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    Default Love Languages

    Okay, expounding on my earlier post... You'll notice that I took each function (T, F, N and S) and tried to determine which orientation (e or i) fit best with each Love Language. I may very well be wrong in this, however...but it only seemed fair to give each function an equal representation...

    Words of Affirmation-- Fe valuing, Ni valuing, Se valuing, Ti valuing
    So, it looks like we're all in agreement so far that Fe valuing definitely fits here. I suggested Ni valuing, mostly because my ILI has mentioned before how much words of affirmation mean to him. Se valuing, I guess I thought that might fit here better than Si, but maybe it's just not that important to S's either way. Ti seemed to fit here, since Ti is about saying the right things, or saying them in the right way.

    Quality Time-- Fi valuing, Ne valuing, Te valuing, Si valuing
    Well, Abbie agreed with the Fi, so if anyone has an issue with that I'll let her explain it Ne...I could be wrong; actually, I was very split initially between Ne and Ni; maybe neither one fits that well. I said Te because...well, an efficient use of time (i.e. quality time) is important to Te users, is it not? And Si...idk

    Physical Touch-- Se valuing, Fi valuing, Te valuing, Ni valuing
    Se/Si was a toss-up here, too; but like WA pointed out, that's probably because both Se and Si fit here, for different reasons. Fi fits, because of Fi's desire to connect with people, and physical touch is a quick and easy way to do that, though obviously only in an immediate sense, not necessarily long-term. Te...okay, idk, but it fit better than Ti...maybe... Ni, again, because physical touch seems to be my ILI's #1 way of expressing affection (maybe Si Role taking over?).

    Gifts-- Ne valuing, Ti valuing, Fe valuing, Si valuing
    Ne...I said this, because I love giving gifts; though, not so much in the traditional sense, such as for birthdays and such, but more in a random fashion; like, I'll see something and think "that would be a perfect gift for so-and-so!" and so then I'll buy it, and just give it right then and there rather than wait for a "special occasion," and I love surprising people like that. Ti...again, I think it goes along with my rationale for assigning Ti to Words of Affirmation, in that gift-giving is another way to clearly express to someone how much you care for them by giving them the "perfect gift." Fe...why Fe? idk, it just seems like and Fe thing to do... Si I can't really back up at all, so I could be wrong; Abbie, why do you say Se?

    Acts of Service-- Ne valuing, Ti valuing, Fe valuing, Si valuing
    Ne...this just seems so Ne, though I can't easily explain all the rationale; Ne-base types especially like to be very open and flexible, which I think allows them (us) to often be the first to jump into a situation where service is needed. Ti...Actually, I think Abbie's probably right that it should be Te more than Ti. Fe...especially group service, I think, would be appealing to Fe valuers; though I suppose it could be equally important to Fi valuers. Si fits here, especially when the service rendered helps to accomplish some physical goal, to make the enviroment more pleasant, or to help the receiver feel more comfortable.
    Last edited by pianosinger; 11-03-2010 at 07:33 AM.
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    Not really.

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    actually, pianosinger i think some of those are off.

    i do think maybe those are type related to an extent, but like so:

    words of affirmation-- fe-valuing

    gifts -- fe valuing

    physical touch -- si- SEEKING, se-SEEKING but in different ways

    quality time -- not sure, but i feel like Ne-valuers tend to be more independent... maybe i'm not categorizing corrently. this one might be important for all types but in different ways and to different degrees

    acts of service -- definitely si-valuing, i agree with you on that one
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    quality time -- not sure, but i feel like Ne-valuers tend to be more independent... maybe i'm not categorizing corrently. this one might be important for all types but in different ways and to different degrees
    I think the form of quality time would be determined by Dyad. Democratic Dyads tend to split up, such that... each Dual has their own independent life, and their Together life. IME with my ILE, it was basically a relationship of autonomy and mutual assistance with life issues (such as me using my brain, or the ILE's relationships).

