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Thread: ILIs-INTps dealing with conflict and confrontation

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    Default ILIs-INTps dealing with conflict and confrontation

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    Last edited by aixelsyd; 08-12-2011 at 06:58 AM.
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    They state the logical point and then be quiet (because they know the more they talk, the more emotional the other person will get, or the more the waters will muddy), or make their subjective feelings about it known but don't press it, kind of fade in the distance. Well, this is sometimes different from what I do when I'm sort of frustrated, sometimes I just want someone's attention so I go a little overboard on how I feel, but I'm careful in doing this, I do it around people I'm extremely close to, and its rare.
    It doesn't always work, since I'm pretty laid back and not really pushy about anything... I guess I'm better at standing my ground when I need to, and my only way I can do this really is detach completely from the situation, or else I have to go along with it. Go-with-the-flow is always on around people, so the trick is to detach, which I can easily do too. It just depends on the person.

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    Depends on my goal, mostly. I usually go along with it unless there's an obvious trump card, or unless I actually care one way or the other.

    If I'm genuinely pissed, I leave. Once that happens, there is no emotional control, and unless I simply want to convey my personal sentiments on the matter, I've pretty much 'lost'. Fortunately these instances usually are instances where I just want to convey my sentiments.

    In which case it's simply fiery and 'unnecessarily' emotional language.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    What is your natural response to conflict, confrontation, when it happens. How do you act? I realize it depends on who you are conflicting with (parents, teachers, friends, open enemies, etc).

    Also, do you believe your way of doing things in a confrontation is effective in actually remedying the confrontation? And when pushed over the edge, how do you act? What do you do? Especially when you are pissed, what do you do most naturally?
    At first, my ILI will try simply stating his POV when challenged. If the person with whom he is conflicting seems open and willing to work things out, then it's all good. If the person he's conflicting with continues to press and challenge him, he has to retreat for a while and go through things rationally in his head, detached from the emotional environment brought on by the conflict.
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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    What is your natural response to conflict, confrontation, when it happens. How do you act?
    Being a wuss. "Sorry sir, yes madam". In some rare cases explaining things makes sense. Or giving an "explanation" adapted to the fussmaker's liking or comprehension level. In almost all cases politeness and discretion.


    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    I realize it depends on who you are conflicting with
    IME, the main distinction btw troublemakers is their varying degrees of retardation and malice.


    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Also, do you believe your way of doing things in a confrontation is effective in actually remedying the confrontation?
    Tends to work well, except for the most bone-headed ESEs.

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    And when pushed over the edge, how do you act?
    Not very wisely. The first commandment in dealing with Neanderthals is to always act, never react. When the other side gets you to react rather than act, you've lost. Which I've done repeatedly.


    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Especially when you are pissed, what do you do most naturally?
    Depends totally on the situation.
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    lol. I have good friend whose an ILI who currently has issues with a roommate being too much a of a douche (who actually is being a douche, and very passive-aggressive with pissy refrigerator messages, swearing in texts messages, about really stupid things). I dunno, my friend says he's tried confronting his roommate to no avail. I just think he's being to passive. I keep telling him he needs to put his foot down and tell him to discuss problem in person or shut the fuck up. But that involves to much swearing for my friend. Instead my ILI friend wants to kill him .... O.o ...
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    Quote Originally Posted by dart200 View Post
    lol. I have good friend whose an ILI who currently has issues with a roommate being too much a of a douche (who actually is being a douche, and very passive-aggressive with pissy refrigerator messages, swearing in texts messages, about really stupid things). I dunno, my friend says he's tried confronting his roommate to no avail. I just think he's being to passive. I keep telling him he needs to put his foot down and tell him to discuss problem in person or shut the fuck up. But that involves to much swearing for my friend. Instead my ILI friend wants to kill him .... O.o ...
    Tell him to escalate the conflict to a level the roommate is unwilling to deal with on the roommate's terms. Put the most snide, smug, douche-tastic messages on the fridge. Fill his text inbox with the foulest, blackest, most noxious vitriol imaginable. Leave mustache shave hairs on the sink. Get up three hours earlier than he does with the most annoying radio station on the alarm clock.

    Just have him show the roommate that he can do the passive-aggressive thing for longer, more creatively, and more cruelly than he can.

    OR just... do what you were going to do. Just... talking to the guy might work.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    OR just... do what you were going to do. Just... talking to the guy might work.
    Wat

    You don't understand ILI if you think this will work. ILIs see life in ultimatums when it comes to real confrontation. He knows once he brings it up with the guy it will be a battle of wills, because he let it go on for so long. The guy doesn't respect him anymore.

    This is why SEE is such a good partner as a diplomat because it's really not that serious. But ILIs allow themselves to reach that point because it's the path of least resistance.

    The only solution is for him to get real - real soon. And for him to be relentless. A physical fight may ensue.
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    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post
    Wat

    You don't understand ILI if you think this will work. ILIs see life in ultimatums when it comes to real confrontation. He knows once he brings it up with the guy it will be a battle of wills, because he let it go on for so long. The guy doesn't respect him anymore.

    This is why SEE is such a good partner as a diplomat because it's really not that serious. But ILIs allow themselves to reach that point because it's the path of least resistance.

    The only solution is for him to get real - real soon. And for him to be relentless. A physical fight may ensue.
    Huh. I can dig that. Essentially they just let things slide externally and don't confront the people who make them uncomfortable because to actually do that would have to be a decisive confrontation, yes? Like, not just a small skirmish but an all-out war? Or is that only in cases like this where it's been passive for so long?

