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Thread: Signs of EIIs-INFjs under stress

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    Default Signs of EIIs-INFjs under stress

    Feel free to provide feedback.

    1) Likes to reminisce excessively and repeat stuff e.g. songs which remind them of certain memorable incidents of their life, scenes of movies and dramas which they can relate to and feel good about. In addition, they might become overly emotional about it.

    2) Becomes obsessive over details and wants to make sure that they get the latest information e.g. comparing interest rates between different banks to make sure that they are getting the best deals, getting updated on the latest technology and buying the most up-to-date IT gadgets around.

    3) Prefer to spend time alone and doing the stuff which interest them, and not involving others in it eg. shopping, travelling, watching movies in the cinema etc.

    4) In decision making, they constantly need assurance from others to make sure that they are making the right decisions.

    5) Become too relaxed in terms of taking care of him/herself eg. skipping meals, watching too much TV, not having a healthy diet, only showering once a day.

    6) Tends to think of things in a complicated manner and feels entangled in it.

    7) Feels unsociable and doesn't see the need to socialise. Expects people to come to them when they should make the effort to approach others.

    I will add on more later.

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    interesting! I'd like to see more about this. It's somewhat similar to how I'm under stress, yet so different. I wish I'd bother to check out interest rates!!
    Hi! I'm an ENFP. :-)

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    My mom starts eating and smoking. And eating and smoking, and it just keeps going and going and...

    She's INFj.

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    I say I am currently under some significant amount of stress and the following has been my behaviour and thoughts.

    Having little sleep.

    Forgeting and/or skipping meals.

    Resulting from the above, spending ridiculous amount of time on some problems that should otherwise be trivial, after which would be solved instantly after consuming some healthy foods (the importance of Si).

    Getting aggravated when people interrupt me while I am in 'working' mode. Seeing friends and family less.

    Constantly worrying if I am paying enough attention to the family and friends who I am seeing less often. Worrying if my superiors or professors or the new people I meet dislike me for some reason.

    Thinking about whether I can achieve the goals I have set out, what would I do if I couldn't, who would I disappoint other than myself.

    Wondering if I can take care of everyone.

    Having less patience with the pushiness of people.

    Making incredibly stupid mistakes, or missing stupid mistakes. Forgetting details that I already know.

    That is all I can think of right now.
    Ceci n'est pas une eii.




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    The main thing that happens is that I over-think everything again and again, questioning whether I'm being reasonable or not. My perfectionism kicks into high gear. I tell friends and family about my predicament to gauge the appropriateness of my reactions to everything going on. They usually tell me that I'm being too hard on myself, I'm not taking time to breathe, I'm not giving myself enough credit about how well I'm handling things. Sometimes it feels like I need external "permission" to not be okay, because I don't allow myself.

    I don't know if this is type-related, though, because I don't know anybody else who reacts the same way I do.

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice
    5) Become too relaxed in terms of taking care of him/herself eg. skipping meals, watching too much TV, not having a healthy diet, only showering once a day.
    How many times a day does a non stressed INFj shower?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    How many times a day does a non stressed INFj shower?
    Lol.....I just remembered that most of you live in temperate countries, so once a day is enough since the weather is not hot and humid most of the time.

    Quote Originally Posted by April View Post
    The main thing that happens is that I over-think everything again and again, questioning whether I'm being reasonable or not. My perfectionism kicks into high gear. I tell friends and family about my predicament to gauge the appropriateness of my reactions to everything going on. They usually tell me that I'm being too hard on myself, I'm not taking time to breathe, I'm not giving myself enough credit about how well I'm handling things. Sometimes it feels like I need external "permission" to not be okay, because I don't allow myself.

    I don't know if this is type-related, though, because I don't know anybody else who reacts the same way I do.
    This sounds familiar to a certain extent. I tend to have an overly idealistic picture of how things should be like and how perfect I should strive to be. As such, when I don't meet my own expectations, I become discouraged.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Having little sleep.

    Forgeting and/or skipping meals.

    Resulting from the above, spending ridiculous amount of time on some problems that should otherwise be trivial, after which would be solved instantly after consuming some healthy foods (the importance of Si).

    Getting aggravated when people interrupt me while I am in 'working' mode. Seeing friends and family less.

    Constantly worrying if I am paying enough attention to the family and friends who I am seeing less often. Worrying if my superiors or professors or the new people I meet dislike me for some reason.

    Thinking about whether I can achieve the goals I have set out, what would I do if I couldn't, who would I disappoint other than myself.

