Life's a bitch and she's got me pussy whipped.
Of course, finding a dual along the way helped me with forming a more solid identity. Said dual put me through a bunch of questionable typings, but ultimately I think I have my type right now
Sometimes I wonder if she's just making me act like her dual, because I see myself adapting to her, and to other people I know, and I feel utterly disowned from it. It's depressing feeling like you're not even close to being a real person, just an endless series of met demands, reflections, and parts played for an audience.
That said I guess things are always smooth, natural, comfortable and easy with her, moreso than I really can be with other people, and she undeniably lights up my life in her own bizarre Alpha NT way, so, yeah.
I guess a tangential point is that systems like Socionics or the enneagram can help add a bit of much-needed structural integrity to my sense of self, which is typically rather lacking.
I would think of it this way... learning who you are is a journey. Each and every step you took in the past that was not as aware as the ones you take now, and will take in the future, says nothing about your wisdom or comprehension or understanding. I'd take heart knowing that you're learning (and so am I, and I would like to hope most other people, too), and learning is all about having made mistakes (pluperfect tense ).
I'm sorry if this is diverting your thread with my inconsequential and perpetual crisis of identity.
Really? I've actually found a lot of use in Socionics for helping other people deal with their relationships better, even if it doesn't help me to any huge extent in my own life. That's also not to say it has no use, just that it's given me nothing more than supportive take-home messages like "Relax and be yourself with other people to filter out good relationships" (lol phleg-chol), or explain why it is that I just can't get along with some people (and from that understanding not get hung up on "Why is this so tense?")
So far I've introduced it to my mum, who's been using it at work after getting me to type the people she deals with, and to an old tutor of mine here at uni, who's been using it to help his dealings with colleagues and bureau gremlins or w/e uni professors deal with.
I've been thinking about all this lately, too (just see my recent posts, and siggie). It was easy for me to identify my quadra from the start, but the rest is not so clear. I'm pretty sure now I'm an Extraverted type (even though for years I thought I was an Introvertbased on the MBTI).
It's to the point now, where I'm going to be asking my parents how I was as a child, because it seems like the best way to identify my natural type, since children have less "baggage," yk?
My life's work (haha):
Input, PLEASEAnd thank you
Children have less baggage....since when?
lol I'm a lot more confident and psychologically well-adjusted then I was as a child and adolescent.
n0ki: If it weren't for faggy civilization, people like me and bnd would be totally dead by now.
Its neat to hear someone else thinks about this. For a very long time I've pondered about this myself. My reason for changing my outward appearance, I think, came from my parents always nagging me act in certain ways that were abrasive to the way I wanted to be. So now like Thank Arthur mentioned, I find myself feeling empty and almost soulless when I reflect on these internal vs external contradictions.
Then I start thinking really odd things like "Who am I Really?"
These examples of self-conflict must lead to the many cases of neurosis in our society.
And I don't remember having to worry about a Job, bills or a career when I was a kid. The only thing I was thinking of was recess and friends.