    (I heard it from Gilly, btw. Credit where credit is due.)

    Also, at the very least in the case of ILE/SEI, I think each Dual has different needs in terms of stimulation. The ILE would be bored by the SEI's "slow and steady" lifestyle, and the SEI exhausted/overstimulated by the ILE's lifestyle of BOUNDING ENERGYYYYYYYY.

    Obviously the closer the relationship the deeper the feeling of connection during together time, but the above holds true basically for both the ILEs I'm close to.

    --

    Aaaaaanyway, huge tangent, lol.

    Unsorted and from experience:

    Words of affirmation - ISFp.

    Gifts - Alphas.

    Physical touch - ISFp, ESFp.

    Acts of service - ISFj, INFj, ENTp (may not be a type thing in this case).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    A friend of mine asked me to type the "five love languages." Brilliand and I decided:

    Words =
    Quality Time =
    Gifts =
    Acts of Service =
    Touch =
    .
    Last edited by Director Abbie; 11-03-2010 at 01:07 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Fyi, physical touch is more common for males.

    According to pianosinger I'm an ESFp. According to WorkaholicsAnon I'm an NP. According to WorkaholicsAnon, ahem, I mean Thanks Arthur I'm an ISFp or ESFp. According to Abbie and Brilliand I'm an ISTp. I guess the latter is the better one so far.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    According to Abbie and Brilliand I'm an ISTp.
    I always said you were a triangle.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    The love languages are about valued functions, not about who gives or who receives.

    ESTj
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    The love languages are about valued functions,
    I don't agree, I'm just playing along.

    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    I always said you were a triangle.
    I think Si dominants can seem detached like fake intuitives.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I think Si dominants can seem detached like fake intuitives.
    You can't fool me. I live with an SLI and an SEI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    You give a lot of weight to dichotomies.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    You give a lot of weight to dichotomies.
    Socionics is made of dichotomies and explains relationships.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Socionics is made of dichotomies and explains relationships.
    I disagree again, I think relationships explain Socionics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by polikujm View Post
    I disagree again, I think relationships explain Socionics.
    That's probably a feeler's point of view, meaning you're probably EII-Ne. Personally, I think using relationships to explain socionics is like making a pie chart into a list of numbers to show people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    To me, using dichotomies to explain relationships is like making a pie chart into a list of numbers to show people. Also, I don't think that's a feeler's point of view, more like a realist's, but enough off-topic discussion here for me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DA
    Words =
    Quality Time =
    Gifts =
    Acts of Service =
    Touch =
    Whatever I Can Get = ?

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    Quote Originally Posted by CILi View Post
    Whatever I Can Get = ?
    Give Me What I Ask For =

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    ^ Good point.

    Whatever I Get =

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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Dunno, but I personally like to use all of those love languages when I can. I don't really like receiving gifts or random acts of services simply because such make me feel guilty, but if it's something which really helps me out of jam, then I really appreciate it.

    I much more prefer receiving quality time, touch, and affirming words than anything.
    I find random acts of service to be the #1 demonstrator of affection. #2 is quality time, then maybe touch. Affirming words are nice, but they are just words (i need them backed up with evidence for me to take them as sincere). And gifts are nice too, but really they are just not necessary imo. And just gifts without the #1 and #2 really dont mean much to me (except in a bad way-- maybe the guy trying to buy my affections).
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    Okay, expounding on my earlier post... You'll notice that I took each function (T, F, N and S) and tried to determine which orientation (e or i) fit best with each Love Language. I may very well be wrong in this, however...but it only seemed fair to give each function an equal representation...


    Words of Affirmation-- Fe valuing, Ni valuing, Se valuing, Ti valuing
    So, it looks like we're all in agreement so far that Fe valuing definitely fits here. I suggested Ni valuing, mostly because my ILI has mentioned before how much words of affirmation mean to him. Se valuing, I guess I thought that might fit here better than Si, but maybe it's just not that important to S's either way. Ti seemed to fit here, since Ti is about saying the right things, or saying them in the right way.


