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Thread: Playing hard to get

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    Default Playing hard to get

    Is this something you subscribe to? Personally, it annoys me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    I don't subscribe to it but I unintentionally do it without wanting to (when interested, otherwise I am mistaken for interest because I come off as fairly open and inviting). I know it is very frustrating for both parties.
    actually, ditto...
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    actually, ditto...
    I think in your own naļve Infantile way rather than in a doubtful Victim way. I believe the Russians pin the problem on not really being aware of what sort of sexual signals you're unintentionally giving off, not managing relationships with the opposite sex in any special way (when you really should be, you heartbreakers!), and a desire to not have to deal with sexual wants from others.

    Whoever's description it was said it's kind of your dual's job to deal with closing the physical intimacy side after you manage the psychological distance side and then skit off like a butterfly

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Is this something you subscribe to? Personally, it annoys me.
    i tried to once but i just ended up calling him at 4 in the morning.

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    I think it's related to Ni. Wanting to have them make the strong Se push to win you over.

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    Life is hard enough as it is, I don't need to deal with more crap.

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    I tend to act uninterested regardless of my feelings. It's not so much prolonging the chase as not wanting to chase off the other person by liking him more than he is comfortable with.
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    I don't play hard to get, I am hard to get. And that's annoying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by labcoat View Post
    I think it's related to Ni. Wanting to have them make the strong Se push to win you over.
    Do you know what the irony is? It's an LSE who's playing hard to get, and doesn't initiate.

    Quote Originally Posted by leckysupport View Post
    Life is hard enough as it is, I don't need to deal with more crap.
    YES! This is what I was thinking. I mean, how can someone be interested in you, and then suddenly detach and expect you to just chase after them? It just doesn't make sense to me... My gut feeling says that they are still interested but then they sure as hell don't act like it. I had to go to the gym to burn off steam, lol. What sucks is that probably the next time we have a convo I might just throw an Fi Hiroshima that is hard to control.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Do you know what the irony is? It's an LSE who's playing hard to get, and doesn't initiate.



    YES! This is what I was thinking. I mean, how can someone be interested in you, and then suddenly detach and expect you to just chase after them? It just doesn't make sense to me... My gut feeling says that they are still interested but then they sure as hell don't act like it. I had to go to the gym to burn off steam, lol. What sucks is that probably the next time we have a convo I might just throw an Fi Hiroshima that is hard to control.
    Do you know how many time's I've heard EIIs complaining about LSEs not initiating? (Twice!)

    She's probably just getting caught up in social roles and trying to not scare you off or something. Silly Logicals use rules of thumb that they hear from magazines, friends, and friends who read magazines.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    What sucks is that probably the next time we have a convo I might just throw an Fi Hiroshima that is hard to control.
    haha, aww what does "an Hiroshima" look like?

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    I wish you'd refrain yourself from throwing any kind of bombs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by leckysupport View Post
    Life is hard enough as it is, I don't need to deal with more crap.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanks Arthur View Post
    Do you know how many time's I've heard EIIs complaining about LSEs not initiating? (Twice!)

    She's probably just getting caught up in social roles and trying to not scare you off or something. Silly Logicals use rules of thumb that they hear from magazines, friends, and friends who read magazines.
    It's an E8 LSE guy!

    Quote Originally Posted by glamourama View Post
    haha, aww what does "an Hiroshima" look like?
    Well, it's not pretty... Basically it involves me laying the Fi smackdown, where I complain about how the person is so self-absorbed that they don't care how they make other people feel with their actions, and occasionally, I may result to using insults and shouting, which I then am a little embarrassed about later, lol. I tend to get confrontational when I perceive someone as treating me in a way that I don't consider fair... It kind of feels like when you put an animal in a corner, and they just want to snap.

    Quote Originally Posted by Trevor View Post
    I wish you'd refrain yourself from throwing any kind of bombs.
    It's not easy sometimes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    It's an E8 LSE guy!
    Ahaha, if it's the E8 LSE guy we both know and love I think you know why he's unavailable

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanks Arthur View Post
    Ahaha, if it's the E8 LSE guy we both know and love I think you know why he's unavailable
    NO! That was messed up, lol. Not him.