    Whatever the case, it makes sense.
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    In my experience it's a Fi defense backed up by Ni. They will start telling you about what is important to them which is usually based on their own personal sentiments (Fi). Then say that they don't want to waste their time on you any longer (Ni). Then they go away and start avoiding. It usually takes them some time to recover their cool back. If they are confronting and not defending then it is Te-Se. They may tell you what is logical to do, call you moronic for not doing it, sometimes raise their voice a notch.

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    You know, now that I think about it, I'm reminded of your fighting styles thread, that Ni-types prefer to focus on singular, distant targets. Would you say this kind of behaviour is broadly applicable to all Ni-types? Like, a general passivity that continues until some breaking point that forces the Ni-type to consider the person the current "target" and focus all of their energy on dealing with it?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    Huh. I can dig that. Essentially they just let things slide externally and don't confront the people who make them uncomfortable because to actually do that would have to be a decisive confrontation, yes? Like, not just a small skirmish but an all-out war? Or is that only in cases like this where it's been passive for so long?

    Whatever the case, it makes sense.
    Yes that's it. The external situations just batter them and they mentally retreat, not necessarily because they're weak. It's the repressed , the latent will. Every day the problem escalates. Pertaining to interpersonal conflicts, it's so easy to just let everything just slip by. A fight is not really worth risking all the time, so they wait and see if they will have to resort to that by letting it go on. They can explode, though in a different manner than other types, pure physical aggression(E8). I assume IEIs are similar.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sir Knight View Post
    You know, now that I think about it, I'm reminded of your fighting styles thread, that Ni-types prefer to focus on singular, distant targets. Would you say this kind of behaviour is broadly applicable to all Ni-types? Like, a general passivity that continues until some breaking point that forces the Ni-type to consider the person the current "target" and focus all of their energy on dealing with it?
    In general, yea Egos use time / foresight as a tool. Though, like expected, ENxjs are not as passive, but they can let problems accumulate. Not to get too stereotypical, but LIEs are the dead-beat dad stereotypes, who ignore their family for business matters.
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    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post
    Yes that's it. The external situations just batter them and they mentally retreat, not necessarily because they're weak. It's the repressed , the latent will. Every day the problem escalates. Pertaining to interpersonal conflicts, it's so easy to just let everything just slip by. A fight is not really worth risking all the time, so they wait and see if they will have to resort to that by letting it go on. They can explode, though in a different manner than other types, pure physical aggression(E8). I assume IEIs are similar.


    Yeah, I can definitely recognize this kind of behavior in myself. Essentially just, "This might resolve itself on its own without me having to endanger myself or damage my relationships and cause more trouble for myself down the line."
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    When I "explode" I tend to be rather vulgar, with sharp wit and deft sarcasm. I start using these things to make my point. When it is done to humorous effect, it can sometimes cripple my opponents. Comedy is a great disarmer. I also use it (sometimes without noticing) when I am very upset about something and I'm just venting to someone.

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    Coldest of the Socion EyeSeeCold's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capitalist Pig View Post
    When I "explode" I tend to be rather vulgar, with sharp wit and deft sarcasm. I start using these things to make my point. When it is done to humorous effect, it can sometimes cripple my opponents. Comedy is a great disarmer. I also use it (sometimes without noticing) when I am very upset about something and I'm just venting to someone.
    That's frustration. I'm talking about exploding. When you've mentally accepted enough of everyone's BS and become strictly physical to let it all out.

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    So when ILIs do explode, what is it like? I don't imagine it's like SEE pissed where it's screaming, aggressive insults ('go kill yourself or I'll do it for you, you worthless fucking piece of shit' is one I am guilty of when very, very angry along with other empty physical threats out of retaliation..very rare for me, but sometimes people are so impossible, it feels impossible to keep cool...trying to work on that because it's not the way to go, I realize), but then again, I've never seen an ILI really pissed.
    I don't think you want to.

    Like I said, the real explosion is physical aggression. Everyone throws words now and then, even ILIs if you are persistent enough in your annoyance and ignorance.

    The angriest I can remember was one who took something I said the wrong way and more or less told me to kill myself...well, jump off a bridge, but close enough. She kinda just said it and walked away. I dunno. Most seem willing to let people push them around to avoid conflict. I never understood it how they could do that when such strain was being put on them and yet never speaking up that they were undergoing a great burden. I guess it's why I try hard to never make undue demands on people, especially ILIs, since they are usually the sort of people who won't communicate their needs as often as they should so I end up giving them advice on how to explain themselves in a tactful way.
    SEEs are the same way.

    I don't try to put burdens on people for the same reason. lol. Is that the Gamma approach to life, lessening others' burdens but increasing your own?
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    the flying pig Capitalist Pig's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EyeSeeCold View Post
    That's frustration. I'm talking about exploding. When you've mentally accepted enough of everyone's BS and become strictly physical to let it all out.
    Oh, I'm not sure. It's been a long time since I've had a decent outburst of rage. I don't really allow myself to get to that boiling point. I feel like people who have such flamboyant expressions of anger probably have issues.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Capitalist Pig View Post
    Oh, I'm not sure. It's been a long time since I've had a decent outburst of rage. I don't really allow myself to get to that boiling point. I feel like people who have such flamboyant expressions of anger probably have issues.
    That's what I'm talking about. Rare moments not everyday... If it was everyday it's not an outburst, it's a condition.
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