    Wondering if I can take care of everyone.

    Having less patience with the pushiness of people.

    Making incredibly stupid mistakes, or missing stupid mistakes. Forgetting details that I already know.

    That is all I can think of right now.
    I agree with the above, except on "Wondering if I can take care of everyone".

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    I think Enneagram has more of an influence on instinctual reactions to stress than Socionics... It also depends on the type of stress. I tend to charge up, become more tense. If I don't release with some type of physical activity, I tend to snap at people and become more "aggressive" towards sources of frustration and pain. I've pulled all nighters to finish projects that cause stress, and can become somewhat of a robot when that happens.

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    That's funny, I was pretty sure I'm infp but I get like this under stress.

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    i identify with all in the OP except for number 2. numbers 6 and 7 are the biggest issues for me.

    i don't know how much these might be common for all types (i would think number 5 would be common), but i find it pretty accurate for myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    3) Prefer to spend time alone and doing the stuff which interest them, and not involving others in it eg. shopping, travelling, watching movies in the cinema etc.

    4) In decision making, they constantly need assurance from others to make sure that they are making the right decisions.
    That's a weird combination. "Leave me alone while talking to me?" When I'm stressed I want everyone to stay out of my way. If you're walking down the hallway too slowly, you'll probably get roughly plowed under. I'm also bossy when stressed. Instead of requiring assurance, I require assistance. Competent assistance. That's another reason to stay out of my way: if you get in my way I'll put you to work, and if you do a bad job I may become furious.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    That's a weird combination. "Leave me alone while talking to me?" When I'm stressed I want everyone to stay out of my way. If you're walking down the hallway too slowly, you'll probably get roughly plowed under. I'm also bossy when stressed. Instead of requiring assurance, I require assistance. Competent assistance. That's another reason to stay out of my way: if you get in my way I'll put you to work, and if you do a bad job I may become furious.
    I've noticed ESE are like that too when they are stressed.

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    Could it be generalized that Rationals "charge-up" when stressed and Irrationals "charge-down"?

    jewels' ISTp-Stress thread had some similarities with stuff mentioned here, but it seems the theme there ("zoning-out and avoiding life") kinda clashes with everything above ("over-working and shooting for perfection").

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    Quote Originally Posted by CILi View Post
    Could it be generalized that Rationals "charge-up" when stressed and Irrationals "charge-down"?

    jewels' ISTp-Stress thread had some similarities with stuff mentioned here, but it seems the theme there ("zoning-out and avoiding life") kinda clashes with everything above ("over-working and shooting for perfection").
    Interesting. I think it's possible.

    With the base function being the core of the type, then in times of personal crisis etc, people will move to their strongest function, the base. I suppose if the base is a rational function then that will involve the sort of themes you mention, constantly making decisions, 'judging' decisions, but with an irrational base it's just a sea of impresssions and observations, a sort of avoidance particular decision making.

    Edit: I'm sure there's some sort of thing that can be drawn here to 'exercise' the creative function, like for irrational types, such as ISTp, to engage more in the world, decision making, actions and as such to use their Te more and have a more 'healthy' ego block. Or something in the reverse for rationals, or maybe not, ha.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    I've noticed ESE are like that too when they are stressed.
    Yup.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    What I'm like when I'm stressed:

    A) I tend to see all the negatives, and the positives seem far away or less potent.

    B) I sometimes feel like crying and/or making frustrated noises. My emotions, especially the negative ones, come much nearer the surface.

    C) I will often freeze up. This includes freezing incoming info. (It's a bad habit, one I'm working to break.) Sometimes this is a panicky freeze, sometimes a I-just-don't-want-to-hear-it freeze, sometimes a nothing-will-help freeze. When I'm like this and someone offers a helpful suggestion, I will often initially reject it, pointing out all the ways it will fail. If I take a moment to calmly think it over usually I'm more sane and find the suggestion useful.

    D) I demand more data and clarity from people and my surroundings - but not just any data, relevant data. If it's not relevant and helpful I get annoyed and reject it.

    E) I get impatient. If the data or help I need is not immediate and concise then I get irritated.

    F) This one is harder to describe, but I'll often feel like I can't do it by myself and start acting needy in various ways, some of them more subtle.

    H) I get grumpy and snappish. I'm more likely to make my wishes known, but not in a nice way.

    I) I require peace and quiet, demand it even. Commotion and arguments and loud noises disturb me x10 of normal.

    J) I can neglect physical needs, like food and sleep, focussing intently on whatever it is I need to accomplish.