    Quality Time-- Fi valuing, Ne valuing, Te valuing, Si valuing
    Well, Abbie agreed with the Fi, so if anyone has an issue with that I'll let her explain it Ne...I could be wrong; actually, I was very split initially between Ne and Ni; maybe neither one fits that well. I said Te because...well, an efficient use of time (i.e. quality time) is important to Te users, is it not? And Si...idk


    Physical Touch-- Se valuing, Fi valuing, Te valuing, Ni valuing
    Se/Si was a toss-up here, too; but like WA pointed out, that's probably because both Se and Si fit here, for different reasons. Fi fits, because of Fi's desire to connect with people, and physical touch is a quick and easy way to do that, though obviously only in an immediate sense, not necessarily long-term. Te...okay, idk, but it fit better than Ti...maybe... Ni, again, because physical touch seems to be my ILI's #1 way of expressing affection (maybe Si Role taking over?).


    Gifts-- Ne valuing, Ti valuing, Fe valuing, Si valuing
    Ne...I said this, because I love giving gifts; though, not so much in the traditional sense, such as for birthdays and such, but more in a random fashion; like, I'll see something and think "that would be a perfect gift for so-and-so!" and so then I'll buy it, and just give it right then and there rather than wait for a "special occasion," and I love surprising people like that. Ti...again, I think it goes along with my rationale for assigning Ti to Words of Affirmation, in that gift-giving is another way to clearly express to someone how much you care for them by giving them the "perfect gift." Fe...why Fe? idk, it just seems like and Fe thing to do... Si I can't really back up at all, so I could be wrong; Abbie, why do you say Se?


    Acts of Service-- Ne valuing, Ti valuing, Fe valuing, Si valuing
    Ne...this just seems so Ne, though I can't easily explain all the rationale; Ne-base types especially like to be very open and flexible, which I think allows them (us) to often be the first to jump into a situation where service is needed. Ti...Actually, I think Abbie's probably right that it should be Te more than Ti. Fe...especially group service, I think, would be appealing to Fe valuers; though I suppose it could be equally important to Fi valuers. Si fits here, especially when the service rendered helps to accomplish some physical goal, to make the enviroment more pleasant, or to help the receiver feel more comfortable.
    Last edited by pianosinger; 11-03-2010 at 03:48 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post

    Words of Affirmation
    So, it looks like we're all in agreement so far that Fe valuing definitely fits here. I suggested Ni valuing, mostly because my ILI has mentioned before how much words of affirmation mean to him. Se valuing, I guess I thought that might fit here better than Si, but maybe it's just not that important to S's either way. Ti seemed to fit here, since Ti is about saying the right things, or saying them in the right way.
    Actually thanks for mentioning that your ILI values words of affirmation. That is useful info for me in terms of what Fe-POLRs need.

    I think probably then words of affirmation are both Fe- and Fi-related, but each manifests with different sort of words of affirmation. Like, Fe-valuers will want like words of passion, in the moment, etc. Fi-valuers will focus more on words that maintain the bond.

    I do think though that words of affirmation deal with the elements of Fe and Fi, not the others.

    Quality time

    Well, Abbie agreed with the Fi, so if anyone has an issue with that I'll let her explain it Ne...I could be wrong; actually, I was very split initially between Ne and Ni; maybe neither one fits that well. I said Te because...well, an efficient use of time (i.e. quality time) is important to Te users, is it not? And Si...idk
    Yeah I actually agree with abbie on that one, because quality time allows development of Fi. I wouldn't say it's a manifestation of Te though, but Fi-valuers are Te-valuers by default. I dont think Ne or Ni are involved in this at all.

