Similarity of Dual Pairs

[prominentproboscis]

Hi everyone

I have been considering the people that I have come across and I have noted that there is a striking similarity between duals - as described in being the other side of the coin - and at times, it is almost as if you can take on the persona of your dual for short periods of time and could almost be mistaken for them...

I was just wondering if we could consider what are the defining characteristics for each dual pair that people have noted....

For instance, as an IEI, I feel that like the SLE, I have the tendency to go to extremes at times with things - an all-or-nothing approach to tasks and challenges and also I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length - I also note that we can both appear incredibly self-absorbed at times embarking on long monologues.....

Further, for instance I have some LSE and EII friends and at times, I feel like they are incredibly judgmental and feel this sense of stagnation - like sometimes they are so obsessed on minor details that they have buried their head in the sand missing the big picture entirely - naturally this is an opposing quadra perspective

[Creepy-male]

I guess for ILE/SEI it's the curiosity? People often seem to overestimate my capacity or desire for research.

[EyeSeeCold]

SEE/ILI - Indiscriminately sociable and generous / avoidant and disillusioned
SLE/IEI - adventurous and carefree / mysterious and worried

Not sure about the others, but I see these fluctuations in the Dual pairs.

[IEI]

Hi everyone

I have been considering the people that I have come across and I have noted that there is a striking similarity between duals - as described in being the other side of the coin - and at times, it is almost as if you can take on the persona of your dual for short periods of time and could almost be mistaken for them...

I was just wondering if we could consider what are the defining characteristics for each dual pair that people have noted....

For instance, as an IEI, I feel that like the SLE, I have the tendency to go to extremes at times with things - an all-or-nothing approach to tasks and challenges and also I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length - I also note that we can both appear incredibly self-absorbed at times embarking on long monologues.....

I think one of the stages of duality is identity blurring.

[Creepy-Korpsey]

I think one of the stages of duality is identity blurring.

You might be interested in reading M. Scott Peck's "The Road Less Traveled". A few relevant quotes:

"I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

"The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of onself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!"

"One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly, they fall out of love. Once again they are two seperate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of real loving."

"If falling in love is not love, then what is it other than a temporary and partial collapse of ego boundaries? I do not know. But the sexual specifity of the phenomenon leads me to believe it is a genetically determined instinctual component of mating behavior."

"The temporary release from ego boundaries associated with falling in love, sexual intercourse or the use of certain psychoactive drugs may provide us with a glimpse of Nirvana, but not with Nirvana itself."

"...the temporary loss of ego boundaries involved in falling in love and in sexual intercourse not only leads us to make commitments to other people from which real love may begin but also gives us a foretaste of (and therefore an incentive for) the more lasting mystical ecstasy that can be ours after a lifetime of love. As such, therefore, while falling in love is not itself love, it is a part of the great and mysterious scheme of love."

More excerpts at _the_road: Love and spiritual growth - excerpts from "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck

[Blaze]

Hi everyone

I have been considering the people that I have come across and I have noted that there is a striking similarity between duals - as described in being the other side of the coin - and at times, it is almost as if you can take on the persona of your dual for short periods of time and could almost be mistaken for them...

I was just wondering if we could consider what are the defining characteristics for each dual pair that people have noted....

For instance, as an IEI, I feel that like the SLE, I have the tendency to go to extremes at times with things - an all-or-nothing approach to tasks and challenges and also I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length - I also note that we can both appear incredibly self-absorbed at times embarking on long monologues.....

Further, for instance I have some LSE and EII friends and at times, I feel like they are incredibly judgmental and feel this sense of stagnation - like sometimes they are so obsessed on minor details that they have buried their head in the sand missing the big picture entirely - naturally this is an opposing quadra perspective

agree, esp with your examples. i can think of a couple of couples i know who are SLE/IEI and LSE/EII and they all show evidence of this.

i think it's kind of the down side of duality, not that a dual pair would suffer for it though. they just start to see things the same way from the same quadra values and even though it doesn't bother a dual couple, from an outside perspective you can see the limitation.

[Suz]

I see it, too.

Speaking personally, I have a very easy time seeing myself in ILIs and know I personally fluctuate between sociability, generosity, and retreating into my mind and being jaded and misanthropic about life in general. I have a few more 'dualized' ILI friends who are similar. I think if I was a separate person from myself and could see myself and see the many ILIs I know (making up the majority of my friends, interestingly, even if I kind of leave them alone, understanding their need for space), I would see the clear difference, but I know that when duals come together and have closer interactions, the lines blur when partners try to line their vision up with the other partner (instead of operating on their ego functions to help the other person out and/or entertain them).

what?? aixel?? ur SEE now??