    K) I desire more hugs/affection/cuddling, from people I feel safe with, as well as affirmation. But not when I'm trying to get something done.

    L) Sometimes I go into ignore mode, where I try to not think about the stresses for awhile. This can be unhealthy, too, if I ignore for too long (though I do think taking breaks is ok).

    M) Little problems seem huge.
    Last edited by Minde; 10-28-2010 at 02:35 AM. Reason: adding more and splitting post
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    Let's go to fairyland Minde's Avatar
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    Responses to some of the things mentioned already:


    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    1) Likes to reminisce excessively and repeat stuff e.g. songs which remind them of certain memorable incidents of their life, scenes of movies and dramas which they can relate to and feel good about. In addition, they might become overly emotional about it.
    This one not as much for me, though it might depend on the kind of stress. I do have a "happy food" playlist of songs, for example, which I've been playing during stressful days lately, which gives my emotions some freeing and healing alternatives.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    2) Becomes obsessive over details and wants to make sure that they get the latest information e.g. comparing interest rates between different banks to make sure that they are getting the best deals, getting updated on the latest technology and buying the most up-to-date IT gadgets around.
    Heh, I do that even when I'm not stressed...

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    3) Prefer to spend time alone and doing the stuff which interest them, and not involving others in it eg. shopping, travelling, watching movies in the cinema etc.
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    4) In decision making, they constantly need assurance from others to make sure that they are making the right decisions.
    I do find myself seeking that kind of assurance. Sometimes it's really hard to gauge how well I'm doing, especially when I get entangled in and obsessed with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    5) Become too relaxed in terms of taking care of him/herself eg. skipping meals, watching too much TV, not having a healthy diet, only showering once a day.
    Depending on my surroundings and the kind of stress, yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    6) Tends to think of things in a complicated manner and feels entangled in it.
    Definitely. It gets very frustrating sometimes. The feeling of being trapped.

    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post
    7) Feels unsociable and doesn't see the need to socialise. Expects people to come to them when they should make the effort to approach others.
    Yeah, this relates to what I was trying to get at above by acting needy in various ways. This is one of them.


    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Having little sleep.

    Forgeting and/or skipping meals.

    Resulting from the above, spending ridiculous amount of time on some problems that should otherwise be trivial, after which would be solved instantly after consuming some healthy foods (the importance of Si).
    Yeah.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Getting aggravated when people interrupt me while I am in 'working' mode.
    Aggravation, yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Constantly worrying if I am paying enough attention to the family and friends who I am seeing less often. Worrying if my superiors or professors or the new people I meet dislike me for some reason.
    Not so much the former but a lot of the latter. If my stress is in any way performance-related I worry a lot what people think of me and my work, if they find it valuable enough. I can second-guess the value of what I'm doing a lot.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Thinking about whether I can achieve the goals I have set out, what would I do if I couldn't, who would I disappoint other than myself.
    More or less, yes. Sometimes it seems like what I've set out to do is impossible.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Wondering if I can take care of everyone.
    This manifests for me in that I wonder if I can accomplish all of my responsibilities.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Having less patience with the pushiness of people.
    Yes.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Greeter View Post
    Making incredibly stupid mistakes, or missing stupid mistakes. Forgetting details that I already know.
    Sometimes, though it depends on the kind of stress. I do tend to miss areas or details that I probably shouldn't and which end up hurting me later. Often this is because I either don't see it or don't know the best way to deal with it.


    Quote Originally Posted by CILi View Post
    Could it be generalized that Rationals "charge-up" when stressed and Irrationals "charge-down"?

    jewels' ISTp-Stress thread had some similarities with stuff mentioned here, but it seems the theme there ("zoning-out and avoiding life") kinda clashes with everything above ("over-working and shooting for perfection").
    My sister, ENFp, was recently under a lot of stress, and still is though to a lesser degree, and she fit the "over-working and shooting for perfection" profile more than the "zoning-out and avoiding life" one. FWIW.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    What I'm like when I'm stressed:

    A) I tend to see all the negatives, and the positives seem far away or less potent.
    Absolutely true for Minde.
    I know other delta NFs who are this way, too. (including IEEs..)

    [quote]B) I sometimes feel like crying and/or making frustrated noises. My emotions, especially the negative ones, come much nearer the surface.

    C) I will often freeze up. This includes freezing incoming info. (It's a bad habit, one I'm working to break.) Sometimes this is a panicky freeze, sometimes a I-just-don't-want-to-hear-it freeze, sometimes a nothing-will-help freeze. When I'm like this and someone offers a helpful suggestion, I will often initially reject it, pointing out all the ways it will fail. If I take a moment to calmly think it over usually I'm more sane and find the suggestion useful.