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    As I said elsewhere, the more upfront and direct, the more respect you'll garner. Being run over or hiding are not the way to go.

    You don't have to let someone play hard to get if you don't want to - don't play along.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    It's an E8 LSE guy!
    I hate to bring you down, but have you considered that he's not interested? If you don't know exactly how he's feeling then it's not fair to say things like "he's playing hard to get." If you're concerned enough about it to make a thread half-associated with your current situation, try asking him about it directly.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    I hate to bring you down, but have you considered that he's not interested? If you don't know exactly how he's feeling then it's not fair to say things like "he's playing hard to get." If you're concerned enough about it to make a thread half-associated with your current situation, try asking him about it directly.
    Of course I have considered it, which is actually why I don't like games... It's easy for me to doubt things and consider a change in behavior like complete silence as not being interested. The reason why I think it's a strange game is that one day everything was great and then suddenly the next few days there's blank, nothing... Asking directly feels like I'm just encouraging that by him remaining silent I will eventually give in and talk, thus being the "needy" one. I know that all of this is stupid, in fact I decided to ask directly last night, and I got the classic "I've just been busy." So that's that.

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    Relationships are weird, i've been really keen on people and they have been interested at first then lost interest. Annoying. Then I realise i've done the same thing to others i've not been interested in.

    Apparently it happens that two people are equally as interested in each other at same time.

    Life sucks, ha.

    Not to say the LSE isn't interested, but dunno, for myself, if i'm keen on someone, I make the time even if I am busy...depending on how busy, 'busy' is of course.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    As I said elsewhere, the more upfront and direct, the more respect you'll garner. Being run over or hiding are not the way to go.

    You don't have to let someone play hard to get if you don't want to - don't play along.
    I have no problem being upfront and direct, it's in not understanding the situation and then feeling like a fool and showing weakness if I'm wrong (I have issues, lol). I think it make things easier to take turns initiating, otherwise it causes confusion when nothing is happening.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    Relationships are weird, i've been really keen on people and they have been interested at first then lost interest. Annoying. Then I realise i've done the same thing to others i've not been interested in.

    Apparently it happens that two people are equally as interested in each other at same time.

    Life sucks, ha.

    Not to say the LSE isn't interested, but dunno, for myself, if i'm keen on someone, I make the time even if I am busy...depending on how busy, 'busy' is of course.
    Yeah, I agree. Nah, he just said he's been fixing things around the house, which is a bs excuse. I was there and there wasn't anything life threatening about the state of his apartment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Yeah, I agree. Nah, he just said he's been fixing things around the house, which is a bs excuse. I was there and there wasn't anything life threatening about the state of his apartment.
    lol.

    What you gonna do, have it out with him? Or just put it down to another mental? (oh, not saying he's mental, this is just part of the 'lingo' my friends use about prospective partners from time to time, no offense intended with it).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Thanks Arthur View Post
    I think in your own naļve Infantile way rather than in a doubtful Victim way. I believe the Russians pin the problem on not really being aware of what sort of sexual signals you're unintentionally giving off, not managing relationships with the opposite sex in any special way (when you really should be, you heartbreakers!), and a desire to not have to deal with sexual wants from others.


    Whoever's description it was said it's kind of your dual's job to deal with closing the physical intimacy side after you manage the psychological distance side and then skit off like a butterfly
    Thanks for explaining Brian! the bold rings very very true for me.

    So, if the dual doesn't close the physical intimacy side, does that essentially mean that I didn't do a good enough job managing the psychological distance aspect?
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Thanks for explaining Brian! the bold rings very very true for me.

    So, if the dual doesn't close the physical intimacy side, does that essentially mean that I didn't do a good enough job managing the psychological distance aspect?
    I don't know about the socionics part, ha, but if I like an ENFp, I make the moves to talk to her and show interest, then i'm guided by if she responds in kind or remains distant.

    I've experienced some who I think are quite attractive but they don't seem to realise that they are, sort of remaining in their own cookoo world, hehe.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    lol.

