this person you like.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    yep. it's pretty unusual for people to agonize over their friendships. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that. So, why do that with romantical relationships?

    What I think happens is that. . . shoot, I don't know, but a person's perspective gets all fucked up, and everything gets magnified and becomes overimportant. Happens to me sometimes, and I'll get overfocused on a guy, thinking too much and the works. You have to regain perspective. Stop investing yourself in the outcome, don't try to control anything, relax, and just be happy you get to be around this person you like.
    yes!

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by mercutio View Post
    basically...

    --- What's the best way for someone who's interested in you to know that it's time to take action? --

    is the point, and Se types often fuck up the timing.. but y'know what if there's a connection it doesn't really matter and becomes funny...
    Y'know, the more I read threads like this, the more it's just evidence that I'm EIE and not IEI.

    And if that is the case, it would explain why it's really not so hard to strike up an activity relation with an SLE. I have no real problems with timing, nor with being somewhat assertive and clear myself. But once I've set the thing up--i.e., yes, this is the time, and yes, I want you--then I can fall back and let the guy be the generally more assertive one. And if he can't, grrr.

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    Yep, you're right. All of you. I suppose I do know.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

    Check out my Socionics group! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1546362349012193/

  33. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    yep. it's pretty unusual for people to agonize over their friendships. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that. So, why do that with romantical relationships?

    What I think happens is that. . . shoot, I don't know, but a person's perspective gets all fucked up, and everything gets magnified and becomes overimportant. Happens to me sometimes, and I'll get overfocused on a guy, thinking too much and the works. You have to regain perspective. Stop investing yourself in the outcome, don't try to control anything, relax, and just be happy you get to be around this person you like.
    mdma

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    I have a question for IEIs:

    2 + 2 = ?

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    I'll get back to you on that one, DJ.

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    It usually takes me like 3 years to feel romantic feelings for somebody. So slowly over time.

    I might idealize people (as a coping mechanism so I don't take a gun and shoot up places), but looking back- there are only a few people I felt romantic toward, and it all happened very slowly.

    As for it working.... I don't know. It hasn't yet because I'm single. =p Really. I don't meet many people that I like in real life. Even people I thought were my friends end up doing things that I have a hard time forgiving. Basically, I need to be with somebody that's EXTREMELY moral, even if they do like to throat fuck me senseless. A lot of people think they're 'moral' though just because they're normal and have a 9 to 5 job. That's all well and good, but I think I'm looking for something a bit more 'innately psychological' than that.

    Anyways I have this weird thing about combining raw animalistic sexuality with a high ethical code. I really want the other person to make me feel inspired to be a better person, in a realistic way. Not self-help 'avoidant-like.'

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    I'll get back to you on that one, DJ.
    Answer me or fuck off.

  38. #38
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    Man, I'm curious as ever to know whether sle could get my dick working.

    Crank a lank.

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    "You may find out that your self-doubt means nothing was ever there. You can't go forcing something if it's just not right."

    Yeah......... No, turns out I was just being ridiculous. Insane amounts of stress can make me break like that sometimes (depending on the situation). Stupid Fi.
    SEE-Se, 852 sx/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Joy View Post
    "You may find out that your self-doubt means nothing was ever there. You can't go forcing something if it's just not right."

    Yeah......... No, turns out I was just being ridiculous. Insane amounts of stress can make me break like that sometimes (depending on the situation). Stupid Fi.

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