questions for enneagram type 9s

[ashlesha]

1. how would you say the concept of "merging" manifests for you in as real-world, concrete language as possible? anecdotes appreciated.

2. how do you feel about being really seen? would you say this is an issue for you? how much do you show and how much do you hold back, and why?

3. would you describe yourself as being nice and passive in general? how would your self-description in this regard line up with how other people would describe you?

4. do you always avoid conflict, under any circumstances? do you ever enjoy it? what would make the difference for you?

5. how would you describe disintegration and integration?

i have lots of questions, but i don't want to overload and scare people from answering. this will do.

[Creepy-male]

1. how would you say the concept of "merging" manifests for you in as real-world, concrete language as possible? anecdotes appreciated.

It depends what I'm merging with. With things like music and nature it's like I just lose myself and diffuse, or spread out, or something. I get this feeling like I'm really big and I've dissolved in something powerfully emotional (even if it's a feeling of peace like being out and alone on the streets at night, or in a forest or somesuch).

Relationship-wise, and forgive my foggy memory, since it was a while ago, merging is a bit different. It's like not having any sense of differentiation between you and who you're merging with. It's like being in love with yourself or something

There's always this complete dissolution of any kind of awareness of your existence as an identity, or, entity, or w/e.

The interesting thing about that relationship where I did merge was, over time, the extremely short distance that put me at helped me start developing a coherent sense of who I was. It's like slowly learning there's two people there, each completely different in their own way.

2. how do you feel about being really seen? would you say this is an issue for you? how much do you show and how much do you hold back, and why?

I feel most people can never really see me I have a bad habit of not correcting people when they completely miss the ball about me and decide for themselves I'm someone I'm not

I have no problem with people I'm genuinely close to "knowing" me. This is usually because I'm at least somewhat emotionally engaged with the relationship. If I'm not, then I basically don't care about anything I'm revealing, and have allowed people in the past to completely mislead themselves about me.

The thing that I always hold back, in other words, are my emotions, or my engagement with a situation. It's like my body is there but my mind/feelings are off smelling the roses or frolicking in an alpine meadow somewhere

3. would you describe yourself as being nice and passive in general? how would your self-description in this regard line up with how other people would describe you?

Nice yes, passive no. I would say that I'm typically accommodating of others' initiatives though. If someone wants to go somewhere or do something, then that's my plan too. If someone isn't suggesting things for us to do I'll ask them for any ideas first, then take the lead if that doesn't work either.

I'd say that, even if I'm basically easy-going and don't stress out over stuff, or sweat the little things, I can be very aggressive and combative if there's some emotional impetus for being as such.

I think most people IRL would agree with this, once they've gotten to know me better. Moment to moment, day to day it seems it takes time to get a complete and coherent picture of me.

4. do you always avoid conflict, under any circumstances? do you ever enjoy it? what would make the difference for you?

Not at all, as my track record here on the forums shows. Typically I avoid fights because they're emotional black holes and I have better things to waste my energy on. I have trouble focusing on this question though, so I'll skip it.

5. how would you describe disintegration and integration?

I can't describe integration, but disintegration is easy:

It's like being in a state of total mental disarray. You start seeking guidance from other people because you're completely at a loss at how to deal with your problems, but you overshoot and start supplanting your thought processes with theirs and act immediately on their advice without thinking it through. When disaster strikes because of this, they suddenly turn into the enemy for having led you astray and offering shitty advice ().

It's basically like having your head break down under prolonged stress, typically emotional pressure. This happened twice to me during the worst bits of a very troubled relationship of mine.

Any more questions, I'll be glad to answer

Why are you asking, out of curiosity?

[ashlesha]

thank you for your response.

i ask because i think 9 is the best fit for me overall looking over the course of my life, but i dont really get a sense of, um..total coalescence (idk if thats the right word) with "9-ness" the way i did when i typed as a 6 and felt totally immersed in "6-ness" (even though i'm quite sure now i'm not a 6), if that makes sense.

reading your response, as far as identification, it was kind of touch-and-go. i'd like to quote specific parts and comment, but i can't on my phone. the part that stood out to me the most is about other people seeing you incorrectly and just letting them. does it bother you, though? i let them, because i'm scared of dissapointing them or something, and it somehow feels like correcting them would cause some kind of clump in a space-time continuum somewhere heh. but i resent it and it turns into this gnarly, icky thing in the space between us.