    What you gonna do, have it out with him? Or just put it down to another mental? (oh, not saying he's mental, this is just part of the 'lingo' my friends use about prospective partners from time to time, no offense intended with it).
    Kick his ass... hehe, j/k (maybe). I just dropped it, too much of a hassle. I find it hard to deal with people who are not self-aware.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    I don't know about the socionics part, ha, but if I like an ENFp, I make the moves to talk to her and show interest, then i'm guided by if she responds in kind or remains distant.

    I've experienced some who I think are quite attractive but they don't seem to realise that they are, sort of remaining in their own cookoo world, hehe.
    lol cookoo world is right!!
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    If someone plays hard-to-get, it seems like more of a triumph when they're gotten and losing them is a waste of effort.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    If someone plays hard-to-get, it seems like more of a triumph when they're gotten and losing them is a waste of effort.
    What do you mean by losing them is a waste of effort? I'm not sure what you are trying to say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    Of course I have considered it, which is actually why I don't like games... It's easy for me to doubt things and consider a change in behavior like complete silence as not being interested. The reason why I think it's a strange game is that one day everything was great and then suddenly the next few days there's blank, nothing... Asking directly feels like I'm just encouraging that by him remaining silent I will eventually give in and talk, thus being the "needy" one. I know that all of this is stupid, in fact I decided to ask directly last night, and I got the classic "I've just been busy." So that's that.
    Is it possible that something stressful suddenly happened in his life and he just isn't in the mood to hang-out with friends?
    Obviously I don't know the guy or the situation, but have you noticed, or heard, about any odd mood or routine changes (i.e. ignoring friends, not showing up to places he normally goes, etc)?
    I guess regardless, dropping the "Fi bomb" might actually help if this persists, it might be just the thing he needs to open up to why he's suddenly been cutting you out
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    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    Yeah, the hard to get thing is really, really frustrating, though I prefer it over taking things too fast because that just bores me. I need to get to know someone first and as a friend (And I mean as a true, honest friend, not a friend who is really just interested in getting in your pants because that is not sincere and I can sense that and cannot trust the person to truly consider them a friend of mine). I would never date (well, maybe date, but not actually really consider a solidified relationship) someone who I did not trust and who I did not first and foremost count as a very close friend and as a buddy: a companion, so to speak.

    ).
    I am the SAME way aixel!! Must be an Fi-valuing thing.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    I am the SAME way aixel!! Must be an Fi-valuing thing.
    Ha, well whatever type I am I can understand that. What personally vexes me is when two people get on, things in an intimate sense have occurred, then they withdraw.

    If it's Fi, then perhaps it's to do with becoming more or less sure of someone, as I know i've done it myself. I suppose it can be tricky when things move too fast, but then, sometimes stuff happens.

    Wow, no idea, ha.
    Last edited by Words; 10-21-2010 at 09:22 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    Ha, well whatever type I am I can understand that. What personally vexes me is when two people get on, things in an intimate sense have occurred, then they withdraw.

    If it's Fi, then perhaps it's to do with becoming more or less sure of someone, as I know i've done it myself. I suppose it can be tricky when things move too fast, but then, sometimes stuff happens.

    Wow, no idea, ha.
    Exactly, which is why there is no way you can possibly be beta ST.
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    Quote Originally Posted by WorkaholicsAnon View Post
    Exactly, which is why there is no way you can possibly be beta ST.
    That's totally... inaccurate :/

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    That's totally... inaccurate :/
    oh really?? but isn't that a reflection of Fi-valuing? like words saw it as a formation of a "bond" in a relationship sense, and the other person didnt, and it bothers words because it was an Fi transgression?


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    It's way too superficial. It's one piece of evidence, it's not enough to say "there's no way you can possibly" be anything. I know beta STs who are very concerned about loyalty and intimacy - and I know beta/delta STs who aren't. I know plenty of delta STs who are womanizers and do exactly what you claim to be against Fi valuing.


    There is nothing in socionics that particularly addresses what it takes, say, for a man to really want a relationship with a woman, or vice versa. It's beyond socionics' jurisdiction. Now, it may address some aspects of why a relationship with someone might be appealing (where Fe or Fi valuing would come into play), but one remark like what words said is definitely not enough to say much of anything. But taken with other things (maybe that's what you were doing? IDK), it might be more substantial.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    It's way too superficial. It's one piece of evidence, it's not enough to say "there's no way you can possibly" be anything. I know beta STs who are very concerned about loyalty and intimacy - and I know beta/delta STs who aren't. I know plenty of delta STs who are womanizers and do exactly what you claim to be against Fi valuing.


