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Thread: ESFj = Cheaters? INTj = Cheated on

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    Default ESFj = Cheaters? INTj = Cheated on

    I do not understand cheating because I do not cheat. However I have had the unfortunate displeasure of dating cheaters twice. I'm certain of their type ESFJ - a Fe subtype and a Si subtype. I've always thought duality is safe from cheating. why do people cheat especially ESFJ women on a INTJ no less?

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    Because they want as many varied sensual experiences as possible.

    Also they have enormous self-awareness and know when someone doesn't "gel" with them. They dislike arguments and so, try to avoid them by sneaking around.

    Also, as a general rule people who are more worldly-aware (not just ESFJs) have greater interest in meeting new people and and having new experiences, than do people who tend to focus more on their personal lives. (you can't really do both with equal intensity) Thus, they are more likely to cheat.

    The odds are slim, but it is possible to find a perfect match ESFJ who is, in all things, the yin to your yang. The odds range in the tens of thousands, however.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I do not understand cheating because I do not cheat. However I have had the unfortunate displeasure of dating cheaters twice. I'm certain of their type ESFJ - a Fe subtype and a Si subtype. I've always thought duality is safe from cheating. why do people cheat especially ESFJ women on a INTJ no less?

    She doesn't know the importance of duality so is also reckless in a dual relationship.

    Next to that, yeah ESFJ's can cheat easely. They have strange moral.

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    People cheat.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I do not understand cheating because I do not cheat. However I have had the unfortunate displeasure of dating cheaters twice. I'm certain of their type ESFJ - a Fe subtype and a Si subtype. I've always thought duality is safe from cheating. why do people cheat especially ESFJ women on a INTJ no less?
    That sucks. I would have thought an esfj would be one of the more loyal types.

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    Quote Originally Posted by tcaudilllg View Post
    Because they want as many varied sensual experiences as possible.
    Sounds more like an SEI to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by twizzlestix View Post
    That sucks. I would have thought an esfj would be one of the more loyal types.
    They are. Assuming you're both typed correctly, I guess you just have to consider the person's background and the situation.

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    I've never cheated and don't see me ever doing so. Your argument is flawed.

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    Cheating is not type-related, it's individual-related.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanks Arthur View Post
    Cheating is not type-related, it's individual-related.
    I agree. All types have an equal capacity for evil. They just have different strengths, weaknesses, and motivations.
    Quaero Veritas.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I do not understand cheating because I do not cheat. However I have had the unfortunate displeasure of dating cheaters twice. I'm certain of their type ESFJ - a Fe subtype and a Si subtype. I've always thought duality is safe from cheating. why do people cheat especially ESFJ women on a INTJ no less?
    ESFjs cheat more generally because of Ni PoLR. Gauging 'when enough is enough', trying to be too helpful with people, being too nice, sometimes 'sleeping around' because they feel connected to people and don't have the perspective to say 'no' when things are getting too intimate, going in and out of relationships because they feel in love without any perspective to understand it may be a fling, not seeing 'the big picture' or understanding how detrimental cheating can be to a relationship long-term, etc.

    Also maybe INTjs Se PoLR can't help either... not standing up for what they want or claiming what they want as their own, when they really need to... INTjs take this very seriously as their PoLR, and have troubles with self-esteem...

    But yeah... in regards to Se... just go talk with your woman, man. Posting on 16types to better your general understanding of ESFjs won't help too much, because as others have pointed out, there are good and bad people of each type.

    But sucks you were cheated on. Screw that b**** and move on. She doesn't deserve your loyalty.

    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I've always thought duality is safe from cheating.
    Sorry but nope. Even if you find a better ESFj, and I hope you do man, it still means you gotta work hard to keep the relationship alive. Just 'finding' a perfect dual, meeting someone compatible, doesn't mean you don't have to push to make it successful. But once you do find a good one, ESFjs can be incredibly loyal.

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    This thread is disturbing. It is well settled that ESEs are NOT promiscuous and very devoted once in a relationship. In fact, they work very hard ensuring the relationship remains strong. Of course, it is possible that what the OP said actually happened, however the more likely conclusion is that one or more of the individuals was mistyped.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ananke View Post
    Ti PoLR LIIs
    ? You mean Se?

