Identical date thread

[Creepy-male]

I'll let WA post her experiences first before chipping in myself

That said, for context, pretty tame (can SEIs even do anything else?) first date. Went to see Despicable Me and then got horrible healthy food that made me feel sick

[Suz]

ok but my date isn't until about 36 hours from now! lol

[Creepy-male]

I am nothing if not a patient man

[Suz]

I am nothing if not a patient man

LOL!! and we're avatar twins now!!

[Creepy-male]

'Zactly, just to *really* confuse people

[Park]

ok but my date isn't until about 36 hours from now! lol

oh WA, well done! and good luck!

[Suz]

oh WA, well done! and good luck!

Well dont congratulate me yet... I dont know if i'll like the guy... we shall see, i am trying to have absolutely no expectations.

[Creepy-male]

How'd you meet him then? And what prompted the date?

Do tell!

[Suz]

How'd you meet him then? And what prompted the date?

Do tell!

Well it's nothing too exciting...

I saw him on a dating site. He looks cute (in the photo provided at least), and things he wrote in his profile seemed pretty easygoing and things i could relate to, so I emailed him. I guess he liked the way I look as well and we had a lot to talk about, so we were going to continue the conversation in person.

I know demeanor (and looks) can be totally different in person, but we'll see. I'll try not to be too critical myself.

[Creepy-male]

Ah, interesting. Perhaps it's just naïvety on my part then that it seems totally a matter of course that we're going out next weekend too (I mean, talking online she seemed nice enough, right? So I'm basically in the same boat as you, it sounds.)

[Simon Ssmall]

Well two IEE's.. should be an easy and good first date.

[Suz]

Well two IEE's.. should be an easy and good first date.

Hopefully. . .I'm not 100% sure he's IEE though. Seems delta at any rate. I guess tomorrow I will have a better idea.

[Suz]

Ah, interesting. Perhaps it's just naïvety on my part then that it seems totally a matter of course that we're going out next weekend too (I mean, talking online she seemed nice enough, right? So I'm basically in the same boat as you, it sounds.)

oh yours was from a dating site too?

Yeah he seemed ok from when we chatted over the phone, he sounded a bit nervous at first. He did make some faux pas imo when emailing back and forth beforehead but that could just be me making a mountain out of a molehill.

[Park]

Just remember -- no expectations, no disappointments.

[Creepy-male]

oh yours was from a dating site too?

Yeah he seemed ok from when we chatted over the phone, he sounded a bit nervous at first. He did make some faux pas imo when emailing back and forth beforehead but that could just be me making a mountain out of a molehill.

Oh jeez, now you're making me feel self-conscious about not being a terribly engaging date What sort of faux pas?

And yeah, dating site. She actually contacted me first, too.

[Suz]

Oh jeez, now you're making me feel self-conscious about not being a terribly engaging date What sort of faux pas?

And yeah, dating site. She actually contacted me first, too.

Oh no, it's not about being engaging or not. I can definitely be forgiving of that. aCtually i dont like it when he's too "in your face".

The faux pas were just some things he wrote that rubbed me the wrong way. I think one was him trying to make a joke but it came out a little crass. Another was a question he asked me that made him seem OCD and particular about certain things. And he apparently has a set bedtime and told me to try not to call after that time. Which is fine but the way he said it seemed strange. Of course this was all over emails so hard to judge, I do understand that. I hope he's not OCD.

I'm glad to hear i'm not the only girl initiating things! And did you like her?? Sounds like you enjoyed the date and hope for a 2nd one!

[Suz]

Just remember -- no expectations, no disappointments.

Exactly!!

[Suz]

I wish you luck, WA. I think going by Socionics, identity relations, whether it is the case for you or not with the guy, have great potential, especially when one partner is dualized to a good extent and so can give a sense of that evening out of duality while also allowing for an intimate understanding of the other person which comes more easily with identity relations, theoretically. While duality is most likely to work itself out with little effort, provided all else is equal, I think identity has a lot of potential to work out very nicely provided there is mutual effort. I could see myself settling down with an ILI, depending on the person. Helps that a lot of them I find to be super sexy (as in just being very attractive).

Hopefully... we'll see if initial VI proves correct and he's actually IEE.


Thanks aixel!! And thanks to everyone for cheering me on!

[Creepy-male]

And did you like her?? Sounds like you enjoyed the date and hope for a 2nd one!