    Physical touch
    Se/Si was a toss-up here, too; but like WA pointed out, that's probably because both Se and Si fit here, for different reasons. Fi fits, because of Fi's desire to connect with people, and physical touch is a quick and easy way to do that, though obviously only in an immediate sense, not necessarily long-term. Te...okay, idk, but it fit better than Ti...maybe... Ni, again, because physical touch seems to be my ILI's #1 way of expressing affection (maybe Si Role taking over?).
    Actually per my understanding, Fe and Fi only deal with physical touch when they are paired up with Si or Se. Like, NeFi or FiNe are going to be much much less focused on using touch to build Fi (even though we do respond well to Si-related touching and do need that as Si-seekers). It's part of being an infantile i think.

    Gifts
    Ne...I said this, because I love giving gifts; though, not so much in the traditional sense, such as for birthdays and such, but more in a random fashion; like, I'll see something and think "that would be a perfect gift for so-and-so!" and so then I'll buy it, and just give it right then and there rather than wait for a "special occasion," and I love surprising people like that. Ti...again, I think it goes along with my rationale for assigning Ti to Words of Affirmation, in that gift-giving is another way to clearly express to someone how much you care for them by giving them the "perfect gift." Fe...why Fe? idk, it just seems like and Fe thing to do... Si I can't really back up at all, so I could be wrong; Abbie, why do you say Se?
    Well what you're describing is not what i was thinking of in the sense of gifts being a "love language". I mean, i love giving gifts too. And I agree that Ne is involved in your seeing a potential gift as being perfect for someone, and I do that all the time as well. Also we do possess Fe-demonstrative which could be manifesting with the actual gift giving.

    What I was envisioning with gifts as a love language is needing to receive gifts from someone to know that person loves them, or needing to give gifts to let the other person know you love them. And i do feel that it's an Fe-manifestation for that very reason. Well, i can also see this being an Se thing, because one needs something material and permanent as a symbol of the love.

    I personally find gifts as a manifestation of a relationship to be completely unnecessary, even though i love finding interesting gifts and giving them to people i care about. But it's just something extra--my relationship with them would still go on without that.


    Acts of Service
    Ne...this just seems so Ne, though I can't easily explain all the rationale; Ne-base types especially like to be very open and flexible, which I think allows them (us) to often be the first to jump into a situation where service is needed. Ti...Actually, I think Abbie's probably right that it should be Te more than Ti. Fe...especially group service, I think, would be appealing to Fe valuers; though I suppose it could be equally important to Fi valuers. Si fits here, especially when the service rendered helps to accomplish some physical goal, to make the enviroment more pleasant, or to help the receiver feel more comfortable.
    I still feel this is a manifestation of Si. Si includes the realm of practicality and help in this sense. I mean, you're right Ne-egos are Si-valuers, so someone with Ne-ego will put a lot of value in performing acts of service. When the act of service involves something that requires this physical practicality, the Ne-ego will just be sort of clumsy and awkward going about it.

    You're right I didn't think of the scenarios where acts of service could just involve a verbal problem-solving, which would be Fi-related. I'm always glad to fix problems like that for people, and I have to say I'm pretty good at it and it feels so rewarding.

    I can see Te being involved in the acts of service, on the delta side, but I feel it would be more in an auxiliary sort of way. Not sure.

    I can also see Fe being involved too, as an auxiliary, on the alpha side. The acts of service would be performed with a different sort of motivation though than an Fi-valuer would have.

    But I do think acts of service ultimately are Si-based (thus, caretaking). Obviously infantiles admire caretaking and want to be caretakers themselves (my understanding is that this is especially true of the delta NFs who are also called pseudo-caregivers), they're just not that great or attuned to physical needs.
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    BTW, pianosinger, you can fix your OP mistake by copy pasting your last post into the post where you apologize, and then copy pasting your OP from someone who quoted it, into the first post.

    In fact can you please do this, to avoid confusion?
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    BTW, pianosinger, you can fix your OP mistake by copy pasting your last post into the post where you apologize, and then copy pasting your OP from someone who quoted it, into the first post.