    I know what you mean though...

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    ESFJ = Cheaters? INTJ = Cheated on
    not if I cheat them first. i'm not really into ESFj anyway.

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    ESFj's will only cheat when their sexual needs are not being met, but first you'll know because they will put up a fight to get your attention on this matter

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    Duals do cheat. I knew a ENTp that cheated on her ISFp husband because she was away doing army training, got drunk, and was lonely. She did the right thing and confessed, though, and her husband forgave her. They are still together and love each other very much.

    Maybe the INTj was a workaholic and didn't spend that much time with his ESFJ. I'm not trying to put the blame anyone, but I know that some INTjs will call once a week and think that everything is ok. I can't speak for an ESFJ, but people get lonely!

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    Cheating is not Socionics related. It has to do with maturity of the individual and other factors. Can you blame an E type for looking?

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    I typed them correctly. As it turns out neither cheated on me but I was fed false information both times but that is not to say they are completely innocent. I would call it a moral dillema. Who do I trust? my friends who are watching my back or my girlfriend? Needless to say the damage is done and what's worse is with my most recent ex-girlfriend I was under the impression she cheated on me so I had no quams about talking to other women and eventually sleeping around - techically we were separated. However I can not detach myself from her emotionally. I had made out with some girl and had to stop because I couldn't stop thinking of my ex and I went home with a different girl but could only get aroused when I was thinking of my ex. I went home with another girl and even as we were physically attracted to one another we evetually started talking about my ex which is where all my emotions are kept. What a diaster!! Have you ever see forgetting sarah marshall? when he started crying in bed with these random women he sees to help him get over her - not nerely as pathetic but close. In a bizare way I'm more willing now than ever to let the little nit-picking slide and be with her because I was happy but I can not see how my future turns out.

    Among other things I have to say duality becomes apparent when you try to start another relationship even with another dual. The more time spent together the closer you become but that can make it much harder to separate.

    yes its a bit strange opening up to strangers on the internet but at the same time my friends don't want to hear it. They can tell but I'm having a hard time opening up vocally - perhaps related to Se POLR and weak Fi.

    I am being naieve - it can happen to anyone. I have educated myslf in socionics and well its meant to predict the outcome of a relationship so when duality spoils I'm dumbfounded - I'm not as socionically smart as I think I am.

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    ESEs are not more or less likely to cheat than anyone else. And people cheat for a variety of reasons. Also, duality is not perfect. And you sound young, and young people are not usually settled on a realtionship and are therefore still looking and might cheat if they find someone they like better. Not type related.

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    I'm not sure why but it seems the closer I get to any dual there is great emotionaly intensity, unmistakable, but at the same time its paralyzing. I'm overwhelmed with emotion and left speechless even if you have dated them and talked with them its like when you have a fight your strangers again but at the same time you share intimate knowledge. excuse me while i claw my face off!!

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    You might be happier dating if you don't think about Socionics when you meet girls and go out. Also, if you talk about this kind of thing to girls, you might freak them out and hurt the chances of the relationship turning out well.

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    no no I don't think about socionics as much as I use to and honestly I'm sure their heads are filled with alot of 'girly stuff'. I do not speak about socionics to girls. I have tried introducing it to my friends but they did not see the appeal. I am at the point where I'm basing on my decision on different levels of attraction and not just physical. I think when I come to these forums that is when I start to re-examine the situation from a socionics perspective much like if I was reading any aritcle or bits of info that could help me make sense of my situation. I have the same response when I listen to music or watch a movie. I often wonder if there is something to be learned in real life. I am relating socionics to my life, simple as that. There may be better explanations than socioincs because not everything can be reduced to pyschology.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I typed them correctly. As it turns out neither cheated on me but I was fed false information both times but that is not to say they are completely innocent. I would call it a moral dillema. Who do I trust? my friends who are watching my back or my girlfriend? Needless to say the damage is done and what's worse is with my most recent ex-girlfriend I was under the impression she cheated on me so I had no quams about talking to other women and eventually sleeping around - techically we were separated. However I can not detach myself from her emotionally. I had made out with some girl and had to stop because I couldn't stop thinking of my ex and I went home with a different girl but could only get aroused when I was thinking of my ex. I went home with another girl and even as we were physically attracted to one another we evetually started talking about my ex which is where all my emotions are kept. What a diaster!! Have you ever see forgetting sarah marshall? when he started crying in bed with these random women he sees to help him get over her - not nerely as pathetic but close. In a bizare way I'm more willing now than ever to let the little nit-picking slide and be with her because I was happy but I can not see how my future turns out.