[redbaron]

[717495]

I know this is pretty vague, though the underlying feel of commonality in duals, to me personally has a lot to do with the relationship and having a sense of timeless connection, not necessarily what they actually have in common from an outside perspective. Obviously values, but they also value and access different things which cause attraction in their dual, for me the sense of timeless attraction to the "ESF" way of life, but not being at all "ESF." There is even definite attraction to one's conflictor on a larger and I think much more intuitive level, but when you realistically get down to it, it doesn't work at all and its only a natural expectation, not a pure attraction. However I think that duals generally seek out the same things, we manifest the same values through an irrational lifestyle, its not the same feel of "connection" with rationals who share our values, but I personally feel I have more "similarity" to ISFjs because I'm fairly introverted, which is different. It's easy to tell there's not as much of a physical-relational connection though. So as I said, I'm being really vague, and I can't get into a lot of specifics about it because I haven't experienced a lot of solid examples of how we seem similar to more basic objective seekers, since we are pretty different from one another at a visible level. I think what people fail to take into consideration about this topic is duals often say and do completely opposite-sounding things but really mean the same thing at an internal level, and this is easy to communicate to one another, just not in an "everyone gets it" sense. Even these things can be elaborated though, so I'll think about some examples.

[Satan]

n IEI, I feel that like the SLE, I have the tendency to go to extremes at times with things - an all-or-nothing approach to tasks and challenges and also I have a tendency to keep people at arm's length

WELL LET'S SEE IT. Let's see you go to extremes.

[Satan]

IEI SLE - both are highly passionate, emotive, strong willed, free spirited, go with the flow, and expressive. Both also tend to have perfectionist qualities about them & an "all or nothing" kind of zest for life.

That's better.

[IEI]

"The essence of the phenomenon of falling in love is a sudden collapse of a section of an individual's ego boundaries, permitting one to merge his or her identity with that of another person. The sudden release of onself from oneself, the explosive pouring out of oneself into the beloved, and the dramatic surcease of loneliness accompanying this collapse of ego boundaries is experienced by most as ecstatic. We and our beloved are one! Loneliness is no more!"

"One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly, they fall out of love. Once again they are two seperate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of real loving."

Thanks yes this is interesting and I agree with the points made based on my experience in relationships. But is duality the exception? Does the merging of identities remain throughout the course of the relatonship with a dual as it's less based on infatuation and more due to the fact you have the inputs Se/Ni each other needs (and will always require)? I agree all relationships need to get to the "real loving" stage but if you can have the closeness as well then that would be a total bonus.

[Computer Loser]

Yeah this is interesting...

Sometimes when I'm with a group of people I'll make sure I don't say any inside jokes, because that would exclude some people. I like it when everyone's included and stuff so I make these stupid little jokes everyone can enjoy so its like Fe coming out

I'm also a little "crazy" when first getting to know people, but then after a while I get tired of it and resort back into my introverted self and people are like, "whats wrong?" lol

[MatthewZ]

I'm actually ESE and you all just take forever to catch on.

[JuJu]

From what I've noticed, all dual pairs have sense of humor in common.

ENFjs and ISTjs have quite a few commonalities, I've noticed -- especially sense of humor. In EIE/LSI'c case, it's over-the-top, satirical, and mocking. It can be silly too -- but even the silliness has a relatively hard edge to it (usually.)

In addition to sense of humor, EIE/LSI have a propensity to think about/talk about the paranormal, horror. An interest in the 'dark side' of human nature.

I think that many people would describe ENFjs and ISTjs as "intense" and "emotional" people.

Duals are essentially two sides of one coin... What interests one usually interests the other -- in my experience, anyway.

[EyeSeeCold]

^Gamma humor seems to be based on people being too serious, overreacting and not making any sense. In one word: sarcasm. It never fails for there to be a liberal exchange of inside jokes.

[Timeless]

I guess for ILE/SEI it's the curiosity? People often seem to overestimate my capacity or desire for research.

I'd say:

ILE/SEI: "for the fun of it" and experimental.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

Yeah OP you're mostly right so I won't be too much of a bitch you. My sister said to me once:

"I don't know Sam. But it's like you actually have more in common with ghetto thug boys then you do with preppy boys even though you don't really outwardly act all 'hard'."

[tiny_dancer]

Usually the similarities I notice between myself and my dual are that the things about them that piss me off are things that I do as well.

So it just makes me madder.

[Singu]

ILE/SEI: a need to be liked by everyone

SLE/IEI: "rebelliousness"
EIE/LSI: some sort of an aristocratic soberness in face of difficulties

LIE/ESI: information hoarders

LSE/EII: obsession with details, meticulousness, workaholism, prudishness, non-sentimentality, arrogance, pride

[Suz]

Basically what I have to say about this is, when i was a newb mistyped as IEI and it wasn't fitting, i went through all the introvert profile descriptions (thinking i must be introvert for sure per the MBTI concept), and almost typed myself SLI because the description fit so well (with maybe a few off things). Shortly after that i was introduced to the socionics concept of introvert/extravert, stumbled upon Rick's IEE description, and realized I'm IEE.

Also when I was working with an SLI, we tended to see things the same way and have the same thoughts about things, and the same idea of what "quality" meant, which I did not expect because on the surface he seemed so different in many ways.

[twizzlestix]

IEE/SLI We both hate when people are being fake, we can smell it a mile away and enjoy the private joke at their expense. We both hate people who are stingey with money. When working on something together we both like to improvise eg. when whipping cream I use my electric drill with a twisty straw attatched, works just as well as a store bought electric whisk, it'll do for now. We both very curious. If I think a movie is good he'll usually agree although I've seen enough of his action movies to last me a lifetime, if I never see one again I will be happy. Can't think of any more now but I know there's lots.