View Poll Results: do you mass-mail birthday and/or holiday cards?

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  • yes, and i'm alpha/beta

    1 4.35%
  • no, and i'm alpha/beta

    12 52.17%
  • yes, and i'm delta/gamma

    0 0%
  • no, and i'm delta/gamma

    10 43.48%
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Thread: birthday/holiday cards

  1. #1
    lump's Avatar
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    Default birthday/holiday cards

    i'm really sick of the perception of Fi as the function of impersonal and meaningless gestures of "affection" like sending birthday and holiday cards to people you barely know. it seems to me that this sort of thing is antithetical to Fi, considering Fi is about real attachments. so i'm making a poll hoping (fruitlessly, probably) to put an end to this.

    my response is no.

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    Don't wanna mess up your poll, but also want to "(fruitlessly, probably) put an end to" cards.

    Very no.

    (FWIW, my Mom's strong Fe, though, and she feels some bizarro duty or obligation to send these things out. That said, she's also never actually sent them. Regardless, she feels hugely guilt-tripped each year for "failing Christmas" or something.)

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    Never do that and from people around me I noticed ESFj's enjoy doing it most.
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  4. #4
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    I've never sent a holiday/birthday card in my life. I don't even call my immediate family on their birthdays.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    i'm really sick of the perception of Fi as the function of impersonal and meaningless gestures of "affection" like sending birthday and holiday cards to people you barely know. it seems to me that this sort of thing is antithetical to Fi, considering Fi is about real attachments. so i'm making a poll hoping (fruitlessly, probably) to put an end to this.

    my response is no.
    NO, not people I barely know. My aunt has been my aunt for my entire life and she doesn't view it as meaningless at all--she sees it as a tangible way to show me that she cares and is thinking about me on a special day. My point was that SHE views it as a real attachment and I see it differently. Same with the other EII I know.

    Oh. the other thing--this could be related to generation as well. Both of these ladies^^ are in their 60s.

    And one other thing: I do mass mail Christmas cards. But I do it because I like it when people send ME cards simply to use for decoration. I put them up around my doors.

  6. #6
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    No.

    But to be honest, there's a significant cultural aspect to it - like my sister, who lives in UK, always sends and receives lots of cards for every occasion from people she meets often, simply because that's what those people do, while it would be considered strange here, where cards are a substitute for conveying wishes in person or by phone, and casual "Merry Christmas" to coworkers or people you hang out with settles the matter (it doesn't seem to where my sis is). So my answer relates more to conveying best wishes in general than sending cards.

    I'll often enough forget about some occasion or another, and I don't recall ever being offended because someone forgot my birthday or whatever. One of my aunts is very much concerned about those things, to the point that she called to tell me how upset she was that I didn't call her on her name day. (Considering the thread that inspired this one, it begs the question of whether everyone has an aunt or other relative like that.) I have no idea what type she might be, except an unhealthy E6. Another person who seems to care is my brother, but I don't know if it's the same with casual acquiantances. My mom sends cards to family and friends, but I wouldn't call it mass-mailing, really.

    Except for close family and a few friends, I don't care much. I might write on their wall if Facebook reminds me and I used to get along with them, but it's random. I don't watch the calendar, at any rate.

    (This being said, I intend to send someone a card this Christmas. If I don't forget.)
    Last edited by Aiss; 11-25-2010 at 12:05 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Oh. the other thing--this could be related to generation as well. Both of these ladies^^ are in their 60s.
    I was thinking the same, actually. My aunt is nearly 60, and so is another woman who sent me a Christmas card every year until recently - she isn't family, but used to look after me in the afternoons for several years when I was a kid, as both of my parents worked. I don't see people my age doing it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    NO, not people I barely know. My aunt has been my aunt for my entire life and she doesn't view it as meaningless at all--she sees it as a tangible way to show me that she cares and is thinking about me on a special day. My point was that SHE views it as a real attachment and I see it differently. Same with the other EII I know.
    if you're telling me that your post in the other thread was not at all about equating Fi with meaningless gestures of propriety then, frankly, i call bs.

    also, i was referring to a common perception that i've seen around in general, not just in that thread.

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    Oh. the other thing--this could be related to generation as well. Both of these ladies^^ are in their 60s.
    yeah, probably.

    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    And one other thing: I do mass mail Christmas cards. But I do it because I like it when people send ME cards simply to use for decoration. I put them up around my doors.
    lol. why didn't you vote?

  9. #9
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    forgot--just voted!

    and I was only putting it out there as a possible equation with Fi since both of these women are EII. I wasn't saying All Fi-egos do this or anything ridiculous like that.

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    What do you mean by mass-mail? Though I haven't yet, I might be tempted to mail a card to eveyone whose address I have. Every card would be personalized, though. I even carefully selected who got what valentine in elementary school.