    Among other things I have to say duality becomes apparent when you try to start another relationship even with another dual. The more time spent together the closer you become but that can make it much harder to separate.

    yes its a bit strange opening up to strangers on the internet but at the same time my friends don't want to hear it. They can tell but I'm having a hard time opening up vocally - perhaps related to Se POLR and weak Fi.

    I am being naieve - it can happen to anyone. I have educated myslf in socionics and well its meant to predict the outcome of a relationship so when duality spoils I'm dumbfounded - I'm not as socionically smart as I think I am.
    How touching to hear this from a LII, i like

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    Quote Originally Posted by RSV3 View Post
    It is well settled that ESEs are NOT promiscuous and very devoted once in a relationship. In fact, they work very hard ensuring the relationship remains strong.
    I agree with this, based on my experience. I don't rule out anything, I even acknowledge the possibility for promiscuity of young/bachelor ESEs, though they are pretty absolute persons as in principles. They often keep a sexy and attractive appearance, as they appreciate aesthetics as common-sense - what may cause jealousy in their partner, in fact I know well a such case - but to them the word "committed" has only one meaning, IMO.

    Life tells me that Ni Irrationals are the most hard to trust in this matter, even if they don't do it, you can never be sure, while Si Rationals are the most trustworthy. The OP is pretty surprising to me.

    -- Bolt

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    I found this interesting article about the relationship between ethical extravert women and logical introvert men. Maybe it helps some. I got it from a Russian site so it's Google translated, sorry.


    Particularly difficult beginning of friendship between women - ethical extravert (sensory-ethical, ethical-sensory, intuitive and ethical, the ethical-intuitive) and men - logical introvert (intuitively logical, logical and intuitive, sensory-logical, logical-sensory). This type of friendship prevents the traditional understanding of intersexual relations. Logical introverts of sympathy, love, do not say because I do not have need of verbal expression of their feelings, they can only respond positively or negatively, when they were asked about this. A well-bred woman to ask or talk about first love will not. This forms a vicious circle: the ethical extravert-women can not pour out all their accumulated emotions, the inactive logical introverts, in turn, do not break the silence. So it's good if one day have an ethical extrovert female snap break through patience and emotions. Surprised logical introvert would only say that the thought without words is clear.

    However, as explained not always. Therefore, although the majority of people, especially youth, have romances or friendships with complementary, few have created with their families. Ethical extroverts, women flee from their complement, losing hope and wanting to break off is not clear for them to bond. Logical introverts start chasing, but usually not at once and therefore almost always late. In addition, ethical extravert women from logical introverts, men often take away the ethical extravert-men. And do it very easily, because sensory-ethical, intuitive, ethical, ethical-sensory, ethical-intuitive extravert easily speak about love, they left plenty of words that are essential woman, and this is how they take away Partners a logical introverts. Ethical extravert (both women and men) to marry a young man, because can not wait. Thus, ethical extroverts marry each other, creating a union is not the best quality, because the family consists of people of the same or similar type that is not conducive to the establishment of harmony and balance.

    http://www.dums.ru/otnosheniya/dualnost/dualnost.html

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    Girls who cheat have no integrity and aren't in love with you.

    End of story.
    In no way should one act contrary to the great future you have before you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by chip View Post
    I do not understand cheating because I do not cheat. However I have had the unfortunate displeasure of dating cheaters twice. I'm certain of their type ESFJ - a Fe subtype and a Si subtype. I've always thought duality is safe from cheating. why do people cheat especially ESFJ women on a INTJ no less?
    Im sorry for your bad experience and I sympathize because Ive been cheated on too, but dont attribute your personal experience to a universal reality.

