ESFj seeking advice from INTjs =)

[yellow82]

Question: did you ever flirt with other guys before you discovered your ex-boyfriend is a player? Would your ex-boyfriend agree he is a player or consider himself a nice guy? How did you discover he is a player? You say your a good looking girl so I imagine you attract alot of male attention whether wanted or unwanted. Do you find yourself taking advantage of your attractiveness in order to gain the upper hand in a relationship?

Furthermore you have to be honest with your interpretations of people's actions. I fall back on stereotypes and labels because I often fail to readily understand a person's true intention. Thereby I do not see reality as it is happening before me but instead distort my perception and my thoughts unwittingly by calling someone a jerk or nice guy or a good girl or bad girl etc. In many cases looks can be deceiving and when it comes to defining a person you have to consider the person being defined and the person defining. In other words a guy is a jerk in so much as his girlfriend is a bitch and a guy is nice in so much as his girlfriend is a good girl. If you consider your ex-boyfriend to be a jerk that likely means your somewhat of a bitch however if you consider your potential boyfriend a nice guy that likely means your a good girl. However if you start acting like a bitch you'll discover that nice and sweet INTJ can turn out to be a jerk. To be fair if he starts acting like a jerk he could turn you into a bitch.

Lol. Wow. The things people think automatically about ESE/ESFj's.

I am a good Christian girl. Always have been, always will be. Never played with any guys while in a serious relationship, and I only place myself in serious relationships.

I do come across as a slight flirt in very conservative Christian circles. (Circles you probably couldn't even begin to fathom how conservative they are. . . ) But in any other circle I would be considered a goody two-shoes. At college one of my nicknames was the: "Virgin Mary". I'm really not a "bitch" at all, wow.

The guy I got into a relationship with was however. I found out that he was playing with two other girls at the same time as me. . . he thinks he's still a great guy though. . . Idiot. (I am so glad I never let him kiss me. . . )

And no, I never take advantage of how I look. . . . to be honest, I don't have to. I've been given a car just because I happened to mention to somebody else that I was looking for one. I tried to tell him that I wanted to buy my own car. . . but he wouldn't take no for an answer. . . I've been given flowers by men simply because I noticed that they opened the door for me and said thank you. Guys take all the stupidest smallest things as interest. Ugh. Men.

Flirting would be: touching a guy while talking to him, winking, excessive laughing, etc. I never do that.

I really am not the slightest bit of a jerk. I care too much about doing: "the right thing". People around me think I should "care less" but that's really difficult for me to do. . . . I hate being seen as a come-on by simply being polite. But I won't stop because I know I'm simply doing the right thing, and being polite.

The thing is, normal other girls can flirt 10X more then me and still might only have one guy. . . I don't even flirt and I have every guy showing up at my door practically.

I have to tell a new guy nearly every week that I'm not interested in more then a friendship. . . it's awful.

The thing is, I'm not even the most attractive girl in the room. But all the guys consider me: "marriage material" so they all come flocking after me. It's scary. . . .

I think I'm going to go hide in my closet now.

[Krig the Viking]

Lol. Wow. The things people think automatically about ESE/ESFj's.

I am a good Christian girl. Always have been, always will be. Never played with any guys while in a serious relationship, and I only place myself in serious relationships.

I do come across as a slight flirt in very conservative Christian circles. (Circles you probably couldn't even begin to fathom how conservative they are. . . ) But in any other circle I would be considered a goody two-shoes. At college one of my nicknames was the: "Virgin Mary". I'm really not a "bitch" at all, wow.

The guy I got into a relationship with was however. I found out that he was playing with two other girls at the same time as me. . . he thinks he's still a great guy though. . . Idiot. (I am so glad I never let him kiss me. . . )

And no, I never take advantage of how I look. . . . to be honest, I don't have to. I've been given a car just because I happened to mention to somebody else that I was looking for one. I tried to tell him that I wanted to buy my own car. . . but he wouldn't take no for an answer. . . I've been given flowers by men simply because I noticed that they opened the door for me and said thank you. Guys take all the stupidest smallest things as interest. Ugh. Men.

Flirting would be: touching a guy while talking to him, winking, excessive laughing, etc. I never do that.

I really am not the slightest bit of a jerk. I care too much about doing: "the right thing". People around me think I should "care less" but that's really difficult for me to do. . . . I hate being seen as a come-on by simply being polite. But I won't stop because I know I'm simply doing the right thing, and being polite.

The thing is, normal other girls can flirt 10X more then me and still might only have one guy. . . I don't even flirt and I have every guy showing up at my door practically.

I have to tell a new guy nearly every week that I'm not interested in more then a friendship. . . it's awful.

The thing is, I'm not even the most attractive girl in the room. But all the guys consider me: "marriage material" so they all come flocking after me. It's scary. . . .

I think I'm going to go hide in my closet now.

Ah, the trials and tribulations of an extraverted SF.

[chip]

another aspect u may find helpful is INTJ are not dominant and therefore u can assume that the INTJ is not going to control u or the relationship. As a matter of fact its best if u assert control. Honestly cooperation is best but that comes later. In the mean time if u want him u have to claim him. That sounds odd but control works much better than coaxing or flattery or even dropping clear hints and signals. INTJ like when a woman takes the lead. That is not the same as being a bitch but basically INTJ are followers in relationships or u can say they like to be led. I suppose a better way of putting it is guiding them along.