    D) I demand more data and clarity from people and my surroundings - but not just any data, relevant data. If it's not relevant and helpful I get annoyed and reject it.
    Heh, yeah, and "relevant" and "helpful" is extremely subjective. It's also related to freezing up and wanting to hear or see certain things that are acceptable.


    E) I get impatient. If the data or help I need is not immediate and concise then I get irritated.
    Right, see above

    F) This one is harder to describe, but I'll often feel like I can't do it by myself and start acting needy in various ways, some of them more subtle.

    H) I get grumpy and snappish. I'm more likely to make my wishes known, but not in a nice way.

    I) I require peace and quiet, demand it even. Commotion and arguments and loud noises disturb me x10 of normal.

    J) I can neglect physical needs, like food and sleep, focussing intently on whatever it is I need to accomplish.

    K) I desire more hugs/affection/cuddling, from people I feel safe with, as well as affirmation. But not when I'm trying to get something done.

    L) Sometimes I go into ignore mode, where I try to not think about the stresses for awhile. This can be unhealthy, too, if I ignore for too long (though I do think taking breaks is ok).

    M) Little problems seem huge.
    Mhm

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    Quote Originally Posted by eunice View Post

    2) Becomes obsessive over details and wants to make sure that they get the latest information e.g. comparing interest rates between different banks to make sure that they are getting the best deals, getting updated on the latest technology and buying the most up-to-date IT gadgets around.
    Focusing on details even in the light of the big picture is Se.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    Absolutely true for Minde.
    I know other delta NFs who are this way, too. (including IEEs..)


    Heh, yeah, and "relevant" and "helpful" is extremely subjective. It's also related to freezing up and wanting to hear or see certain things that are acceptable.



    Right, see above


    Mhm
    It would be easy to get defensive about this, but I'm going to try not to.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    It would be easy to get defensive about this, but I'm going to try not to.
    Yes, Minde. Wax on... Wax off... 1:40


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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Yes, Minde. Wax on... Wax off... 1:40
    I don't get it. Am I like the kid, who's not supposed to get aggravated or ask questions?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minde View Post
    I don't get it. Am I like the kid, who's not supposed to get aggravated or ask questions?
    Actually, when I read your post I thought about that scene from the Karate Kid. I had remembered it as some kind of relaxation technique, lol.

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    They might turn into workaholics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Singularity View Post
    They might turn into workaholics.
    Like me???
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    I relate to all of those things in the OP, except for number 2. I heard in the MBTI that Js are better at dealing with stress, and Ps are better at dealing with depression. There are a lot of personality things which correlate to MBTI types I think. I'm an INXP in MBTI, and my methods of dealing with stress are generally quite laid-back and reflective, needing to take time out. My personal standards are much higher than my performance standards, I would much rather deal with life at a slow and steady pace.

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    I'd imagine that they would just start getting all morally offended at every little thing, instead of just accepting the fact that moral ambivalency is a natural part of life and to not worry so much about it. (actually I think infps under stress are very similiar to this)

    after all think of what taylor swift or miley cyrus would do? They would immediately stop themselves from getting morally offended at the exact right time and instead be all 'okay guys just pour beer on my tits woohoo!' and people would love them for it and it would make even more middle class people go out to target and buy their CDs. Then they would use that money to make themselves even more powerful, stronger and demonic than they already are.

    this is a clever crafty art. They would still get morally offended, if they had to stick up for gay men at an AIDS convention. But they would also know how to 'turn it off' and be silly too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    after all think of what taylor swift or miley cyrus would do? They would immediately stop themselves from getting morally offended at the exact right time and instead be all 'okay guys just pour beer on my tits woohoo!' and people would love them for it and it would make even more middle class people go out to target and buy their CDs. Then they would use that money to make themselves even more powerful, stronger and demonic than they already are.
    What's so great about that??
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    Quote Originally Posted by he died with a felafel View Post
    One INFj has a good relation with mutual friend X, but several times has commented to me in private about how truly "horrid" (in their words) this person can often be. I found this "horrid" comment strange, coz when friend X comes around INFj talks to them as if they were salt of the earth and never mentions anything wrt w/e it is this person is doing that is being perceived as horrid. Makes me kinda paranoid at times if i'm doing sth "horrid" coz it doesn't seem like she'd let me know if i did.
    This is something that I'd definitely do, but who says "horrid"? . Actually it happened with my friend who imo is a mild sociopath. For me there's a clear difference between someone's "inner self" ("heart" even though it's a cheesy term) and actions that are caused by their human condition. I can be very open about how I dislike, or even hate, some aspect in a person, but it's not that I reject their entire being... It's hard for me to explain, and maybe this is even not the case with your friend. But yeah, I can see myself doing that.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    This is something that I'd definitely do, but who says "horrid"? . Actually it happened with my friend who imo is a mild sociopath. For me there's a clear difference between someone's "inner self" ("heart" even though it's a cheesy term) and actions that are caused by their human condition. I can be very open about how I dislike, or even hate, some aspect in a person, but it's not that I reject their entire being... It's hard for me to explain, and maybe this is even not the case with your friend. But yeah, I can see myself doing that.
    +1 and very well said.