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    "So it's good if one day have an ethical extrovert female snap break through patience and emotions. Surprised logical introvert would only say that the thought without words is clear."

    Oh SNAP!! HAHA I'd like that. refreshing to hear.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Filambee View Post
    Duals do cheat. I knew a ENTp that cheated on her ISFp husband because she was away doing army training, got drunk, and was lonely. She did the right thing and confessed, though, and her husband forgave her. They are still together and love each other very much.

    Maybe the INTj was a workaholic and didn't spend that much time with his ESFJ. I'm not trying to put the blame anyone, but I know that some INTjs will call once a week and think that everything is ok. I can't speak for an ESFJ, but people get lonely!
    Good point. INTjs are known to be interested more in intelectual pursuits than relationships so maybe the ESFJ felt neglected.

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    disregard wenches

    acquire IQ points

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    Duals really only stay together circumstantially. Duality seems to break down societal norms. In the monkey days you would be boning your dual like a wild ape one minute and the next she'd be dragged off into the cave by some tribal leader, and they'd start boning. That's what duality is all about.

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    Quote Originally Posted by crazedratsghost View Post
    Duals really only stay together circumstantially. Duality seems to break down societal norms. In the monkey days you would be boning your dual like a wild ape one minute and the next she'd be dragged off into the cave by some tribal leader, and they'd start boning. That's what duality is all about.
    So you were together as long as you were able to hold her down ?

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    ESFj's only cheat because INTj's choose to have sex like, twice a year or something.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTj uncovered
    "I think, therefore I am" once said Rene Descartes, clearly delighted about the fact that he can think. But what he really meant was "I stink, therefore I am", since INTjs can often deprive themselves of a good bath and can happily live in a pigsty when nobody watches. They miserably fail to understand the basic needs of their bodies and therefore do not address them as a first priority. This goes for food and sex too. But do INTjs enjoy tasty food and sex? Sure, when you stick it under their noses. And what do they do to have plenty of fine food and meaningless sex? Precisely nothing. The latter one could be explained by the fact that by default INTjs are socially handicapped. Combined with their closely guarded fear of intimacy, this makes it pretty hard for INTjs to get laid, resulting in many INTjs being either virgins or remaining celibate for a long time.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    The fear of intimacy part of that quote just refers to INTj's who are not involved in a relationship and refuse to whore around like a lot of other people. It is safe to assume that an INTj that finds a good relationship will fuck like rabbits constantly to make up for lost time. I find it strange that you would interpret that paragraph as a low sex drive in general.
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    I was joking.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Derp de derp
    A good joke at that
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    I have a high sex drive but I am not particularly adept at asking for what I want sexually. I'm passive or aloof - out of touch with physical reality. I can not remember the source but there was a description stating any type expecting the analyst to iniate sexual behaviour is doomed to failure - that seems revelant and accurate. They make mention that the bonviant applies high emotional pressure which stirs up the analyst's sexual desire. I suppose subconsciously I've always wanted a women who is sexually mature and does not rely upon gender rules to dictate the situation.

    That description about the INTJ is from socionics "types uncovered". I have always considered them to be more comical than factual. Kind of like a celebrity roast.

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    I once could've hagged a hoe right at her door step if I kept a condom in my wallet. Now I bought a condom case and keep it in my wallet. She was a hoe fo sho.
    In no way should one act contrary to the great future you have before you.

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    I think it would be fair to say INTJ (and likely introverts) are sexually modest especially compared to Extroverted types.

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    so what your saying is her actions are a reflection of my own.

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    all the time. I believe that is exactly what Jung had referred to as the shadow. Your 'meaning' is taken beyond your intentions.

    I recently got in contact with this girl who originally insprired this thread but even more recently I had a change of heart and do not want to resume relations with her. I honestly do not care that she is my dual. She does not make me happy. I find it funny that in my mind I can recall all the good times but I had forgotten the way she distances herself and goes silent. Basically she does not text me back which I do not understand because she gave me her number and said she wanted to get together to meet. As they say "follow what they do, not what they say!".

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