How to attract ESFp women

[Jarno]

Haha.
Yes and No.

They think abstractly and in a complex way (Ni lead), but actually crave things to be rather simple in the end (Se seeking).

I tend to agree with this, just my input...

[Jarno]

Ni can be simple or complex, depends. I do overthink, but not in every situation.

Well it's just a hunch, but i think there are 2 situations. The quick and the long thought using Ni.
Quick is like thinking what to say or write, or trying to predict the outcome of a situation, it happens instantly, is not abstract and not complex.
However, long thoughts happen when thinking about a design/architecture, you keep seeing new designs in your head, new images and it gets more complex and more options and more crazy for the layman, up until the point its too complex.

[hatesyardwork]

Well it's just a hunch, but i think there are 2 situations. The quick and the long thought using Ni.
Quick is like thinking what to say or write, or trying to predict the outcome of a situation, it happens instantly, is not abstract and not complex.
However, long thoughts happen when thinking about a design/architecture, you keep seeing new designs in your head, new images and it gets more complex and more options and more crazy for the layman, up until the point its too complex.

Makes sense............tactics vs strategy.

[HotSauce]

Ok, I'm a newly diagnosed ESFP (I think), and I can tell you how my BF (I think he's INTP) got my attention.

He had detailed, well thought answers for every single question I asked. So, don't hold back going full nerd on us. In my case he was wearing a Star wars tee shirt when I saw him the first time. I asked him why he liked star wars. He launched into a explanation that I cannot remember, but it made me ask more questions. lol. Here we are six months later, all in love and stuff.

[hatesyardwork]

Ok, I'm a newly diagnosed ESFP (I think), and I can tell you how my BF (I think he's INTP) got my attention.

He had detailed, well thought answers for every single question I asked. So, don't hold back going full nerd on us. In my case he was wearing a Star wars tee shirt when I saw him the first time. I asked him why he liked star wars. He launched into a explanation that I cannot remember, but it made me ask more questions. lol. Here we are six months later, all in love and stuff.

So verbosity and bad fashion is the secret key to unlocking the legs of Gamma SF's?

My Star Trek and Death Metal shirts are usually mocked, despite my erudition. Where am I going wrong HotSauce? Is it a requirement that the shirts be clean? Us Ni ego's have weak Se.

Welcome by the way.........new SEE on board. I hope you are properly dressing your BF now.

[HotSauce]

So verbosity and bad fashion is the secret key to unlocking the legs of Gamma SF's?

My Star Trek and Death Metal shirts are usually mocked, despite my erudition. Where am I going wrong HotSauce? Is it a requirement that the shirts be clean? Us Ni ego's have weak Se.

Welcome by the way.........new SEE on board. I hope you are properly dressing your BF now.

haha, thanks. Are you sure you are actually being mocked? Sometimes my questions come across as fake interest or mocking. We had about a week of that....like, once he sent me a link to a Beatles song I'd never heard before. I asked why did he like thst song, and his reply was "I guess you don't like it" and I was like, hold on there honey - I really want to know, why is that your favorite song? And then he launched into a spiel about the interweaving of the drums and so forth.

CLEAN SHIRTS PLEZ.

TALK please. My BF has moments where he goes really quiet and I don't always like it. It's almost always when he is feeling insecure about something he doesn't need to be insecure about. Like, we walked out the movies last weekend, and he'd forgot how to exit. I knew where the exit was (ahem, right in front of us) and said "This way honey!" I know he felt like a goober, not seeing the exit right in front of us, but I don't really care about that kind of thing. Although there is random chaos in your head that you think no one is interested in, I can tell you for sure the SEE in your life wants to know.

And yes, he dresses better now and has lost about 15 pounds since we met. Probably just because I get him out the house.

[hatesyardwork]

haha, thanks. Are you sure you are actually being mocked? Sometimes my questions come across as fake interest or mocking. We had about a week of that....like, once he sent me a link to a Beatles song I'd never heard before. I asked why did he like thst song, and his reply was "I guess you don't like it" and I was like, hold on there honey - I really want to know, why is that your favorite song? And then he launched into a spiel about the interweaving of the drums and so forth.

CLEAN SHIRTS PLEZ.

TALK please. My BF has moments where he goes really quiet and I don't always like it. It's almost always when he is feeling insecure about something he doesn't need to be insecure about. Like, we walked out the movies last weekend, and he'd forgot how to exit. I knew where the exit was (ahem, right in front of us) and said "This way honey!" I know he felt like a goober, not seeing the exit right in front of us, but I don't really care about that kind of thing. Although there is random chaos in your head that you think no one is interested in, I can tell you for sure the SEE in your life wants to know.

And yes, he dresses better now and has lost about 15 pounds since we met. Probably just because I get him out the house.