Yeah, she's nice We're going to Dôme next weekend. The poor girl has never had chai latte before :frown:

EDIT

I seem to recall SoS putting up a post about her laughably terrible LSE date some time ago. Could be a lark to read. [MORE EDIT: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...t-do-date.html. Enjoy ]

[Suz]

Yeah, she's nice We're going to Dôme next weekend. The poor girl has never had chai latte before :frown:

EDIT

I seem to recall SoS putting up a post about her laughably terrible LSE date some time ago. Could be a lark to read. [MORE EDIT: http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...t-do-date.html. Enjoy ]

LOL @ bad date thread!!

omg u have to treat her to some chai latte ASAP!!

Anyway, I met with the guy. Turned out to be an alpha actually, not sure which one. SEI maybe because he is really REALLY into the cozy and cooking, etc. I was also debating LII, but i do think SEI fits him better maybe.

He was a nice and pleasant guy to talk to, and very proper and polite, but the more we talked the more I saw big differences in how we approach things, our interests, etc. It was weird because on the surface it seems like we have so much in common. Like, for example it turned out his favorite movies are big on slapstick humor (which would explain the "joke" that rubbed me the wrong way in his email). I personally can't stand that sort of humor. He also attaches great importance to seeing movies ASAP after they come out, and was quite mystified as to why it didn't matter to be in the least and why i saw jurassic park 5 years after it came out. Why he thinks it's so important mystifies me... And sort of things like that--there were a few other such disconnects.

Then there is the issue that he looked a lot cuter in his photo than in person. He looked like a bit of a weakling actually. And he even says that about himself. Like he was praising me for running half-marathons (I am a beginner myself and still a bit slow of a runner), and saying how he wouldn't be able to do it, so I was like "there is no such thing as 'can't'! I didn't think i could do it either beforehand!" And that concept just didn't seem to register for him. It was like he had this very quizzical look on his face in response.

Overall it wasn't a bad date, but he turned out to be a guy that I just don't find interesting. A bit disappointing, actually.

[Trevor]

... running half-marathons...

What is your personal best?

[Suz]

What is your personal best?

lol about 3 hours. I've only done two half marathons so far though. I'm slow i admit it!

[Creepy-male]

omg u have to treat her to some chai latte ASAP!!

Agreement in full! I'll tell her you said so

Anyway, I met with the guy. Turned out to be an alpha actually, not sure which one. SEI maybe because he is really REALLY into the cozy and cooking, etc. I was also debating LII, but i do think SEI fits him better maybe.

What's so Alpha about him?

Cozy & cooking isn't necessarily Si. I'll get into some of the Si stuff my date and I talked about in a bit

He was a nice and pleasant guy to talk to, and very proper and polite, but the more we talked the more I saw big differences in how we approach things, our interests, etc. It was weird because on the surface it seems like we have so much in common. Like, for example it turned out his favorite movies are big on slapstick humor (which would explain the "joke" that rubbed me the wrong way in his email). I personally can't stand that sort of humor. He also attaches great importance to seeing movies ASAP after they come out, and was quite mystified as to why it didn't matter to be in the least and why i saw jurassic park 5 years after it came out. Why he thinks it's so important mystifies me... And sort of things like that--there were a few other such disconnects.

^This does sound like Fe/Fi though. As for when you need to have seen movies by, resolutely N.T.R. (If it is Fe/Fi then you could've been taking some good old fashioned emotional embellishment too literally, perhaps?)

Then there is the issue that he looked a lot cuter in his photo than in person. He looked like a bit of a weakling actually. And he even says that about himself. Like he was praising me for running half-marathons (I am a beginner myself and still a bit slow of a runner), and saying how he wouldn't be able to do it, so I was like "there is no such thing as 'can't'! I didn't think i could do it either beforehand!" And that concept just didn't seem to register for him. It was like he had this very quizzical look on his face in response.

"Can't" is SEI for "Even just imagining it makes me feel awful, ick!"

Overall it wasn't a bad date, but he turned out to be a guy that I just don't find interesting. A bit disappointing, actually.

*shrug*

I recall reading that women, in general, are far more critical of their dates than are men. I'm not surprised that you weren't exactly impressed, but this does make me worry about what my date must've thought of me!

"Weird, which is awesome, but kept charging off ahead of me and talking literally nonstop. I sort of wonder if he'd have acted exactly the same without me there, frankly. Made a really awkward joke about not being terribly engaging when he hopped on his laptop to find us a place to eat... now listen buddy, if even you yourself know it, there's a problem, alright!"