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  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    What do you mean by mass-mail? Though I haven't yet, I might be tempted to mail a card to eveyone whose address I have. Every card would be personalized, though. I even carefully selected who got what valentine in elementary school.
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  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by laghlagh View Post
    i'm really sick of the perception of Fi as the function of impersonal and meaningless gestures of "affection" like sending birthday and holiday cards to people you barely know. it seems to me that this sort of thing is antithetical to Fi, considering Fi is about real attachments. so i'm making a poll hoping (fruitlessly, probably) to put an end to this.

    my response is no.
    come to think of it, I've always been rather uncomfortable writing messages in cards, even with people I'm close to. It feels almost forced and insincere having to use flowery language to describe how I feel about someone, nor do I expect it from others
    That's not to say that if someone asks me how I feel about them I'd be standoffish, in fact I'm more comfortable in a situation like this because there's a purpose for it, rather than peppering someone because it's customary like in the case of sending greeting cards

    So yeah I'm with you on seeing it as a "meaningless gesture of "affection""
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  13. #13
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    It seems that by reading the results of the poll thus far not alot of people send birthday cards regardless of what type they are.

  14. #14
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    No, it's not something I do.

    I remember one individual who was certainly a SLE by my reckoning who insisted that I give him a birthday card one year...he was most insistent. Although we often hung around together and were technically acquaintances, it was odd because I never felt a strong connection with him and had never received a card from him in the time I knew him (and indeed never did so on any other occasions). That was an incredibly puzzling incident to say the least.

    It may have actually been a Christmas card he had demanded after perhaps giving me one, but I think this would have been even more unlikely, as I would not think him the sort to celebrate a religious festival, nor the sort of person to give me a Christmas card, particularly considering our relationship and how he had generally treated me .

    With my LSI father - he has a list in his diary of people he must send cards to (which he has built up over the years), and then he sends cards to those not on the list who have given him a card. I think he finds this most economical.

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    I may have mailed about 3 cards in my life. It's not something I like doing much at all.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    NO, not people I barely know. My aunt has been my aunt for my entire life and she doesn't view it as meaningless at all--she sees it as a tangible way to show me that she cares and is thinking about me on a special day. My point was that SHE views it as a real attachment and I see it differently. Same with the other EII I know.

    Oh. the other thing--this could be related to generation as well. Both of these ladies^^ are in their 60s.

    And one other thing: I do mass mail Christmas cards. But I do it because I like it when people send ME cards simply to use for decoration. I put them up around my doors.
    i used to send some xmas cards when i was not as busy as i am today, but not en masse.

    my delta parents send a mass mailing every year. they even have all their friends and family on this special labelling program so it makes it easier. they include a bragging letter about the places they've been and the latest achievements of people they think are important. my father, who is a minister, includes a pedantic recital of important spiritual concepts for everybody to grasp. this is ANATHEMA to me.

    an ESI co worker of mine thought i should write a letter about all the negative, black family secrets and sent it in an email as a response. LOL

    anyway. i agree with redbaron, it may be generational.

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  17. #17
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    I hate bragging cards/letters.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Blaze View Post
    anyway. i agree with redbaron, it may be generational.
    I agree, we have facebook now. Now we're all reminded of everyone's birthday and the only time people ever even message/post to someone else is on their birthday. Then there's the generic Merry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving we put as our status so it goes out to everyone... Which means we actually went out of our way to say it to everybody we know. Cuz facebook says so...lol. I called my brother on his birthday because he doesn't have a facebook, he's the first person I've felt the need to actually call for this occasion but I almost just sent a text. Yay for technology, connecting us so we can all become disconnected...lol.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by cracka View Post
    I agree, we have facebook now. Now we're all reminded of everyone's birthday and the only time people ever even message/post to someone else is on their birthday. Then there's the generic Merry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving we put as our status so it goes out to everyone... Which means we actually went out of our way to say it to everybody we know. Cuz facebook says so...lol. I called my brother on his birthday because he doesn't have a facebook, he's the first person I've felt the need to actually call for this occasion but I almost just sent a text. Yay for technology, connecting us so we can all become disconnected...lol.
    TRUTH.

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    Quote Originally Posted by redbaron View Post
    TRUTH.
    yepper.

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  21. #21
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    I usually call or email somebody for their birthday. I don't do Facebook. Holiday greetings feel a bit silly to me, but I like to use them as an opportunity to send out updates to my friends and family. Otherwise, they complain that they don't hear from me enough.

    My sister (EII) sends out Christmas cards with a new picture of her family or just her daughter to friends and family each year. I kinda like it when people do that, because you can easily smack their picture on the fridge.

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    Quote Originally Posted by April
    My sister (EII) sends out Christmas cards with a new picture of her family or just her daughter to friends and family each year. I kinda like it when people do that, because you can easily smack their picture on the fridge.
    lol. Why did I think you were going to say you can easily to smack it on a dartboard?

  23. #23
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    I don't send out that many cards. For holiday cards, just immediate family, selected relatives I feel closer to, and a couple of friends. With birthday cards, its just immediate family and grandparents.
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  24. #24
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    I just don't care about it.

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