Dual Seeking Smackdown

[Lobo]

Have you ever felt like laying the smackdown on your dual's "dual seeking" function, and find yourself doubting if it might be too much for them to handle and then tell you to fuck off? It's so hard for me to just shut my mouth, or control what will come out, when I'm with someone who says things that doesn't seem to put enough importance in Fi matters. It's such an uncomfortable feeling... and a similar thing happens in Ne matters, when I feel like I keep providing it and providing without it being enough for said person. The frustration seems to come from being "aware of my place" before taking the liberty of just saying whatever I want.

[UDP]

Sure.

As a matter of fact, for delta STs, I think it's very important that we see someone value something before we learn to value it ourselves. That's particularly so in terms of relational stuff.

I think delta STs( and people in general) sometimes run the risk of creating a very peculiar social-interaction streamline, by choosing people with the same issues over and over again, which creates a sort of reinforcement of patterns and behaviors, coping mechanisms, and other things.

The problem with that is, if the trends are long enough, you get so used to 'bad' ways of doing things, that it's seemingly 'easier' to be around people who encourage your weakness - they may even seem more appealing - than to be with someone who isn't enabling you to be so F-d up.

IMO if you want a healthy relationship, the person's ability to deal with that is a good indicator for whether or not they can grow with you.

In most serious endeavors (granted, they have actually all been NFs for me, so maybe it's related to NF stuff), I've been on the other end of what you're going through - it's sort of a relational-intuition freak out. And how I handled them determined a lot. Sometimes they would be about something I thought was .... absurd, and maybe didn't want to change that way. Other times I thought - wow, you're right, I am being immature or a pussy or afraid or not wanting to deal with something.

[UDP]

I'm sure there's an element of it in alpha/beta, too, but, I remember things being said about how the Te-Fi couples are very big on 'correcting' each other, in a very sort of..... direct way.

Maybe? Maybe not.

[Ave]

Yeah, Ive recently layed the Fe smackdown on an ISTj girl I've known for a while but whos only half responsive to my messages.

[tcaudilllg]

See that's the thing: does everyone really NEED for their dual to "smack them down" that regularly that they should marry them?

[Sir Knight]

See that's the thing: does everyone really NEED for their dual to "smack them down" that regularly that they should marry them?

I have heard of stranger fetishes than that.

[redbaron]

See that's the thing: does everyone really NEED for their dual to "smack them down" that regularly that they should marry them?

lol and the phrase "smack down" makes me think of aggressor/victim stuff.

[Exodus]

Have you ever felt like laying the smackdown on your dual's "dual seeking" function, and find yourself doubting if it might be too much for them to handle and then tell you to fuck off? It's so hard for me to just shut my mouth, or control what will come out, when I'm with someone who says things that doesn't seem to put enough importance in Fi matters. It's such an uncomfortable feeling... and a similar thing happens in Ne matters, when I feel like I keep providing it and providing without it being enough for said person. The frustration seems to come from being "aware of my place" before taking the liberty of just saying whatever I want.

I don't think you should "lay the smackdown" so to speak, nor should you have to. Your dual is almost definitely going to be receptive to your input if you're polite and reasonable about it. That being said, if you're going to lay the smackdown on anyone, it should be your dual/complementary type.

[EyeSeeCold]

I still don't understand this thread.

[Lobo]

I still don't understand this thread.

What would make the pain go away?

[UDP]

See that's the thing: does everyone really NEED for their dual to "smack them down" that regularly that they should marry them?

That's why everyone bitches about marriage