being seen is such a huge thing for me...i get so pent up and frustrated with not displaying myself fully that i expect it to be huge and revelatory and cause these big explosions when i do....and then, when i actually do, people react like its just the regular way of things, totally mundane, and i'm like :/ and its like if theyre that detached then they must not have TRULY SEEN, like i want people to see me in a way that is totally unrealistic to expect. (lol i am so narcissistic in a way.)

i don't really relate to the merging stuff as much as i thought i would. though i do relate to the dissolution of awareness of myself as an entity as something i experience most of the time in general. it often seems like other people are these firm, well-defined landmasses and i am just the water flowing inbetween, formless.

i think i'm abstractifying all of this too much, which is like an example of what i'm trying to convey. abstractness isnt solid, like me, and...i feel like like i've hit something important here, but idk where i'm going with it lol.

an important question i forgot to ask: do you see me as a 9? like is there any sense of identification in that sense? i mean from my overall posting history (if you feel like you've seen enough).

[Creepy-male]

Have you considered E4?

[ashlesha]

lol. yes. /headdesk

penny for your thoughts?

[Creepy-male]

"being seen is such a huge thing for me...i get so pent up and frustrated with not displaying myself fully that i expect it to be huge and revelatory and cause these big explosions when i do....and then, when i actually do, people react like its just the regular way of things, totally mundane, and i'm like :/ and its like if theyre that detached then they must not have TRULY SEEN, like i want people to see me in a way that is totally unrealistic to expect. (lol i am so narcissistic in a way.)"

^That sounds very E4.

[ashlesha]

i think i give up.

[CILi]

i think i give up.

what four?

[ashlesha]

okay, i'm back. i'm a nine, at least until my next freak-out of confusion. which i'm sure will probably happen again sooner or later.

Any more questions, I'll be glad to answer

i'm sorry for the interlude. :redface:

1. have you ever questioned your enneagram type or thought you were a different type? if so, why? what did you identify with elsewhere?

2. how often are you just low-level agitated, snippy, irritated?

3. how do you see "positive outlook" manifesting for you?

4. do you like most people? how do you act around them when you don't?

5. are you ever drawn to dark or morbid things?

6. is anxiety an issue for you?

[jessica129]

I have a question for nines, how do you get them to do anything without them getting offended?

[Creepy-male]

1. have you ever questioned your enneagram type or thought you were a different type? if so, why? what did you identify with elsewhere?

All the time, usually due to seeing myself in the other types very easily. The one major time I thought I was a different type was when I thought I was E6 due to the disintegration.

2. how often are you just low-level agitated, snippy, irritated?

Infrequently, but it happens if I'm in a low mood.

3. how do you see "positive outlook" manifesting for you?

Always having a sixth sense for the silver lining. Defending yourself from negativity in things happening in your life by looking on the bright side.

4. do you like most people? how do you act around them when you don't?

I guess? If I don't like someone I make a very concerted effort to never be around them.

5. are you ever drawn to dark or morbid things?

All the time. I thrive off them. Melancholy and tragedy are just as good escapes as any other.

6. is anxiety an issue for you?

A very bad one yes, though general levels of conscious anxiety are typically low. My problems are more with getting set off and overwhelmed very easily due to lots of unconscious tension. It's a genetic thing in my case. My mother, a Six, has much more conscious levels of anxiety.

My general attitude is one of relaxedness. True to form I tend to not worry about things until they're happening to me, and then freak right the hell out

EDIT

I have a question for nines, how do you get them to do anything without them getting offended?

Could you be more specific about the circumstances or situation? I can't offer a very good answer until you do.

[jessica129]

Could you be more specific about the circumstances or situation? I can't offer a very good answer until you do.

I generally get an 'I'll do it on my own time, give me space' sort of vibe from nines and I don't know if that's how they really feel or if they welcome and want people pushing them to do things. And when I say things, I mean anything...in general. Cleaning, shopping, doing something meaningful with their lives. That sounds harsh but I don't know how to be around them. They make me nervous. I feel like I get too aggressive because of their "laziness" and they get defensive and shut down and I get even further irritated. I just want to know how to get them to do everyday things without them thinking I'm being pushy and without them getting defensive. I've tried the space thing but nothing ever get's done so I feel like I have to push them. Sorry if this hijacked the thread but if anything, will serve a good purpose in that we'll learn more about the Nine.