Anyway, as for my side of the story...

Si stuff we chatted about:

How we deal with food, esp. what throws our bodies off. In her case she can't deal with salt (so no popcorn in the cinema), and I can't deal with grease. The one form of junk food she can stomach is KFC, which I... can not. We're junk food incompatible

(I picked somewhere healthy to eat straight out of the corner of my eye, of course )

Where we grew up and how we felt about the surroundings. In her case she grew up out in the Middle O' Nowhere (Australia's most notable feature!) Talked a lot about how much she hated bugs, and we shared some funny tales about swarms of insects, ourselves, and hating/being terrorised by them (I have some experience living in the Australian MO'N myself).

Touched very briefly on personal history and relationship with parents. (Not Si, though.)

Some Identical stuff that came up:

<coming, maybe?>

All-in-all it was pretty fun, and she's a nice girl and pleasant company. It was by no means a white-knuckle, seat-of-my-pants thrill-ride, overflowing with adventure, insanity, and a good old zombie mow-down, but hey, I was hardly expecting it to be.

Still not happy with a few mistakes I made, though. But at least I can overcompensate massively for them next time (And on the bright side, I did successfully manage to get her to open up and talk quite a bit about herself without her noticing until I pointed it out, so I have some accomplishment to balance off the blundering.)

[Simon Ssmall]

I recall reading that women, in general, are far more critical of their dates than are men. I'm not surprised that you weren't exactly impressed, but this does make me worry about what my date must've thought of me!

As long as you get a second date it doesnt matter at all.

[Words]

LOL @ bad date thread!!

omg u have to treat her to some chai latte ASAP!!

Anyway, I met with the guy. Turned out to be an alpha actually, not sure which one. SEI maybe because he is really REALLY into the cozy and cooking, etc. I was also debating LII, but i do think SEI fits him better maybe.

He was a nice and pleasant guy to talk to, and very proper and polite, but the more we talked the more I saw big differences in how we approach things, our interests, etc. It was weird because on the surface it seems like we have so much in common. Like, for example it turned out his favorite movies are big on slapstick humor (which would explain the "joke" that rubbed me the wrong way in his email). I personally can't stand that sort of humor. He also attaches great importance to seeing movies ASAP after they come out, and was quite mystified as to why it didn't matter to be in the least and why i saw jurassic park 5 years after it came out. Why he thinks it's so important mystifies me... And sort of things like that--there were a few other such disconnects.

Then there is the issue that he looked a lot cuter in his photo than in person. He looked like a bit of a weakling actually. And he even says that about himself. Like he was praising me for running half-marathons (I am a beginner myself and still a bit slow of a runner), and saying how he wouldn't be able to do it, so I was like "there is no such thing as 'can't'! I didn't think i could do it either beforehand!" And that concept just didn't seem to register for him. It was like he had this very quizzical look on his face in response.

Overall it wasn't a bad date, but he turned out to be a guy that I just don't find interesting. A bit disappointing, actually.

Socionics should do Te creative assertiveness training classes that you could send him on.

[Suz]

What's so Alpha about him?

When i say that, i'm describing the overall quadra feel to him. Like, the slapstick sort of humor, and his overall demeanor. But also, like you pointed out there were some Fe/Fi disconnects, and he was sort of Ti-ish too with the seeing movies in movie theaters and the bedtime comment in one of his emails ("dont call after 10pm, thanks").

Cozy & cooking isn't necessarily Si. I'll get into some of the Si stuff my date and I talked about in a bit ...Si stuff we chatted about:

How we deal with food, esp. what throws our bodies off. In her case she can't deal with salt (so no popcorn in the cinema), and I can't deal with grease. The one form of junk food she can stomach is KFC, which I... can not. We're junk food incompatible

(I picked somewhere healthy to eat straight out of the corner of my eye, of course )

Where we grew up and how we felt about the surroundings. In her case she grew up out in the Middle O' Nowhere (Australia's most notable feature!) Talked a lot about how much she hated bugs, and we shared some funny tales about swarms of insects, ourselves, and hating/being terrorised by them (I have some experience living in the Australian MO'N myself).