    In fact can you please do this, to avoid confusion?
    didn't think of that solution...thank you

    hmm...well, I repasted my last post...but no one quoted my OP, so I can't fix that...oh well...
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    Quote Originally Posted by pianosinger View Post
    didn't think of that solution...thank you

    hmm...well, I repasted my last post...but no one quoted my OP, so I can't fix that...oh well...
    oh silly me...

    well actually maybe you can just leave the parts you quoted of your post and take out the rest, in the current first post.
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    I value most words of affirmation and also quality time and acts of service to a lesser degree. I place a lower priority and physical touch and gifts.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    I think probably then words of affirmation are both Fe- and Fi-related, but each manifests with different sort of words of affirmation. Like, Fe-valuers will want like words of passion, in the moment, etc. Fi-valuers will focus more on words that maintain the bond.
    I think this is true.

    Yeah I actually agree with abbie on that one, because quality time allows development of Fi. I wouldn't say it's a manifestation of Te though, but Fi-valuers are Te-valuers by default.
    Good point.

    I dont think Ne or Ni are involved in this at all.
    Yeah, I'd kinda come to the same conclusion...So, the reason my ILI and I both focus on quality time is that we both value Fi...


    Actually per my understanding, Fe and Fi only deal with physical touch when they are paired up with Si or Se. Like, NeFi or FiNe are going to be much much less focused on using touch to build Fi (even though we do respond well to Si-related touching and do need that as Si-seekers). It's part of being an infantile i think.
    I can see this. I guess it explains why, while I appreciate physical touch for what it is, too much of it can annoy me.

    Well what you're describing is not what i was thinking of in the sense of gifts being a "love language". I mean, i love giving gifts too. And I agree that Ne is involved in your seeing a potential gift as being perfect for someone, and I do that all the time as well. Also we do possess Fe-demonstrative which could be manifesting with the actual gift giving.

    What I was envisioning with gifts as a love language is needing to receive gifts from someone to know that person loves them, or needing to give gifts to let the other person know you love them. And i do feel that it's an Fe-manifestation for that very reason. Well, i can also see this being an Se thing, because one needs something material and permanent as a symbol of the love.

    I personally find gifts as a manifestation of a relationship to be completely unnecessary, even though i love finding interesting gifts and giving them to people i care about. But it's just something extra--my relationship with them would still go on without that.
    Excellent points. To the bolded-- I hadn't considered that before, but I think that is how I see gifts as well-- nice, but not necessary to maintaining a good relationship.

    I still feel this is a manifestation of Si. Si includes the realm of practicality and help in this sense. I mean, you're right Ne-egos are Si-valuers, so someone with Ne-ego will put a lot of value in performing acts of service. When the act of service involves something that requires this physical practicality, the Ne-ego will just be sort of clumsy and awkward going about it.
    Haha, you're right again...

    You're right I didn't think of the scenarios where acts of service could just involve a verbal problem-solving, which would be Fi-related. I'm always glad to fix problems like that for people, and I have to say I'm pretty good at it and it feels so rewarding.
    Yes, it does

    I can see Te being involved in the acts of service, on the delta side, but I feel it would be more in an auxiliary sort of way. Not sure.
    Me neither. I really want to hear what Abbie has to say on this subject, since she also assigned Te to acts of service...

    I can also see Fe being involved too, as an auxiliary, on the alpha side. The acts of service would be performed with a different sort of motivation though than an Fi-valuer would have.
    Yeah, it specifically states in the Wiki Alpha description, that Alphas enjoy giving gifts and service.

    But I do think acts of service ultimately are Si-based (thus, caretaking). Obviously infantiles admire caretaking and want to be caretakers themselves (my understanding is that this is especially true of the delta NFs who are also called pseudo-caregivers), they're just not that great or attuned to physical needs.
    True that.
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    I think you got it right, Pianosinger. Recently(and by recently, I mean about 10 months ago), my friend and his wife got the love languages book as a gift from somebody. They proceeded to go about trying to figure out which one is most appreciated by their friends and acquaintances, and when they got to me they said "Quality time." I immediately corrected them and said "Physical touch," which surprised everybody. Most people, I think, are a little intimidated of me for some strange reason, and they tend to see me as tough and rejective of such a show of affection. Truthfully, however, I'm more than accepting if the person is somebody I am close to. Quality time is second, so they weren't far off.