I was overstating about my own fashion.........I get teased, by women, usually in a flirty way, or at least 3 days later I realize they were flirting.
Yes clean, non wrinkled and reasonably fitting clothing is something it took me years to figure out. Baby steps baby, small baby steps.
Any suggestions on SEE attraction is always interesting and helpful. More detail please.....whether fashion or otherwise for ensnaring a Gamma SF. I dig you guys.
It occurred to me reading your comment that I am always attracted to women who use the word "honey" anywhere in a discussion. Stop it, it's distracting me from stepping.
Guys go quiet around girls they like.......just keep saying "honey", that will perk him up.

[HotSauce]

You are seriously too cute with this.

One additional thing I can tell you...don't be afraid to be really direct but polite when communicating. Don't worry about small talk. When someone is all up in my face with the insincere "How are you? How is your daughter?" crap I want to pull my hair out. I'm thinking to myself, get to the point already, what do you want.

"Good morning. Would you like to grab lunch today?" is all that is needed. Then, tell us where to meet you.

And don't be afraid to push us a little bit, or tease us our non-logical moments. We won't run.

[Skepsis]

You are seriously too cute with this.

One additional thing I can tell you...don't be afraid to be really direct but polite when communicating. Don't worry about small talk. When someone is all up in my face with the insincere "How are you? How is your daughter?" crap I want to pull my hair out. I'm thinking to myself, get to the point already, what do you want.

"Good morning. Would you like to grab lunch today?" is all that is needed. Then, tell us where to meet you.

And don't be afraid to push us a little bit, or tease us our non-logical moments. We won't run.

true dat. I don't like it when people ask intrusive questions and you can tell that they really don't give two shits. If they really care, they would want to hang out longer to chat, especially over good food and drink, where they can't escape the gravity of good food tied to an interesting conversation.

[Alomoes]

I always believed that if you be yourself, people will come to you. That works well with my second maxim, to be direct in your friendships. Finally, if you have the wit, use it.

[Chae]

I always believed that if you be yourself, people will come to you. That works well with my second maxim, to be direct in your friendships. Finally, if you have the wit, use it.

That works out well function-wise: SEE's sensitive Te + Ni radar will spot respective behaviour when it is expressed naturally, and oh yes, Se was made to "spot". So if you operate within your natural habitat (practical logic + estimations of time), everything can align.

Doing what you are comfortable with, being in your element, immersed in farsighted productiveness... SEE literally spells see and that's what is going to happen when you focus on /not/ attracting her. The busier you are doing your thing, the more attention results. That way, you have something to offer. And you want to properly spoil your SEE woman - just by being "you", because that's why she's interested!

It's a Zen principle, do the opposite of what you want to achieve.

[Resonare]

I'm a believer of any inter-type relation being at least pleasant with the right work but it irks me when I see threads like this. An alpha NT looking for ways to attract SEE females sounds like someone wanting to be wanted or trying to get a quick lay (SEE do have a reputation) by pretending to be a Gamma NT, mainly ILI.

[Sol]

An alpha NT looking for ways to attract SEE females sounds like someone wanting to be wanted or trying to get a quick lay (SEE do have a reputation) by pretending to be a Gamma NT, mainly ILI.

On the moment of creating the thread he could think his type as ILI.
And here is the problem - most people type badly, so they'd better used conventional ways to understand others than the typology.

[Joy]

As for me: I'm drawn to quiet people. And if someone is blunt to the point of being potentially rude but yet clearly doesn't mean to be, I find it endearing. I love it when people just fucking say stuff. (: People who are laid back and calm and as a result make me feel more chill really draw me to them. Sometimes it takes me a while to get around to noticing someone enough to go talk to them and find out how cool they are, especially since I cast a wide social net. I do appreciate when people let me approach them and initiate contact and lead the way through getting closer, but it's not like I *have* to be the one to initiate contact in order to be friends with/date someone.

[Suz]

Nah all that 'song-and-dance' stuff is cultural, and just old-fashioned now. Not type related imo. if it was type related, I'd say it's an fi-value.

Interesting, considering that i now self-type Fe-valuing.

[Pole]

I have the idea that Ni types tend to set things up for people to come to them. Essentially they do everything without ever actually doing anything if that makes any sense. A good analogy would be that they set up the dominoes for Se types to knock down. Ni types secretly take control over situations without ever letting you know, and they're sneaky and a bit manipulative in that way. Maybe that's more the case for ENxjs who take a more active approach. They say and do the right things to make it seem like it was your decision when in reality it was them pulling your strings. I think it's more innocent than I made it sound, though. Ni-types just have strong insights into how what they do will affect the way things go, and they know the subtle buttons to push.

Wow. That makes a lot of sense. I always saw that as being manipulative and would avoid them just for doing that, how dare you make your idea seem like it was my idea when it was really your idea from the start! (Not you personally, but that is my thought process concerning those with more social finesse than me, just how dare they? Scares me away when I catch on, not that what they're doing is so evil but that I'm more paranoid than most).