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Thread: LIEs-ENTjs focusing too much on school/work

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    Default LIEs-ENTjs focusing too much on school/work

    Please stop caring so much about your school work. You don't have to put so much effort into school to still get good grades. Instead, have a social life. Preferably, include me in it.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Idk about other ENTjs, but I have hard time with my social life. I tend to neglect less meaningful relationships. I think to myself that I wish I had more of a social life, but when someone calls/texts/msgs me, I have a tendency to brush it off by ending the convo quickly or just forgetting to respond. Doesn't make any sense. I just have a hard time involving myself with people, and it's too easy to just focus on my plans and other responsibilities.

    Could have to do with being sp-first and so-last.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    Idk about other ENTjs, but I have hard time with my social life. I tend to neglect less meaningful relationships. I think to myself that I wish I had more of a social life, but when someone calls/texts/msgs me, I have a tendency to brush it off by ending the convo quickly or just forgetting to respond. Doesn't make any sense. I just have a hard time involving myself with people, and it's too easy to just focus on my plans and other responsibilities.

    Could have to do with being sp-first and so-last.
    I think I finally met and ENTj and I am having trouble actually getting time in hanging out with him. We work together some and since our job is primarily a joke (library desk job) we spend most of it talking and having a great time. I've managed to get him to one social event but that's it. He spends most of his time on solitary activities like hw, running, and reading. I'm persistent though and our friendship is in an early stage so it's only a matter of time haha.

    Any advice?
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardia View Post
    I think I finally met and ENTj and I am having trouble actually getting time in hanging out with him. We work together some and since our job is primarily a joke (library desk job) we spend most of it talking and having a great time. I've managed to get him to one social event but that's it. He spends most of his time on solitary activities like hw, running, and reading. I'm persistent though and our friendship is in an early stage so it's only a matter of time haha.

    Any advice?
    It sounds like you've got it going already.

    If you guys get along well, just take the initiative to hang out once in a while. This just shows that you want to maintain the friendship which I can question sometimes. But let him take the initiative sometimes too or you might be stifling him. My old friends would start to get on my nerves cuz they ALWAYS wanted to hang out. I can occupy myself pretty easily and often enjoy my own time to do my own thing, so don't take it personally if he would rather spend time alone than out with you.

    Idk if I can speak for all entj, but the major issue that I could imagine would be the problem with becoming friends with me is that I won't typically make a serious effort unless I'm sure that you will respond favorably. This goes for intimate and non-intimate relationships, but probably even more so for non-intimate relationships because there's less to gain. Just try to make it clear where you stand which just goes back to you taking initiative sometimes.
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    Are you sure he's not actually busier than usual? Because most people don't really love doing homework, but unfortunately it seems to come in waves, either there's nothing to do or a bit too much. I don't know about getting good grades without spending enough time on doing homework - I believe it's true when it comes to studying, but I know I end up doing something rather sloppy (in terms of homework) if I don't pay attention, you know that PoLR...
    Last edited by FDG; 10-13-2010 at 10:23 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    It sounds like you've got it going already.

    If you guys get along well, just take the initiative to hang out once in a while. This just shows that you want to maintain the friendship which I can question sometimes. But let him take the initiative sometimes too or you might be stifling him. My old friends would start to get on my nerves cuz they ALWAYS wanted to hang out. I can occupy myself pretty easily and often enjoy my own time to do my own thing, so don't take it personally if he would rather spend time alone than out with you.

    Idk if I can speak for all entj, but the major issue that I could imagine would be the problem with becoming friends with me is that I won't typically make a serious effort unless I'm sure that you will respond favorably. This goes for intimate and non-intimate relationships, but probably even more so for non-intimate relationships because there's less to gain. Just try to make it clear where you stand which just goes back to you taking initiative sometimes.
    This makes sense. I guess I just don't know if he will take any initiative lol. It seems like he is content to do is own thing unless someone sets up plans with him. Idk though. I'll see what happens I guess.