    So to contribute to your research, here is how I rank them in sequence of most favored to least (words and gifts are tied):
    1. Physical Touch
    2. Quality Time
    3. Words - I appreciate verbal recognition of my worth, because it is often difficult for me to tell what others feel about me. I can figure out what they think about me, but not what they feel, if that makes sense.
    3. Gifts - I appreciate gifts of food and items I can use. I'm not appreciative of silly things that take up space and don't do anything. I will accept, but I'll probably throw it away later. Seems to be, along with touch, a way my younger SLE brother displays affection.
    5. Services - This one is by far the least. I hate it when people do things for me. I can do most things myself and If I ever want help with something I will ask. Big sticking point with my LSE older brother because he tends to do things for others and expect others to do things for him as a matter of course. I'm outright rejective of such action, so this often causes conflict between the two of us.

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    1.)Quality Time
    2.)Physical Touch

    All the others are BS. Acts of service is practical love, but doesn't show much besides that you feel a need to perform a duty for the sake of performing a duty.

    Spending quality time with someone and physically touching them means that you care enough to be there and embrace them as they are.
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    bump. i was just thinking how i'm not great with words of affirmation (irl/verbally) and wondered if it was weird for an ethical type and then i remembered this love languages stuff. i'm kind of bad with quality time too even though i think its important and i should be better at it. physical touch and acts of service are my biggest...but it depends on what you mean by "acts of service"...not really chores so much as trying to accomodate little things i notice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    bump. i was just thinking how i'm not great with words of affirmation (irl/verbally) and wondered if it was weird for an ethical type and then i remembered this love languages stuff. i'm kind of bad with quality time too even though i think its important and i should be better at it. physical touch and acts of service are my biggest...but it depends on what you mean by "acts of service"...not really chores so much as trying to accomodate little things i notice.
    Awww lungsy trying to find her love language ^^


    hmmm.. actually, chores WOULD qualify, like i'd clean the house as a surprise for my ex-wife...that sounds so lame.
    I think a lot of people with the acts of service are those guys that will drive a woman around (like chauffeur type suckers) that will carry bags and such?
    I help women in their jackets and hold doors, that might be a typical thing, but I do it for all women, so maybe not part of love language rather than being polite?
    preparing the bedroom for a nice night of acts of service comes to mind...

    Not sure, i'm not too big on service.. Touch and words of afirmation are things I do, quality time and touch are what I like to recieve.

    But Lungs, I think you're overanalysing again ^^ (also, that last date sounded like quality time type of goodness )

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    But Lungs, I think you're overanalysing again ^^ (also, that last date sounded like quality time type of goodness )
    isnt ANY date "quality time?" unless you're just watching a movie or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    isnt ANY date "quality time?" unless you're just watching a movie or something.
    There's degrees of quality in quality time.

    laughing about depressed friends and fooling around are pretty high in that ranking! (esp because there's nothing else to distract you, so you're just basically recycling each others' emotions (As well as those of your poor victim)

    Edit: a date to a restaurant with life music is less quality time than a date to a quiet restaurant. The former you can enjoy music together but not enjoy eachother. The latter is only enjoyable if you enjoy quality time with that person.

    Edit2: in the context of quality time; with good quality time (if you value that) any activity is fun cuz of the other... if that makes sense. it stops being about the activity and it's just enjoying the others company.