You're right, I see what you're saying. He did complain about how he tried this one indian restaurant nearby and the food wasn't great but true he didn't go into like, how the food made his body feel. Also it was the comment about running that also made me think "SEI", like you mentioned. We did also sort of connect over experiencing the outdoors and nature, though again, he was more like "it's fun" and "it's so pretty there [the place where he goes hiking]" than how it affects his body. the cozy thing that made me think Si-ego though was how he described liking to make a wood fire in his fireplace, and sit in front of it watching a movie in his comfortable easy chair, sipping some cocoa.

"Can't" is SEI for "Even just imagining it makes me feel awful, ick!"

That's what i was thinking too!

^This does sound like Fe/Fi though. As for when you need to have seen movies by, resolutely N.T.R. (If it is Fe/Fi then you could've been taking some good old fashioned emotional embellishment too literally, perhaps?)

What's NTR?

I sort of thought that was more a Ti disconnect, even if he was being a little facetious in making fun of me for it. Actually yeah maybe Fe in there too, because he was saying how everyone else was seeing it, so he would have felt left out or something along those lines.

*shrug*

I recall reading that women, in general, are far more critical of their dates than are men. I'm not surprised that you weren't exactly impressed, but this does make me worry about what my date must've thought of me!

Aww, Brian i dont think you should be as worried, because she really was your identical! This guy was obviously not my identical. A friend of mine who came to town briefly and I had lunch with the day before, I did type as my identical (Ne-IEE) and it was pretty different of a feel even though i dont feel romantic about him. That friend and I are hanging out again next weekend!

"Weird, which is awesome, but kept charging off ahead of me and talking literally nonstop. I sort of wonder if he'd have acted exactly the same without me there, frankly. Made a really awkward joke about not being terribly engaging when he hopped on his laptop to find us a place to eat... now listen buddy, if even you yourself know it, there's a problem, alright!"

What's this quote referring to???

Still not happy with a few mistakes I made, though. But at least I can overcompensate massively for them next time (And on the bright side, I did successfully manage to get her to open up and talk quite a bit about herself without her noticing until I pointed it out, so I have some accomplishment to balance off the blundering.)

I have to adjust your impression of my impression of my date. I am actually pretty forgiving about many MANY things on a date, especially a first date. Heck if he had worn jeans and a t-shirt instead of a suit, for example, I wouldn't have cared. Awkward silences are also ok if a connection is there. If he'd tripped and fallen or spilled his drink in his lap or on his shirt, it would have been ok.

But what I am looking for is sort of a connection that I can feel (I guess in an Fi way, or Si way, or both, not sure). It's really hard to describe; it's sort of something you know when it's there, and you know when it's not. And for those sort of things, yeah, i'm not forgiving at all obviously because that's what matters the most to me. What's the point of a second date if I know he's not the guy for me? (I think this is also an Fe-disconnect we're having here).

[Suz]

OK now i'm thinking this guy is LII.

[Creepy-male]

What's NTR?

Not Type Related.

Aww, Brian i dont think you should be as worried, because she really was your identical! This guy was obviously not my identical. A friend of mine who came to town briefly and I had lunch with the day before, I did type as my identical (Ne-IEE) and it was pretty different of a feel even though i dont feel romantic about him. That friend and I are hanging out again next weekend!

awesome!

What's this quote referring to???

Dramatised version of what sort of criticisms I'd imagine she would have. Just going through some of the things I wasn't impressed with myself over.

I probably care about it a lot more than her though, so *shrug*

Though, when I jokingly apologised for not being terribly engaging, she did say "Well, it's better than nothing, especially for someone like me who never goes out." I'm not entirely sure how to take

But what I am looking for is sort of a connection that I can feel (I guess in an Fi way, or Si way, or both, not sure). It's really hard to describe; it's sort of something you know when it's there, and you know when it's not. And for those sort of things, yeah, i'm not forgiving at all obviously because that's what matters the most to me. What's the point of a second date if I know he's not the guy for me? (I think this is also an Fe-disconnect we're having here).

Connection... you can feel... in a Si way... right

And probably @ Fe/Fi. I'm taking a pretty quantum view here, in part because I'm still obviously recovering from my ILE and don't want to be irresponsible with anyone's feelings (not mine, not hers), in part because I have zero ability to predict how things are going to turn out, esp. with respect to my feelings, so all I can do is keep exposing myself to the whims and whittles of fickle fate.

Plus, irrespective of how things turn out, she's, as I keep saying, pleasant company. That's the Fe version of a bond

[pianosinger]

OK now i'm thinking this guy is LII.

Supervisor? Eek.

[Suz]

Supervisor? Eek.

