Life's a bitch and she's got me pussy whipped.
Honestly tough to say where the 'baggage' you've posted about before ends, and where socionics and typology theory picks up and starts to be a factor. I do think that ILIs are probably one of the most anti-social types that there is, so that's a challenge from the get go. There's also the issue with duality attraction where you feel the other is 'too good' for you and you try to avoid them, consciously or not. I do know that the few SEE females I've known have made conscious efforts to avoid me. There's one I've mentioned before that I knew about, but just realized there's another, and possibly a third. ESIs though....
If you can't start up a relationship with a mutually attractive and available ESI then the issue isn't socionics. By nature, activity relationships are very easy to start up. I ran into another ESI gal recently, and if we were both available I'd definitely have asked her out.
There's also your self image, self esteem, and things of that nature. I was a pretty disgusting slob, didn't have a good self-esteem, and also had a poor self image. I got tired of that and did something about it, lost 75+ lbs, and today I'm a far more trim and fit and muscular guy, who non uncommonly gets looks or even seconds or thirds from some fairly attractive ladies out there. Gives you self-confidence and a much more positive image of yourself.
Te-INTp/ILI, my wife: Fi-ISFj/ESI, with laser beam death rays for ESTp/SLEs, lol
16 years of bliss in an Activity relationship
That's something I've certainly dealt with, as have all but two of the ILIs I know.I know I used to, when I had feelings for someone, avoid them like the plague or keep a good distance (to where I could observe but not close enough to where I felt really uncomfortable).