    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Are you sure he's not actually busier than usual? Because most people don't really love doing homework, but unfortunately it seems to come in waves, either there's nothing to do or a bit too much. I don't know about getting good grades without spending enough time on doing homework - I believe it's true when it comes to studying, but I know I end up doing something rather sloppy (in terms of homework) if I don't pay attention, you know that PoLR...
    I don't think he should really be so busy. It's more his approach to studying and hw that keeps him so busy. He told me that he reads the book, then takes notes on everything, and makes flash cards and things for little quizzes. I told him he really didn't have to do all the work he was doing to get good grades. We have the same major and I've taken all the same classes he took and had all the professors. I know how much work is required. I never made flash cards for some five question quiz on a reading assignment. I poke fun at his flash cards a lot lol. He says he really wants to learn the material though. I think he's being idealistic/naive somewhat. I know a lot of the material from my classes from my freshman year somewhat well and I'm a senior and I didn't take notes. Maybe he really does need to do all that to learn.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Ahah no that sounds really exaggerated lol. He might be stuck in a little bit of obsession. Does he have a girlfriend? Perhaps you might try to lure him by saying that (at whatever social event you want him to come) there will be a large amount of attractive girls / women?
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    Ahah no that sounds really exaggerated lol. He might be stuck in a little bit of obsession. Does he have a girlfriend? Perhaps you might try to lure him by saying that (at whatever social event you want him to come) there will be a large amount of attractive girls / women?
    I kid you not. He puts faaaar more effort into a lower level class than I did. I think it could be related to the fact that he is a Te base and wants to know everything in and out very very well. I don't think the girl approach would work as not only can I not guarantee that, but often times I don't hang out with any girls at social events or they are all dating other people. It might help to define social event. It doesn't mean a party but more so things like watching a movie with a group of people, playing a board game, going out somewhere, etc... He doesn't have a girl friend but I don't know that he is really looking for one and he is not a hook up type person from what I have learned about him.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardia View Post
    I kid you not. He puts faaaar more effort into a lower level class than I did. I think it could be related to the fact that he is a Te base and wants to know everything in and out very very well.
    I wouldn't describe that as a typical Te trait. Off-hand the only reason I could think a Te-base would put that much effort in is because he has very high standards to get A's because they have a particular school or job they would like to get into that requires that. Te types, especially ExTjs aren't known for accumulating lots of information for no particular reason. Could be that he sees getting A's as a good goal in and of itself, but whatever it is usually ExTjs need some external goal.

    I don't think the girl approach would work as not only can I not guarantee that, but often times I don't hang out with any girls at social events or they are all dating other people. It might help to define social event. It doesn't mean a party but more so things like watching a movie with a group of people, playing a board game, going out somewhere, etc... He doesn't have a girl friend but I don't know that he is really looking for one and he is not a hook up type person from what I have learned about him.
    Sometimes I get the feeling that people are lying to themselves when they say they aren't looking for a girlfriend or some intimate relationship. I could see not wanting a commitment. Or, maybe not actively looking, but who purposely avoids a situation where it might come to them? If I had the choice to hang out at a party with just guys or one with girls, the choice is obvious. I'd be surprised if it was different for girls too with the exception that maybe they don't want any guys to bug them. Then again, I'm sure some guys just don't particularly get along with girls and if they're not actively looking for someone they'd prefer to be away. I've yet to meet a guy like that, but I'm sure they're there.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Azeroffs View Post
    Sometimes I get the feeling that people are lying to themselves when they say they aren't looking for a girlfriend or some intimate relationship. I could see not wanting a commitment. Or, maybe not actively looking, but who purposely avoids a situation where it might come to them? If I had the choice to hang out at a party with just guys or one with girls, the choice is obvious. I'd be surprised if it was different for girls too with the exception that maybe they don't want any guys to bug them. Then again, I'm sure some guys just don't particularly get along with girls and if they're not actively looking for someone they'd prefer to be away. I've yet to meet a guy like that, but I'm sure they're there.
    At my school there are a lot of guys who aren't really actively looking. I don't think most of them are avoiding a girl friend necessarily it's just not what they are looking for and they don't date just to date someone. I hang out with just guys sometimes and sometimes mixed groups, it just depends on what I feel like. Just like sometimes I feel like meeting new people and sometimes I don't. I've got a prof in his 30's who isn't interested in ever getting married, and therefore for him not interested in a relationship. He said it would take a very very very special woman for him to ever get married and his plan is to stay single forever. I don't really know why he feels this way, but he seems happy.
    “No psychologist should pretend to understand what he does not understand... Only fools and charlatans know everything and understand nothing.” -Anton Chekhov

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