Well the way I've noticed interactions playing out with my supervisors (and i've encountered a bunch so far!) is, they're ok at first. They really like me, I think they're ok but I have some reservations about them. But the more we interact the more I get annoyed with them and give them a little bit of a hard time. But then i feel bad because they seem like such benign people usually.

This interaction was in the beginning stages, but if it goes on, I could totally see myself losing my patience. So yeah i would say it's consistent with my prior LII interactions.

[UDP]

I would never, ever date another XXTj

It seems like incest : /

[Creepy-male]

I would be so all over another XXTj.

It seems so fantastically like wincest : ]

Fixed.

[Suz]

LOL @ Brian's fix!!!

[UDP]

no

[Creepy-male]

Mm. Second date.

Today reminded me why I initially signed up on gk2gk and not some "mainstream" scam site. I was ILE hunting.

I dunno, I'm probably just in a bad mood today, but I had to drag myself out, wound up having a good time, then had a closure sort of chat with that ILE that the relationship screwy was happening with, and now... I don't know, I'm back to feeling weary of the whole courtship process. Especially with someone who is not my vibrant and vital, initiative-taking, flirtatious dual; all traits which take a great deal of pressure off me to not be me or overextend myself.

That ILE girl just... yeah. It's like getting dazzled. Everything else just loses its lustre in comparison. Plus, it was a pretty solemn chat, sort of like the ending to Of Mice And Men. So who knows, maybe I'm just in a bit of a funk and it's exacerbating my misgivings. Or maybe I should listen to them, since melancholy spells tend to leave one with an unfortunately unforgivingly stark look at reality.

...nah

And holy wow this girl is my Identical for sure. She had a total Te PoLR moment the other night on MSN. It's somewhere between fascinating and boring seeing someone take the same jabs at themselves, make the same jokes, have the same outlooks, insecurities, etc, etc. Fascinating because it's almost scary how alike me she seems, boring because I highly doubt she could ever really surprise me with anything.

Very jaded and blasé, right?

Still, things are flowing comfortingly easily. Today was a lot more relaxed than last weekend, and we both talked about equally, I would guess. I got a goodbye hugs out of her. I feel satisfactorily accomplished.

/post

[Suz]

Mm. Second date.

Today reminded me why I initially signed up on gk2gk and not some "mainstream" scam site. I was ILE hunting.

I dunno, I'm probably just in a bad mood today, but I had to drag myself out, wound up having a good time, then had a closure sort of chat with that ILE that the relationship screwy was happening with, and now... I don't know, I'm back to feeling weary of the whole courtship process. Especially with someone who is not my vibrant and vital, initiative-taking, flirtatious dual; all traits which take a great deal of pressure off me to not be me or overextend myself.

That ILE girl just... yeah. It's like getting dazzled. Everything else just loses its lustre in comparison. Plus, it was a pretty solemn chat, sort of like the ending to Of Mice And Men. So who knows, maybe I'm just in a bit of a funk and it's exacerbating my misgivings. Or maybe I should listen to them, since melancholy spells tend to leave one with an unfortunately unforgivingly stark look at reality.

...nah

And holy wow this girl is my Identical for sure. She had a total Te PoLR moment the other night on MSN. It's somewhere between fascinating and boring seeing someone take the same jabs at themselves, make the same jokes, have the same outlooks, insecurities, etc, etc. Fascinating because it's almost scary how alike me she seems, boring because I highly doubt she could ever really surprise me with anything.

Very jaded and blasé, right?

Still, things are flowing comfortingly easily. Today was a lot more relaxed than last weekend, and we both talked about equally, I would guess. I got a goodbye hugs out of her. I feel satisfactorily accomplished.

/post

Ha well, speaking of dual closure.

I saw the notorious SLI guy today, after almost a year. I almost didn't see him actually--I saw his friend (who is either ILE or IEE). The friend and I saw each other, waved, said hi, and kept going. Then i realized SLI guy must be around. And I looked back and indeed he was. Except I felt nothing for him. It's all gone. Done.

It was funny though how i absolutely shockingly didn't notice him at all! (After all these months of thinking how i was going to react if i saw him again ). The Aushra steps happened a little out of order for me. (though actually i didn't notice him before too now that i think about it, it wasn't until we were stuck working together).

WOW. I really am seriously blind to my duals (even one I had all this history with)!!! It's no joke, and no exaggeration.

DUALZZZ please come out of the woodwork for me!! I can't see you!