    There is nothing in socionics that particularly addresses what it takes, say, for a man to really want a relationship with a woman, or vice versa. It's beyond socionics' jurisdiction. Now, it may address some aspects of why a relationship with someone might be appealing (where Fe or Fi valuing would come into play), but one remark like what words said is definitely not enough to say much of anything. But taken with other things (maybe that's what you were doing? IDK), it might be more substantial.
    I hear you about delta ST womanizers, sure. I'm aware of that, but that's when they go intimate with someone for Si reasons and dont care about forming Fi with that particular person.

    But like, a guy who is UPSET about being treated that way... doesn't it support Fi-valuing? Because the way I see it is, specifically in words' case he started forming that bond (not for any Ti-motivated reason, in terms of it's a rule that if you're intimate with someone you can't leave, or something like that which would be more the beta ST thinking i would think).
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ryu View Post
    It's way too superficial. It's one piece of evidence, it's not enough to say "there's no way you can possibly" be anything. I know beta STs who are very concerned about loyalty and intimacy - and I know beta/delta STs who aren't. I know plenty of delta STs who are womanizers and do exactly what you claim to be against Fi valuing.
    Can you tell me about the Delta STs, specifically the ISTps, who don't care about "What personally vexes me is when two people get on, things in an intimate sense have occurred, then they withdraw".

    I'd imagine that an ISTj would be more concerned about LSIs enjoy talking about probable developments in the areas they are interested in and what to do in the case of a certain scenario. This makes them feel adequately prepared for possible risks and dangers, which they otherwise tend to forget about [Ni HA] turned out to be wrong, or the other person stopped supplying such info, instead of nurturing an existing bond with an individual (Fi HA, or just Fi).

    Either way, I can see how there's not enough information there, dunno, just curious what you say.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lobo View Post
    What do you mean by losing them is a waste of effort? I'm not sure what you are trying to say.
    All that effort spent getting the person and the result is naught.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marie84 View Post
    Is it possible that something stressful suddenly happened in his life and he just isn't in the mood to hang-out with friends?
    Obviously I don't know the guy or the situation, but have you noticed, or heard, about any odd mood or routine changes (i.e. ignoring friends, not showing up to places he normally goes, etc)?
    I guess regardless, dropping the "Fi bomb" might actually help if this persists, it might be just the thing he needs to open up to why he's suddenly been cutting you out
    He wasn't a friend... I think you are misunderstanding the nature of the thread .

    Quote Originally Posted by aixelsyd View Post
    When you have spent a great amount of time and energy pursuing someone (without just waltzing up and hitting on them, which I personally find annoying) and after FINALLY getting something going or almost going and then have the relationship/potential relationship fall to shit and hell, it feels like a huge waste of time and effort. I can say it REALLY sucks. This can happen for many reasons, but the worst is when someone was not who you thought they were when you spent so much time thinking they were the greatest thing since the wheel and then they do something really shitty or you both do it. That hurts like hell.

    Yeah, the hard to get thing is really, really frustrating, though I prefer it over taking things too fast because that just bores me. I need to get to know someone first and as a friend (And I mean as a true, honest friend, not a friend who is really just interested in getting in your pants because that is not sincere and I can sense that and cannot trust the person to truly consider them a friend of mine). I would never date (well, maybe date, but not actually really consider a solidified relationship) someone who I did not trust and who I did not first and foremost count as a very close friend and as a buddy: a companion, so to speak.

    Though seeing as I am horrible at being upfront with my feelings, I understand, as I said already, that being forward is not easy, even if it's with a friend who you like and love as a friend but you feel something more, though I usually feel lucky if we are even friends. But even so, being confronted with that evasiveness can make you want to quit, I understand from experience, though I always saw it as a thing of Karma in my case(s).
    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    All that effort spent getting the person and the result is naught.
    Oh, duh... Yeah I understand what DA was trying to say now. Idk why I misread it. It is a waste of effort.

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