    i've always sort of seen "the person" and "the compilation of the person's actions and behavior" as two discrete and separate things. they are somewhat related, but very far from being the same thing. i've wondered before if this seeing of "the person" as wholly distinct might be related to Fi.

    i can see myself doing the other thing, too. probably one of my biggest flaws is that if i've determined someone to be unworthy of respect i can feel overly justified in acting like an asshole.

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    sigh... felafel i wrote a big response to you this morning but my computer decided to restart with updates right in the middle of what i was typing (actually i was almost done!! ).

    will rewrite it first chance i get
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    I have noticed that delta NFs get really bossy when stressed out.

    For example, an EII foreman chick that I work with was having to do some heavy lifting for about an hour, when all was finished she comes over the truck and trailer and huffs "next time you guys should bring me a fresh bag (to pick up leaves)". It was the first time this happened and everyone else was working so it was kind of out of place for her to getting stupid like that.

    Its like they have this expectation that people around them should fill their Si / Te needs for them and further want to do that for them un asked (infantile approach).

    Also, I find delta NFs don't like being told how to do something especially if they are doing it wrong, when they are stressed out. They could be doing something totally stupid and if you say something to them about it they get majorly defensive.

    A defensive INFj is a stressed INFj. It is usually a bit uncomfortable to witness because at the same time as being defensive they are also becoming tightly emotional.

    I lot of the time I see EIIs in a work setting get freaked out about Te day to day stuff and become "micro-managers" in the absence of their dual.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    They also, again, become like stressed LSEs by demonstrating high perfectionism and self-sacrificing their time even when neither attributes are appropriate for a given situation.

    By being bossy, defensive, perfectionist and self-sacrificing, I find that EII can be poorly suited for situations and management of their people when the work setting demands constant change of plans, following multiple tasks and delegating to multiple people.

    Unfortunately for them this comes across to others as "brittle micromanaging", and focusing on unnecessary details in the pursuit of making whatever they are doing "perfect". This is especially true in areas that require extroverted logic and planning when their is a lack of Te people around to help them.

    I've seen EII try and take charge almost SLE like, yet it comes across as defensive. They sacrifice by going over others work in a sort of resigned "fine I will do it myself if no one can do it good enough". This makes them appear as a "do-it-all".
    Last edited by wacey; 09-15-2015 at 01:15 AM.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    In times like this they become almost unapproachable and monolithic which is probably an observable factor of why they are described as being vulnerable to stress
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    I cry, get upset easily, hide my real feelings

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    My close people interpret what goes on with me in such cases and tell me to distract myself or not think about it otherwise it really does begin to affect other areas of my life

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    I cry, get upset easily, hide my real feelings
    Except your feelings are probably not as hidden as you like to think they are.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Except your feelings are probably not as hidden as you like to think they are.
    Depends on who you ask and in what situations

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Depends on who you ask and in what situations
    Yeah fair enough.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    Probably the most common one is they become REALLY cynical. LIIs might do this too. But this makes them act even more bitchy than usual, if they're inclined to act bitchy in the first place, which plenty are, lmao. If your EII is generally like a 4 or 5 on the Bitch Scale, stress puts them right at 9, just short of actually screaming at people. Usually ends in them escaping to cry in private. When I'm extremely stressed, I just act depressed--avoiding literally everyone, spending hours binge watching something that feels "safe" and comforting. And I'm even more likely to point out things that don't make sense re: someone's behavior, in the form of lecturing or making sharp jabs which I later regret. If I have to be around someone, I just cannot hide how unhappy I am, lol. Even if I keep telling them, "I'm fine, it's not you," I'm just so monotone and pissy.
    someday the grapes will be wine
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