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    for acts of service i think of my friend that weekend and telling her she could come over and drink my alcohol when she was bumming about not having an id and letting her join us the next day...BUT now that i'm typing this out i guess both of those things are better described as quality time probably. and fooling around is physical touch. which i'm more comfortable doing than talking (is that weird?)

    i'm overanalyzing but not out of anxiety

    i prefer spending time with people where i'm also doing things at the same time. just sitting there and talking makes me fidgety. which has been a problem with loved ones in the past.

    sorry i keep editing to add lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    for acts of service i think of my friend that weekend and telling her she could come over and drink my alcohol when she was bumming about not having an id and letting her join us the next day...BUT now that i'm typing this out i guess both of those things are better described as quality time probably. and fooling around is physical touch. which i'm more comfortable doing than talking (is that weird?)
    yuh, let's hang out, that'll cheer you up is quality time.

    Let me fix your car that'll cheer you up is an act of service.

    edit: oh yeah, fooling around is physical touch. (which is also why the idea of only a few love languages is bs).

    I'd say physical touch as language is mainly touching in public etc to signal affection. Holding hands, arm around shoulder, gentle touch on back to guide someone, meeting feet under table etc. I mean, doesn't everyone like fooling around? I think that should be out of the physical category as it's also an act of service AND quality time (and can encompass nice words of affirmation like "god yeah put your big black cock in my ear you dirty dirty...wait...)

    Preferences can't be wierd as far as i'm concerned (oh well, they can be, but yours isn't). I like talking (flirting, double entendres, banter etc) but not so much "i love you" "you are the best" dunno, the lines are thin between the languages..

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    yuh, let's hang out, that'll cheer you up is quality time.

    Let me fix your car that'll cheer you up is an act of service.
    i did enjoy hanging out with her but i specifically invited her over cuz she was like "ugh i wanna get drunk and i don't have my id" and i had liquor at my house she could have.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i did enjoy hanging out with her but i specifically invited her over cuz she was like "ugh i wanna get drunk and i don't have my id" and i had liquor at my house she could have.
    I'll make you a fake id is the act of service of choice in such a situation....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I'd say physical touch as language is mainly touching in public etc to signal affection. Holding hands, arm around shoulder, gentle touch on back to guide someone, meeting feet under table etc. I mean, doesn't everyone like fooling around? I think that should be out of the physical category as it's also an act of service AND quality time (and can encompass nice words of affirmation like "god yeah put your big black cock in my ear you dirty dirty...wait...)
    physical touch = pda?? no.......i don't think so.

    most people like sexual contact but not everybody. like, i'm really touchy-feely but i don't like being held/cuddled and i had an ex who didnt like kissing

    and touch means different things to different people. sometimes touching is nice just cuz it feels good and doesn't even have much to do with the other person. so it wouldn't be a love language. for some people its like they have to have a certain level of emotional comfort before they can be physically comfortable with somebody and i was thinking earlier about how for me touch can be a tool to help me feel more emotionally open with somebody...sort of backwards..?

    Preferences can't be wierd as far as i'm concerned (oh well, they can be, but yours isn't). I like talking (flirting, double entendres, banter etc) but not so much "i love you" "you are the best" dunno, the lines are thin between the languages..
    i would think of that sort of teasing as quality time and words of affirmation being the more explicit stuff but hmm.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I'll make you a fake id is the act of service of choice in such a situation....
    i think you're just being difficult on purpose now

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    Physical grab - Se valuing

    Words of affirmation - Fe dual-seeking, Beta aggressors. Fe ego maybe only for their own ego. Actually nope: this is very important for Alpha SF.

    Quality time : Fi, Ni, Ne

    Acts of service : Si valuing, Infantile feeds on it; Te ...but in a less "housekeeping" way. More like they show they care through actions when you need something solved or done fast and effective.

    Gifts - Te, Fi, Fe, Se ... is there anyone who doesn't like gifts?
    Last edited by Amber; 05-13-2014 at 09:37 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AshSun View Post
    ]

    Gifts - Te, Fi, Fe, Se ... is there anyone who doesn't like gifts?
    I hate gifts.getting them especially, giving them is awkward too...

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